Disclaimer: Peace dawgs. I own a computer, an imagination, a cheese cube, 394.2 billion pages written in my many notebooks, and…..three fanfics?
November 25th, 2006 -- We suffered multiple hard-drive failures which caused down-time to both email services (alerts, PMs) and the login area the past few days. These problems have been resolved and the backlog of email alerts is slowly being pushed out to everyone's inbox.
I KNEW I WASN'T GOING CRAZY!
I just watched some commercial on Sarah Brightman. Ya know, the original Christine? She apparently has a CD coming out: Sarah Brightman Diva (A soprano's greatest hits).
She's actually quite pretty. Her hair's actually brown and curly. It showed us a few clips of her PotK.
And let's just say the Erik looked like a pile of crap. –evil grin-
YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS!
I actually met someone who doesn't like that I put phangirls in my stories, because she says fanfiction is where you write stories using the characters of a book or movie, not when you put yourself in them.
And she also hates fop-bashers.
Alright then, my wonderfully wonderful fans. It's time for the review-thanking!
Supergirrl: I know. I knew there had to be some reason why they didn't end up together. And yes, I am deathly in love with your story!
Evanesce: HOLY ----- CRAP!! Madame Giry's that young? I THOUGHT SHE WAS AT LEAST 45!!!
Moriko Csove Doyle: Ya know it does. And yes, you're coming into the story.
FemmeLoki: Scamp? Like, the dog in Lady and the Tramp?
I know. I love House (I don't think he's hot, but his eyes and actual accent are drop-dead sexy), and NCIS. And to me, it's very hard to imagine him happy.
Nanotech: Candle nun-chucks? BRILLIANT! Well, I'm not allowed near candles, matches, lighters….or anything that could strike a flame.
Serey: I know. That cane owns.
Mrs. Gerard Butler: They're only like, two or three years apart, but what's the fun of a 15-year-old Erik when you could have an 11-year-old? I bend truth!
PhantomoftheBasket: Hey, just 'cause I ain't a phangirl doesn't mean I don't love the movie. I just don't like Erik.
Alright, I'll watch the movie again.
GeriksLover: It's Kloolk, guys. xDI don't want to think what had happened if the pain hadn't knocked her out.
DEATH TO CHANNEL ONE! LET US ALL LEAD RAIDS AGAINST THE STUPID PEOPLE!
Hey, love the new screenname.
Pawfoot: Everybody loves House. And no, don't feel stupid. No one's asked that. –Pats- Don't feel that you could be proved stupid around me. I'm the idiot, remember?
Moriko Csove Doyle: Have I met you before? –Grin-. I know! They obviously took time to fancy Christine up between falling "to her death" and being dragged "down once more".
Songstressgirl07: The great number? Sorry, I never watched Lord of the Rings. OH WAIT, SEVEN, RIGHT?
Yes ma'am. I will always rejoice upon your request.
The Magic Pickle Fairy: I know. I figured something had to happen.
Vengeance: Erik always does something stupid.
The Fideal: xD Smiley Boxer Shorts! Yes!! I'm sorry your friends hit you with stuff. And she called it the best parody of POTK yet! Splee!
LostBluePhantom: You're the super special person this time. You get to do what I've always wanted. And every question matters! Otherwise the story will die!
Alright. I know this question was on everyone's mind.
Veng, Insane, and Rose? That last name has nothing in common with the others!
And it doesn't. They're all shortened. Veng is Vengeance, Insane and Insanity, and Rose is actually Hope, which is short for Hopeless.
Hopeless, Insanity, Vengeance. Or, quite commonly called, H.I.V.
xD Sorry guys. I just had to say that. Now onto the real question.
This was a requested story. I still forget who requested it.
Guess what guys? IT HAS PHANGIRLS!!!
How exactly did Erik get the swan bed into his lair?
0o0o0o0o0o0
"Work faster, slaves!" Erik yelled over the grunts, moans, and pants. He snapped his stolen FemmeLoki whip, and received about twenty-five death glares.
Now, who were the slaves?
Madame Giry, Meg, four random Candle Men, two Anti-Phans, one Authoress…and sixteen Phangirls.
All 25 of them were currently wading through water in the lake, all supporting a giant swan bed on their backs.
Actually, 24 of them were trading water. Rose, being short and nine, kept tripping and falling face-first into the water.
"Erik!" snarled Madame Giry, her right eye closed from the strain. "Can't you just use all the Candle Men instead of us?"
