Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy
Chapter 2: Scenarios (the bad, the ugly and the fun)
Note from the Medic: Again I warned zat dummkopf not to write in ze middle of ze night. Now he's bound to make some mistakes! Ahem, in other news, I hereby announce ze new chapter with a strange name. Do remember to comment and if you have any ideas, ze writer would love to hear it. Now, it is time to go rip ze BLU team!
Back at Dustbowl…
"So…you're saying that you don't have a way to recover Sniper and Heavy?" Spy asked Engineer while he watched the Texan reprogram the teleporter.
"No, I'm saying that it's gonna take me some time to recover the coordinates of the place where they have been sent to. Your BLU friend did quite a damage to the master control unit and I tell ye it ain't easy to fix such a banged up computer," Engineer replied impatiently.
"We can still beat BLU without their help. I can do what Heavy do and one less camper means more fight on the battlefield," the newly respawned Soldier remarked.
Engineer ignored Soldier and continued reprogramming while the rest of his team looked on in anticipation. He had retrieved a fraction of the coordinates but it will take another few days before he could retrieve the full coordinates and another week to repair the advanced mass teleporter back to operational status. Nevertheless, the Texan was pleased with his progress.
"Huh…that's very odd," Engineer muttered when he saw some strange coordinates appear on his repair terminal. "The coordinates usually start with North, South, East or West but…this one is strange. The coordinates are nothing like what I've seen before."
"Um, English, professor, do you speak it? I don't think most of us here got what you just said," Scout commented.
"The coordinates point to another dimension and that's the simplest explanation I can give," Engineer explained.
"But I thought you said that the coordinates you have now are only fragments so how can you be sure about it?" Scout asked.
"Listen, boy," Engineer said and turned around to face the Scout and pointed his wrench at Scout, "I'm an Engineer and I solve practical problems so I'm good at what I'm doing. All teleporters, be it our teleporter or BLU's teleporter, use the same method of teleporting and each utilize the same codes and coordinates to function. In other words, it's universal. It's not hard to spot a strange code or coordinate when I see one."
"If that is the case, laddie, where do you think Sniper and Heavy went to?" Demoman asked during one of his more sober moments.
"I can't say for certain just yet because these coordinates are unlike anything I've read or seen before. It's possible that it leads to another dimension but that's the best assumption I could give," Engineer answered without taking his eyes off the machine.
Before he could get back to work though, the alarms went off and the PA system came to life. The entire team knew a match was about to begin.
"Dagnabit, just when I thought I have the time to fix the teleporter!" Engineer spat angrily.
"We can do this later but now we have some BLU spines to break and it's about damn time too!" Soldier growled and reached for his Liberty Launcher.
A match was a match and they were paid to fight and die; there was no way they could refuse. Without Sniper and Heavy though, the team took quite a beating from BLU team despite their efforts to hold back the advancing BLUs.
"Oh boy, this is gonna be a long day," Engineer muttered as he set up a sentry gun at control point B.
Sniper had a really bad body ache when he woke up the next day. Pinkie Pie had offered him to sleep in her bed yesterday night but he refused and now he had paid the price for sleeping on the floor without a proper mattress and pillow. Still, this was NOTHING compared to getting shot, burned, stabbed and bombed. Sleeping on the floor was bad enough but he just had to offer to sleep in the basement. It was a better choice though since he would rather keep himself away from plain sight and from prying eyes.
He had hung his wet clothes near the coal furnace and was glad that it was now dry though a bit wrinkled. Sniper's weapons were kept inside an empty cupboard along with the ammunition for his weapons. As Sniper was about to put on his pants, Pinkie Pie came down into the basement with a basket of flowers. Her footsteps were so soft that Sniper did not hear her descend the steps.
"Hey, Mr. Sniper, are you ready to partteehhh?" she whooped excitedly after putting down the basket of flowers.
"Oi, can't I have some privacy here? Just because you ponies don't wear clothes doesn't mean it applies to humans!" Sniper exclaimed while quickly pulling and zipping up his pants.
"You're a funny guy," Pinkie said with a playful giggle. "C'mon, I'm preparing a welcoming party and I've invited half the town to the Sugarcube Corner to welcome you. I'm almost done with the cupcakes."
"Party?" Sniper muttered and stopped what he was doing. "Pinkie, the last thing I want now is a party and unwanted attention."
"But why? Everypony loves a party. I know you like being alone and all but you should really mix around more often," Pinkie Pie remarked with a smile.
