AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter was made for and especially for TheCatWithTheHat (and Aizen Sosuke). Since Cat has been a good reviewer and read most of my stories (2), I went to read some of hers. I don't read Maxium Ride sorry, but I did read A Toast Gone Kablooey . A mere review could not tell you how I loved it. So here is my review. A chapter dedicated to you, my friend. *toasts* I laughed my ass off when I saw Byakuya do the Cupid Shuffle...and Pop, Lock, and Drop it! LOL My cousin gave me 0_o!. It was so awesome I kept laughing and didn't shut up. But this is for you.
Love, Aizen's Bitch Curl (ABC)
Aizen was pushed into the bar by his Captain, Shinji. "Sh-Shinji-taicho!" he protested as he was pushed onto a bar stool between Captains Shunsui and Ukitake. Aizen had a look of utter despair on his face. He had papers to fill out, people to experiment on, Shinji to banish. This was not the time for this. Shinji sat beside Shunsui.
"This bastard," Shinji sneered as he slammed a bottle of Smirnoff (Green Apple) with two cans of Red Bull on the counter. "went through the whole day without telling anyone it was his birthday!" Shunsui looked at Aizen hurt. "What? We can't wish you a happy birthday?" Aizen gulped. "No, no. It's not that, it's just that-" Shinji slammed a bottle of whiskey on counter. "-that, that, I, um, I didn't want anyone to know-" Shinji slammed four cans of Ole English. Aizen looked at Shinji, wondering why he kept slamming things on the table.
"-that my birthday was today-" A bottle of Jack Daniels. "-b-because I didn't w-want anyone to-" Four cans of Miller Light. "-w-waste anytime on me when they-" Four glasses of Margaritas. "-h-had other things to do!" Shinji had slammed a giant bottle of Gin and Vodka down. "Gin?" Aizen said. "Gin is named after a liquor?" Ukitake laughed. "Of course not, friend. It's called 'Gin'." he said pronoucing it "JIN".
Aizen sat there, dazed. "W-Why am I here?" he asked. All those different liquors was making Aizen nauseous. Were they planning to force him to to drink all of that? Aizen tried to sink in the stool, but he finding it difficult so he slumped his head downward. "Friend, you're not trying to leave the party already are you?" Ukitake chuckled. "This isn't a party, this is a Sadist Gathering." Aizen murmured.
Shinji reached across Shunsui's head and gripped a handful of Aizen's head. Aizen cried out as his head was forced up. "So? How old are you?" Shinji said through his lieutenant's pleas for him to stop. "I-I am Eig-Eighteen!" Shunsui gasped. Ukitake frowned. Shinji only gripped Aizen's hair tighter.
"You tried to give us the slip on your 18th birthday?" Shunsui said, thoroughly disappointed.
"Friend, your 18th birthday is the start of your manhood. You knew that, didn't you?"
"Y-You son of a bitch!" Shinji sneered. Aizen screamed then lowered it down to a growl. "P-Please, let go, Sh-Shinji-taicho! AUGH!" Shinji forced Aizen's head to the side, letting go. "You're so paying for this tomorrow." Shinji angrily poured Smirnoff into four cups. He poured a lot into one cup Aizen deemed to be his own. He then poured red bull into everyone else's except the on with a lot of Smirnoff in it.
He gave everyone their cups and gave Aizen the cup with no Red Bull in it. "S-So, I'm suppose to-"
"-Drink it straight, yes! Stop being a virgin Aizen and drink!" Shinji yelled. Aizen gulped. How did Shinji know that? He blushed furiously. Shunsui noticed. "D-Don't tell me..." Aizen lowered his eyes.
"You're a...?" Ukitake sounded curious. Shini choked and started to laugh. "You're a VIRGIN!"
Aizen lowered his head again. Oh, Shinji, just when Aizen was thinking twice about banishing you, you goes and blabber about his sex life. Shinji got up. "I'll be back, keep pouring Ol' No Kitty here liquor until he drops. I'm finna go get other peoples." Aizen looked at Shinji confused. Since when did he start talking like that!
"Other people?" Ukitake asked. "Yup, girls and the rest of the Gotei 13." Aizen nodded his head furiously no. "Please, please, please!" he mouthed. Shinji disappeared into door. For a hour and a half Aizen downed shot after shot. After he made it to the tipsy level, his little shot glass was replaced by a wine glass. "You have leveled, friend!" Ukitake praised.
Aizen felt the heat of the liquor rush to his cheeks. They were as red as cherries. Speaking of cherries, he wanted his popped. He was tired of being a virgin. Shinji's the one to talk; Aizen had never seen not one girl in his arms. Shunsui, however, was a mack. Aizen had a disire to be just like him with the ladies. Ukitake, was, well, all the women wanted him, but whether he slept with them was a another story.
Aizen brushed the thought. Ukitake seemed to lovey-dovey for a one-night stand. He was the type of person who knew how far to go and where to stop and draw the line. Aizen had once heard him tell one of his stalkers "Pineapples", and they just backed off. Was that some type of keyword to tell the women to leave him the fuck alone?
