Half Lives – Chapter Thirteen

Against his better judgement, Harry actually quite liked their psychiatrist. James, naturally, hated her, but then, James was always the one who messed everything up. Harry didn't even realise that James had been talking to the psychiatrist until one day she asked Harry about a story that happened before he was born.

Harry also never found out how Sirius was progressing. By some tactic agreement, Harry was always at the psychiatrist's whenever Dumbledore or Hestia Jones came to call. Harry supposed it was for the best – they didn't want him trying to help and accidentally becoming James permanently or something, but he wished they would at least tell him how Sirius was. Once Harry had returned to Grimmauld minutes before Dumbledore left, and so he was able to witness Sirius storming out of the room in a black mood, leaving Dumbledore to sigh and clear up the mess. The whole house appeared to have clubbed together in order to protect Harry, as even Fleur had returned every library book and closed her library account one day whilst Harry was out of the house, and Remus had set up a charm around Harry's bed which woke Remus the moment Harry tried to sneak out to go wandering in the night. This annoyed Harry for three reasons; one, it was a charm used to keep toddlers in their cots, which Harry most certainly was not – two, it made using the toilet in the middle of the night really time consuming– and three, thanks to the combined efforts of the house, the only time Harry saw Sirius now was at meal times. And, given that James normally was in full force when they were actually together, and that more often than not Sirius thought Harry was James regardless of who was actually present, Harry felt like the number of conversations between himself and his godfather for the whole summer could be counted on one hand.

Another person who had been conspicuously absent in Harry's new therapy-led life, was Ginny. He hadn't really seen her since she had confronted him a couple of weeks ago. Sure, like Sirius, Harry saw her at meals, but then she was generally sat at the other end of the table, chatting to a still brown-haired Tonks, and completely ignored him. Tonks had been spending more and more time at Number Twelve recently. Normally Order members were only present at meetings, or for a few hours on the weekend, but it seemed to Harry that Tonks was here for dinner nearly every night. He had expected James to be more vocal on the subject, as Tonks spent most of her time either pointedly ignoring Remus or trying in vain to talk to him, but James appeared to have become mute. Harry wasn't fooled, he knew this didn't mean that he had disappeared, more that, rather like Voldemort, when James was silent, it meant he was gathering strength and plotting. Harry never thought he would compare the most feared Wizard of the past three generations with his dead father, but that was magic for you.

"Knut for 'em?"

Harry started. Sitting down next him in his little attic-den, was Ginny. "H-How long have you been there?"

"Oh a few minutes."

Harry squirmed slightly, unsure of how to ask. "I didn't, say anything, did I?"

"No. You were just thinking. I don't think you noticed me."

Relief flooded Harry. He had noticed that James often liked to be in charge when Ginny was around – he found it funny to pretend to be Harry around her. Harry didn't think James had taken over just then, but he wasn't sure.

Noticing his discomfort, Ginny took pity on him, by starting a very uncomfortable conversation. "So, I hear you're either mad or are harbouring the spirit of your dead father."

"Yeah." Harry fiddled with the hole in his sock instead of looking up at her.

"So I guess half the time I was with you, I was with your dad instead."

If that wasn't disturbing, Harry didn't know what was. "Guess so."

Ginny seemed to think this over. "I can't really stay mad at you for messing me around then, can I?"

"You're still mad?" Harry asked, looking up in shock.

"Yes, Harry, I'm still mad."

"But, you said-"

She sighed. "Yeah. I said. I lied."

"Oh."

Harry looked back down and picked at his sock sullenly. He didn't want Ginny to be mad. And he didn't want her to lie about it to him. If she was mad with him, then he, he, he didn't know, but it wasn't right. It made his insides feel all twisted up and rotten. Was this how Ron felt when Hermione was angry? Harry thought maybe it was. He also thought what that meant for him and Ginny, but he felt odd thinking such things when she was sitting right next to him, so he gave it to James to think about. "What are you doing up here?" He asked instead.

"Looking for you." Ginny smiled. "What are you doing up here?"

"I'm not meant to be here, am I?" Harry asked.

"No. Everyone would be very angry, and disappointed, if they knew."

"Guess that's why I'm here then." Harry shrugged. "Are you? Disappointed?"

"No. After all, you're not trying to resurrect you dad up here or anything. You're just hiding from the well-meaning, but ultimately infuriating, people who live here."

Harry smiled slightly. "Exactly."

"I can fix that, you know." She said suddenly. "The hole, in your sock. I could fix that, if you want."

"Oh." Harry let go of the loose threads abruptly. "Yeah, that would be nice."

Ginny patted him on the knee. "Come on, get up and let's go back downstairs." Seeing his face, she added, "The adults are in a meeting, and I think Hermione is yelling at Ron for being angry with you over nothing. It'll be fun."

