Daddy's Knees & Mom's Fingertips

I figured this was coming when they told me to go get ready for bed. I haven't gone to bed this early in a really long time. Dad comes and sits down on the bed next to me.

"Still overwhelmed?" he asks. I nod. "Ok, well, I figure you've found out some secrets, I'll tell you all the stuff you really need to know. But if you'd rather wait…"

"You gonna tell me why I was sick as a baby?" I ask. Daddy flinches. I know it isn't the whole reason, but I still say, "Sorry about the grammar Dad."

"It's ok, Grace. You're still a little young for that story. But if you want, I don't know. I fell like this is your coming of age or something," he says grinning at me.

"Yeah, I want to know."

He sits there quietly for a minute looking at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Just afraid you might hate me in a half hour," he says quietly.

"I could never hate you Dad," I say.

"Ok, Grace so, I'm not doing this with fairy tales, you deserve to know. We were on another planet," Dad says.

"Country," I correct.

"No, Gracie, no fairy tales tonight. We were on another planet," he says.

I stare at him, "So magic rug was a code word for spaceship? You guys are astronauts?" Uncle Danny an astronaut-not able to picture that.

"I used magic carpet for a lot of things, not always a spaceship Gracie, and not this time. There is a big circle called a Stargate. It creates a-let's see how well I've been listening to your mother over the years-stable worm whole which bends space time and allows us to go across the galaxy."

I'm staring at him unblinking. "I thought we weren't doing the fairy tale thing anymore."

"We're not Gracie," he says.

"So Cassie is…"I start.

"An alien, from another planet, Yeah, so is Teal'c," he says.

"And Teal'c is…" I say.

"Sorry, you know him as Uncle Murray," Dad says.

"And the scar on his belly is…" I prompt.

"From something horrible and nasty, which does not exist anymore, and which I don't want to discuss tonight," he says. "I'll tell you another time."

"Ok," I nod. "But you and mom, Daniel, Cameron, Vala, Grandpa George, all human right?"

"Yeah, apart from Vala, uh, well she's human. Just not earth human. Cassie's human too though Grace, but all the other people you just mentioned are humans from earth."

"Ok," I said. I just kept saying the same stupid thing over and over, but ok was all I could manage.

"So on to time, I nearly killed you," I didn't believe it, but it still hurt my stomach to hear my dad say that, "We were on a planet, and someone offered me cake."

"Seriously, Dad cake?" I said.

He smiles, "You know how I feel about cake Gracie." The he grows serious, "But that was my first mistake. This alien-human alien mind you, I'm no Captain Kirk-offered me the cake, and said it was just for me." He stands up, and is now telling the story to a wall, "It was drugged, Gracie. I barely remember the dance thing she did next-but apparently it was a marriage ceremony."

"NO! STOP!" I get up, and I'm halfway out of the room before Dad catches me around the waist.

"Wow! Gracie! What's the matter? It wasn't like I was really married. And you knew I was married, really married to Sarah-for years. Didn't think that's the part that would freak you out."

I'm sobbing, "Dad! I can't believe you waited this long to tell me that Mom is not my mom!"

"Gracie Grace," he says holding me, "Cynthia is not your mother. Samantha Carter O'Neill is your mother. Jack O'Neill is your father. I promise you that is the truth, stop doubting it. Ok?"

"You were just telling me the story of how you gave me a disease, and we got to the part where you go off with another woman…"

"Ok, Grace, I'm not telling this story very well. But keep in mind this was over two years before you were born. So I guess you guessed the next part of the story," he says with a cough, "And then they all passed out."

"They, Dad?"

"I was with just Cynthia at the time," he says guessing the reason for my horror, "but yeah, they, her whole planet passed out all at once. Then I pass out a little later."

"The rest of your team?" I ask.

"No, they were fine," he says. "So, they figured it was probably a disease..."

I nod, "Spread by the exchange of bodily fluids."