Aizen was feeling very outspoken tonight. He tried to keep his mouth shut but it backfired on him. "Shun...Shun..."Aizen hadn't realized when he was thinking all of those thoughts he had been drinking glass after glass. He looked at his cup and found a full scale glass in front. One of those glass cups you see in cereal commercials where there the bowl of cereal, some type of muffin (blueberry at the most), toast, a glass of milk and the bos of cereal behind it. Why would anyone drink a whole glass of milk when they had already a bowl of cereal? Stupid humans.
"Aizen?" Aizen said to Shunsui. Shunsui looked confused. Aizen started to giggle. "I called you 'Aizen'. That...That doesn't make any...any sense...because I'm Aizen." he began to laugh as if it was the most funniest thing in the world. Another 30 minutes passed and Aizen had stepped into the boundary of official drunkness.
"H-Hey...where...where..the...uh...what?" Aizen had found it hard to communicate. It was like he had forgotten how to speak japanese! "Um..um...Okay..okay, okay." Ukitake and Shunsui both chuckled at the boy as he tried to recooperate. "Aizen...just, just,just...calm down." Aizen looked at Ukitake and Shunsui to see if he had made an error in his speech. He didn't. Then the faucet broke, and out came the words.
"Where da hell is Shinji!" he cursed. "That..That sonofabitch!" Aizen sputtered, his first curse words slipping through lips. Shunsui had tears in his eyes. The captain eyed the door as all of the Gotei 13 waltzed into the bar ready to drink.
Kenpachi eyed Aizen and walked up to him. "You didn't tell anybody it was your birthday!" he snarled. "Were you scared that I was gonna give you your birthday licks?" Aizen glared at Kenpachi. "Alright..you..you..one-eyed pirate!" Aizen got off the stool, then fell. Everyone laughed. "Shutup!" he yelled and everyone did as they were told.
He looked at Kenpachi, swaying. "So, you've l-learned a new move, eh?" Kenpachi rose an eyebrow. "'Da hell are you talkin' about?" Aizen pointed an accusing finger, "Don't chu play dumb wit' me! I know EVERYTHING!" he yelled. Kenpachi looked at the Captains and their lieutenants, who humped their shoulders, Kenpachi's eye fell back on Aizen.
"What new move?"
"So you playin' dumb now? Or is it dat you always been dumb!" Tosen and Gin took a seat in the far corner of the bar. Tosen came to make sure Aizen wouldn't blow it for them and his self. Gin came to see Aizen blow it for them and his self. "When you learn to make copies of 'urself!" Aizen yelled. "What?" Kenpachi said.
"Y-You h-heard me! There are..." Aizen proceeded to count. "Five..four...six...eight..ten...nine...one? T-There are fifteen of you, when there should be-" Aizen lowered his voice to an evil whisper. "..oooone..."
Shunsui got up and patted Aizen on the back. "Come on, sit down." he offered. Aizen looked back at Kenpachi, who sat their confused. "I'm watchin' you, pal...ALL OF YOU!" he said still pointing to Kenpachi. Everyone proceeded to get drinks (except Gin because he was too young).
Shinji finally made his way back to the counter and sat down. "Fuck, all of you guys are drunk except me." he complained, pouring himself a hefty glass, ignoring the untouched one. "A-And where da hell have you been!" Aizen asked. Shinji looked at Aizen, then smiled. "Finally drunk are you?" he chuckled. "Yes, drunk! And I should be kicking yo' ass for leavin' me like this...an' stuff!" Aizen slurred.
Shinji looked at him, wide-eyed. Aizen then broke into a fury of tears. "Why are you looking at me like that Shinji!" he cried. "If I ever hurt you, I'm sorry!" Ukitake patted Aizen on the back. "DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU CHILD MOLESTER!" Aizen screamed at Ukitake.
Gin sipped on some vodka. "Hn, he should be the one to talk.." Tosen looked at Gin, then snatched his glass away. "You're 13!" Tosen snapped. "So! Yachiru gettin' drunk!"
"She can do that because her father is a vagrant!"
"Whatever! I wish Kenpachi was my dad!"
"You take that back! I take care of you every day and even let you slip when you prank people! You should be lucky I'm not whoopin' your ass right now!" Gin crossed his arms and huffed. "Whatever.." he murmured. "What? What was that? Do you want me to take you into that bathroom?" Tosen threatened. "Do it, and I'll yell 'rape'." Gin threatened back. "I don't care! I'll yell it for you!" Tosen growled. Gin smiled. "No, allow me...RAPE! RAPE! SOMEBODY HEL-" Tosen snatched Gin up, covering his mouth and took him into the Men's Bathroom.