"Why should I when I can torture them?" he asked innocently and gestured towards Pawfoot as she suddenly screamed and fell into the lake. He stifled an evil chuckle.
"I'm a freaking reporter!" Mrs. Gerald Butler yelled. "Why am I doing manual labor?"
"Why are any of us?" Fideal countered, suddenly falling into the water. She held her breath and swam out from under the group and stood up again once on land, crossing her arms and glaring at Erik.
"Get someone else!"
Erik could only stare at her until the other phangirls figured out why.
"SICK PERVERT!" they screamed, all abandoning the bed and crawling out from under it (Madame Giry went with them), chucking an assortment of items at him while Supergirrl left with Fideal for a few minutes to get her a not wet shirt. The items included a potato, a remote control, three different colored heels, a stapler, a spork, and a somehow plugged-in hair-dryer.
The hair-dryer, of course, skimmed the water and electrocuted those left in the water. The victims were, of course, Meg Giry, four Candle Men, two Anti-Phans, and one Authoress.
Now, when you get electrocuted, you momentarily stop breathing. And do you know what happens when the Authoress stops breathing?
The world collapses, simply put.
So, for about five seconds, the world was coming to an end. Everything is shaking, there is an earthquake, hurricane, typhoon, monsoon, tidal wave, avalanche, rock slide, a swam of locust, the black plague, the lake water turns to blood, all the other biblical signs like from the movie coming out soon The Reaping caused by a demonic little girl, and it rains red-eyed tree frogs.
All in Erik's lair.
All in five seconds.
Then, Rose starts breathing again. Along with Meg, four unnamed Candle Men, Veng, and Insane.
Erik, so happy that his world is no longer coming to an end, makes the mistake of rushing into the water and hugging Rose.
This, of course, causes her to have a heart-attack, and the whole world-end thing starts all over again.
And then it ended eight seconds later (those extra three seconds allowed a flash-flood inside the lair, the sun died, and Paris Hilton became the presidant for 1.5 seconds, an army of mutant guinea pigs the presidant the other 1.5 seconds).
Rose awakes to find 16 phangirls, 2 anti-phans, and 2 Girys attacking Erik.
Brita (Moriko Csove Doyleand) and Basket were the first to notice that the Authoress was alive again. They squealed happily and pulled her still static-y body out of the water.
"We thought he'd strangled you!" both yelled at the same time.
Songstress, who decided it would be smart if she pulled this fanfic together and got them back on all track, leapt onto the bench and whistled loudly.
"Come on guys!" she yelled, and everyone silenced. "We have to get back on the topic of the question!"
They all turned around to look at the bed floating the pink-tinted lake water.
"But carrying a bed isn't funny!" whined Nanotech. She bounded over the recently released Rose, grasped her by her shoulders, and shook her madly.
"WE WANT FUNNY!"
"Nanotech!" Evanesce yelled, pulling Nanotech off her. "Don't abuse her!" As she called 'her', Evanesce swung her arm out towards Rose, which smacked her in the head and knocked her backwards, almost hitting Alex with her hand also.
Alex then called, "Watch it! Don't make me have to beat you up!"
All three then got into a brawl.
Kloolk joined in on it, because she's just that kind of person.
"Hey!" Erik yelled, stomping over to the four. "Break it up!" He grabbed the back shirt collars of Alex and Nanotech, but Madame Giry had to come over and restrain Evanesce and Kloolk.
"You girls are acting idiotic! I haven't seen fighting this bad since chapter 13! You are all getting completely off subject, and you all need to straighten up, or we're sending you all back home and turning this into a phangirl-free fic!!"
Silence. Pure, unadulterated, silence.
Even Erik was gaping at Madame Giry. He dropped Alex and Nanotech, who both yelled for a brief period of time, then were quiet again as they hit the ground.
For ten whole minutes, there was no sound.
Until the sound of sloshing water came through, and Supergirrl came back with Fideal.
"Hey, uh, what's wrong?" she asked quietly. Without warning, Songstress, Serey, and Brita ran over to Supergirrl because she was technically the oldest phangirl (17, nearly 18. Or at least her character is) and hugged her tightly, crying.
"We were so scared!" sobbed Serey, causing a jaw-drop from Veng and Insane.
"We thought that we were gonna get sent back home!" chimed in Songstress, and Brita sniffled.
"We don't want to leave!"
Suddenly, all the phangirls began crying and hugging each other. Evanesce hugged FemmeLoki, Nanotech hugged Mrs. Gerald Butler, Pawfoot hugged Alex, Klook hugged Basket, and BluePhantom hugged Fideal.