He shuts his eyes, "God this is a hard talk to have. I'm kind of wishing I'd taken your mother up on the offer to tell you. Only….I think she would have gone easy on me. I need you to know it all. So, yeah, that's how the disease was spread. And it didn't just make you pass out at night, and get up in the morning, although it definitely did that. But it also, it also made you get old fast. The people on that planet only lived for-100 days." He's now focused on me, "They thought that 100 days was normal. They couldn't imagine living longer Gracie. But I was a heck of a lot older than 100 days Gracie. So, it aged me really fast."

"And Super Sammy made a cure," I said.

"Expect this isn't the fairy tale. In real life things are never fast and easy and smooth. She saved me. But it wasn't easy. Sam took samples back to the base. They almost escaped containment. We could have killed the whole world. My actions had consequences. I messed up, and mess ups don't just go away."

"Dad, I can't believe there is a moral lecture in this story," I say.

He sighs, "I know, totally hypocritical, Grace. But you are my daughter, that's how these things work."

"Ok, so Mom finally saves the day," I say wanting to get away from the intensity of his eyes.

"Yeah, well Cassie's Mom, your mother, and your father saved the day on this one, long as we're are being honest."

"Yeah, I figured you saved the day pretty often," I say.

"Not often, and this time the only reason I was able to help, was because I was quarantine on a planet with a bunch of people who were for all practical purposes infants," he said, "I almost died. But we found a way to shut off the nanites."

"Nanities?" I ask.

"Yeah, sorry little tiny robots were what were aging me. Little things put there by the bad guys, the Gou'ald that are all dead, and that we aren't discussing tonight. Those people were a science experiment, Gracie."

"That why you hate scientists, Dad?" I ask.

"I thought you knew, Gracie Grace; I never really hated scientists."

I closed my eyes for a second. There was something freeing in that.

"You had to know that Grace! I married one, my best friend is a scientist, and have one for a daughter!" he says.

"I'm not a scientist, Dad," I say.

"You are, Grace. You might not get paid for it yet, but you are a scientist," and he smiles. He may not love science, but he does loves scientists.

"Anyway, we turned off the nanities, and we were so sure they were inactive. Grace, we never imagined they would ever show up again," he says looking me right in the eye.

I smile at him, trying to make it lighter, "And along came Grace!"

"God, Grace, we were worried," and he looks different than I've ever seen him look. "I thought I'd killed you."

"Daddy, it wouldn't have been your fault."

"Actions have consequences, Grace, it would have been my fault. And I am just lucky, lucky beyond all measure, than you didn't die, because of my mistake."

"Daddy," I say, and he's crying. Parents should not cry. "Daddy I'm right here. Not dead." He's calm after a bit, and I tell him what I know he wants, "Daddy I forgive you.

"Shouldn't be easy, Grace. If forgiveness is easy it probably isn't real."

"Dad I forgive you for having sex with an alien you hardly knew."

Dad's coughing really hard, "Gracie, you know that word?"

"Sex?" I ask, "Yeah, health class Dad. But why didn't they rescue you? I mean Mom and Daniel Murray-er Teal'c were there?"'

"Yeah, well Gracie, they didn't…"

"They didn't know you were drugged," I offered.

"Yeah, they didn't," he said. Suddenly I thought occurred to me.

"Even if you weren't drugged, I'd forgive you Dad."

He smiles at me, "Grace, that means a whole lot. But I was drugged."

"Ok, well, then forgiven Daddy," I say.

Then a sudden thought occurred to me. I placed my hands on Dad's knees, and my hands started to glow.

"No, Gracie," he says shaking his head. "Not worth it."

"Come on Dad, you knees have hurt forever, I can fix it."

"Not worth the risk," he repeats.

"Shut up Dad," I say, and I place my hands on his knees. This time he doesn't try to resist. When they were healed he said, "But I am calling Lam to push back your official test back. Two healings in one day is too much," he says.

He stands up, and bends his knees a couple of times. "Man that feels good, Gracie, I might get confused, and think I'm a young man."

"Dad, you told me I was born on a magic carpet," I say.

