Disclaimer: Like always I own nothing; if I did they wouldn't have made Desmond's face really weird looking in Revelations.
Flashbacks and Babysitting
"So how long do you want me to watch your kids?" Ezio asked over the phone with Altair.
"Just until the afternoon, I have to assassinate Darth Vader today."
Ezio says confused, "you know I don't remember you ever having kids. I didn't even notice when Maria was pregnant."
"Ezio how could you not remember you saw her pregnant twice! You even have seen Darim and Sef!"
~Flashback~
"Altair, why don't you ever have good food?" Ezio said while looking in the fridge.
"Ezio get out of there," Altair pulled him out of the fridge.
"First off, I never even invited you over, and two Maria isn't feeling well. So I neither kick you out or I call the police for breaking and entering."
"What's wrong with Maria?"
Suddenly they heard a vomiting sound, but that was lost on Ezio.
"Can't you hear her throwing up!"
"Ewwww! This only proves that you're a bad cook!" and Ezio ran away.
~Another Flashback~
"Desmond is it me or do you think Maria is getting fatter?" Ezio asked during their sparing session.
"Well she's due any day now," replied Desmond.
"I'm not talking about her library books! I think the animus is really messing with your head lately."
"I wasn't talking about her books," said the sad Desmond.
~Flashback Once Again~
Ezio, Desmond, and Altair were all sitting on the couch watching TV when they heard Maria yelling for Altair. When Altair left the room Ezio heard Altair make an excited scream. Moments later they saw Altair helping a waddling Maria to the door. Desmond started jumping up and down excitedly.
"Her water finally broke! I'm going to be um… a lot of greats grandson!" Exclaimed Desmond, who then hugged Ezio.
"What's going on I didn't pay attention, I was too busy watching TV." Ezio pushed Desmond off and ran to the TV.
"NO DEAL!" he screamed.
~Flashback Again~
"Altair when did you start collecting baby dolls?" Ezio said to him while holding baby Darim poking his stomach.
"He's not a baby doll! And stop poking him, you'll make him cry!"
"This doll is just so life like, it's hard to believe it's fake."
"For the last time his not! Now give him back."
"Ok, catch!" Ezio was ready to throw the baby in the air until Desmond come to the rescue.
"Here Altair," Desmond handed him the baby. Then Darim threw up on Desmond's new sneakers.
"Noooo! My shoes!" Desmond fell on his knees crying.
Altair let out a sigh, "I think Malik or Leonardo might be better babysitters."
~Finally Flashback~
"Push Maria! Push!" Shouted Altair as Maria was in labor for the second time.
"Altair, get her a toilet! This isn't healthy!" Ezio said trying to shout over Maria's screaming. Then Ezio noticed the doctor helping Maria give birth.
"Excuse me how dare you look at that! Altair, do something!"
"Ezio this is the doctor, its ok."
"But his getting a peek show of her-"Ezio was kicked out before he could finish the sentence.
~Back on the Phone~
"Wow this whole time I didn't even know. How could not notice?" said Ezio breaking out of the flashbacks.
"That's because you can be blind sometimes."
"No I'm not!"
"Whatever. So is Desmond with you today?"
"No he has an animus session today. His going to learn how to paint with the colors of the wind."
"Good, because the last time he watched them they were almost got eaten by a Tyrannosaurus."
Ezio made a confused face, "and how did that happen?"
"Sef found a door that led to a parallel universe; everything just went bad from there."
"Ok…. Just bring them over; I'll take good care of them."
~Arriving at the Villa~
When Altair entered the villa with Darim and Sef, Ezio ran over to them and tried to give Altair a high five. However Altair ignored the hand.
"Before I could trust you with their lives I have to tell you that Darim is allergic to kangaroos, and Sef is scared of mutant robots."
"Mutant robots?" Ezio raised an eyebrow.
"He had a nightmare about them once; he doesn't like to talk about it." Altair kneels to reach the boys' eye level, "you two be good." Altair turns to Ezio, "and if something bad happens to them I'll show you naked pictures of Rodrigo Borgia"
Ezio made a horrified face. Altair ruffled his sons' hair and left the villa. Ezio was left alone with the boys. Darim and Sef just blinked at Ezio.
"So what do you guys like to do for fun?"
The kids only blinked at Ezio.
"Do you want to draw?"
Again only blinks.
"Ok….. Are you hungry?"
Still just the blinks.
"Do you want to do anything?"
The boys continued to blink. Ezio frustrated decide to take out his sword.
"Hey you want my sword. Look it's shiny." He waved the sword in their faces but they made no reaction.
"Ok if you want to do something, blink twice."
Sef blinked four times, and Darim didn't blink at all.
"Fine let's have a staring contest."
Ezio got to eye level with the boys. However the boys started blinking wildly.
"Let's do a blinking contest!" But the boys didn't even blink.
"You know what I give up! Do what you want, just don't put my villa on fire."
~When Altair comes back~
"Here take your kids!" Ezio tossed the kids to Altair before he could even come in, and Ezio slammed the front door. Altair and the boys broke out laughing, and he started high fiving his sons.
"Good job, I told you freaking him out was fun."
"And I even took all his throwing knives," Darim took out the knives waving them in the air.
"I've never been so proud." And Altair gave them both cookies.
The End
Vidic Theory
Desmond was at McDonalds when he saw his old enemy walk in. Desmond with his hidden blade out tackled Vidic to the ground.
"What are you doing here?" Desmond yelled at him.
"Buying a Big Mac, Mr. Miles. I can't buy food on my break?"
"No, because bad guys don't eat Big Macs, they eat Whoppers!" Then Vidic poked Desmond in the eye making him let go of him.
"See! That's something a bad guy would do!" Desmond said rubbing his eye.
"While you're here Mr. Miles would you like to hear my new theory I'm working on. Maybe I could get you to be another test subject."
"No I don't really care."
"Good take a seat." Vidic pushed Desmond to a seat, Desmond glared at him.
"My latest theory is that in another dimension men can give birth!"
"You're so awkward," Desmond said in barely a whisper.
"Think about it, a child grows in our wound, and then we get into labor. But when we go to give birth we-"
"Vidic nobody likes you and your theories! You're so weird." And Desmond got up before Vidic could finish his sentence.
Then Malik come from out of nowhere and killed Vidic with a throwing knife, and everyone in the assassin's creed universe cheered, and celebrated for many weeks.
The End
AN: I know I didn't put as many mini stories this time since I'm still working on my one act play, I just really wanted to give something to you guys . Also I've been replaying the first assassin's creed, and I remembered how much I hate Vidic, he really is an asshole. So yes I had to kill him. So I hope you enjoyed yourself, and please review if you want