Jaws from Veng, Insane, Meg, Erik, Rose, and Madame Giry hit the floor.
"You made the phangirls cry!" Insane whispered in disbelief to Madame Giry. Shock and horror were plastered across her and Veng's faces.
"Those phangirls are our responsibility!" Veng continued. "And you made them cry!"
"B-b-b-ut I-I," Madame Giry was silenced as Insane rose her hand, sticking her nose into the air.
"Do not talk to us!" she sniffed, then her and Veng went around comforting the phangirls.
Of course, while this was happening, random Candle Men numbers 1-4 were lugging the bed in the background, grunting loudly.
Rose just stood there, frowning with her arms crossed, shaking her head.
"You guys are despicable," she muttered, the crying in the background increasing.
Even Erik was staring at Madame Giry, ignoring the Candle Men in the background.
"You made the phangirls cry!"
The Candle Men set the bed down, groaning loudly and going back towards their secret exit.
"Um, girls?" Madame Giry piped up. They all magically quieted, though the sniffles and whimpers continued as they all watched her with moist eyes.
She flinched, and Rose took pity and whispered something quietly to Madame Giry, taking out her handy-dandy pencil.
"Why don't I, erm, take you all out to get…ice-cream?"
The shrieks of joy were deafening. All sixteen phangirls, two anti-phans, and Meg jumped up and down, cheering.
Erik squealed too, clapping his hands. When Mme. Giry gave him The Look, he silenced.
"Thank you, Madame! We forgive you!" Basket called, and started applauding. All of them started applauding too, and Madame Giry sighed and led them all out of the lair.
----
"So, how exactly do I get them ice-cream?" Madame Giry muttered, and Rose grinned, quickly scribbling into the thin air.
"Out the Opera House, down the street, take a right, two lefts, and look at the glittering building that looks horribly out-of-place."
She nodded, then turned around and briefly counted everyone.
"I LIKE CHOCOLATE ICE-CREAM!" Serey screamed, and Klook added it, "MINT ROCKS YOUR TOASTER OVENS!"
They got in a small three-minute argument over chocolate and mint ice-cream, which the looks from the disbelieving phangirls silenced.
"Hey," Meg spoke up. "Where's BluePhantom?"
----
"She is SIXTEEN!" BluePhantom yelled at Erik, who had his head bowed in shame.
"You cannot try to marry and seduce a girl that is only SIXTEEN! You should be ASHAMED! Christine deserves better." She crossed her arms, then watched him a little longer. He was now looking pitifully at the phangirl, using the puppy-dog face.
Sighing, BluePhantom gave in. "Fine. Let's go join the group and get ice-cream."
Erik's face lit up, and he jumped up. She smirked.
"You have to be inconspicuous." She stuck a windmill beanie on him, and flicked it lightly. Then she grinned.
"Alright. Let's go." She led away the idiot phantom, who seemed very unhappy about the hat.
But it made everyone happy to think about.
Now, for a much waited for BTR Bonus Story!
(Mini Question. Why didn't Erik and Meg end up together?)
"…So…." Erik started quietly, sitting on the piano bench and watching his candles burn. Madame Giry, who was sitting on the other side of the piano bench, looked over at his calmly.
"Um, I was wondering, if I could…uh…try and win the heart of your daughter?"
Madame Giry's neutral smile vanished instantly, and she sucked in a very deep breath.
"If you do, I will put you on painkillers, then forcibly remove the painkillers from your bloodstream, buy a chainsaw, go cut down a few trees, bring back the logs, start a fire, throw you into the fire, throw wet logs on you to put said fire out, use the chainsaw to cut off your limbs, fry them on a disgusting deep-fryer, get a manual saw, slice up your limbs into little pieces, then feed them to the Il Muto sheep."
Erik was dead silent for about seventeen seconds. Then he breathed quietly through his nose, and clapped his hands to his legs before standing.
"Alright then. Christine it is. Thank you for your blessing; I'll send you an invite to the wedding."
Then he started out of his lair, then he realized it was his lair, so he turned around and pointed calmly to the doorway, which Madame Giry exited out of.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
A/N: I'm horrible. I made the phangirls cry. But I had fun.
Sorry about the off-subjectness. And sorry for making the phangirls cry!
The mini question was actually going to be a real question, but I couldn't make it long without making it cheesy.
Peace, Love, and Gap;
BTR.
REVIEW!!!!!