AN: Sorry about the late update, life has been keeping me busy. Also I'd like to thank BADAZZtoldya for the idea with Cesare as a teacher, I had a lot of fun writing that. Anyway I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

School

Altair, Ezio, and Desmond were walking in a zoo looking at a flyer about Cesare's new teaching job.

"Do you really think Cesare gave up being a Templar to be a teacher?" Desmond asked while he started petting a monkey. Then the monkey bit him.

"Ow! Altair the monkey bit me!" Desmond showed his bitten hand to him.

"It's fine don't worry about it."

"But what if I mutate? I can feel it happening!"

Desmond fell on the ground and started shaking. Ezio and Altair looked at each other awkwardly as people looked at Desmond giving him questioning looks.

"Anyway we should investigate. I highly doubt Cesare would just give up on being a Templar. Being an evil asshole is the only thing his good at," said Ezio.

"Then are we going to his crash class?" Altair raised his eyebrow with a smile as he imagined the trouble three of them could course.

~In A Classroom~

"Sit down class, we are about to begin."

When Cesare saw that no one would sit down his face turned red and a vein on his forehead pounded.

"Sit Down now!"

Everyone rushed to a seat, except Mario who left the room when he remembered that Cesare killed him once. Cesare then got a piece of chalk and wrote the word phobias on the board.

"Today class we are learning about phobias. Can anyone name me some phobias? "

Leonardo rose is hand "Anablephobia, fear of looking up."

"Papaphobia, fear of popes!" Ezio called out.

"Alektorophobia, fear of chickens, "said Malik.

Altair raised his hand, "Cathisophobia, fear of sitting down."

"Ambulophobia, fear of walking," said Lucy.

", fear of long words," said Claudia.

"That's real? I need to meet someone with that so I can get a book of big words and read it to them," said Ezio.

"Yeah instead of making them better you'll make them worse," said Altair.

Desmond raised his hand, "Mr. Cesare do we need to take notes on this? I don't know how to spell these words."

"Desmond be quiet I'm trying to teach!"

"But it was just a question." Desmond frowned and looked down sadly.

"Don't worry Desmond I appreciate your question, "said Giovanni. Then he patted Desmond's shoulder.

"Ezio your dad is cool."

"I know." Ezio made Desmond a in your face smile. Desmond just threw an easer at him.

"Moving on, does anyone know what the square root of pie is?"

Yusuf raised his hand. "Apples."

Cesare signed showing his impatience.

"Not apple pie. I mean the math term."

"Oh well excuse me if you don't specify." Yusuf crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Cesare. Desmond raised his hand again.

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"No! I'm teaching!"

Desmond blinked, and then he looked around awkwardly. He raised his hand again.

"Since I can't go to the bathroom can I ask a serious question."

Cesare sighed, "yes go ahead."

"How do you spell incest?"

With that Cesare's eye began to twitch and he walked over to his desk and pushed a big red button. Suddenly a hole appeared under Desmond's desk. Soon Desmond dropped into the hole screaming as he fell. The hole then closed.

Suddenly Shaun's phone rang.

"Hello? Oh hey Desmond. Everyone its Desmond his alive. Wait what? Really are you making this up? Ok I'll tell them. Desmond said his in Narnia. "Then they heard Desmond screaming over the phone and Shaun's phone disconnected.

"What happened?" asked Lucy.

"I don't know, but he'll be fine. And Mr. Cesare the answer is 3.14."

"Finally someone knows the answers. But Shaun I need to take your phone away. No cell phones in my class!"

"Do ipods count too?" asked Rebecca.

"Everything! No electrical devices!"

"What about life support?" asked Federico.

"If you need life support you should be in a hospital."

"What if you don't like hospitals?"

"Then suffer and die in my classroom."

"You bitch." Federico muttered under his breathe.

Then Cesare noticed a note on Ezio's desk.

"Ezio no passing notes in my class."

Ezio looked up and stopped writing.

"I'm not passing notes. You're just crazy."

"You are passing notes! Read your note to the class."

Ezio sighed, "it's kind of long, I'll just sum them up for you. Leonardo and I were talking about a new hidden blade design. Then for some reason we started talking about how rainbows don't taste like skittles, but actually taste like chemical. "

Another note landed on Ezio's desk.

"This one is from Sofia and you don't want to know what it says." Ezio gave a sly smile.

Four more notes landed on his desk.

"This one is from Claudia, and we were talking about oreos vs chocolate chip cookies. This one is from Yusuf and he wants to know if I want to go turtle racing with him after school. Hell yeah we will!"

Ezio ran over to Yusuf and gave him a high five and ran back to his sit.

"From Lucy it says she's worried about Desmond. Ok Lucy I think his training has prepared him for anything, so yeah. And finally from Altair it says 'Ezio stop acting stupid, Cesare might try to kill you.' Ha! I'd like to see him try."

Ezio looked about with a smiling face. But it turned to a frown once he saw Cesare's face and it wasn't a pretty sight. Suddenly steam came out of Cesare's ears.

"No passing notes!"

"Actually all the notes were thrown on his desk," Leonardo.

