Why, hello there! I hope you've been craving desperately for more smut, even though the past few chapters have been basically nothing but that. Because this chapter has it! Well, the beginning of it, but painful cliffhangers is what makes the world go 'round. ;)

5: Aftermath

Lawrence looked down at Adam, and once again, despite all the times he'd tried to apologize, despite all the times Adam had gotten what seemed like a fair revenge, a wave of guilt washed over him, and all those old thoughts rushed back to him.

I'm all he's got. I'm the only one. I'm everything to him. I have others. I'm forgetting what it's like to only have one person to rely on...

Otherwise I'd never say such a thing. If I knew how it felt, I'd never say that.

"Adam..." Lawrence mumbled, stroking a wet lock of hair from his lover's forehead. "Jesus... I really hurt you, didn't I?"

Adam opened his eyes sharply, that black, piercing anger appearing in his gaze once more.

"You don't mean that much to me, Lawrence," he hissed, but he seemed too worn out now to get his passive-aggressive revenge.

Lawrence didn't bother to say that he was lying. He knew it would cause serious damage to his pride, and he wouldn't do that to him. Not again.

"No... Okay. But... Okay, in that case, I don't know why you're so pissed off at me. Can't you just tell me?"

Adam shook his head gruffly.

He knew that Lawrence knew what he'd done. He knew that Lawrence knew that what he'd said had made Adam consider suicide for a while. But he wouldn't admit it, not a chance.

"Why are you here, Lawrence?" he suddenly asked, his voice hollow. Lawrence glanced over at him.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean? Why are you here? You have... You have your wife and kid. Aren't you worried about them?"

"They're not depressed. And I haven't given them six prescriptions of painkillers, so no. I was more worried about you... I... I thought that what I'd said..." He swallowed the final words. Didn't want to say them. He'd thought them more than enough times, had imagined Adam's pale face, imagined how he lay on the bathroom floor, lifeless, still...

Adam was beneath Lawrence, warm and safe and alive, but it didn't matter. That image in his head gave Lawrence a minor panic.

Adam sighed theatrically and rolled his eyes.

"You want to be delusional, fine. We can pretend that this is your life, that you love me, and that you don't have a family."

Lawrence looked down on him, and damn, the tears started to come back, because every single one of Adam's words was a tiny needle that pierced his heart.

"We can pretend that you're not married, and that nothing in your life is more important than this." Adam sighed. "Than me."

Somehow, he managed to heave himself to standing position, and Lawrence realized that the bathtub got so awfully cold when the kid wasn't next to him.

"But it ends. Sooner or later," Adam said firmly, and no matter how badly he wanted to hide it -- all of his pain, his broken heart -- it all shone through the words. "And what do you suppose we ought to do then?"

Lawrence didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to defend himself, because everything he said was true. He just didn't understand why they had to be delusional, why they couldn't just be together, why Adam couldn't listen to him... He could only repeat his question, and hope that the answer he got would help him understand how to make everything better.

"I really hurt you, didn't I?" he asked helplessly.

Adam's evil look returned, and he said his answer again in that dull voice.

"You don't mean that much to me, Lawrence."

Lawrence nodded.

"Then how much do I mean to you?"

Adam stiffened, his black eyes widened and got colored again at the sudden confrontation, and for a brief second he turned into Adam again -- weak, vulnerable, sobbing Adam. Adam that was in desperate need of comfort and closure, Adam that had been chained to a pipe and who had screamed at Lawrence not to leave him...

Lawrence just got a glimpse of this Adam. Then he turned around and walked out of the bathroom, quickly, but not quickly enough for Lawrence not to see how he put a hand over his mouth to suppress a sob.

He knew Adam didn't want him to see him cry.

Lawrence sighed heavily as he set the phone down onto the receiver. Allison's reaction when he'd told her that he would be staying with a friend for a few days had not been favorable. She'd burst out with all kinds of nonsense about Diana and her needing him there, of the surgeon not being a good father or husband. Basically, she'd said what she'd always said when she didn't get her own way.

Lawrence wasn't surprised when he turned around, away from the phone, to see Adam standing there, his arms folded and his expression stony. Even though he'd expected it, it was still somewhat depressing to see his sweet little lover still looking so angry and hurt, but at least not looking lustful and insane like he had earlier.

"You're staying, then?" Adam asked gruffly, his voice feigning indifference. Lawrence nodded, his eyes on the floor.

"Yeah, for a few days. I need to think about what I'm going to do."

"I told you what you need to do," Adam replied coldly, leaning against the living room's doorframe and regarding the older man with annoyance. "And you bit my fucking head off. Remember?"

