Chapter 9: Nothing
"Mochi," Misa Amane was saying on the screen of Mello's laptop. He, Matt, and Julia were sitting around watching her through secret surveillance, having finally gotten a place to start. They had discovered that she was working with Light Yagami, whom Mello had come to suspect as Kira.
"Yes?" the man she was speaking to on the screen replied. Mello was paying attention, but just barely as he lounged back in his chair with his chocolate. Matt was nearby with his DS, and Julia was in a remaining chair, playing with her hair.
"You're cooking is really good and I appreciate that you're doing everything for me, but it's been five days now," Misa continued on the screen.
"Right," the man beside her said flatly. Julia groaned. This was pretty boring, she had to admit.
"Light doesn't know about you hanging around all the time does he? I'm beginning to get a really bad feeling about this whole thing," the blonde on the screen continued.
"Uh huh," the guy replied, sounding about as bored as Julia felt.
"I mean, I know that Light trusts me totally, but don't you think that people might start saying I'm cheating? He'd be so jealous." Mello bit his chocolate as the completely pointless conversation on the screen continued. Julia didn't really see anything helpful in what the model was talking about, and she found her gaze shifting around the room.
Mello was looking at her, she noticed, but he looked back to the screen with a pissed off expression as her gaze shifted. She beamed to herself. Something was going on in his head, and even if he was feeling hatred or some other kind of dislike for her at the moment, at least he was feeling something for her.
She let her gaze shift to the left to see Matt, casually playing his DS. She found that she really liked him, and sometimes she even thought he was a better match for her than Mello. She even went as far as to think that if Mello didn't have her full attention, she may have even fallen for Matt instead. They obviously got along, and Julia almost hated Mello for stopping her from exploring other options. But she didn't hate him, and it sucked.
"That was totally pointless," Julia commented as Mello shut off his laptop, having finally given up on watching Misa. "If you think you're going to beat Near by keeping surveillance on that airhead I'd say you're delusional."
"Just shut up," Mello snapped. "I'm doing what I can right now and it's none of your concern." He clenched his fist in anger and Julia backed off, deciding to go easy on him for now.
"Fine, sorry," she said quickly. "I wasn't trying to upset you. I'm sure you'll beat Near in the end."
"Thank you," he grumbled, though he was sure she didn't mean it. Matt was still sitting by with his DS, and finally he snapped the game system closed and stood up.
"Well I'm beat," he said, stretching his arms out. "I'm going to bed." Julia stood up to walk him to the door. Today she was wearing a short pink strapless dress with a black leather jacket over her shoulders, and Matt shook his head toward his friend.
"I don't know what you meant Mello. I think that shopping spree was money well spent."
"He just has no taste in clothes," Julia shrugged as Matt pulled the door open. "See you tomorrow."
"Oh yeah…" he yawned. "Night babe."
"Night," Julia smiled. She kinda liked being called babe.
"What, do you like him now?" Mello wondered, still sitting in his chair with his chocolate. He had noticed her expression.
"Not as much as I like you," she replied, walking across the room and sitting on the edge of the bed, just a few feet from him. "Which completely pisses me off because he's way better for me than you could ever be. But here I am, loving you instead. What the hell is wrong with me?"
"Beats me," Mello shrugged.
"Mello, I just don't understand. When I kissed you the first time you kissed me back and it was perfect. But you never mentioned it so I assumed you just didn't want to talk about it, that maybe it was a lapse in judgment on your part. And then at headquarters you kissed me. I mean, it's one thing for me to kiss you, you already know I love you. But for you to kiss me? It's different. Why would you do it?"
"Is this going to be a nightly chat?" Mello wondered. "Because I'm getting damn tired of this. Jules, I don't love you and I'm not going to." Julia grumbled and stood up, facing him with her arms crossed.
"Well why the hell not?" she wondered. "I say you have feelings for me, and I think you're just too caught up in this pointless investigation to admit it."
"It's not pointless," Mello snapped.
"Yeah, it kinda is," Julia told him, now yelling. "All you want is to beat some kid who's always come out on top, and from the looks of it he's doing better than you are."
"Shut up!" Mello yelled, standing up off his chair. "You don't know anything about me so stop trying to judge everything like you know what the hell you're talking about!"
"I do know what I'm talking about!" Julia defended. "I've been with you on this damn case the entire time!"
"Well no one asked you to be here! Just get the hell out then. I don't need you."
