Yay! It's an update! A little shorter than I would have preferred, but an update all the same! There isn't a lot of smut in this chapter, but there's some cute tender crap. Don't worry, though, because there'll be more smut coming very, very soon. XD

7. Memories

As he slowly redressed, his straining muscles protesting at all the unnecessary pressure that they were being forced to go through, Lawrence found himself at a loss of what he should do. Adam was angry. Very angry. He'd said himself that he might never forgive what the surgeon had said, and Lawrence really couldn't blame him.

Adam had been doing so well. After the two of them had been rescued from the bathroom, the freelance photographer had practically never let Lawrence out of his sight. He'd invited him over to his house every other night, trying to spend as much time with him as possible. And even though he'd had nightmares, even though he'd been unable to go into a bathroom by himself, or sleep in a dark room, he had slowly been getting better. With Lawrence to comfort him, he had been getting better.

But then he'd had to ruin it all. Ruin it all with one stupid remark. A stupid remark that he hadn't even meant, but that had scarred Adam for life.

"Fuck..."

Lawrence ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to straighten it slightly, and sighed. The clothes which he'd clumsily put back on himself were stained with sweat and seamen, but he didn't care. He wanted to do something productive, something that would help Adam.

Since the apartment had seen better days, Lawrence began to accommodate himself by attempting to clean it. First he went around the living room, collecting all of the stray cigarette butts, beer cans, and pizza boxes, and transporting them into plastic bags, which he then took out to the bin outside. He couldn't help thinking as he did so how damn sexy Adam could look, even though pretty much all he ate was takeout.

Once he'd located all of the stray rubbish in the place, which took well over an hour, Lawrence moved onto loose pieces of paper and books. Adam didn't have many books, but it was obvious that the young man had attempted to immerse himself in the few he had at some point.

Probably when you were with Allison and Diana, a low, accusing voice echoed in his head. Lawrence ignored it.

He moved all of the books he found onto Adam's minute bookshelf, then began sorting the paper into small piles, throwing out the blank sheets. Most of the sheets contained small, incoherent doodles, while others had small notes like "pick up laundry at 3" and "Lawrence coming at 6PM" scribbled on them. It was a huge waste of paper if nothing else.

It was about five o'clock when Adam finally came out of his bedroom to see what his lover was doing. By this time, Lawrence had made great progress on the apartment. He'd finished sorting the paper and had begun to dust and sweep the carpet, which was stained with every number of things.

"Free service?" Adam asked sarcastically, leaning against his living room doorframe and regarding the older man skeptically. Lawrence grinned and turned to face him. Needless to say, the kid looked stunning. He had on a very loose, black shirt with short sleeves, and thin, blue shorts that didn't go passed his knees in length. Lawrence felt his face flush at the sight of him, and turned away in order to hide it.

Adam chuckled and took his arm down from the doorframe.

"You look at your wife like that, you naughty little boy?" ge asked teasingly as he walked up to Lawrence.

Lawrence felt the blush on his cheeks get deeper, but he still had to face Adam.

"No. I haven't done that in the past ten years, Adam."

If Adam heard the undertone of seriousness in his voice, he pretended not to, because he just fidgeted a little with the papers that that his boyfriend hadn't thrown out.


Develop pictures, pay rent...

"Jesus," he said quietly, and Lawrence wondered if he was talking to himself or to him. "It's been a fucking month since I did any of this..."

Lawrence smiled weakly and let his hand brush over Adam's arm.

"Then we might as well throw them out, right?"

Adam looked up at him, with his smile remaining, surprisingly, and nodded.

"If you're going to raid the whole house, I don't really see a reason to why these should stay," he said, almost shamefully, and crumpled the papers he was holding into little balls that he dropped in the garbage bag that stood next to Lawrence's feet.

Lawrence kept smiling. Adam could say whatever he wanted. It still felt like his used-to-be lover had been founded into a big lump of metal that now was getting old and crumbling, and the light that was Adam was now shining through, dazzling Lawrence so that those annoying tears welled up in his eyes again.

He tightened his grip on something in his left hand that he didn't even know he was holding, which coaxed a rustling sound from his fist. Adam sent him a suspicious glance, like Lawrence was hiding something behind his back, and he tried to figure out what it was, pulled the other man's balled-up hand close to him and opened it.

When Lawrence's hand was undone, and the little piece of paper that was in it was visible, Adam picked him up, surveyed it with furrowed brows, and then straightened it out, and Lawrence, who'd actually forgotten what it was, read it over his shoulder.

Lawrence coming at 6PM.

Yes. Apparently, Lawrence hadn't been able to let go of it. He'd stood there with that in his hand, clutched desperately to it in an attempt to get a grip on the carefree relationship he and Adam had once had, the beautiful past that had once been and that was so far, far away.

Adam rolled the note between his fingers with a small smile lingering over his lips.

"When was this?" he asked, almost whispering, like he barely wanted to admit that he was still talking to Lawrence.

Lawrence squeezed his eyes shut and put a hand on his forehead in an attempt to remember, before the memory came back to him.

"About a month ago," he then said. "When I'd rented "Die Hard," and you got so drunk that you thought Bruce Willis was a girl..."

Adam laughed.

"Well, if I was that drunk, who can blame me for not remembering," he said, without taking his eyes off the note.

Just for a moment.

Just for a moment, they were reunited.

Lawrence had almost started to collect these moments. The moments when Adam was, completely, one hundred percent, Adam. Adam, without his masks of fury, Adam, who could actually make love to him, not rape him, Adam, who was the first person in his life that loved him unconditionally and that wasn't this afraid of showing it...

Those moments when Adam actually gave him hope that their relationship could go back to normal.

The only problem was that Adam was very particular about keeping it down to a moment. Because just a second later, he looked up, saw the way Lawrence was looking, and hardened. He then cleared his throat nervously and walked up to the front door.

"I'll go get us some dinner," he mumbled, referring to the door. "Keep acting like my little bitch and clean up, okay?"

Lawrence smiled, even though he had to sweep his hand over his eyes to keep those tears from falling.

"Sure. Adam?"

Adam, who'd just put his shoes on and put his wallet in his pocket, looked up at him, reluctantly. Lawrence took a deep breath, tried to inhale the sight of the ruffled, skinny, pale and so terribly, terribly beautiful little boy in front of him, tried to keep the closeness that he bloomed up between them, whether Adam liked it or not.

"I love you."

Adam didn't bite back. He didn't force Lawrence down on his stomach and rape him. His eyes were just widened, his face got even paler for another moment of vulnerability, and he couldn't do anything but nod briefly and open the door. And get out.

But Lawrence still managed to see how the note he'd written slipped down in his pocket.

AW! Poor Lawrence! He's so nostalgic now! At least he was able to say something to Adam without being raped this time. Argh! Who am I kidding? That's a BAD thing! Rape is so HOT! Anyway, R&R, everyone! Sure, there wasn't any hot rape in this chapter, but if you be nice in your feedback, there probably will be in the next chapter! *Blackmailing.* XD