Chapter 3: The Lady, Thoth Protest Too Much

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

e e cummings

Jaz resists the huge urge to hit her head against the Statue of Toth. There is only so much of yelling her cranium can tolerate. Her cheeks flex intermittently. The Twenty First Nome's patron god's slightly sympathetic eyes bear into her periphery. She knows that magicians are better than praying to the pantheon but she is this close.

"IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT-"

"MY FAULT, WHO LET HIM SUMMON THOSE-"

She considers yelling. She truly does. But she is a Healer, and Healers are peaceful and patient and kind. She knows the best way is to outlast the colourful stream of insults and accusations is to keep quiet and wait.

There are sibling feuds. There are magician feuds. And then there are the Kane feuds. "I could drag them out by their ears." Walt murmurs, and it startles her so much her elbow almost topples the base of several vases around her.

She swivels around to see her cross-armed friend wearing a grimace. "No. That won't work. " She huffed. "They'll go somewhere else and then do something stupid, like duelling each other to the death."

He hums in agreement, eyes reflecting a serious shade. "What is it now?" He leans closer. Her frown deepens. "Something about Felix. He burnt his left knee under Carter's supervision." He quirks an eyebrow. "Or lack thereof. He barely slept last night, practicing those combat spells from Horus's scrolls." They fall into an uneasy silence, contemplating the omnipotent war looming over them.

It had been like this for the past few days. The reasons had been clear: a two-hour mission in the Du'at that returned a catatonic Zia, a fuming Sadie and a rather red Carter. The next morning when she heard about the proposal, she spit out her flaming Cheerios onto the dining table. A sympathetic, yet condescending Khufu had patted her shoulder –and ate the Cheerios- while her brain wrestled with the new information.

"So..." She remembers drawling out slowly. "Let me get this straight. Carter happened to pledge his undying love for Zia while his sister was on the verge of death-by-spirit-demon-things."

"Yep." A trainee had replied.

"And then he proceeded to forget about said sister when Zia was dragged over by corkscrew monsters."

"Yep." Another affirmed.

This was precisely the reason why she was so eager to forgive Sadie's current violent hurling of insults at her idiot brother. For the boy not to deserve at least most of it would be stretching the truth to say the least.

But then the shouting stops, and she raises one finger to silence Walt. Her ears perk at the waters churning because of an agitated Philip of Macedonia.

Crocodiles never bade a good omen.

A palm rests on her shoulder and she jumps again. "You should really stop creeping up on people, Weasel." She admonishes him lightly. His teeth draw and gleam in a smile. He extends his big, bear-like palm towards her, and points another towards their direction.

Oh no. Oh no no no. "Walt, there is no way I'm going thirty feet near that impending nuclear explosion."

He rolls his hazel eyes, which means your loss and hey, I'm going to die anyways in his infuriatingly regal way, and then proceeds to stealthily stride towards the room in question.

He reaches five feet ahead and she gives up. Screw Healers. Screw Sadie's well deserved ranting-fest. They were quiet for the first time in forty eight waking hours and she needed to know why.

When they reach the room, Walt mutters a quick incantation under his breath; probably to unlock any potential magical sound barriers. He crouches low, his ears barely touching the door. She mimics his position and cranes her neck to hear.

(She sees Thoth smirking at her in the periphery.)

"… Sorry. I never should have left you…" Jaz gasps and leans closer. An apology! Never mind if it was a potentially intimate conversation between siblings.

"... it's always about Zia, isn't it." Sadie's bitter, defeated tone seeps through the door. "First to find her and now. Doesn't matter if I'm in bloody danger-"

Her voice is cut off by muffled… sobs? Was Sadie crying? She glances furtively at Walt.

We should stop, she mouths, her brow creased. Walt, equally concerned, nods. Not yet, he mouths back.

Carter was speaking to her in low tones, too low for them to distinguish the words. Jaz leans away for a second to ponder. Funny, had it been Zia instead of Sadie or even Walt instead of Carter, this conversation would have been misconstrued as something else entirely.

Walt seems to be paying rapt attention however, and his face hardens with whatever the two are saying. "Jaz." He calls out, and her eyes expand at the loudness of his voice. "SHHH." She furiously gestures him. He points to the waters outside the Brooklyn House. Philip churns even more restlessly. He opens his wide, yawning pink mouth as if to yell.

