A Death in the Family – Panacea447 (Drunken Tavern Elites)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Penguins of Madagascar
II
"Private! Happy birthday my dear boy." said Special Agent Nigel as he pulled his nephew into an embrace.
"Thank you!" replied Private, returning the hug with more enthusiasm than his uncle. "Oh it's good to see you again Uncle Nigel!"
"It really is him!" squealed Kowalski giddily. "Special Agent Nigel is in our home!"
"I know right?" giggled Skipper, bouncing on his feet.
"Well, well now, what's all this then?" exclaimed Nigel as he eyed every inch of the habitat. "Looks like you've gone all out for your birthday!"
"Well – er – about that…" began Private weakly, but the rest of his voice died down as he caught that manic, crazed glint in his friend's eyes.
"Absolutely exquisite!" yelled Nigel as he pat Private's back with a hearty chuckle. "And here I was thinking you gave up your cover. Even during your own birthday you make everything look so childish and innocent!"
"Yes, exactly." said Private, laughing weakly, looking at the three other penguins almost apologetically.
"Well, now that I'm sure I cannot possibly taken for a secret agent in this ludicrous environment, I think it is safe to inform you of the true purpose of my visit."
"Inform? Inform me what?" asked Private curiously, wrenching his gaze away from the trio whispering eagerly among themselves.
"You see Private, as much as I'd like to set aside my work and celebrate your birthday, unfortunately I must put my duty first." said Nigel with a sigh. "And that duty is towards our family."
"What is it? What's happened?" Private hobbled over to his uncle, genuinely concerned.
"It appears one of our own fell mysteriously ill and passed away exactly four hours and twenty-five minutes after. I was able to recover his body before I crossed the pond to come see you."
The room fell into silence as the frantic whispers as to who was first to get an autographed missile launcher ceased.
"One of our own?" asked Private curiously. This meant that Uncle Nigel wasn't his only living relative. If he could only spend more time with his uncle, he might be able to learn more of his family. His mind started filling with questions. "Who is it?" he asked instead.
"It's your father's uncle's grandfather's friend's nephew's son's neighbor's granddaughter's goldfish." said Nigel sadly.
"Not Rupert!" cried Private sharply.
"Yes, Rupert." nodded Nigel in bitter agreement.
Private suddenly felt empty inside. The vague memories of his then-tiny flippers reaching into the fishbowl to pet it exploded with full force that he was forced to lower himself to the ground and sit lest he collapse. Distant memories of him curling up next to the fishbowl at night now made him feel sick. In the presence of his Uncle Nigel, it took all of his willpower to fight back the whimper that struggled to escape his beak.
"My dear boy, you are taking this quite fairly, and here I was thinking you'd burst into whimpers and squeals like the lasses!" said Nigel as he sat down next to Private and rewarded him with a pat on the back.
"Who, Private?" called Skipper. "He can barely even take sight of those actors in those soap operas of his on a hospital bed!"
"And I suppose that's where you learned it then Private!" Nigel exclaimed proudly. "Nothing like watching a little blood and violence to sharpen those senses of yours."
Skipper opened his mouth to retort when Kowalski and Rico pulled him back, shaking their heads. Skipper silenced himself, remembering who he was about to retort to.
"The second point of my visit, young Private, is to ask your commanding officer's permission to allow you to accompany me back to London and attend Rupert's funeral."
All thoughts of the dead goldfish vanished as Private considered the prospect of spending even more time than he had originally hoped for with his Uncle Nigel. A trip back to his home country with Uncle Nigel and he would have all his questions answered.
"Of course Uncle Nigel, of course." exclaimed Private happily, but then paused. "Provided Skipper allows me to."
All eyes turned to Skipper, who didn't even hesitate to answer. "Yeah you can go Private. I mean, who am I to mess up a family matter? Enjoy your trip to London."
"You really mean it Skipper?"
"Yeah, I do. Now get going."
"Oh thank you Skipper!" yelled Private as he ran over to Skipper and hugged him, with the commando returning it halfheartedly.
"Don't worry Commander, it will only be for a week, and Private will be back servicing the squad to the fullest of his potential, just like his uncle." promised Nigel with a genuine look of pride at his nephew.
Within twenty minutes, Private said his goodbyes to his teammates and was on the roof of a tourist bus headed to LaGuardia Airport with Uncle Nigel beside him. He was more excited about this than anything else. It took all of his self-control not to blabber all his questions at his uncle. He learned from Kowalski that patience is more important now, and that all his questions will be answered in time. Despite this, his mind was buzzing with questions. As his self-control threatened to explode over the prospect of finally meeting his family, even during a funeral, the bus suddenly screeched to a halt. Private jerked himself back into consciousness, looking below him to see puffs of white smoke billowing from the side of the bus.
"Well, doesn't this put a dent in my neat timetable?" complained Nigel as he pulled out a golden pocket watch. "If things aren't all dandy in the next two and a half minutes, we'll have to find another ride."
Private's reassurance was cut off by push from his uncle just as raven shot through the space Private was occupying a split-second ago.
"I wonder if that bird is injured or really just has bad manners." sighed Private as he righted himself.
"I highly doubt the former dear lad." muttered Nigel as he watched the bird swing around and performed a dive right in their direction. "But I strongly agree with the latter."
Private watched in horror as the black bird twisted in mid-dive and aimed its razor-sharp talons at his uncle, who flipped and spin-kicked the back of the raven's head. A sharp cry of pain echoed from the she-raven as she plummeted to the sleek surface of the bus' roof. Upon further investigation, Private saw that the bird's feathers were neatly preened, and noticed a triangular piece of red-colored cloth tied around her neck with a golden hammer-and-sickle symbol on it. Compassionate as ever, Private walked over to the fallen bird, only to be tackled by Agent Nigel as four more ravens swooped down on him.
"No time to finish her off now boy!" cried Nigel as he dodged one of the raven's deadly dives, and then grabbed her tail feathers and slammed her down next to her companion.
"Right Uncle Nigel!" said Private as he stifled the whimper at the sight of one of the ravens diving towards him.
No, not towards him, but to the fallen ravens. Dodging his clumsy strike, she swooped down on one of the unconscious birds and clamped her beak down on the neckerchief. Two of the remaining three ravens did the same with their moaning companion, while the other relentlessly attacked Agent Nigel.
Private watched, stunned as his uncle weaved flawlessly in and out of each strike before countering with one of his own, which his opponent was barely able to parry herself. She caught a glance from the lone raven struggling with her load and flew over to assist her after carelessly throwing a smoke bomb at Agent Nigel. As the smoke cleared, the ravens had flown off into the night.
"What was all that about?" cried Private as he helped his uncle out of the thinning smoke cloud.
"As I suspected." said Nigel, more to himself than to Private.
"Suspect what?" asked Private as the bus began to move again.
"Nothing to worry about Private." said his uncle quickly, sitting down as if they weren't just attacked. "We'll be arriving at the airport soon. Best you catch a few winks."
Private didn't feel sleepy at all, but nevertheless ceased pressing on the issue. Not too long ago he was wondering what his family would be like, but now all he could think of was as if someone didn't want him to meet them at all.