Chapter One:

Every You, Every Me

I always find someone to bruise

and leave behind

The Dal was booming with a 'we survived!' party (a banner was hung from the ceiling saying those exact words) when Lauren arrived. Dressed in her brown leather jacket, a simple grey shirt and her jeans, she easily felt comfortable moving through the crowd, towards where she suspected Bo would be, drinking with who she was sure were Kenzi, Hale and Dyson.

Coming up beside the succubus, she smiled, "hey stranger."

"Lauren!" Bo said happily, almost choking on the shot she'd just downed with her best friend. "You made it," there was no doubt that Bo was pleased to see her as she held strong eye contact and grinned just wide enough to show off her gleaming white teeth.

"Celebrating a victory over the Garuda? I could make time," she replied smoothly. Bo laughed, grinning at her.

"I'm glad you're here."

A pause followed the words as Lauren breathed out and held Bo's eye contact a little too long. Wanting desire coursed through her as she stared at Bo's lips and then down the black silk shirt and leather jacket. Pulling back slightly, she smiled and looked at the shot glass glasses on the bench. Only two out of the four shots in front of Bo had been drunk. Kenzi herself had a few more shots in front of her, and was beginning to show just how much she'd drunk as she clung to Hale to stop from falling off the stool

"Do you mind?" Lauren asked, pointing to one of the two remainder.

Bo blinked before shaking her head, "No, of course not. Go for it." Picking up the shot, she caught Bo's eyes again. "Count of three," she told her, clutching the last one on the table.

"One," Lauren whispered, smiling despite herself.

"Two."

"Three!" Kenzi piped up. Immediately, all three of them took a shot. The liquor was swallowed quickly and burned hotly down their throats. Lauren found comfort within the alcohol as it soothed the nerves that spun tightly inside of her. In all honesty, she'd came for a specific reason and was glad there was alcohol to begin with.

"So," Bo began, spinning on the stool so she directly faced Lauren, "you've been avoiding me." Lauren smiled, ducking her head out of embarrassment.

"Not on purpose, I've been busy."

"Still doesn't change the fact that whenever I come see you, you're somewhere else. I left three messages!" Lauren laughed before sighing. It was true, she'd been avoiding Bo, mostly accidental, but the phone messages she couldn't really deny. In truth, she'd sat on the couch with her phone in hand, thinking of just how to call back without splurging out something she might regret.

"Well I'm here, so you can talk to me now before I start avoiding you again."

"Funny," Bo said, before biting her lip. "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you, honestly. There's-" before Bo could continue, she was grabbed out of her seat and suddenly thrown into a crowd of people. In the mass, Lauren could hear, "Hey!" "What the-" "I was just in the middle of-" "oh thanks," before the sound of people chatting and singing, overwhelming whatever Bo had to say.

Turning back away from the crowd, knowing the crowd would keep her busy for a few minutes, Lauren came to see Trick. "Hey," she smiled.

"Quite the party," Trick said to her, before adjusting himself back as the bartender, "can I get you anything?"

"Not what's on tap, I don't want to go through that experience ever again," she smiled, "I'll just have whatever you can get me." Trick smiled at her, before easily mixing her a drink and passing it back over to her.

"You know Lauren," he said, leaning over the bar, "Bo would probably run with you if you asked."

Lauren' smile slipped as she looked at Trick, she should have known how obvious it was, it wasn't as though she'd ever been subtle with how she looked at Bo. "I wouldn't do that to her," she replied, "this is her family, all of you. She belongs here," turning, she looked back at the crowd as Bo was suddenly lifted up onto the shoulders of some over-appreciative fae. "I would never ask her to choose between me and that, it's not fair on her."

Trick smiled, "I'm glad that you said that."

When Lauren turned back to ask what he meant, Trick had moved on to serve other patrons. Lauren shifted her attention to her right, mildly amused as she watched Kenzi attempt to balance a shot glass on her nose as Hale outright laughed at her. As she shifted her eyes further along the bar, she came to Dyson, sitting with an ale in his hand, as he looked out at Bo.

Bo and Dyson, she noted with a heavy sigh. Bo may not have noticed, but Lauren had. The looks and stares were back, proving that somehow Dyson had managed to retrieve his love for Bo back. The moment she'd known, it began to eat at Lauren. She would never ask Bo to be monogamous, that was impossible, but she would ask that Bo loved her truly, solely.

It would kill her if she knew that she shared both her bed and love with someone else, it had consumed her with jealously before and there'd been nothing official between her and Bo back then. But...things had changed.

Nadia had died, and though Lauren ached desperately over her, finding herself unsure of what to do with the clothes, the camera equipment and everything else that reminded her of Nadia, she knew in her heart that her feelings for Bo had grown to such an extent that there was little doubt in her mind, in how exactly she felt.

"Dance with me," suddenly Lauren was tugged onto her feet and pulled into Bo's arms.

"Wha-"

"Dance with me," Bo said again, already leading Lauren to the dance floor.

"No, Bo, no - I don't dance, I-" but it was too late, Bo had pulled her into the centre of the dancefloor, wrapping her tightly in her arms, and there they were. The two of them, spinning and ridiculously dancing to traditional Irish music.

"See, you can dance," Bo laughed.

Lauren couldn't help but laugh as they joined hands and spun again. When she pulled Bo, back into her arms, she watched the dark hair flow, and noticed how Bo's cheeks reddened with the movement. The dark eyes were alight, and a large, amazing smile was plastered across the succubus' face.

Without much needed consideration, she grabbed her and kissed her lips, listening as the dancers around them elicited a loud cheer as though something much grander had happened rather than Lauren being overcome with emotion because of how beautiful Bo was.

"What was that for?" Bo asked breathlessly when she pulled back.

