Number three is finally up! To be completely honest, I completely forgot about this fic until I found this chapter on my computer, just begging to be finished and posted.
Anyway, credit to this idea goes to 6p9q2n7a18 - wow, complicated username - who asked for Xanxus to 'annihilate a games console'. It's not exactly annihilation, but it's getting there, I guess.
Number 3: Nintendo
'And what exactly is the point in this, trash?' Xanxus glared as he, Lussuria, Levi and Fran watched Bel and Squalo battle each other on Wii boxing. So far, Bel was winning. Epically.
Lussuria, who was the one to suggest 'Family Game Night' clapped his hands. 'Squ-chan and Bel-chan just have to beat each other up with their little characters!' Xanxus glared at the screen were a very womanly male character with white (much too short) hair was getting the hell beaten of him by a Bel look-a-like. Naturally, Squalo was pretty pissed about loosing.
'VOOOOII, you're fucking cheating!' he yelled, waving his controller up in the air, but just giving Bel another chance to knock him down.
'Ushishishi~ Prince's don't cheat,' Bel said simply as he totally killed Squalo's Mii. The swordsman growled and threw down his remote.
'I'm not playing anymore,' he declared, folding his arms in some sort of pout.
'Ooh,' Lussuria suddenly squealed, 'let boss have a go! I want to see boss play.' Levi was quick to agree.
'Why the fuck would I want to play this shitty game?' Xanxus asked, clutching his bottle of alcohol dangerously.
'You're just scared the pansy-ass there'll just beat you,' Squalo said.
The bottle of alcohol was immediately smashed against his head.
'How do I fucking play?'
Lussuria cried out happily and thrust the remote Squalo had into his hand. 'It's simple boss, you just need to create a mini-Xanxus.' The Varia boss just stared at him as if he had just accidentally dropped the last bottle of wine.
'You need one to play,' Fran clarified, noticing the 'I'm going to kill you' expression that Xanxus was wearing.
Lussuria guided Xanxus to the create a Mii section, and soon mini-Xanxus was underway. The real Xanxus glared at the screen, trying to control the remote, but failing pretty miserable.
'Voi, no way,' Squalo remarked, 'you look more fucking insane than that.'
'No, no, no, boss, not those eyes, pick the others!' Lussuria exclaimed, jabbing the screen.
Bel peered at the Mii onscreen and pulled a hand to his chin. 'Boss needs scars,' he said.
'You can't the boss's scars on this game, Bel-sempai,' Fran said, ignoring the knife that found its way into his hat.
Levi stood up. 'Boss is perfect in every way, he needs nothing changing,' he declared. Nobody bothered much about the sudden declaration of perfection, since it was a usual thing for the obsessive Levi to do. Soon, after more shouts of adoration from the Varia's Lightning Guardian, and more orders on what exactly the mini-Xanxus should look like, the Mii was done.
'It looks stupid,' Xanxus spat, glaring at the screen as if he wanted to shot it. Squalo nodded in agreement.
Lussuria clapped his hands excitedly and took the player one remote off of Bel. 'Let's play~' he dang, looking through the games they could pick. He settled on bowling, claiming to be the queen of it.
Squalo nudged Bel with a grin. 'This should be good.' Bel nodded and chuckled before leaning backwards and watching the scene in amusement.
Levi deemed it appropriate to start his own one-man cheer squad for the boss as the game began.
Lussuria, being player one, went first. He swung his arm forwards, then back and then thrust it forwards again, releasing the computer bowling ball and sending it hurtling down the ally, where it hit most of the pins, leaving two left. He squeal happily and took his next go, hitting one of the two and getting the score of nine.
Everyone leaned forward to watch Xanxus' go.
He copied Lussuria by swinging his arm back - feeling like an idiot for partaking in such games - and obeyed the instructions. Pushing his arm forwards, he let the ball go.
Only to have it fly behind him. He gaped at the remote as if it was Levi in a Squalo-suit.
'You're supposed to let go of the B button dumb-ass,' Squalo snapped from his seat. Xanxus shot him a glare, not having anything to throw at his idiotic second in command.
'I fucking did,' he growled. He tried again for his next go.
'No, silly~' Lussuria said, 'you released it too soon that time.' Xanxus glared at the screen, where his ball was slowly (embarrassingly slowly) rolling towards the side of the ally, where it would then roll down the pipe and not hit any pins. Lussuria giggled and Squalo and Bel laughed out loud at their boss's incredibly lame performance.
The two competitors continued on, Lussuria getting almost all of them every time while Xanxus hadn't even got one. It was about half way through the game when he lost it.
'Fuck this,' he yelled, throwing the Wii remote at the screen.
Unfortunately for him, and to the amusement of almost every other Varia member, Xanxus neglected to remember that the Wii remote was in fact strapped to his writ, so when he tried to throw the remote, because of the strap the stupid thing just came hurtling right back at him.
And hit him right in the face.
'Oh dear~' Lussuria chimed as Xanxus was sent to the floor by the force of his throw.
Ever since then, any sort of games consol that came anywhere near the castle was shot numerous times and then stomped on.
Xanxus never lived it down.
So, there we go. My take on what Xanxus would do with a Nintendo Wii. Once again, if you have an idea that you want seeing, please review and tell me!!