He smiles, "We had a little alien ship called a death glider. Two actually, Teal'c and a buddy of his Brata'c they flew them to earth after we blew up two big, and I mean huge, enemy ships, Gracie girl," he says taking a seat on the edge of my bed again. "Well, a couple years later we took those two broken ships, and we made them into one ship that flew. Teal'c and I went up in it for a test run. What we didn't know is that," his teeth clench, "Nasty thing we aren't going to talk about, had put a recall device. Long story short Teal'c and I are shooting through space without control of the ship." He grins, "Your mother is pregnant with you, due in a week, huge," he said expanding his hands, "Just huge. They figure out a way to save me. A long shot, but most of our plans were long shots. Daniel is going to go to an alien planet to get these-well, you know them as pixie's Grace. But really they are things that are just like the bad guys, except, well they aren't bad. Or rather, I don't know, Grace, Tok'ra are going to take some time to explain it to you. Anyway, we're friends with them. Grandpa Jacob is one of them."

"Grandpa Jacob is an alien? I'm ¼ alien?"

"Yes, and no, Grandpa Jacob had an alien sharing his body, Grace. A parasitic, you know what, I go back to my original statement, not talking about snakeheads tonight. Rest assured that you are 100% human-earth human, lordy, girl, you keep trying to weasel out of being part of this family! Anyway, so Daniel's going off to save me, and your mother, your big pregnant mother, goes through the gate with him. Against the will of command, of course. To a world crawling with snake head bad guys, and one snake head good guy-your Grandfather, actually. So Grandpa scoops them up, and they head off to save me in Grandpa's ship. Bigger than the little one Teal'c and I were in, much smaller than the big ones that we blew up. By the time they get there we are twelve hours past the time where we should have run out of air and died. But that's the way it goes sometimes. There are chances after your chances have run out. I'm almost out of oxygen, and I look out, and there is your mother."

"My huge mother," I add.

That's right he grins, "Huge with you. She says, 'Do you trust me Jack?' and I do. It's good I did. You know what your plan was? Of course you don't. See there are these things, that…" he shuts his eyes, "Ok ring transporters are surprisingly hard to explain, if you saw one you'd know. They ah," he makes a sound and runs his hands down and then up, "like that, but with a bright light, and then you are somewhere else."

I'm staring at him like he's nuts.

"Oh, never mind, I give up. Anyway, your Mom told us take a deep breath from the last of our oxygen, and push off into space-no space suit, no air, no nothing. We're out there just floating. But it's only for a second, and then there we are, in the other space ship. Crazy plan Gracie, unbelievable crazy plan, but here I am. And then your mother's water breaks," he laughs, "She's in LABOR. We are light years away from earth, and here you come! Gracie, your timing!" he says with a laugh. "Your mom is the calmest one on the ship. Your grandpa, is driving the ship. He's leaning forward like that will get us there faster. Daniel is delivering you. Uncle Danny, Grace! And me, I'm there holding your Mom's hand. Teal'c he's up there with Jacob, avoiding the whole thing." Dad laughs, "You know childbirth makes Jaffa squirm?"

"Jaffa?" I ask.

He hits his head, "Never mind about Jaffa tonight Gracie. Just know that Uncle Murray is Jaffa, very Jaffa. Anyway, there you were. Born on an alien ship. You were ten hours old when you got to earth for the first time." He looks at me with that swoony face that parents use sometimes, "There is something in that. You know there aren't many other souls on earth who can claim they were born somewhere else. You come from the stars, don't forget that," he says kissing me.

"Did Mom get in trouble for going through the gate?"

He smiles, "She should have of course, but Daniel lied for her, and Grandpa George pretended to believe it even though he'd have to be stupid to. And your Grandpa George isn't a stupid man."

"Generals never are," I reply. He laughs a little at that. "Love ya, Dad," I say.

"You too, Grace, more than anything."

So the next morning I go down to breakfast. Dad's leaping around the kitchen like an impala. Mom is furious. I can tell, because she's doing dishes. Scrubbing dishes that aren't even dirty. When she finishes with one she takes another out of the cupboard.

