Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC

Content: Season nine spoilers, friendship, angst.

Rating T – angst

Hey everyone. Okay so this is my upholding of the deal I struck with Joodiff. In return for her writing the sequel to Obtuse I promised to write the next chapter of (& complete) Atonement. I am very well aware that I got the better part of this deal (If you haven't already read I thoroughly recommend you read both Obtuse and Resolution by Joodiff) but I want to thank you so much for taking the time to read. As always I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks again xx

Atonement

Chapter Four

"Hi Frankie" Grace opened lightly as she entered the lab.

"Hi Grace. What brings you here so early in the morning?" Frankie replied smiling warmly at her colleague.

She was very fond of Grace, always had been. It was Grace who she went to in years gone by when she needed someone to talk to. Her relationship with her own mother had broken down when she was a teenager, Frankie never seeing eye to eye with her heavy-handed stepfather and her mother refusing to give him up. Grace had somehow instinctively taken on that role and on many occasions had given her very valuable and much needed advice. She respected and trusted her opinion, they all did. Grace was an extremely wise and intuitive woman and it never surprised Frankie how often everyone deferred to her judgement. Boyd may be officially in charge of CCU, but it is Grace who is the matriarch of the unit, the glue that holds everyone and everything else together. She suspected that Boyd was very well aware of Grace's status and he silently, happily endorsed it. True they fought like cat and dog, but when it came down to it he would be completely lost without her and everyone, including Boyd, knew it.

She deeply regretted that she had not spoken to Grace about her relationship with Boyd before she left the unit, but at the time she just couldn't bring herself to do it and the longer she stayed silent, the easier it became. She had attempted to keep in touch with her for a while, but found that it was too painful to keep the link open to the past. Too many times she found herself falling into the easy trap of asking how everyone was on the pretence of hearing his name. She knew she was physically incapable of preventing herself enquire about him, and had developed an innate self-destructive desire to find out every piece of information she could without arising suspicion - what he was doing, who he was doing it with. Her mind provoked her to keep probing and yet time and time again the answer she received in reply pierced through her heart like a dagger. Boyd was getting on with his life. She had driven herself crazy wondering if he thought of her as often as she did him, until she couldn't put herself through it anymore. A clean break was what she needed so the nights out and telephone calls with Grace fizzled out until eventually they lost touch altogether. It was only now, seeing her again that Frankie realised how much she had missed her.

"Oh nothing really, I just came to see how you were settling in." Grace said as she moved towards the empty stool at the bench where Frankie was sitting and wearily dropped onto it. She and Boyd had talked late into the night and lack of sleep along with too much good wine were now painfully reminding her that she was not as young as she once was.

Frankie raised her eyebrows. She had known Grace a long time, and knew that everything she did had purpose and thought behind it. Grace was on the hunt for information and it didn't take a genius to work out what she was searching for.

"Yeah, okay thanks. It still feels very weird being back, but I'll get there." Frankie answered, her lips softly pulling into a small knowing smile. "So, do you want to tell me why you're really here?" She asked.

"I don't know what you mean." Grace replied as she feigned a look of innocence.

"Come on Grace, we've been friends a long time, I know when you have something on your mind that you want to say, so spit it out." Frankie answered incredulously.

Grace returned her smile coyly. "I didn't realise I was so transparent."

"Like I said, I've known you a long time."

The psychologist sighed deeply observing the younger woman fondly before she started to speak.

"Boyd …"

"I knew it! Sorry Grace I really don't want to talk about Boyd right now." Frankie answered sharply holding her palms up defensively.

"Look whatever is going between you both you have got to sort it out Frankie."

"Believe me some things are better left alone."

"So you're happy to continue to work in this atmosphere? Because quite frankly I don't think I could bear it."

"Oh come on. That's a bit like the kettle calling the pot black isn't it? You have had your fair share of run-ins with Boyd yourself Grace and I seem to remember the atmosphere being pretty damn bleak when you both kicked off."

"That's different and you know it."

"Is it? Frankie shrugged.

"Yes it is, for the simple fact everyone knows that Boyd and I will always eventually work it out. We explode at one another, let off steam, it's just how we are, but essentially underneath it all we are friends, good friends and we will always forgive and move on. Can you say the same?"

Frankie lowered her head slowly. They had been good friends once and she would have forgiven him pretty much anything, but too much had happen, there was too much water under this particular bridge for her to relinquish her bitterness and hurt so quickly.

"Who knows Grace, maybe one day we ….."

"One day? And just how long will that be? Next week, next month, next year? You can't go on working in this hostile environment Frankie …. WE can't go on. The unit has been through enough lately without walking on egg-shells around you and Boyd."

"I know, but it's just gonna take time, and even then ….."

