Disclaimer: I own nothing, sadly .

Anyway enjoy :)

Speed Dating Awkwardness

It was an ordinary day for Desmond. The birds were singing, the children were doing drugs, everything was normal. Until Ezio came running up to him.

"Come on. You, me, and Altair, speed dating now!"

Ezio grabbed Desmond's arm and took him to the nearest Starbucks. When they got there they saw Altair awkwardly sitting with an ex- girlfriend of Ezio's

"So, um, what do you do for fun?" they heard Altair ask.

"I steal from people," replied Rosa.

"Next!" Then Rosa got up from her sit.

Altair glared at Ezio and gave him the middle finger. Ezio went up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, we all need to get in new relationships," the hopeful Italian said.

"No, I'm happy with where I am. You sir just want to get laid by a new person."

"Untrue!" the highly offended Ezio said, "and besides, I did it with almost half these people."

"I thought girls had cooties, Altair."

Both Ezio and Altair gave Desmond a confused look, and then Altair slammed his head on the table.

"Ok let's start. Desmond you take that table were Cristina is sitting. I'll take that one that La Volpe was just at. Altair you stay here, and if you get up I'll arrow storm your ass!"

Round one!

"So what's your ideal date?" Altair asked Caterina.

"Having sex for politics," Altair eye twitched.

Round Two!

"So you're a natural red head?" Desmond asked Sofia.

"Yes. You do realize in my time hair dye isn't invented yet."

This only gave Desmond an idea to make a Time Machine to go back in time to introduce hair dye.

Round Three!

"So what do you see in Altair? He can't possibly be romantic like me."

"Well maybe you don't know him as well as I do," Maria gave Ezio a in your face smile.

"So what you're saying is the sex is good?"

Round Four!

"So explain to me what a computer is again."

"Altair this is the tenth time I told you," replied Rebecca.

"Yeah but how does a box do that? It's like magic in a Disney movie." Rebecca just threw an empty Starbuck cup at him.

Round Five!

"No, just no. Next!" Then Shaun left Desmond's table.

Round Six!

"You know I have a thing for blondes." Ezio gave Lucy the sexy Italian assassin look.

"You should be focusing on finding the pieces of Eden Ezio."

"Oh so you're the business type?" The Ezio got up on the table with his arms in the air.

"Are you prepared to have crazy assassin monkey sex with me!"

Then Lucy got up and left for the door.

After Everything

"So who did you guys like?" asked Ezio.

"Um Maria, duh," replied Altair.

"I don't know, although I did have an interesting conversation with Leonardo about math. It made my head hurt," then Desmond rubbed his head.

"Good, because Sofia is mine!" Ezio ran off to the other direction to find the red head.

"What was the point of this?" Asked the confused Altair.

"I don't know, but I kinda want ice cream. Take me?" Altair sighed and took Desmond to get a chocolate cone.

The End

Concentration, Concentration

It was another boring day for Ezio; he didn't want to see Desmond. Altair banned him from his sight until further notice. So Ezio decide to his bestest friend Leonardo. So he did it.

At Leonardo's

"Ezio, it's good to see you. Come, sit sit!" Leonardo rushed Ezio to a seat.

"Ezio please do me a favor I'm working an important painting. So please try not to make too much noise. I don't want to break my concentration."

"Great," Ezio crossed his arms in frustration; he didn't want to sit in silence. Suddenly Desmond opened the door running, with a hidden blade out.

"Ezio! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Ezio looked at the frantic Desmond,"What is it?"

"Al Mualim! His alive! I saw him!"

"Please Desmond be quiet, I'm trying to work." Leonardo went back to his painting.

"Are you sure you saw Al Mualim?" ask Ezio.

Leonardo put ear plugs in his ears while Ezio spoke.

"I'm sure. Look, I even took a picture of him."

Ezio, in serious assassin mode looked at the picture. Then he whacked Desmond's head. The sound made Leonardo's eyebrow twitch.

"This isn't Al Mualim. This is the Santa at the mall. How do you get them confused!"

Suddenly Leonardo forgot what he was painting, his concentration now gone.

"Shut up!" I need to concentrate! I'm sorry but you both need to leave."

The angry Leonardo took both the assassins arms and threw them out onto the street. Ezio and Desmond sit up and looked at each other.

"So you want to go after Al Mualim?" said Desmond.

"For the last time it was Santa. But sure it might be fun. Race you!"

The End

A Cat in a Tree

During a walk in the park Desmond saw a cat in a tree.

"I'll save you kitty!" Desmond took out a throwing knife, but sadly missed. He did it again and still missed. Annoyed he called Altair.

"But it's a cat," argued Altair.

"It's a living being! It has a right to be free from a tree!"

"Fine, I'll be there in five minutes."

`~Five Minutes Later~

"You bought Ezio too? Good we could use as much help as possible."

Altair glared at the grinning Italian next to him.

"No, he invited himself. I ran into him on the way."

"Literally," Ezio pointed at his new black eye.

"So how do we do this?"

Ezio took out his cross bow and aimed at the branch, but when the arrow hit the branch nothing happened. Then Altair took his sword and threw it, but when it hit the branch it broke in half. Ezio decided to call his assassins to arrow storm the tree, but that only cut off the cat's tail.

"The tail is on my head! AHHHHH!" Desmond ran in circles screaming. Altair simply plucked the tail off Desmond's head.

"Oh thank you. Any other ideas?" Ezio and Altair shook their heads.

"I'm sorry kitty! I'm sorry!" Desmond seat on the floor in disappointment.

"What wrong with him?" The assassins turned to see Malik watching the scene.

"We can't get a cat out of a tree," Altair grimly said.

Malik started to laugh, "You think I could try?" The assassins nodded their heads, and watched Malik walk to the tree. A second later they saw him climbing the tree, reaching the branch that held the cat. He seat on the branch, and with his arm he scooped up the cat, and jumped onto the ground. He put the missing tailed cat on the ground and watched it walk away.

The three assassins looked at him with their mouth's hanging open.

"How?" They yelled

Malik shrugged his shoulders, "I'm awesome," he replied and walked way.

"You know what that means right?" The two assassins looked at Ezio.

"We just got owned by a crippled guy."

"Altair you have cool friends." Desmond said happily.

The End