Aizen looked at Ukitake for a moment, then burst into tears. "Ukitake...I'M SO SORRY!" he cried. Ukitake patted Aizen on the back cautiously. "I didn't mean it! I swear! And Shinji! I'm sorry! Everybody! I'm sorry!" Aizen a big sobbing mess on the counter. Through out the entire night, he experienced mood swings
_50 minutes later_
"You know..." Aizen said. He had a serious look on his face. The Gotei 13 all were around him, drunk and lsitening to every word. "I should be God. I mean...If I was God...people would be waaaay happier!" he sounded as if he was making a lot of sense. "I would kill those who defy me, and rewards those who worship me." Everyone agreed and nodded, except Shinji. He wasn't even drunk. He gave his lieutenant a suspicious look.
"Ooh, ooh, ooh! I know! I just came up with an idea!" Aizen said, a lightbulb appearing above his head. "What if..." he looked around. "shinigamis and hollows were morhped into one being?" Urahara scribbled this down a sheet of paper. "We c-could...we do this..by having an almighty futuristic rubix cube that does anything the heart desires." Aizen "ooh" and everyone did also. Urahara was writing down like crazy.
"It'll be called..The Hogyoku!" Everyone clapped. "What will you call the process of morphing shinigamis and hollows?" Urahara asked, pencil ready. "I'll...call it...something-a-cation...Hollowfication!" Everyone clapped once more. Tosen banged his head against the table while muttering "idiot" over and over again like it was a mantra. "And what will you call the new beings?" Unohana asked. "Arrancars..." Everyone cheered.
Shinji looked at everyone as if they had gone mad. Aizen had just revealed that he was hollowfying shinigami! "Then, I'll use Arrancars in my quest to become GOD!" Aizen stood up tall. Everyone roared and cheered. Shinji sat in his seat as everyone carried away by pretty much all of Seireitei.
"LET'S GO SKINNY DIPPIN' IN THE LAKE!" Aizen suggested. Everyone cheered in response, singing happy birthday.
The next morning Aizen woke up with a killer headache. The sun 10x brighter as he stood up. He reached over to find his glasses but he couldn't. He was also naked. He had cake smeared on almost every part his body. Every part. "What..is the meaning of this?"
"Have fun last night, No Kitty?" Shinji asked, thanked by Aizen that he was blocking the sun. Aizen's head pounded. "What are you talking, Shinji-taicho? I don't remember anything. I can't find my glasses...I can't see..." Shinji looked at his lieutenant, helpless as a kitten. He felt kind of bad for him. "Ya know..." Shinji said. "I know all about your Hollowfication."
Aizen stopped dead in his tracks. "W-What?" he asked. "Yup, you blabbered about it all last night." Aizen slammed his head against the floor, but soon regretted it as he gripped his head in pain. Shinji dragged in a tired looking Shunsui and Ukitake. "What's the meaning of this?" Ukitake said, repeating Aizen's earlier words.
"Tell him about what happened last night." Shinji demanded. Shunsui rubbed his head. "Sorry." Ukitake answered. "I don't remember anything after Aizen calling me a child molester..." he said disdainfully. Aizen blushed. "I-I did? I'm so sorry! Please! Forgive me!" Aizen said. "No, no, friend, all is forgiven. I went overboard yesterday, also. I awoke naked with cake smeared all over me." he said embarrassed.
Shunsui groaned. "Me, too. After child molester, I remember nothing." Shunsui trembled. "How did you get past Nanao's defences anyway?" Shinji looked horrified then at Aizen. Aizen flashed him a quick smile, before going back to looking grave-stricken.
As Aizen got up, naked. "Friend, dress yourself." Ukitake said, disgusted. Aizen blindly made his way towards the spings to clean himself. On the way there, he told a maid to get him a new pair of clothes. She passed out from a nosebleed, but awoke a few minutes later and did as Aizen asked.
As Aizen washed himself in the springs, Unohana appeared from behind a rock. "Oh," she said, her voice took on a more seductive tone. "Oh..." she giggled slowly and evily. "Why, hello Aizen..." Aizen jumped. She slithered towards him, until she was face to face with him. She dug into her breast, and out came Aizen's glasses. Aizen looked at the glasses, then at her. Did..did they?
"You prove to be a...promising young man. I'll be jealous of the woman you marry. Too bad she won't be your first." And with that, she lifted up, exposing everything. She took a piece of water soaked cake and ate it. She left his glasses on his chest.
She left. Aizen looked at the glasses, picked them up...and a took a big sniff. "Aaaaah..." he said, slipping underwater.
Aizen slowly choked on a bit of his tea. What they did that night was clear. Shinji ran through all of the Seireitei, trying to find anyone who remembered that snippet of conversation. He found no one. Unohana knew, but Aizen had paid her big time, so she kept her mouth shut. "He was so inexperienced and cute." he had heard her tell one of her fellow shinigami.
He learned the events of what they did that night by eavesdropping on their conversation. Of course she knew he was there the entire, so she told everything. What she said they did would make a buddhist blush scarlet.
According to her she wasn't the only one to get in on the action. After she finished, more vixens came and gobbled him up. After the conversating had ended, she found, draggded him into her room and they did it all over again.
"Hmpf...I wasn't that inexperienced...was I?" Aizen brushed the thought off. No way.
Not Aizen Sosuke...!