Enigma

Enigma

Nouvelle

Part 7: The Answer

Sorry about the wait. And I'm also sorry about how the author note isn't clearly defined. I'll try and fix that. If anyone knows how to make the spacing bigger please tell me. Anywayz. I wrote this chapter when I was in Cambodia but I didn't know how to finish it. It was just so hard... There were so many ways I could end it. And I apologize in advance if you don't like the ending. I realize I can't please everyone. And Cambodia? Don't go there unless you like being stared at. On with the fic. Cowboy Bebop and the characters don't belong to me.

I think I met God...

Or at least he said my name.

I mean, there was a burning bush for heaven's sake. The light was so bright that it even knocked me out.

At least that's what I tell myself.

In actuality, it was Spike's head being framed from the light of the light bulb. I was just too tired to respond to my name that I went back to sleep.

I have no idea how long I slept for; but then again, I doubt that anyone can measure the amount of sleep they've gotten while unconscious.

The only thing I remembered was being in the dark room for awhile before the lights flickered on. I have a faint recollection of Spike seeing me then marching out of the room.

That's it...

Pretty impressive on my part.

I rested peacefully for a person with a broken rib. It was so peaceful even, that I didn't have a dream or nightmare.

I remember countless nights where I've dreamed about the crash and my life and all the sorrow. It was rare for me to have a dreamless sleep.

So of course it had to be Spike who woke me up.

The guy wasn't talking to me, but by God's... when he wants to yell, he yells...

"Jet! Where the hell are the bandages?" I heard him call out.

"Right where they should always be; unless, you used all of them. You'd better not have cause I just bought them." Jet answered.

I heard faint grumbling on Spike's part before he replied.

"I'm going out to buy some more. Watch her will you?" He said before I heard a distinct slamming of a door.

Jet sighed before I heard him come over. Curious, I gave a quick peek only to see him staring at me expectantly.

"Knew you'd be up," he said to me. He then called out to Ed.

"Hey Ed, I won, she's up now," he said.

"Oh, no funs, Jet's always good at guessing games." Ed complained as she plopped down next to Jet, frowning at her loss.

Snorting at the both of them, I painstakingly moved myself upwards so that I would be sitting upright.

"So nice to know that you guys care so much about my health that you would even make a bet on me."

Jet just grinned at me, happy that at least the incident hadn't damaged my sarcasm.

"But Faye Faye," Ed said, trying to appease me. "Ed just thought that you'd be awake tomorrow."

I rolled my eyes as I experimentally touch my face to see if the swelling had gone down.

"Honestly. It takes time for a person to heal."

Abruptly I stopped and reran what Ed just said. Stunned, I whipped my attention to Jet and quickly question him.

"How long have I been out?" I asked.

"Three days," he replied.

It was a bit shocking but I shrugged it off. Three days was nothing compared to how long I was frozen for.

Jet seemed to notice my building curiosity to what happened because he asked Ed is she could feed Ein.

Waiting till she was out of the room Jet launched into his explanation of the events after I had been kidnapped.

"Honestly, Faye," he began. "I always thought you knew what you were doing but getting kidnapped by the damn bounty? What were you thinking?"

"Nothing apparently," I said, rolling my eyes at him. "I got knocked out. It's not my fault the guy can't take a hint."

Pausing momentarily, I asked him a question after recalling the events.

"Where were you guys?" I was curious to how they couldn't have noticed me being dragged out by the bounty.

Jet sighed.

"It was just bad timing is all," he said, running tired hands over weary eyes.

"So what happened," I asked. I had been out for three days; I would not be denied the knowledge of the night's events that had been denied earlier to me.

"Well first, we noticed you were gone," he began.

I didn't comment on the 'we.'

"After, we found that the bounty was no longer in the club and we assumed you had gone after it. Of course, we didn't see you in the warehouse, and you weren't replying our calls. In the end, it was just me and Spike who took care of the bounty and the others. Spike was in a rush to leave because, well..." Jet paused a moment to eye me critically. He stared at me intensely as he continued. "He though you had hi-tailed it out of there and he was going to go after you."

I didn't say anything as Jet tried to gauge my reaction. I felt as if I was being examined and probed but I just blinked blankly at him. The time to think about what Jet said would arise at a later time.

Five seconds accounts for later.

What did that mean?

Why would Spike ever think of going after me?

