Falling
Chapter 1: You Know When You've Fallen
Hello my Pretties!
There were very little I've noticed JacexIsabelle fanfics… for those of you who are team Clace please do not fret, all will be fine I promise, you must read on however ;)
Okay, if you haven't read my other story, Impulses, please do (Clace lovers… that one is for you) and tell me whether you like it or not, this is just a side story so updating may not be as quick (depends on reviews…)
Warning: This one has more swearing in it than my other two stories so if you don't like that… then don't read kay? Don't want to offend anyone :D
Any way here goes nothing beautifuls:
Just like every other day, and every other night I waste away, just lying here praying, wishing for a miracle. I know it's wrong, he's with someone else, I shouldn't be feelings like this, it is beyond wrong. But I know how I feel and I don't see why he doesn't feel that way back, I am everything she isn't as well as all her good traits as well so why did he chose her over me?
She's short, to short with crazy red hair that I just would not be able to deal with yet he loves it. I just don't understand what she's got that I don't, I guess I'll never find out, never know because though I couldn't care less what happened to Clary, I care what happens to Jace. Because I love him.
-Falling-
We were heading out to Taki's for lunch, the usual meeting place but to my major disappointment of course Clary was coming. I don't know what happened to us really, at first we were as close as you could get, we couldn't live without each other but know I can't stand her. Of course she doesn't know this, I wouldn't tell her. Every time I look at her I feel sick with disgust, I know it's a drastic change but it's just the way I feel so I guess everybody else can just get used to it.
So as we all sit in the cab, of course I volunteered to sit in the front cause I don't want to be near Clary sitting happily on Jace's lap of separate Magnus and Alec, yea sure Isabelle, just break up the love birds huh. Seems like I'm the only one that is a lost cause. I mean there was Simon for a bit but then Jace happened, and I just couldn't help but drop Simon. It was horrible I know, I felt terrible but I didn't want to lead him on and make him feel like he was something to me that he obviously wasn't.
He was heartbroken but we still chat every now and then which was good I guess. But my mind was constantly on Jace, how he laughed and smiled and the way he looked at Clary… that look on his face that I wished was directed on me. It was torture to be perfectly honest… I don't know what I'll do anymore.
My thoughts were interrupted as the taxi brake into the carpark of Taki's… great now I have to watch Clary and Jace go all lovey dovey in the booth… Super. We walked in casually and Kealie was straight away flinging herself at Jace asking what he wanted and that he could have "Whatever he saw that he like" obviously hinting that this applied on and off the menu. It seemed Clary wasn't bothered by it, she must get used to it. Lucky, I wish I was able to get over something like that because at least that meant Jace would be mine… all mine…
"Look Kealie, I just want some banana pancakes okay? For Clary?" Jace said with a huff as he sat down next to Clary, draping his masculine arm on her shoulders. I was on the end, next to Alec who was ordering some fries or something luckily for me; I was sitting directly opposite Jace. Magnus of course was sitting dead centre surprise, surprise. Whatever floated the crazy warlock's boat was all I could think of. It wasn't long before Jace began twirling Clary's hair with his fingers and smiling at her whilst her cheeks were a stained red. God it was sickening, I guess sitting opposite wasn't such a bloody plus anymore huh. The fuck with this.
Kealie rushed back to the table as soon as she could and dropped the plate of pancakes and fries on the table, Magnus had ordered some crazy ass drink that required the cook to go and buy some new ingredients… Angel knows what will be in the stupid drink. I could not believe the size of the pancakes Clary had ordered, it was on the largest plate they could get obviously and there were five pancakes stacked on top of each other with drops of banana in each. Cream, Ice-cream and syrup were in bowls on the side, it was disgusting. No wonder she was so bloody curvy, not in a good way as far as I'm concerned, I mean I'm all up for curves but I'm just being nice… She was fat.
And Jace didn't even care. What the fuck? I'm skinny and slim and perfect yet he chooses someone like Clary, eating her guts out… maybe she is bulimic or something who knows who cares, all I know is that it was ridiculous how she was going to try and eat all of that food.
"You're not seriously going to eat that Clary? Like all that?" I said whilst looking at my nails, manicured, long exactly the way a young adult's nails should look like, not like Clary's bitten nails… a terrible and ugly habit in my opinion. How could Jace kiss that mouth? Considering she's been biting her nails and stuff… gross as shit.
"Um..." Clary looked all confused staring at me with wide green eyes like I'd asked her what the 17th number of pi is.