They found Ron and Hermione in the boys' room, wading about in what seemed to be a forest of books. "What on earth are you doing now?" Ginny asked, as she and Harry found a free square meter of floor space to stand in.

"These are all the books we used to research the Veil, you know, after Harry didn't die." Hermione explained, as Ron had turned his back on them in the pretence of stacking some already stacked books. "We – I – thought that as Harry is in therapy now, and Dumbledore is working on what to do about this supposed 'extra soul', we don't really need to keep investigating why Harry didn't die. So, we're returning the books where we found them."

"You used all of these?" Harry asked in shock.

Hermione smiled guiltily. "Yes, well, whilst you may have lost interest in it, Ron and I continued whilst you were reading muggle psychology." Harry looked at Ron in shock – he had continued reading to help Harry, even though they weren't speaking? "In fact, it was Ron who made the connection." Hermione continued. "He found a bit which explained how medieval muggles had used another similar artefact to drive out spirits that were 'possessing' their relatives. Of course," Hermione stopped and considered, "it didn't really work, as normally there wasn't a possession in the first place, and so often the relative died, but it worked sometimes. Anyway, Ron remarked that it sounded like a muggle psychological condition we'd read about a few weeks earlier."
"And you didn't think to mention this before you had to stage an intervention on Harry?" Ginny asked pointedly.

Hermione looked a bit abashed. "Well, I didn't take it seriously until Dumbledore mentioned about the Horocrux-" she stopped and looked at Ginny, who waved her off – secrets were hard to keep private in such a claustrophobic house "- but Ron was on it straight away."

Harry continued staring at Ron, whose neck and ears had gone very pink. "And you didn't-"

"Well I thought that since you and Hermione are so close, she would tell you in one of your little sessions together." Ron snapped angrily without turning round.

"Oh come off it, Ron." Harry replied.

"No you come off it!" Ron spun round then, finally facing Harry.

-0-

Harry stopped short – his mouth was open, his wand in his hand, and everyone had moved in the time it took him to blink. They were also staring at him in shock.
"Wow Harry," Ginny said, slightly in awe, from his side, "I don't think I've ever heard you yell at Ron like that."

What? He most certainly hadn't been yelling, he was just going to tell Ron off for being an insensitive prat, when-

"And your insults have gotten more creative too. I'm impressed." Ginny continued.

Insults? What, Harry hadn't- Oh no. Harry groaned. "What did I just do?"

Hermione, perceptive as always, took in the defeated look on his face, and understood immediately. "It wasn't very long." She said soothingly. "Two minutes at most. He just shouted and insulted Ron, his heritage, his personal habits, and his morals, and basically called him an idiot for his behaviour over the last few weeks. Which," she continued on bravely, "although I don't agree with the choice of language, but I must say, the sentiments were absolutely correct."

Ron looked ready to shout at her too, and Ginny was horribly confused, when Harry felt up to speaking – "James has been really quiet ever since I went to that psychiatrist." He said slowly. "I'm surprised he came out to tell Ron off. Sorry, Ron, for whatever he said. Our opinions are completely separate, you know."

Ron closed his mouth and nodded stiffly.

-0-

"That, was one of the most disconcerting things I have ever seen." Ginny breathed. "It, it was just like you, but like something had snapped and you just went crazy!"

Harry winced.

"I don't think that's helping, Ginny." Hermione said gently. "But, if James is quieter now, that is good, isn't it, Harry?" She asked tentatively.

"No, I don't think so." Harry finally remembered to put his wand away. "I think he's trying to lull me into a false sense of security, or saving himself up for something."

"Oh."

-0-

"How can we know if we're talking to you or James?" Ginny asked suddenly.

"Ask him something only Harry would know." Hermione supplied immediately.

"No, that won't work." Harry cut her off. "I can remember everything he remembers, so I'm betting he knows everything I know too."

"So we have no way of knowing if you are yourself or not..." Ginny said awkwardly. Everyone was suddenly struck with the idea that they could be talking to James masquerading as Harry, and no one liked it.

"They act different." Ron said abruptly, as though speaking was against his better judgment. "James looks like Harry, but he doesn't act the same. He moves his hands when he talks, and he makes constant eye contact, and he has better posture."

Everyone looked at Ron in shock. His ears, which had calmed down over the course of the conversation, flared a bright red again. He shifted from foot to foot, and knocked over a pile of books. "Come on, Harry." He said gruffly, not meeting anyone's eyes, "I reckon neither of us wants to help stack books. Let's scarper before she makes us play librarian." He picked his way across the floor and stood in the doorway awkwardly, still avoiding looking directly at anyone. "You coming?"

"Yeah..." Harry glanced at the girls, who both shrugged. Ron's moods were a law unto themselves. "Let's go get my arse kicked at chess."