"Mom, chill out, and hand me your hand with the electric scars," I said reaching toward her.

"Grace, No," she's furious with me, "No, Grace, stop healing people right now. Especially unimportant stuff like old scars."

"Mommy," I said, "You haven't felt anything in your right finger tips in years."

Dad is giving her some kind of a look, "Seriously, Sam? How come I didn't know about this?"

I reach for her hand, she pulls back like I'm electrocuting her.

Dad shakes his head, "Ok Gracie, we've got to form some rules. I shouldn't have let you heal me last night. We should say at least a week between healings, and only healing those with proper security clearance. Plenty of time to heal your mother later, when it is safe for you."

Dad dances out of the kitchen.

"Mom, I get it you know," I said to her.

"No," she sighs, "Gracie you can't get this."

"Mom, when you go to work every day I know you are doing incredibly dangerous things," she's looking at me, I have her full attention now, "I know that you are in danger. It could drive me crazy. But it doesn't. Do you know why?" Her eyes are focused on me, "Because you are Super Sammy. Not like in Daddy's stories. I know that. I've known that for a long time. But what I mean is. You help people. You save people. A lot of people. What is it? Through your life? How many? Thousands? Millions? More? Of course, whole worlds, and this one more than once. And I could have you safe every day, but then they would all die. I'm not that selfish Mom. And I trust you. I know you love me. I know that-that you are going to try really hard to come home. That you aren't going to do something stupid and die. That-you want to come home as bad as I want you to. That's how I live with it. And you should trust me to. I don't have a death wish, Mom. I'm not even tired after the healings. But you have to understand that this-this is pretty amazing. And if I just keep it to myself, people will die. People I could have saved. That would be wrong Mom. So I get it. I'm your baby girl, you want to protect me, keep my safe. But I want to be safe too, and I can save these people."

She takes me into her arms, "Oh, Grace," she says resting her chin on the top of my head, "Why did you have to go and make sense?" She extends her hand to me, a peace offering. A symbol of trust. I cup her hand in one of mine, and hold the other one over it. My hand glows, and I'm healing her. But I'm not so surprised this time, and I let myself focus on the healing. I noticed last night, that when I heal it is more than just something physical. It's mental. It's a connection. I can feel her fingers. Not with my hand, but with my brain. I can see the nerves, all the places that have gone wrong. I can fell the repairs. I can guide the repairs.

"Gracie," Mom says softly. I open my eyes. I'm still holding her hand, but the healing is over. I think it might have been over for a while. "You ok?"

"Yeah, Mom I was just…I can see the healing. It's like science," I said, because I really wanted to share it with her, "How we've talked about being able to picture molecules and atoms, and the beauty of it. How I told you about the video I play in my head of DNA replicating? It's like that, Mom. It's like that except, I don't know, I think it's real. I could see the damage; I could see the damage being fixed. Dead nerves coming back to life," I'm excited now, "It's like magic."

Mom looks at me, I know she wants to understand. Probably even more wants me to think she is understanding. But I also know that she isn't understanding.

Mom takes her left hand and pinches the fingers in her right hand. One at a time starting with the pointer, and working her way to the pinkie. "Thanks Gracie," she says, "You will be careful with this?"

I nod.

"Are you tired?"

I shake my head.

"Headache?"

"Mom, I'm fine," I say.

"I trust you Gracie," she says kissing me on my forehead. She has a sad distracted look on her face. "I thought it was hard to watch your father go into battle. But it was never that hard when I was right there with him. It felt like, as crazy as it was, I could protect him from anything. He never had a problem either when we were on the same team. Every time we went on missions apart it nearly killed us. When he took a desk job, and I kept going out, the man worried. We are warriors Grace. We like to face our enemies head on. We don't do well with quiet threats. We don't like things we can't fix. I'm never really going to be ok with his."

Dad comes back, and pours himself a cup of coffee. She takes the coffee cup out of his hand, "Jack the last thing you need is a stimulant." He doesn't even protest, and he keeps moving like Tigger.

