A/N :So this is my first sadstuck. Or really any fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck

Karkat looked down at the keyboard. He failed them.

He had failed them all.

It was all his fault.

Sometimes deep down in the pit of his stomach he had wished he had let Gamzee kill him.

Or anyone for that matter.

But then he wouldn't be able to live with the shame when he faced his friends in dream bubbles.

The nightmares were the worst though.

They wrecked him.

Images of screaming bloody trolls yelling, asking why.

"Why don't you love me the way I love you?"

That was the nightmare he hated the most.

The olive blooded cat troll, staring up at him in the saddest way.

her dead white eyes pleading with him, pleading to know the answer.

He had wondered what would happen if he had been with Nepeta instead of Terezi.

Frankly, he pitied them both. But he felt something different when he had been near Nepeta.

He had always been afraid of talking to her.

Telling her how he felt.

He could only talk to Kanaya, but now Kanaya was off someplace with Rose.

And he couldn't bear tell Gamzee.

He had her head down there, Karkat saw it once and ran, tears streaming.

It was so sad, he had thought. That maybe if I wasn't so scared. I might have been with her.

He was suddenly conscious that he had been crying.

He quickly wiped the watery-red of his face. Before anyone could see.

He hated himself.

He hated everything.

He could have changed everything.

If he had paid more attention to his Moirail, maybe she would be hear.

Her voice haunted his dreams.

Maybe if he wasn't so hateful and impatient he might have not given the humans universe cancer.

He could have changed so much.

He only he had been a better, wiser Karkat.

He couldn't bear himself.

He left the computer room.

Running towards his rooms.

He grabbed the covers off the bed and ran someplace else.

Someplace that reminded him so much of her.

Her secret room.

Her shipping wall.

He sat, just looking.

And he thought pleasant happy thoughts of what might have been.

But never did he ever sleep.

He wouldn't allow it.