Was he mad that I was running away and not facing my problems?

Didn't he understand that he was my problem?

It took me only a few more seconds to stow away any questions I had, I was too interested in finding out what happened next. The questions could wait.

Jet nodded and continued when he notice he had all of my attention once again.

"We were both about ready to leave when one of the hired hands told us that there was a hostage in the back. I was still tying up one guy so I asked if Spike would go rescue who ever it was. We certainly didn't expect you. But there you were. Spike had to kick down the door and when he couldn't see anything from where he was, he flicked on the lights."

Jet sighed again and shook his head at the memory.

"You lay crumpled on the floor, bruised and curled up. You looked much worse than you actually were."

I nodded absently to show I was processing everything.

"After Spike saw you, he became perfectly calm and walked back out towards the bounty where he jerked the guy up by the front collar and demanded to know who did that to you. I didn't quite get it until I saw you and by the time I reached Spike, he was already beating the guy up, looking completely calm about the whole damn situation. It took me awhile to snap Spike out of this daze he was in, but when I did, he dropped him like a sack of potatoes and went to go get you. It was Spike who brought you back, and it was Spike who treated you. He didn't let me anywhere near even when your fever started. This is the first time he's left your side since then."

I stared blankly ahead as Jet finished his story.

In my head it didn't make sense...

In my heart I understood...

But since when did I ever listen to my heart?

Unaware of what I was doing I got up and began to pace back and forth, ignoring the pain that came fleetingly from my now healing rib.

Turning abruptly, I directed insecure eyes towards him.

"What do I do now?" I asked desperately.

The original plan was for me to leave right after getting the bounty but it had already been three days since then and I didn't know if it was still a go. Was I supposed to stay and talk it out?

I expected Jet to know the answer.

Too bad my expectations went unfulfilled.

"It's you decision Faye. I've learned that I can't make them for you."

"And neither can Spike," Jet muttered under his breath, too low for me to hear.

So Jet wasn't going to provide the answers.

I should have expected that.

Well, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

"Help me load my stuff," I told Jet as I turned and went to find Ed. She sat with Ein going through the dog food I bough the mutt. I approached them with a chiding smile as I saw them fight over a kibble.

"Hey kid," I said to Ed as I knelt down next to her slowly, still conscious of my broken rib.

She in turn, tilted her head from up off the floor to look at me questionably.

"I'll be gone for awhile," I said, unsure of how to continue. I didn't really need to worry since Ed finished for me.

"Will you bring me back a gift when I see you again?"

Smiling at her, I complied.

"Sure thing, kiddo."

I got up and gave a gentle pat on Ein's head before heading towards the hanger. Jet would already be done stowing my stuff. There was nothing left to do.

I took my time getting there as my heavy feet took me closer one step at a time.

Jet stood at attention by my Red Tail when I got there. Silently I made my way forward till I was standing face to face with him. We stare at each other in understanding until Jet thrusted his hand forward to shake mine.

"You were one of a kind Faye," Jet said sincerely. "We had our ups and downs but I'll never meet another partner like you."

Looking at his outstretched hand, I found it inadequate for the emotions bubbling inside and instead I threw my arms around him. Jet was the mother and father I never had all rolled into one package and I would miss the everyday guidance he provided.

Jet hesitantly patted my back as I finished my hug. Patting my head, he left the hanger and went back into the main room.

Now alone, I stood in the hanger absorbing the sight. Finally, I got into my Red Tail and pulled out.

In the end, it had been my decision to leave.

In the end, I was sacrificing everything for love.

And in the end, I felt hollow and alone inside.

I drifted aimlessly in outer space with the ignition off, just sitting and thinking.

I seemed to be doing that a lot.

I don't know if there's ever been a time when I haven't felt alone except for my time on the Bebop.

It's a cold, dead feeling that will make one bitter and cynical.

Believe me, it's not fun.

Yet here I was alone.

I was giving up my family and the one job that was slowly helping me pay off my debts.

Was I really willing to let go and move on?

To forget the only man I've ever loved?

I've been with a number of men and I know there is a difference between having sex and making love though I haven't experienced the latter.

The answers to my questions didn't come to me like that but I eventually got them.

And it was now official.

I'm a fool...

I can't go through with it.

Maybe it's just me or I'm a coward but I can't give up everything that matters to me.

It was taken away by force before.

