DISCLAIMER: Words words words. All these things have so many words. I don't own anything except the bit of writing you are about to partake in. You know what these things generally say. Either you've read them before or you're just skipping over this anyway. Characters belong to Andrew Hussie and mspaintadventures. It's a dot com thingy. Also, there is about to be a
WARNING: THIS SELECTION MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR HOMOPHOBES. It contains what has lovingly been deemed idealogically sensitive material and if you don't like it, then just go hit that left pointing arrow and go back right now so you don't have to suffer through it. No one is forcing you to read anything. So. Still here? Good! Enjoy!
Oh. And P.S. - Still not back to the original pairing. No worries! It'll happen!
"But Daaaaaad! I had plans with Dave today!" John whined for a little while before trudging upstairs to give Dave the bad news.
-ectoBiologist began pestering turntechGodhead-
EB: uwwaaaaahhhhhh Daaaveee!
TG: sup egbert
TG: todays gonna be a blast
TG: i just scored some choice new records and im teachin you to spin man
EB: oh man! That sounds like fun!
EB: But I can't. Dad said i've been spending too much time with you and hes dragging me to the zoo.
TG: fuck
TG: that bites
EB: I knoooowww! Bluh. I have to go. ttyl dave
-ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead-
Dave leaned back away from his computer, flopping his head back. Damn it. Now what was he supposed to do all day? He leaned forward again, dropping his forehead onto his keyboard and leaving a long string of g's on the chat window, not even lifting it when the sharp dinging from his terminal told him his g's had reached the end of his typing allowance.
Bro came out of the bathroom, finally having finished with one of his eternal showers when he heard a telltale sign that one of three things had happened. One: Dave was depressed about something. Two: Dave had passed out. Or three: Dave had finally lost all ability to mix. He poked his head into Dave's room without bothering to knock since the door was halfway open anyway. "Yo lil man, sup?"
Dave sat upright again, adjusting his shades from where theyd come to rest askew on his face from being pressed against many computer keys. "Egbert cancelled on me. I'm fucking bored."
"Aw, the poor lil shit is bored." Well good, he didn't pass out anyway. Bro pushed the door open the rest of the way and leaned in the doorway with his arms crossed. For the past few months, all that kid did was hang with that nerdy buddy of his. He was beginning to wonder if maybe he'd gone wrong somewhere teaching him to be a bitchin son of a bitch all these years. "You could always chill with your bro, lil dude."
"Don't fucking tie me in with that damn puppet of yours with your shitty semantic prefixes." He hadn't faced away from his screen yet, and it didn't look as if he planned on doing so any time soon.
"Dave. I'm hurt. And so is Cal. Seriously though. We haven't been hanging out at all lately."
"That is because you are a douche. Now get the Hell out of my room, bro."
"Can't do that, lil man."
"Get the fuck out, asshole!"
"No way. My lil bro's got some shit piled up like a fuckin dung beetle soirée smorgasboard and I intend to figure the fuck out why."
"Go away. This doesn't concern you."
"You're bored. Of course that concerns me." His body flickered as he flashstepped for a moment, returning with something held behind his back. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong. Just fucking go already."
"Alright, we do it the fun way." He raised his arm and chucked a waterballoon at Dave's head, the splash torrenting all over him and his computer, soaking them both and quite possibly shorting the computer out.
"BRO!"
That did it. Lil man was pissed. Dave had his favorite sword drawn and at the ready in what seemed an instant. It was a pretty sweet time traveling broken sword. Had record needles and everything. Bro just lifted a hand and pointed upward, then he was gone.
Dave growled and shoved open his window, climbing out onto the fire escape, running up toward the roof.
No sooner had he gotten there than he had Bro bearing down on him with a very overused movie ninja flying slice attack. He'd seen it a hundred times before, and Dave blocked it without a second thought. He had regained his composure, and he'd picked up a few new skills from his adventures on LOHAC. "Bro, I swear to fucking God I am going to mop this roof with your ass."
"Sometimes I wonder if you want to do something else with my ass, lil man~" He skidded backward as Dave shoved him. Damn. The little dude got stronger. Lil Cal was draped over his shoulders and he pulled him in front of him. If nothing else, maybe he could get to him through whatever stupid thing had him traumatized by an epic puppet like Cal. Whatever the reason was, it would never be good enough. Cal was awesome.
And there it was. That fucking. Puppet. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. For longer than he could remember. That fucking floppy piece of shit laughing at him at every turn. It was ALWAYS THERE. And he was attacking with it. AGAIN. He hated that fucking doll. He closed his eyes and for the first time since he was a kid, he swung his sword wildly.