Lauren couldn't help but smile shyly at her, "do we need a reason to kiss? Because sometimes I think no reason at all is just as good as any reason," Lauren could hear herself beginning to ramble, but the words were pouring out and she couldn't help it, "but I mean if you want to get into detail, I guess it's because being with you causes brain-" Bo grabbed her and kissed her again.

"We don't need a reason to kiss, Lauren, I was just surprised."

Lauren blushed, feeling the taste of Bo on her lips and tongue. "Sorry, sometimes when I get nervous, I-"

"I know," Bo said, shaking her head with laughter, "and I love it about you." Lauren's face paused at her words, slowly she flicked between Bo's eyes, remembering why she came to the Dal in the first place. In that moment, the Dal felt as though they were the only two standing, still holding onto each other. Her heartbeat sped up as she felt her nerves spark up again, inside of her.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, she just needed to say them.

"Bo," she whispered.

Sensing what was about to happen, Bo forced on a smile and spun Lauren again, deflecting what was about to happen. "Come on, let loose for tonight, please," she pleaded as they returned to dancing, "after all, I'm the guest of honor," she joked.

Lauren smiled and nodded, "okay" she promised.

"Good."

When the song was over, before Bo could drag her into another, Lauren found her way back to the bar. Trick, busy with other patrons, barely noticed her, whilst Kenzi already had managed to balance three shot glasses, piled onto each other, upon her forehead. She was completely oblivious to Lauren standing next to her, however, Dyson wasn't.

"Hey," he said in greeting.

"Hey," she returned politely. Lauren never quite knew where she stood with Dyson. There were times in the past where she'd known his discomfort and dislike for her purely because he made no attempt to hide it. Now though, with everything they'd been through, especially with Ciara and Nadia, Lauren felt that was more to their relationship that made it impossible to define exactly what their relationship was.

They both knew each other too well to be acquaintances, but they weren't quite friendly enough to be on friendship - though most certainly, Lauren was sure that it bordered on it, with jealousy being the only thing that stopped them.

Without their love and history with Bo, Lauren was almost certain that they could have been friends. But there was no way to tell.

"Have you told her?" she asked. He looked at her and she ducked her head uncomfortably, "I'm not blind," she said when she finally looked back up with a raised eyebrow. "I do have good eyesight you know."

Dyson laughed, "I wouldn't. However if your eyesight is anything like Kenzi's-"

Lauren grinned, "It's not. She needs glasses, but she's too stubborn."

"Iamnot," Kenzi mumbled. The words caused the shot glasses to topple and before Kenzi's slowed reaction could stop them, they fell and smashed onto the floor. Trick turned and immediately threw his eyes onto Kenzi. "Her fault," she said pointing at Lauren.

Passively Lauren turned back away from Kenzi to face Dyson again, "you didn't answer my question," she said as Trick handed both Hale and Kenzi a broom and shovel each. When Hale complained loudly, Trick reminded him who had been paying for Kenzi's drinks that night.

"I tried," Dyson said after a pause. "She...was preoccupied."

Slowly, both their eyes went to Bo, watching as she danced in the middle of the dance floor before smiling back up when she sensed their eyes. Lauren felt her body go hollow as she realized that Bo didn't know. Just as she believed that Bo had maybe, just possibly chosen her...she hadn't. Not really. Ignorance was bliss after all.

"You shouldn't do it tonight."

"Why? Because you're finally going to tell her how you feel?" Lauren dropped her eyes away at the passive-aggressive behavior to find herself looking out at the crowd.

"She's been deflecting me all tonight, I don't think she wants me to," Lauren turned her eyes away from Bo and turned back to face the bar, "But she loves you, she's always loved you," Lauren informed him, sounding more than a little self-conscious to anyone who knew her.

"You don't know that."

"I do. It's you and it's Bo, she will always love you even if she doesn't realize it," tossing her head back she forced a smile. "I think I'll go for the night, I'm tired." Lauren went to move for the door, when Dyson grabbed her wrist.

"You know Lauren, the door's still open. You could leave before you're given to a new Ash." Lauren's expression twisted in a bittersweet smirk as she found herself, once again resenting Dyson. Her chest swelled with the need to tell him that she preferred him being loveless, but instead she dropped her shoulders and placed a well-designed mask on her face.

"I'm many things, Dyson, but I'm not the type of person to run away because I'm scared Bo doesn't share my feelings," she said softly, "and I wish you wouldn't think of me as such." With that, she ripped her hand out of his grasp and walked away.

Bo, seeing only the last part of the conversation stormed up to Dyson. Lauren didn't hear what she said, but by the finger jabbing and obvious anger, Lauren was sure that it wasn't good. Quickly she left, pulling herself around the corner as she walked the rest of the way home. A part of her hoped that Bo would run after her, drag her back to the party or somewhere else, but she didn't.

Instead, Lauren walked the distance to her home, going through her mind what she should have done.

It would have been so easy to just grab Bo by the shoulders, kiss her and say I love you, but she couldn't. She wanted to talk, wanted to explain that she not only loved Bo, but that she wanted her completely. Regardless of the fact that she couldn't have Bo's body entirely to herself, she wanted her heart.

Was that so selfish?

But she was too afraid that Bo would say no, and it was easier to just keep quiet than risk her heart breaking. She didn't want to lose Bo, not again.

Perhaps it was selfish and even unkind of her to think like that, she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of anything with Bo any more. Every you, every me, she mused quietly to herself. There were so many different parts of themselves that they'd tried to convey to each other. Too many. Sometimes Lauren wondered just how real all those parts were. She'd never felt this complicated before Bo, but she was and Bo wasn't any different. Perhaps Bo made her see herself entirely, or maybe she just wanted to be more for her.

Another night, she thought quietly, I'm too tired now.