"It's so much food! I mean I couldn't eat a quarter of that!" I didn't look at her face because honestly I didn't care, but I stole at glance at Jace's. I wish I hadn't, his lips were set in a thin line, his jaw set and his eyes cold and hard. Super, screwed this outing up.
"I'm just really… hungry… I guess…" Clary stuttered, I could hear in her voice that she was upset and I had this small urge to say sorry but I bit it back because then I would be showing her kindness and then I-I… I just can't bring myself to do that…
"I gotta just go to the uh… bathroom" Clary said very quickly and scooted out from the booth before anyone could say another word, I just looked down at my lap, my slim legs fitted in tight blue jeans that really show off my figure, but Jace couldn't have cared less. Though Clary claimed to have to go to the bathroom, she ran in the complete opposite direction, out the doors to the street where she broke down on the side walk.
Jace quickly got up and whispered in my ear, "Congrat-fuck-ulations Izzy" before running out to comfort his girlfriend.
That's right, congratulations Izzy…
-Falling-
Clary was balling her eyes out so she caught a separate cab with Jace whilst a was stuck with Magnus and Alec obviously unsure of wether to talk to me or not considering what had happened. So once again i'd isolated myself and sat in the front. As soon as we got back I locked myself in my room and sat in front of my mirror.
I still couldn't understand what I was doing wrong, what wasn't right about me, why Jace didn't want me the way he wanted Clary… Why he wasn't mine and I wasn't his. I just wanted to feel the feeling Clary was feeling. I wanted to see that side of him that I knew she saw because he wanted to show me but it just wasn't going to happen. There was no way I was going to tell Jace what I felt or Clary for that matter, I think that I just have to live with this feeling for the rest of my life til I find someone to occupy my time.
It sounds horrible but that's all that would happen, somebody else to take my mind off Jace for a while until I couldn't take it anymore.
So as I lie on my bed right now, I wonder what I'm doing in the first place, wondering whether or not I will last, I know I can't mention my feelings, there is no way I can do something like that right now… but what about when I can't take it anymore? What about when my heart feels as if it is about to burst and I need Jace to know? What do I do then? I know I'm thinking too hard about things and it is hurting my head so I slowly let sleep take me over, it is only the afternoon but I am exhausted and I don't know why. My vision slowly turns fuzzy and before I know it I'm once again dreaming.
"You know I love you Isabelle, I always have. I could never love anyone like I love you" Jace whispers into my ear as we stroll through central park. His hand is entwined with mine as I lean against him, slowing us to a stop before he sits me down on his lap looking over one of the many lakes.
"I know, I love you to. I don't want anybody else Jace, promise me you'll always stay with me, promise" I murmur into his chest but I know he can hear what I said. The sweet spring wind flows through my hair, touching my face causing a slight chill to run through my body, but no unpleasantly. In fact I welcome it.
"I promise" Jace whispers into my hair as he twirls his fingers in my raven black hair the way I've always wanted, twirling and entwining it. My heart feels full, it feels like I cannot hold anymore love than I already hold for him. I know this is perfect. Jace tilts my head up slightly with his thumb under my chin and his lips, those lips I love dearly and have lusted for brush my own soft lips. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss but something is wrong. Jace chokes slightly and when I open my blue eyes I see he isn't looking at me, but looking past me.
Behind us is a short girl, wavy, curly red hair smiling at us sweetly. I know who she is instantly. Clarissa Fairchild. She walks over to us and introduces herself. Jace gets up slowly, his fingers moving from my hair and waist, I feel empty, like something is missing. I look at him and watch up draw this young girl into him and kiss her passionately, at first she is hesitant, but soon she wraps her arms around his waist, the way I should, the way I did.
I only just choke out a small sentence, "You promised" but he hasn't heard me and lifts Clarissa up in his arms bridal style and walks off with her. As soon as he leaves my sight, everything turns dark, the lake begins to turn black and the people begin to disperse, it isn't long before the rain pelts down and I am drenched. Shivering violently, I am cold to the bone.
How can I let this happen?
I wake with a start and am breathing heavily. I know it was just a dream, but I felt so real. So blissful at the start but then Clary came in a he was gone… it was horrid. I feel hollow, I feel shallow, I feel like nothing of worth and I don't want to move.
I feel like Isabelle Lightwood…
Unwanted, unloved, unnecessary.
Hey guys,
So please, please, please, PLEASE, tell me what you think about this! I really want to know how I did and if you think it was good. All advice needed TRUST me :D
Okay let's try 5 reviews till next update?
Xx
Green-doves