"Sometimes you just have to forgive and move on Frankie."

"You don't understand, it's not that easy."

"I understand that he hurt you."

Frankie's eyes rose swiftly to meet her colleagues and Grace felt the fire that blazed beneath them bore into her as she silently searched for confirmation of how much Grace was aware of.

"Boyd told me." Grace replied softly in answer to her continued scrutiny.

"Told you what exactly?

"About you and him. Your relationship."

"Boyd told you that? When?"

"Last night."

"I'm sorry Grace but he had no right to tell you. That was private between us and over a long time ago." Her tone betraying more of the deep hurt she felt than she had purposed.

"He needed someone to speak to Frankie."

"Well it's a pity he didn't need that five years ago isn't it, maybe we wouldn't be in this frigging mess." Frankie replied abruptly.

"You know what Boyd's like. He doesn't do the whole dealing with his feelings thing well."

"Yea well, he was still able to speak to you about it wasn't he?"

"Only because I forced him too. Believe me he didn't want to. He has never mentioned it, not in all these years"

"Well you're still a better woman than me Grace, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get him to talk to me. Do you know how hard it was to lose my best friend and then have to deal with the fact that the man I loved completely shut me out when I needed him most? All I wanted was some comfort, to have him wrap his arms around me, tell me that everything was going to be alright, but he couldn't do it. He pushed me away Grace, left me feeling totally alone."

Grace's eyes widened as she processed Frankie's words mentally interspersing them along with Boyd's from the previous evening.

"You loved him?"

The colour rose swiftly to Frankie's cheeks as she realised she admitted far more than she intended. "It was a long time ago Grace."

"But you loved him?" Grace gently persisted, her voice soft and infused with understanding.

Frankie dropped her gaze as she felt the unfamiliar pull on her heart. It had been years since she had allowed herself to think of him, at least in this way. Boyd had made her feel more alive that she could ever remember. He was exciting, unpredictiable and impulsive and yet when she was with him she felt completely safe, secure. She shivered as once again his ghostly embrace surrounded her. The memory of his strong muscular arms holding her close to him, protecting her from the darkness of the world was almost overwhelming. Except he didn't did he? He didn't protect her, not when she needed it most. She had loved him, probably more than any other man in her life, but what did that matter now?

"Frankie …" Grace continued breaking into her thoughts. "….. you were in love with Boyd weren't you?"

"Yea ….. I loved him." Frankie quietly admitted her voice escaping no more than a whisper.

Grace reached out across the desk and squeezed her arm gently. "Oh Frankie …"

"Don't Grace, please, just don't do the whole sympathy thing okay. I really couldn't bear it. I just need to sort out my feelings and get on with it."

"Your feelings about seeing him again?"

Frankie nodded.

"So how do you feel?"

"I dunknow." She answered honestly, shrugging her shoulders in deep resignation. "I have spent the best part of five years telling myself that I didn't care, that it meant nothing, that he meant nothing."

"And does he, mean nothing?"

Frankie wasn't quick enough to conceal the look that fleeted across her eyes, a look that confirmed to Grace everything she needed to know. This relationship ran deeper than she had first realised.

"You're still in love with him aren't you?"

Grace's words fell heavily around her. How honest could she be? With Grace. With herself. Five years of constant denial, of fighting every memory of him. She knew it had been pointless, every defence she had put up the ghost of him knocked it down. She had never escaped fully from his grasp, his presence had continually haunted her. When she met Alan she had told herself that he was what she wanted, try to make herself believe that he was what she needed, but she had only succeeded in fooling herself for the briefest moment. Alan was a complete contrast to Boyd. He was safe, predictable and would never hurt her. With Alan she always knew where she stood, but he never excited her. His love was suffocating, oppressive and left her feeling empty. Even though it was Alan who eventually left, she couldn't blame him. She knew that she had driven him out and hated herself for what she had become. Even now she still saw the pain in his eyes as realisation encompassed him, no matter what he did, no matter how much he loved her, he would never be enough. He couldn't understand the reason why, he gave her everything he could give and when he asked for an explaination she would never be drawn on it. His frustration often led to arguments and her own self loathe of what she was doing to him caused her fight back. She denied it. Denied it to him and denied it to herself but she lost count of the number of times that she looked at Alan and it was Boyd's face she saw. In the end she wanted him to hate her, wanted him to leave, yet when he eventually did the peace she craved didn't come. She should have been happy with him, Alan was a good man and she knew she was lucky to have found him. But he wasn't and would never be Boyd.

"Grace please …."

"It's a valid question Frankie."

"He hurt me Grace. After him I swore I would never let another man treat me like that."

"He was a different person back then, so much has happen since."

"People don't change, not essentially. You know that."