"Mello you asked me to be here!" Julia yelled, stepping closer to him and pointing toward him accusingly. "You wanted me to stay with you and it had to have been for a reason!"
"Yeah, if only I could go back in time and spare myself that pain," Mello growled. "I know a lot more now than I did then. Would get rid of that kiss too. Definitely would have spared me some headaches."
"You're such an ass Mello," Julia shouted. "Stop trying to hurt me with your bullshit! Just admit how you feel about me!"
"Here's what I'll admit," Mello said in a low voice that was nearly inaudible, stepping toward her so he was just a few inches from her face. "I think you're a weak little girl who can't survive on her own, and the only person around for you to latch onto was me. And as far as your feelings for me go, I've known about them for a while and I haven't hesitated to use them to my advantage if I needed to. You're quite the little puppet Jules." Julia was fuming now, and she felt her hand rising up toward his face with all the strength she had. She felt Mello's hand wrap around her wrist, holding it there and preventing her from slapping him. "Don't even," Mello breathed fiercely, not letting go of her wrist. Julia just looked up at him, their eyes locking together as they breathed deeply, both fuming. In that moment, as she tried to pull her wrist free of Mello's unloosening grip, she felt something rise up in her. It was anger, yes, but it was also passion. Neither Mello, nor Julie, knew what was going on inside them but they both snapped.
Their lips crashed together before Julia could even process the feeling, and she wasn't sure who had leaned in first. All she knew now was that Mello's mouth was on hers, and she was finally kissing him the way she had always dreamed. She was even expecting Mello to push her away, but instead Julia felt his free hand grasp her shoulder and push her backward against the wall. He was apparently still angry, as was Julia, but this did nothing to stop them.
Julia felt Mello's hands leave her wrist and shoulder and slide up her body as he pressed her closer to the wall. She realized then where this was possibly going, and her breath quickened as she reached his belt buckle and undid the clasp, letting her intentions be known in case they weren't clear in the first place. She wasn't sure Mello would have asked for her approval anyway. His hand reached the back of her thigh, and he lifted her up, wrapping his other arm around her back as he did so. Julia secured her legs around his waist as he carried her backwards, turning and falling over her onto the bed. Her hands were buried in his hair, and she was certain she was pulling it enough so that it hurt. Mello didn't seem to mind though as his hand reached back and traveled up her leg from her knee, finally finding the edge of her dress and sliding under it. His other hand did the same, and he quickly pulled the dress over her head, revealing a set of the lingerie she had bought the other day. Julia never thought she would put it to use this quickly, however.
Julia felt Mello's hands on her stomach, and she quickly reached up to the buttons on his vest, wanting nothing more now that to feel his bare skin against hers. She pulled at it roughly, hearing a tearing sound that she chose to ignore as she clawed the vest off of him, her nails scratching the surface of his chest.
Mello's mouth trailed to just below her neck, kissing her collar bone as his hands slid under her toward the hook of her bra. Julia heard herself moan "Mello", and then she felt his lips leave her collar.
"Shut up," he commanded gruffly in a low voice before returning to her lips. Julia complied, not that she could speak much with his mouth on hers anyway. But she would have shut up either way. She always did what he asked her to, and this situation was proving to be no different.
Julia never knew Mello could be that passionate. She thought that once Mello fully realized what he had done, he would leave her in disgust or yell at her. Instead he continued to make love to her for the rest of the night, becoming rougher as the night continued into the early hours of the morning.
She lay covered by a thin sheet that stretched across the bed to cover Mello as well. That had been everything she could have hoped for, and she was certain Mello had to be feeling the same way now. The kiss may have been nothing to him, but surely that hadn't been. She glanced to her side to see him lying there, staring up at the ceiling blankly. Julia turned toward him and stretched her arm out over his chest, but instead of accepting it Mello pushed it away and sat up.
"What's wrong?" Julia wondered as he stood up, kneeling down to pick up his clothes that had been tossed aside. Mello didn't answer as he pulled his pants back on, fastening his belt before sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to her. He held something in his hands, and Julia wasn't sure what it was until he spoke.
"You ripped my vest," he said simply, actually sounding mad about it.
"It was a stupid vest anyway," Julia said with furrowed eyebrows, noting the tear along the seam as he shrugged it over his shoulders. "Is that all you have to say?"
"What else would I say?"
"Well…I just figured…"
"Jules, nothing's changed," Mello said calmly, keeping his back to her. Julia sat up, holding the sheet against her chest.