"Perhaps so but I'm a lone wolf because my field of work requires me to be so and it's my personality. You know what I do for a living, my profession and my so-called friends," Sniper said in a grim manner and buttoned up his shirt before putting on his black vest.
"You really should stop thinking about work, you know. It's time to relax and party and have some fun! I'm sure the others would love to make friends with you," Pinkie Pie added.
"I'm a professional, and professionals…have standards," Sniper said in a cool monotonous voice as he put on his shades. "Partying is for people like the Demoman and the Scout."
He went to the cupboard and retrieved all his weapons and ammunition before putting on his hat and gave it a pat so that it was secured to his head. All he needed now was a bow so he could fashion a weapon similar to his Huntsman and live in the forest where he was far away from the attention of the ponies. Sniper went upstairs with Pinkie following behind him but when he opened the basement door, he saw a crowd of different-colored ponies looking at him. They stared at Sniper while Sniper stared back with a dumbfounded expression.
"You told me you were still preparing for the party," Sniper whispered to Pinkie Pie.
"I did and this isn't even half the town! They're just the preparation team!" Pinkie said aloud with a grin on her face. "Hey, everypony, I'd like you to meet a new visitor of Ponyville! This is Mr. Sniper!" she introduced the Australian to the crowd.
For a second, Sniper thought they were going to run and scream in panic because it was obvious none of them saw a human before and the silence was deafening. Sniper had his hand hovered over the hilt of his kukri just in case any of the ponies tried to jump at him but all of them just stared at him.
"By Celestia, a real human," a light blue pony said.
"I thought they were just creatures from old mare's tales," another pony added.
"Wait…doesn't that mean that…they're working for Discord?"
"No, they're agents of Nightmare Moon!"
Something told Sniper that this welcoming party would not be so welcoming at all and he glanced over at Pinkie Pie. She was still smiling as if the whispers of rumors and conspiracy were not there at all. Sniper looked back at the crowd again and was careful not to make any sudden moves. The ponies were on edge and one sudden move would interpret into mass panic as they would think he was about to attack them. Sniper made a mental note to find out the reason why humans were depicted as such but for now, he had to do something to convince the crowd he meant no harm. The last thing he wanted was a run-in with the local security forces. Trying to be as calm as possible and as diplomatic as possible, he eased his stance (which was rather hard to do in front of an agitated crowd) and took a step back.
"Okay, um…look, I'm new here…and um…I mean no harm. I'm just lost, you see, and um…I'm just making a pit stop here in your town. So if you don't mind um…I'll be on my way," Sniper said quickly and made a dash for the back door.
"The back door is locked," Pinkie Pie said flatly and that stopped Sniper in his tracks.
"You did that on purpose, didn't you," Sniper remarked.
"Nokie dokie, it's always locked by Mr. Cake unless we need to take out the trash," Pinkie Pie corrected. "Don't worry, we get all kinds of strange visitors in Ponyville before and I'm sure humans are no different."
Sniper would like to believe that but it seems like the others were still suspicious of Sniper and whenever he approached them, they took a step back and tried to avoid him. It was annoying and Sniper had the urge to mow them down with his submachine gun.
"This is gonna be a long day," Sniper muttered under his breath.
Things were slightly different at Heavy's side though. Fluttershy was rather receptive of the fat Russian and found his simple yet kind attitude to be something quite welcoming despite his size and the ominous-looking thing he called "Sasha" that he always carried around like an inseparable lover. Heavy had stayed in her cottage for the night he had been a rather gracious guest. He offered to help around the house though Heavy was not dexterous and broke many items but Fluttershy did not really mind.
The animals were afraid of him at first but Heavy was quick to make friends with them. Now, instead of fleeing from him, they went to Heavy and he constantly found himself being mobbed by little critters, with the exception of Angel of course.
"Oh my, Heavy, I never knew you had nature's touch in you," Fluttershy commented.
"Heavy loves small animals. Little animals are like friends to me, just like Fluttershy is friend to me," Heavy said while allowing a bird to perch on his thick finger.
"Despite how you described your job back at your place and how brutal it was," Fluttershy shuddered at the thought of killing others for a living, "I find it hard to believe that…you're a killer."
Heavy sighed and gave a short and bitter chuckle. "There are many things in my world Fluttershy don't want to know. Heavy is still confused right now how little pony talk…but Heavy like it here."
"You can stay here as long as you want, Heavy, and I will take good care of you," Fluttershy said and smiled at Heavy.