She glares at him. He says, "Sam, I haven't had good knees for twenty years, could ya give me a break?" and then he puts out her hands to her, she smiles a little, but tires to hide it. She's still trying to act mad. She may have forgiven me for healing him, but she hasn't forgiven him for being healed. But he's dancing with her. Prancing around with her. She's laughing, and she leans against his strong chest. His fingers glide over her right fingers, giving her a massage he thinks she can't feel.

"Grace healed them," she says. He pulls away from her and looks at her in confusion. "Gracie pointed out to me…" she sighed, "That I do dangerous things to save people, and she should be able to too."

"The difference, Sam, is that you are an adult who understands risk to reward relationships, and our daughter is twelve," he said.

"Mmm….Gracie said I should trust her," Mom said with a smile.

Dad looks at me, "So the only question left is, does your Daddy trust you or love you more Gracie girl?"

I look at him, "What kind of love do you love me with? Selfish or sacrificial?"

Dad is staring at me open mouthed, "Grace," he said shaking his head, "You are all together to good at talking. I'm cutting you off from your Uncle Daniel until you are through your teenage years. Otherwise your mother and I might not make it. You're dangerous like this."

"So I can heal?" I ask excitedly.

"Controlled, infrequent healing," Dad cautions. And I'm hugging them both.

The SGC infirmary has become my favorite place on the planet. And that is saying something since I've never left the planet-at least not since I was ten hours old. It's been five months since I become Gracie freak of nature-girl of the glowing hands. A few times a week, when I'm finished with my homework, and my chores are done, one of my parents will take me here.

Sometimes my patient is waiting for me, and Dr. Lam ushers me over there pale faced and thin lipped. Those are the times when I know there will only be one healing, and sometimes, I can't even finish one. I wouldn't heal someone until I'm sick, or else I'll never see this place again. No, when Lam is serious I know there is someone in the corner bed hooked to machines waiting for me. Someone drifting on the line between life and death. Then my hands, and my mind pull them back from the brink. The more I do it the more I realize the healing is not primarily a mechanical process. My brain is sending energy signatures to people's body, and that is what heals them. It's a beautiful thing. More beautiful than watching DNA replicating.

Other times there is no one in desperate need. Sometimes I erase the scars soldiers have earned defending our planet. Other times I sit and read Dr. Lam's medical journals. The reading and the healing-they mesh together as once. The illustrations in the books-they are the things that I am molding with my mind when I heal.

Once when I was there they brought in someone who had just been shot with some alien weapon. Some alien weapon that no one understood. Dr. Lam started giving orders in that way doctors do-confident and terrified all at once. I think she forgot I was there. I stepped back. She pealed out the barb like not-a bullet with scalpels and surgery. There was a lot of blood, and I saw that I had been wrong to stand back. I took a step forward. One doctor, two nurses, and an orderly step back to make room for one twelve year old girl. My hands start go glow and my mind starts to heal. I'm terrified I wouldn't have enough energy. But my strength holds out until the end. My hand turn off-a telltale sign that the healing is done-at the same moment the dizziness in my head informs me I've healed as much as I can.

I step back, and the whole room is silent. My hands were so close to the wound that there is blood on them. It wasn't the first life that I saved. But it was the first one that was coding. It was the first life that was not sitting on life support waiting for me to save them.

Giving life to someone-it is indescribable. Indescribable, and addicting.

There is also the ones I can't save. I've fighting for their life. Dragging them back from the brink. Repairing them, cell by cell. But so many cells are damaged. Too much needs to be fixed, and I feel the dizziness before I am done. I want to fight through it. Healing a body-binds you to a soul. You feel the pull of it, you feel them. Their longing to live-strong in some which helps, weak in others which mean you must fight harder-save them against their will. But sometimes, sometimes the will to live is strong, and I cannot save them. Those are the ones that break my heart.

I told my mother once that my first love was the physical sciences. First, but not best. These hands, this mind, belong to a doctor.