"We had sex," she pointed out. "How does that not change anything?"
"I don't want a relationship," Mello shrugged. "I don't love you. Nothing's changed."
"You're going to sit there and tell me that was nothing?" She was getting upset now, but she was determined to stay strong and so she pushed the feelings away.
"Yeah," Mello said, turning to look at her. "Sorry if you thought…"
"…That maybe you felt something for me after all?" Julia snapped. "That you ripping my clothes off suddenly somehow meant that you wanted me? Sorry, must have misread the signs." Mello shook his head and stood up.
"I should have known you'd make a big deal about this."
"Well how am I supposed to act Mello?" she shouted. "What the hell am I supposed to think?" Mello whipped around to face her, his eyes narrowed.
"You're supposed to know that I'm using you, like always," Mello snapped. "You're just convenient, and what just happened was nothing more than a little something to relieve the boredom." Julia felt uncontrollable tears pushing against her eyes.
"No it wasn't," she argued. "There was more there when you were looking in my eyes. I saw it."
"Right," Mello agreed sarcastically, stepping for the door.
"Where are you going?" she snapped. "Off to see Lidner? Gonna screw her too"
"No one said it was a competition but you," Mello pointed out. "You're the one who made it into a battle that has to be won, and from the looks of it she's doing better than you are." Mello repeated her words from earlier, and Julia felt her jaw clench. He just looked at her for a moment, before pointing to the nightstand.
"Pass me that chocolate bar," he said, holding his hand out. Julia reached over and took a hold of it, throwing it with all the force she had toward the blonde.
"Take your fucking chocolate!" It nearly hit him, and Mello clenched his fist as he leaned down to pick up the broken bar off the floor.
"Whatever," he said before heading out of the room.
Mello returned a few hours later, just as it was starting to get lighter outside, to find Julia sleeping on the bed, still wrapped in the sheet. He had been out pacing the streets, doing a lot of thinking and trying to figure out why the hell he had let himself go that far with Julia. What was worse was that he hurt her; that much was obvious from her tear-stained face. He realized while he was walking that he did care for her, a lot. But he had to end it, and if that meant acting like an asshole to drive her away, then so be it.
Mello approached the bed and looked down at her sleeping form. Her long black hair was slung messily across her face and around her shoulders, and she was breathing deeply in her slumber. Mello found that he wanted nothing more at that moment then to crawl back into the bed beside her, and he cursed to himself under his breath.
He hesitantly reached a hand out and stroked the hair away from her face, leaning down over her and kissing her forehead gently. He then left her side, sitting down on his own bed and rolling away from her. He didn't want to look at her anymore. He couldn't let himself be with her, and so tomorrow he would continue to act as if they had nothing together. He even hoped that maybe she would give up on him and leave. It would probably be better for both of them. He didn't like these feelings that had come up so suddenly, both unwanted and unwelcome.
Julia spent the next few days completely ignoring Mello. Whenever he spoke to her, Julia made a point of not looking at him, and if Matt was in the room she would interrupt Mello mid-sentence to speak to the brunette instead. It pissed Mello off that much was for sure. They still shared a room, but it was like Julia wasn't even there. Problem was she did exist in the room, and so Mello spent what he considered unnecessary time thinking about her when he could be thinking about Kira and beating Near.
Julia walked into the room after a day of hanging out with Matt, perching herself on the chair in front of the television and turning it on.
"I think I'm starting to form a plan of action," Mello told her. "I'm still thinking about it but I want to act soon. We can't let Near get ahead." Julia clicked the remote, not responding to his comment. Mello growled and turned back to what he'd been working on, eventually turning to look at her when he could no longer take the silence.
"What do you think you're getting out of this cold shoulder act?" Mello wondered. "Hoping I'll see what I'm missing when you're not around?" Julia didn't answer and so Mello continued. "Well it's not working." He informed her. "Just so we're clear, there is absolutely nothing on this earth that you could do to get my attention, and you might as well move on now."
Julia shifted in her chair as she settled on a channel, laughing at the picture on the screen.
"Jules, did you hear me?" Mello wondered. She didn't answer, but she heard him. She'd been thinking about it the past few days, and she had a pretty good idea of what her next move was going to be. And she was also fairly certain that it would catch Mello's attention. And if it didn't, then she figured it would help her move on. Either way, she was going to act, and so she stood up and headed toward the bathroom to change.