The night before, Heavy and Fluttershy had a little chat about where Heavy came from and what he did for a living. The yellow pegasus was sympathetic and felt sorry for Heavy because his job was simply senseless and brutal. Even though Heavy repeatedly said that he enjoyed killing for the fun of it, Fluttershy could sense that Heavy was also yearning for some peaceful moments. Still, Fluttershy wondered if there was ever a place called Russia. She had seen the map of the Known World several times but there was never a country that goes by that name. Perhaps he came from outside of the Known World, perhaps from some continent that was never explored by ponykind. It was an interesting thought but Fluttershy made up her mind to ask Twilight about it.
Just then there was a knock on the cottage door and Fluttershy went to open it. Heavy saw another pegasus with rainbow-colored mane and it talked as well. It was still unbelievable but Heavy let the thought slip past his mind. At first, the blue pegasus did not notice Heavy seated on the couch but after a small talk with Fluttershy, the blue pegasus peered into the cottage. She gasped and pointed a hoof at Heavy.
"Ohmigosh, Fluttershy, you have a gorilla in your cottage!" the blue pegasus said loudly.
"Hey, who is little pony calling gorilla?" Heavy remarked indignantly.
"Oh no, Rainbow Dash, that's not a gorilla. I want you to meet a new friend of mine. He's a human and his name is Heavy," Fluttershy said softly and introduced Heavy to the blue pegasus named Rainbow Dash.
"Human? What in the hay is a human?" Dash asked.
"Um…I don't know," Fluttershy said.
Fluttershy invited Rainbow Dash into her cottage and the blue pegasus sat on a sofa next to the sofa that Heavy sat on. She stared at him intently and the Russian stared back at Rainbow Dash. It was a staring game and none of them said anything. Finally, after a minute or so, Rainbow Dash flew towards Heavy and looked him in the face with her nose only inches away from Heavy's.
"You're a funny-looking thing, you know," Rainbow Dash commented.
"And you remind me of someone I don't like," Heavy said flatly while comparing the BLU Scout to Rainbow Dash in his mind.
"Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do, roll over me?" Rainbow Dash said with a mocking smile.
After she said that, she felt Heavy's large hand grab her wings. She could not fly and Heavy had the strength to lift her up with on hand. He lifted her so her face was facing his and he returned and equally mocking grin.
"Little blue pony is baby. I love crushing babies," Heavy remarked.
"Hey, let go of me! I warn you, I have a black belt in karate!" Rainbow Dash said angrily as she punched at Heavy's fat stomach, which did no harm to him at all.
"You are weak, not big surprise," Heavy mocked at Rainbow Dash's futile hoof punches.
"Please, stop fighting," Fluttershy pleaded softly. "Can't we all just get along?"
As much as Heavy disliked Dash's attitude, he respected Fluttershy so he listened to her and put Rainbow Dash down on the floor. She flapped her wings two times to make sure that nothing was broken before folding it back. It was fine but holding a pegasus by the wings can be quite painful for a pegasus as their wings had to support the body's full weight, which was not what it was designed to do. When the pain had subsided, Rainbow Dash flew in the air again.
"Heavy, I'd like you to meet Rainbow Dash. She's my childhood friend," Fluttershy introduced Heavy to the blue pegasus.
"That's right, Mr. Heavy, and if anything happens to Fluttershy, you answer to me, got that?" Rainbow Dash asked gruffly while poking Heavy in the chest.
Heavy just scowled at Rainbow Dash and smiled with his arms crossed. Why should he be afraid of some blue pegasus weakling? Besides, there was no way Heavy would hurt Fluttershy. She was his first friend that truly cared about his well-being and he was not going to let that friendship go to waste. Even the Medic, while also a close friend of Heavy, was never as kind as Fluttershy. Given the chance, he would rather strangle the annoying Rainbow Dash but since she was Fluttershy's friend, he did not want to hurt Fluttershy's feelings by hurting Rainbow Dash.
"You are lucky that Fluttershy is your friend. I will kill you, and kill you, and kill you if Fluttershy was not your friend," Heavy growled.
Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy and whispered into her ear. "Fluttershy, how is that you're making friends with such a violent gorilla?"
"He's not always like that. Heavy is actually a nice guy, if you get on his good side that is," Fluttershy replied.
"Good side? There's no way somepony…human thingy like him could have a good side," Rainbow Dash whispered through her teeth.