Bro stood with his jaw ajar in stunned silence, looking down at the gash across his stomach as his white shirt was slowly stained red and fluffy puppet stuffing fluttered around them like snow while the lower half of Cal's body flopped haphazardly to the ground. "...Ow."
Dave opened his eyes again to that sight, and well shit. He hadn't actually expected to even hit him, let alone wound him like that. "Bro? Are you alright?"
Bro swooshed forward, a clanging sound followed by a thunk marking Dave's sword being thrashed from his hand and landing stuck into the roof. Bro gripped the front of Dave's shirt, pressing his sword to his throat. "..." He sighed. He'd won, and they both knew it. He stooped to start collecting the pieces of Cal. It wouldn't be the first time he'd had to repair him.
Dave stared at Bro, watching him serenely picking up puppet parts. "What the fuck, bro?"
He didn't look up. "What?"
"Why aren't you pissed? I just sliced your fucking stomach open and destroyed your damn doll again."
"Shit happens, lil man."
"Damn it, Bro... You never give a shit about anything, do you?"
"Sure I do."
"Yeah? When? Name one time."
"Remember last week when you came home from school with a bloody mouth? I gave a shit then."
"Bullshit. You sent me to wash up and go to bed."
"Yeah. And then I went to the school and found out the kid's address and knocked him upside the head."
"No you did not."
"Want me to call him up and you can ask him yourself?"
"Fuck."
"Remember that time you stole my board?"
"...Oh come on, you weren't even pissed about that."
"No. You fell off the fucking thing. I gave a shit about that. Your leg was in a cast for six months."
"Got some damn elusive phone numbers cause of that thing..."
"Yeah well, I fucking gave a shit then too."
"..."
"You're my lil bro man. Trust me. I give a shit. Sometimes two."
"Fuck you."
"If that's what'll make you happy."
"...What?"
"Why have you been avoiding me so much lately?"
"...WHAT?"
"Don't fucking play coy with me, Dave. You've been holed up and skirting my schedule and don't think I haven't seen you peeking around corners and disappearing when I'm around." He stood with the Cal bits captchalogued. "What is the deal, man?"
"I'm a rebellious teenager, isn't that a good enough answer?"
"No. Because I know that's bullshit."
"What do you want from me?"
"The truth. What do you want from *me*?"
"Fuck you, I'm going back to my room." He started toward the fire escape again. At least, he tried to. Bro caught him by the arm and stood staring at him with that perfect poker face. "Tell me what it is or it probably won't ever change."
Dave pulled his arm away. "You don't want to know. Trust me."
"Damn it, Dave."
"Damn it what? Did you expect this to be some gut-wretching, heart-rending moment between the epic Strider bros? My best bro bailed on me, you doused me with water that smells like half-dissolved rubber, destroyed my computer, lured me up here for an impromptu strife and I fucked your shit up. Regular fucking day in the Strider household, isn't it?"
"What is the fucking problem?"
"I'm fucking jealous, alright?"
"Jealous? Of me?"
"Yes. And no. Go figure your own shit out. Do the fucking math. I'm out of here." He continued on toward the fire escape again.
"Damn it, you little asshole, I'm not a fucking mind reader!"
The next sound was Dave slamming his window shut, then the door to his room. Bro scratched his head, watching the place where his little brother had disappeared. Jealous of him, and not of him? Or yes jealous, but not of him? But then why would he be so pissed about him? Why avoid him? And what exactly was there to really be jealous? They were pretty much leading the same lives, except the kid didn't have to work. He had school though, and that was close enough. What else did he have? Shit, he didn't know. Man, he didn't pay much attention to him, did he?
Wait... maybe that was it? Dave thought he wasn't paying enough attention to him? Well, he had been kind of avoiding him himself sometimes. It wasn't like he really had much choice in the matter. Kid was attractive, and he might end up doing something horrible if he didn't step away sometimes.
Either way, he'd let him cool down awhile and bribe him with some Chinese food before trying to talk sense into him. He strode for the doorway that led to the stairs from the roof down into the rest of the building.
Dave sighed in his own room, slumped against the door. Fuck Bro. Fuck this place. Fuck everything. He slid down the door to his knees, so glad no one could see him right now. "God, I am so fucking twisted..." He's your fucking brother, numbnuts.
A/N - Hey guys. I have dug myself out of my hole and I am back! Hope you enjoyed that cliffhanger. You'll see more in Chapter 4. Let me know if you want to keep it PG-13 or if you want smut!