"But they gain understanding, an insight. Circumstances cause us to stop and take stock of what's important."

"It still doesn't change the past."

"You know, you never struck me as a coward before Frankie."

"Hold on a minute. How is not wanting rake up the past and all its hurt and heartache cowardly?"

"But it's not the past is it? It's right here, right now and sitting just down the corridor in his office feeling just as miserable as you are."

"Yea but our relationship is in the past."

"No, I'm sorry but I don't think it is not even remotely. You haven't dealt with it, not fully. Neither of you have."

"And just what do you expect me to do Grace huh?"

"Well, maybe you should just give him a chance to explain, hear his side of the story."

"Why? He's had five years to explain himself, and not once did he try. If he had wanted to sort this out, wanted to apologise or make some excuse or whatever, he could have contacted me, but silence speaks volumes. Now just because it suits him, he thinks that I should just drop everything and work it out – well I don't live by his rules anymore."

"He did try you know."

"What?"

"He told me last night that he had gone to your house a few years ago, but a neighbour told him you had moved."

Frankie stilled, but her mind continued to race, thoughts rapidly tumbling and cascading into one another. Boyd had tried to find her. All these years she convinced herself that he hadn't given her a second thought, but if what Grace is saying was true ….

"He's a senior detective Grace; he could have easily tracked me down if he had really wanted to."

"I think his pride was hurt."

"His pride?"

"Yea the neighbour also informed him that you had moved in with your nice young gentleman friend. As far as Boyd was concerned that was it, you had moved on and were happy, and he, well he had well and truly blown it."

"If he just wasn't so impossibly stubborn …."

"You're both as bad as each other you know." Grace answered lightly raising her eyebrows.

Frankie opened her mouth to retort only to close it again without saying a word. A few moments passed in companionable silence before Frankie spoke.

"What do I do Grace?"

"Talk to him." Grace replied pushing back on the stool as she rose to her feet.

"I'm not sure that I can. Not yet anyway."

"You need to Frankie. Boyd's already made it clear that he's ready to talk."

"And just because Boyd says jump we all say how high?"

"Frankie!" Grace gently admonished.

"I know, I'm sorry. It's all still a bit much to get my head around Grace."

"I know." Grace answered softly placing her hand on Frankie's forearm. "I know."

Her mind was filled with a thousand thoughts as Grace left the lab to return to her office. She didn't have to be a psychologist to know that neither Boyd nor Frankie had even begun to deal with their relationship, or, with their residual feelings. If they didn't sort this out soon the tension would only escalate and she feared the old saying about a fine line between love and hate would prove all too true.

She was still deep in thought as she rounded the corner and straight into Boyd.

"Boyd? What are you doing skulking in the corridor?"

"I wasn't skulking." He answered gruffly. "I was looking for you. Where were you anyway?"

Grace rolled her eyes dramatically at him. "Well given that I have just come from the corridor that leads directly to the lab I'd say that was a pretty good bet wouldn't you?"

"Frankie there?"

"Oh your detective skills know no bounds do they?"

"Grace, come on have a heart eh? I'm knackered, my head's thumping and the last thing I need is you being so frigging funny."

Grace relinquished, smiling softly at him. "You left before I got up."

"Yea I had to go home to shower and change before work. I'm too damn old to be drinking on a school night."

"You and me both." She laughed.

"So Frankie….." Boyd continued nodding his head in the direction of the lab. "…. she alright?"

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea do you?"

"Why not? "

He sighed loudly, his broad shoulders sinking heavily. "I really don't feel up to this Grace, not today."

"No today, not tomorrow. When Boyd?"

"I don't know do I? Whenever she stops being so impossible."

"Honestly you two. I've just told her that you are both as bad as each other."

"You were talking about me …. to Frankie? A good girlie gossip was it? Have a laugh at my expense?"

"Oh grow up Boyd." Grace snapped.

"No come on Grace, what did you say?"

"Ask her!"

"No, I'm asking you!"

"And I'm telling you that if you want to know you are going to have to speak with Frankie. Now excuse me, I have work to do."

Boyd weightily leaned his body against the wall as he rubbed his hand wearily across his face. There was a lot to be said for staying away from your own doorstep, life would certainly be easier now if both he and Frankie had been able to control themselves and leave well enough alone. But they hadn't and he was painfully aware of the futility of wishing otherwise. He was unable or unwilling to forget. He felt his pulse involuntarily quickened as his mind flashed memories of them together. It was heat, it was desire, it was exciting and it was unforgettable. He closed his eyes as he attempted to once again lock away the emotions that he had carefully concealed for years. With a deep disgruntled groan he pushed himself away from the wall and made for the safe confines of his office.

Tbc