I wasn't about to do it voluntarily now.

I took my time to get back, stopping along the way to get Ed something. I bought her an Ant farm; though, I'm not sure what Jet would do if they got loose.

I could just imagine Ed sitting, watching the ants saying, "March, march, march, march," then picking one up as it continued to walk, and then placing it back down. I smiled as my imaginary Ein licked the trail and whimpered, running away because the ants had pinched its tongue.

The Bebop came into sight and I didn't even need to think as I pulled up.

I've lived there so long it's become second nature.

And here I was again.

It had one been two hours since I left and now I was back again.

I opened the door and climbed out of Red Tail. Hitting the ground, I sighed as I rested my head against the cold metal of my aircraft.

Taking a steadying breath, I turned around.

And stopped cold.

Spike stood there, arms crossed, mouth unsmiling. No lazy grin, no nods in greeting, just a deep set frown as if it had been there for a while.

I imagined it had.

I didn't know what to do so I just stood there and stared back at him.

I, of course, didn't win our little staring contest.

I mean come on, the man has the discipline of a trained... umm... a trained... never mind. He's just an ex-mafia member.

The moment I looked away, I tried to scramble back into my Red Tail. It was the only option I had, considering Spike was blocking the door.

Grunting, I tried to hoist myself back up into the cockpit despite the pain in my side before two arms wrapped themselves around me and tossed my over Spike's shoulder.

Grimacing against the sharp pain that shot through me, I began to pound on Spike's back, yelling at him to let me down. He said nothing in response before he walked out the doors and down the hall. All the while, I was screaming profanities that are much too vile to repeat.

By the time we reached the living room, I had given up my struggles in favor of hanging limply over his shoulder scowling at the walls. Ed waved to me as we passed by her. From the corner of my eye I could see Jet in the kitchen cooking something. He had a black eye.

I wonder what happened while I was away.

Spike continued on and passed my bedroom door heading for his own. My eyebrows shot up at this fact but of course Spike couldn't see my reaction. Opening the door, he stepped through then dropped me unceremoniously onto his bed before turning around and closing the door behind him.

This was not going to be fun.

Spike pause for a moment to stare at the door. I imagined he was trying to get his thoughts together. He didn't say anything though. Instead, he began to pace back and forth.

It was about after 5 minutes of just staring at him walking before I became impatient.

If he wasn't going to talk then I would.

"So," I began.

Damn. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought it would.

"You wouldn't leave my head."

Huh? What was Spike talking about?

"Julia was gone but you were there."

Okay... He was not making any sense.

"I left after I killed Viscous because I thought there was nothing left for me here. I would have preferred to die rather than survive but I did. I spent nine months wondering here and there, contemplating about what I had left in my life that mattered. At the beginning, the Bebop wasn't one of them. But it took me nine months to realize it was."

Wow. Coherent sentences that still made no sense.

"It should have taken me longer," Spike continued. By now he had stopped pacing and just stood staring blankly at the wall. "I should have still thought of Julia and how I missed her, but to tell the truth. She hasn't been apart of my life for that long... But I know I loved her..."

Spike turned to face me but I looked away. I couldn't meet his eyes. I wanted to hear what he had to say without causing a fight.

"She was what made me who I am... You did that too."

Blinking, I refused to look at him and instead contented myself with listening to his voice.

"That was what got me the most. That I thought of you. At first I brushed it off, but by the end of another three months I decided to just come back."

"I came back for you," I murmured, repeating the words I heard that one night. The words that I thought had been my own wishful thinking.

"Yeah," Spike quietly agreed. "I had to see why you wouldn't leave my head; the reason why I thought about you."

"Did you find your answer?" I asked him. My gaze had shifted so that I could only see the floor in front of me.

"I don't know," Spike sighed as he pulled up a chair. "You're an enigma to me Faye, but I guess that's why I came back; to solve the puzzle."

But that wasn't enough for me. That answer wasn't enough.

"Why do you care about me," I questioned in anguish. "Why do you act like you don't care? Why do you continue to hurt me, haunt me... even when you aren't dead?"

"Because I do, because I can, because I can't help it," he breathed out. "I'm usually in control of any situation, but I'm not always when you are involved. You might get hurt, and I can't do anything about it and I hate that feeling," Spike confessed.

Now I understand.

Spike regretted what happened to Julia.