"Now, now, Rainbow Dash, I know you two have your differences," Fluttershy smiled and flew beside Rainbow Dash before pushing her towards Heavy until Rainbow Dash was side-by-side with Heavy, "but we're all friends whether we're pony or human."
Heavy and Rainbow Dash looked at each other again but after some coaxing from Fluttershy, the two of them managed a weak smile and nodded their heads.
"Yeah, maybe Fluttershy's right. We should be friends…even if you're a big fat gorilla," Rainbow Dash joked.
"And you are still baby pony," Heavy shot back with a smile.
"Maybe you're not so bad, big guy. I know, how 'bout we show you around Ponyville? I'm sure the other ponies would want to meet you," Rainbow Dash offered.
"Da, that would be great!" Heavy exclaimed. "This gonna be the best day!"
"You failed!" the announcer said aloud over the PA system when RED team finally lost after a long match with BLU team.
Medic hated losing as much as his other team mates (test subjects) hated it and he refused to allow the victorious BLU to humiliate him. He had his Ubersaw in hand and waited near RED team's spawn point for a victim to come by. As luck would have it, an unsuspecting BLU Demoman came in searching for RED losers. Medic grinned evilly and readied his saw.
"I'm going to saw through your bones!" he said and lunged his Ubersaw at the Demoman and killed him on the spot. "Another successful procedure," he added with a satisfied smirk.
At that moment, he was joined by a beaten up Soldier and Engineer followed by Scout, who was missing a few teeth and had a black eye. Engineer's hard hat had a crack while the Soldier had his right arm blasted off.
"This sucks! We got beaten like nobody's business and BLU just ran through us!" Scout remarked in exasperation.
"If it weren't for you and that toy of yours, we could've done better!" Soldier said as he pointed at Scout's Sandman.
"Oh, so says Major Malfunction," Scout snapped. "I thought you said you could do what Heavy do."
"I did and we lost only because you all are idiots and you don't know how to fight like a man!" Soldier shot back.
"Ye outta stop blaming others when you're equally incompetent," Engineer declared.
"Is that so, professor?" Soldier growled and looked at Engineer, "why don't you stop hiding behind your little toys and fight like a man?"
"Nope, I'm an engineer and I fix, build and maintain. If combat is your concern," Engineer took out his Frontier Justice and pumped his weapon in a menacing manner, "I suggest ye think twice before making me pump lead into that thick head of yours, partner," he added the last word slowly and hit Soldier in the chest with the end of his shotgun.
The rest of the team joined up several minutes later, some of them fresh out of the respawn machine. Luckily, it was only a one-round match so they had the rest of the day to themselves. Engineer went to work as soon as they were allowed to move about freely. Scout had offered to retrieve spare parts on the battlefield so Engineer could use them to repair the machine.
"That's all I could find," Scout said when he returned with a sack of metal from destroyed buildings and weapons left behind. "It seems like BLU took the rest." He dropped the sack next to Engineer and sat down on a chair to catch his breath.
Engineer looked into the sack and silently counted the metals that were in it. After a while, he shook his head slowly and sighed.
"Nope, that ain't enough, boy. We gotta need more than that," Engineer said.
"Um…" Scout looked at his scattergun and pointed at it.
"Yo, overalls, how 'bout my gun? You can have it," said the Bostonian.
"But how're you gonna fight? I don't think that bat yours is gonna help a lot," Engineer pointed out.
"Maybe not but I got Force-a-Nature as backup. Besides, we seem to be getting new guns when we lose our old ones so I wouldn't worry if I were you," Scout said.
Engineer nodded and took Scout's scattergun and added it to the pile of metals. Even with Scout's "donation" it was still not enough and Engineer calculated that he needed another two thousand more metals before he could fully rebuild the teleporter. That could be easily done as the supply cabinet and ammo drops could supply him with the parts he needed (though it was limited and Engineer noted that the supply cabinet had only one thousand metals left) but the only problem now was to retrieve the coordinates.
"Hey, professor," the Scout called out, "assuming you got the teleporter fixed and all that, what're we gonna do next?"
"Well…I haven't thought about it," Engineer admitted. "I suppose I'll have to go get them because someone has to build another teleporter there so we can get back. Don't forget, this teleporter has no receiving end so another teleporter is required at the other side if we are to get back."
"Sign me up if you need help. I'm dying to leave this place," Scout said with a grin.
"We'll see about that, boy…we'll see about that," Engineer muttered and went on with fixing the teleporter.