"Neither should be done!"

"Cesare honestly relax. I give you a teaching job for a reason," said Rodrigo.

"Shut up father! What do you know! Look at your chibi form, you look like a ball with arms!"

"That was hurtful my son. You will never learn anything." Rodrigo then got up and left the classroom.

The room was filled with awkwardness and no one made a sound, everyone just blinked for ten seconds. Finally Malik slowly raised his hand.

Suddenly Desmond fell from the ceiling. Everyone gasped as they saw him covered in snatches and blood.

"Desmond did I tell you to come back!" Cesare angrily shouted.

Desmond slowly lifted his head up and glared at him.

"Do you know what happened to me in Narnia? I got attacked by a lion who likes the taste of human flesh! And all you can say is did I tell you to come back?" Then Desmond got up and punched Cesare in the face.

"That's for being born an asshole!"

Cesare recovered from the hit, with a vein throbbing on his forehead.

"You! All of you! I quit, it was easier being a Templar! Everyone here is insane!" And Cesare left the room slamming the door behind him. Everyone in the classroom clapped and cheered. Ezio got up and put a badge on Desmond's hoodie that said 'I made an evil villain crazier badge'.

"Everyone settle down class isn't over yet." Everyone gave Desmond a confused look.

"I'm the teacher now. And today we will be learning about the history of chocolate."

The End

Monster In My Closet

Altair was sleeping peacefully as he dreamed about running on rooftops and throwing knives. Suddenly he was woken up by Sef. Altair seat up and rubbed his eyes. When his vision came into focus he saw Sef's crying face,

"Daddy, there's a monster in my closet. Kill it!"

Altair let out a sigh. "Sef there are no such things as monsters. Go back to bed." Altair went to lie down.

"But I saw him honest! He was purple with fangs, and he had wings on his feet." Altair turned his head to look at him.

"Did you have sugar before bed again? You remember what happened last time it was like that movie Inception."

"So what if I had seven pixie sticks, that's not important! Please kill him with your sword." Sef grabbed Altair's arm in attempt to pull him out of bed. Altair didn't move a bung.

"Sef go to bed. I promise I'll check for monsters in the morning."

"No what if it eats me and I die!" Sef dramatically fell onto Altair's bed." Then you will just have Darim and every day you will ask yourself 'what if I saved Sef that night?'"

"Altair just go check or none of us will get sleep," Maria sleepily said.

Altair sighed and got up from the bed. Sef took his hand and lead him to his room. Once they were both inside the room Sef pointed to the closet and said, "in there." Altair picked up a baseball bat and walked over to the closet. Slowly he opened it and looked inside.

"See Sef there's nothing to worry about. Everything was just in your imagin- Ahhh!"

From behind someone was pulling Altair's arm.

"Dad no! Leave him alone you monster!" Sef then tried pushing the monster off Altair but it didn't help much. The monster flipped Altair to the ground. Altair recovered and kicked him in the stomach. The monster was then being brutally attacked by Altair who was hitting him with the baseball bat.

"Die monster, don't touch my son!" The monster lifted his hands to cover his face.

"Altair stop it's me, Ezio!"

Altair stopped as he noticed the monster mask had fallen to the floor, and that Ezio was wearing a costume.

"Rawr!" Ezio said with a smile as he lifted his arms in the air.

Altair started hitting him again.

"Ezio what are you doing here! Are you secretly a pedo!"

"No, of course not! Ow! I'm just here for revenge! Ow stop hitting me I'm seeing yellow!"

Altair stopped hitting him and Sef ran over to Altair and cling to his leg.

"Revenge for what?"

"Sef stole my pistol. And then I got it back in the mail three days later with it broken. So I thought scaring him in the middle of the night will teach him a lesson to not mess with me."

"But I didn't do anything!"

"Yes you did! I remember you come to the Villa and you saw the pistol. Then you took it and walked out. Don't deny it because Desmond was with you when it happened."

Altair raised his eyebrow at Sef. "Sef did you take Ezio's pistol?"

Sef looked down ashamed. "Yes I had to take it, it was shiny!"

Altair made a thoughtful look. "Sef what you did was morally wrong."

"Very wrong," Ezio cut in.

"But you are also born to be an assassin, so I'm proud of you."

"What?" Ezio mouth dropped.

"You successfully stole from a master assassin. For that you can keep the pistol."

"Really?" Sef smiled.

"But that's my pistol!"

"Now it's Sef's. You can go home now."

"Oh no, I'm not leaving without my pistol."

"Ezio, consider this Sef's early birthday gift."

"No, no, no, no, no!"

"Ezio leave or else I'm calling the cops for breaking and entering. And for doing pedo like activities."

"But I wasn't being a pedo!"

"I can lie and say you were."

"Nope not going," Ezio gave him a challenging look.

"Don't make me arrow storm you."

Ezio's face went serious. "You don't know how to arrow storm. I've never seen you use it."

"That's because it's so deadly I save it for special occasions."

Ezio made a face of terror.

"Fine I'll leave, but I will get my pistol back. Someday." Then Ezio jumped out the window and ran off.

The End (Bye!)