And he couldn't bear to let anything happen to me that would make him relive the guilt he had a year to get over.

That damn man still couldn't get it into his empty head that I wasn't Julia.

"What about when you hurt me?" I asked bitterly. "Is that alright? Do you feel better when you're the one doing it instead of others?"

Spike stared at me and I became self-conscious, but I wouldn't look away. Not this time.

"No," he said. "I never intended to hurt you."

"Really?" I laughed. "Because you've been doing one hell of a good job."

Spike became defensive at my taunt.

"You're referring to that night when we last talked about Julia."

"No," I answered. "I'm referring to every night ever since you got back."

Spike seemed to freeze at my answer, but not for long. He began to pace the room once more.

"I couldn't help it. Things weren't suppose to happen that way. I had intended to talk to you about what Jet and I were discussing, not scare you."

Okay. Apparently he didn't hear what I said and was now going to explain to me why he acted the way he did that night.

"What were you talking about?" I asked.

"You."

I rolled my eyes. No need to state the obvious.

"Jet didn't think it was a good idea that I spend too much time with you. You still needed to adjust to me being back."

"But you wouldn't listen," I continued for him, my voice monotonous. "Because you're the only one who can decide what's best for me.

Spike decided to ignore my last comment and continued.

"I didn't mean for our relationship to become as bad as it had. I had actually wanted to start anew," he confessed. "But then you just had to run away..."

"I didn't run away," I protested but was silenced by the knowing frown he threw at me.

"You ran away," Spike confirmed. He then pulled up a chair and sat in front of me. "My question is why?"

I sat there for a few minutes just staring. He deserved an answer I supposed, but only after intensive deliberation.

"I couldn't take it anymore. You were confusing me and then you went and did what you did." I wouldn't admit that he scared me to his face. "You've never hurt me before, not once in all our fights but you threatened me." My voice choked at the last few words.

"Faye, you have to understand," Spike said after a few minutes, taking my hands in his. "I loved her. She'll always be apart of whom I am. Even if I don't anymore, I want to honor her memory. She didn't deserve to have what happened happen to her."

I tried to see it from Spike's point of view but I couldn't. Not with the memory of his hand wrapped around my neck still fresh in my mind. It would take me time to understand how he felt on the situation. In the meantime, I decided that any conversation with Spike would stay clear of her.

Wait... Did he just say he didn't love Julia anymore?

I looked down at our adjoined hands and allowed my heart to do a little jump.

Maybe I was beginning to understand...

But I was prepared for how long it would take for him to understand me.

"So?" I asked him. "What now?"

He let go of my hand and sat back in his chair, but he didn't answer me. Instead he just went back to staring at the wall behind me.

Fine. I had to be the grown up again.

Deciding that now was the time to cut through the tension that had formed ever since I got back from my faux escape; I stood up slowly in hopes of not agitating my broken rib anymore and walked towards the door.

"Come on Cowboy," I beckoned. "I'm hungry, and it's not nice to starve the sick and healing."

In the end, I would decide what's best for me.

I now understood part of Spike's reasoning.

I understood the reason why he came back.

And I was beginning to understand why he had threatened me.

I also knew Spike would never hurt me.

So we would go back to the way things were before I left, before me and Spike had that fight. Sure we would argue, but at least we were still friends.

Spike still didn't know that I loved him and that was fine with me. No need to complicate our already screwy relationship with a tiny detail.

I wonder what Jet's gonna say about this whole situation?

I turned to look at him as he came up beside me. I don't think I would cry over him anymore.

No.

He wouldn't make me cry anymore.

Frowning, I asked him a question that had been nagging at me ever since we started our talk.

"Why does Jet have a black eye?"

Spike shrugged indifferently. "He wouldn't tell me where you went."

It's done. I'm not gonna write anymore. The story is complete. Unless you want more. Yay, I actually used the word enigma in my story. I didn't think I ever would. I decided not to have them become a couple in the end because my story is not long enough for that to occur and I thought that would be too mushy. Well, we now understand (sorta) why Spike behaved the way he did. And thank you little sissy because she was the one who advised me have Faye leave but come back. If you don't like my ending, there is nothing I can do about it. Even I sorta don't like how I worded it but it came out as I had envisioned it. Go on and flame me, I know I am. In any case thank you for reading my story. Please leave a review.

Love & Peace.