Lawrence sighed again and turned away, putting a hand over his face and breathing heavily. He felt tired. He wasn't angry at Adam. Hell, he was too tired even to be angry at himself anymore. The two little "sessions" he'd had with the kid had really worn him out, as had all the worrying that had come about after that.

He heard Adam's soft footsteps behind him and a moment later, felt his warm, enticing hands wrap themselves around his neck. He couldn't help feeling a little afraid.

"I feel like sex, Larry," the freelance photographer almost purred into his lover's ear. He ran his fingers slowly along the back of Lawrence's neck, forcing a low and timid moan of pleasure from the recipient.

Adam turned the older man around roughly so that they were face to face, and Lawrence saw with relief that the young man's eyes were not black with lust or anger, but simply shiny with anticipation and displeasure.

"D-Do you?" Lawrence asked weakly, his throat dry as his companion's hands began to move slowly down his neck and grab at his chest.

"Yeah, I do," Adam said softly, moving forward slightly so that his mouth was directly against Lawrence's.

The surgeon grunted in contentment as he took in the younger man's familiar scent of tobacco and beer. Adam smirked and ran his hands further down his lover's body, lingering teasingly above his nipples.

"And I don't think you'd really want to refuse anything I say right now, would you, Larry?"

Lawrence bit into his lip furiously as the freelance photographer's fingers brushed against his right nipple, but he still couldn't suppress the moan that escaped his lips. Adam seemed to take this as some kind of reply, however, because the next thing Lawrence knew, the younger man had pushed him roughly onto the carpet, landing hard on top of him, and filled his lips with his, slipping his hands eagerly under the surgeon's shirt and running them rapidly up and down his shivering body.

The other times had been great. They'd been insane, they'd been frightening, and Lawrence had seen Adam's black, hateful eyes glisten in his mind, but it had been great.



But this time was so different, Lawrence had almost forgotten that this counted as sex, too.

Lawrence could move his hands. And he gratefully used that by moving them over Adam's body, remove that annoy shirt that hung flimsily around it, displaying his pale upper body. The younger man straightened up, and once again sat across Lawrence's hips, and once again was in control.



He just didn't look like he'd take as much advantage of it as before.



"Easy, Lawrence," he murmured, then slowed down the speed of his slender fingertips that wandered around inside of his lover's shirt.



"Adam..." Lawrence mumbled, sitting up so that he was once again face to face with him. And he needed that -- by God, he needed that. He needed Adam's lips just as badly as the other times. "You... You can't do this to me again..."



Adam grinned weakly and cupped Lawrence's chin, pulled his lips into a soft, gentle kiss that he didn't seem to intend to deepen, and the surgeon didn't have the guts to try to push things further himself. Still.



"Lawrence," Adam said when he pulled back again. "You stupid little boy."



Then he pressed his lips to his again, just as light and brief, and kept talking between kisses that increased Lawrence's desire, way too slowly, way too surely.



"There's nothing I wouldn't do to you," Adam continued through the kisses. "You know that, too, don't you?"



Lawrence hungrily pressed his face against Adam's while he, in a vain hope that Adam wouldn't notice, unfastened the buttons in his own shirt.



"Yes, I do," Lawrence mumbled, slowly starting to pull his shirt off, half-expecting that Adam would stop him. "But... Do you want to do that to me again?"



Adam smirked into the kiss and finally separated Lawrence's lips with his tongue, and Lawrence was about to moan, but Adam pulled away too quickly for that.



"Before, you wondered what you'd do," Adam muttered, drawing his finger over Lawrence's lips with a slight frown. "I don't feel like raping you right now. It's getting old."



He lowered his mouth to Lawrence's neck, and Lawrence thought he'd bite him in that way that made a pain pricking in the place were teeth were buried, and heavy, burning waves rocking through the rest of his body.



But Adam just kissed him, a little more roughly now, sure, but still only kissed him.



"But please don't think I can't rape you," Adam went on, and his voice was getting hoarse with lust. "You're still fucking hot, Lawrence. So I'll tell you what you're going to do."



Lawrence inhaled. He dared to let his hands wander over the other man's torso, and Adam didn't seem to mind. But when he heard this, and when Adam leaned forward and whispered in his ear, he couldn't hold back a cold, stabbing feeling of dread in his stomach.



"You're going to take of all of your clothes," Adam said calmly. "And then you'll do the same to me. And then you'll lie face down on this floor. And you'll let me fuck you."

Aw, isn't Adam a doll when he's an insane rapist… I wish he could've been like that in the movie! XD Either way, it would be real nice if you reviewed!