"No, Jaz. We have to open the door now." His voice is even more urgent, and he picks himself up from the floor. "There's an intruder. Coming in from there." She scrambles upwards. What. The hell. Was he talking about? If there was an intruder, the alarms would go off and the whole of Nome would be awakened.

Apparently Walt knew better than that. He curls his fingers around the door handle. Ready? His gaze commands. One, two… She bends her elbows against the door.

Now!

The door explodes open and they stand in one terrifying, adrenaline-fueled moment staring at the view before them. It takes them two seconds to comprehend what Sadie and Carter are doing.

(Khufu chatters loudly from somewhere.)

Exactly one second after that, "Oh. My. God." Jaz breathes, staring incomprehensibly.

Carter springs off his position flush against Sadie, and she ceases the death grip she had wrung across his neck.

Jaz slowly lifts her palm to cover Walt's gaze. He slaps it away.

Carter's tanned back was broken out with angry, long scratches while Sadie's skin was stained a deep crimson. And they had a visible lack of decent clothing.

Never mind the half-naked teenagers. The room looked like it braved a war. Various antique vases and furniture were strewn about, with glass shattered in all four corners of the room. Meanwhile, Carter looks like he might explode from the shock. She might have laughed to see him try.

"Intruder." Walt repeats dumbly, his eyes vacant. "There was an intruder here." And Jaz's heart sinks because nobody thought of this development, did they?

This healer wishes, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, that she could mend shattered hearts as well.

Sadie doesn't look at them until Walt speaks. "What?" It visibly pains Walt to speak, she can tell.

So she covers for him, although much more briskly. "Philip. He was warning us about an intruder. He… is in this room. Where is he?"

Her knees lock together, when she can feel the presence deliberately ignoring her. Alright, she was getting pissed off now.

She shakes her fist and shouts: "Show yourself!" She thinks this is probably the most ridiculous thing ever, and judging by Carter's expression he agrees.

Until it isn't so ridiculous. A four-footed silhouette appears seemingly from nowhere.

"You're alright, kid." The king of dwarves materializes, albeit with slight shame for being ratted out.

Great. Dwarf God. As if the night hadn't been bad enough. "Bes." Jaz holds authoritatively, "What are you doing in this room?"

Bes smiles hideously, like the question was a long time coming. "Making sure those two," He nodded towards the siblings. "Don't do anything stupid."

He rests himself against a half-dented pillar, twirling a shard of glass in his hands. "Like, oh I don't know," He resumes dryly, "Like having violent, extremely unsubtle making out sessions and then getting discovered by their fellow magicians."

Sadie and Carter, suddenly rendered capable of speech, start protesting simultaneously.

"Eh, shut up." Bes cuts them off. "I'm doing you two Nut-heads a favour. Keep it in mind next time." He points one gravelly finger at Walt.

Walt flinches. "What?" He spits.

"You, my friend, need to forget this incident." His voice undertakes a gentle quality. "I know you fancy the girl, so just take a break from all of this."

Her poor Walt's brain had been saturated to the point where he might implode. "Listen, you little-" He growls as he struggles with the urge to punch the dwarf god.

"No, you listen." Bes's hideous smile grew wider and he puffed out his flabby stomach. Ouch. The edges of her eyeballs were beginning to burn.

"BOO!"

She wakes up the next morning in her bed, strangely with no dreams involving heading off to Ma'at. She stares at the piece of chocolate nestled against her pillow and it occurs to her she has no idea what happened last night, except for three fragments of a memory:

Walt. Statues. Glass.

That's it. Funny. She keeps surmising over the situation all the way until she's readily eating flaming Cheerios and laughing at a joke that Felix said (over penguins, of course)- and she instinctively turns to glance at the dark-skinned friend of hers laughing with other trainees across the table.

They share a glance, and it enquires the same: Do you know what happened last night?

But then she almost, almost gets it when Sadie and Carter are seen, for once, quietly enjoying breakfast together in a corner. Without any quarrels, barbs or taunts.

Somebody call up Osiris.

Another passing glance at the two of them catches their fingers intertwined together.

(Perhaps the Statue of Toth peering at all of them does so too, but-)

She smiles.

-you're divine! said he

(you are Mine said she)

Fin.

A/N: I'm back! Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm getting so much of awesome feedback. Love it all. Ah, by the way, I love cork-screw demon things. Forgive their repeated usage. And my lame puns.