Strokes Of Red

by Mizar31

While spending a free weekend out of town, Lisbon is attacked in her motel room. She survives almost unscathed, but the sign on the wall says that a well known man paid her his visit. How far will she go to protect her best friend, Patrick Jane?

6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: This time it is blood

Some day in the week, late evening – very late evening.

»Teresa?« with this cautious question Jane pushed open the door to the ladies room in the CBI. »Are you ok or should I call for Grace to help you?«

Her voice was slightly muffled due to the closed toilet cabin, but she managed to sound growling: »Jane, leave me alone, I… I am old enough to throw up alone, ok? Let poor Van Pelt out of it, she´s quite in the same state as I am. So would you just go, please?«

»We all are.« Patrick replied, and had no intention to leave.

She flushed and opened the door. »This case always gets worse.« she whispered, until the running water from the tap overpowered her words. »Where is this going to end?«

Jane shook his head: »I am afraid, I do not know. Do you want some black tea? Patrick´s special edition?« he smiled a little bit.

»You´re not up to drug me into some sleep, aren´t you?«

»For sure not. Rigsby tried one half an hour ago. He´s still fine.«

They went back to the kitchen together, where he prepared the tea. »You look overtired.« he said to her, while the water started to boil, then he gazed over to the others: »They all do. Maybe I should really drug them, so that they get some really relaxing sleeping hours. This case is going to break us – if we´re not careful.«

Cho, who had heard a little bit of the conversation, joined them and said: »Careful? We can´t be careful with this, I must admit it comes back to me every time I close my eyes. My girlfriend really tried to distract me last night so that I get some sleeping minutes, but I´d prefer to work all night through, than to …«

»We need to clear this.« Lisbon said with a firm voice. »As long as we don´t get them we´ll be haunted… I mean, we´ll be haunted by this afterwards for sure, but at least we did everything we could as soon as the case is closed.«

This moment Van Pelt seemed to get a breakdown. She shivered and coughed for breath, trying hard to ban the tears that ran down her cheeks. Lisbon took the tea that Jane had prepared for her and cast one excusing look at him, but he only smiled.

She went directly to Grace´s desk and put the tea cup down next to her: »Patrick Jane special edition.« She said. It was the best to try to distract her younger teammate now, not to mention that gruesome case again. »It´s still burning hot, but it smells good. He should get a patent pending on this, ere someone tries to copy it illegally.«

Van Pelt smiled a little bit and wiped her tears away: »But it is not full of drugs, is it?«

»Why does everyone think that I am up to drug someone?« Patrick asked from the kitchen. »That´s a bit concerning, I must say. Don´t you trust me?«

»Not entirely.« Cho replied.

For the split of a second they had to smile, but this was almost too short to be true.

It was Wednesday, very, very late evening… almost Thursday now, and they were still at work. None of them could go home – or wanted to. It was a good excuse to stay awake, telling everybody that they had to write down the statements and facts immediately, and that this could not wait any longer. Although at least Cho and Rigsby had their girlfriends waiting at home to comfort them, for what reason ever, they also preferred to stay with the team, maybe weld together because of the sheer unbearable case they were working on.

Gillian, the wife of Mr. Airdale aka Thompson, had been found by a jogging couple the day before, in the early morning. She was alive but very unstable; she had to be kept under current custody in the hospital since she was there. She was found at the outback of her home town in Oregon; Gold Beach. To get the possibility of a statement the CBI team had to fly northwards today with one stopover in Medford, to the municipal airport of Gold Beach; then they had visited the woman and, also today, they had returned to the CBI.

The difficult task to write down her statement was still not done, they had agreed to get some rest before they would turn to the cruelest part; but until now no one had made the decision to leave the office until now… and with the tick of the second it was Thursday now. It had also been impossible to find rest during the long flight, because the pictures always kept crawling back into their minds. They could not judge who´s been suffering more, Mr. Airdale, or his wife. To be honest… no one wanted to judge about this!

After this night Teresa was sure that she had to visit her doctor – maybe she would get some short time prescription of two or three sleeping pills, only over the weekend, or something. She was more or less constantly awake since guessed forty-eight maybe fifty-five hours; probably longer. Now the ghastly thoughts of the case started to mix up with something else; she knew that it came from being overtired. Three nights of good – even drug induced! – sleeping would help to get the head clear.

She had ordered Rigsby and Cho to take two days off, although it was not weekend, but Thursday and Friday. Rigsby had Sarah to calm him down a little bit, and also Cho should have the time to find some rest; wherever his girlfriend may take him to. She could not do much for Grace and Patrick, but they reassured her that it would be the best to leave the office for a while, no matter where everyone wanted to go.

Before they could leave, they still had to get the permission of the head of the department, Wainwright. The young Special Agent was immediately ok with the decision; he had to admit that the Agents had worked constantly for a long time, and he could see that they really did look very exhausted. So he was ok with the two days, Thursday and Friday, off, in addition to the weekend. Slowly they all packed their things together; Rigsby seemed not so sure that he would be still able to drive his car, so he ordered a taxi to bring him home, the others tried to leave with their own cars, but with care.

As if it was foreordained destiny, they did not come far – at least not Lisbon and Jane. It must have been the very moment when Cho arrived back home, and met there with his girlfriend; because not a long time had passed since they all left the CBI.

Lisbon´s phone rang out only a minute or so before she could call her house doctor to plead for a term this afternoon. Cho seemed to be very upset, although he tried to keep his voice sounding calm. Besides him someone was crying; to Teresa´s fear it must be his girlfriend. Something must have happened – she only hoped that the woman was ok.

»Boss, someone must have been in my house the last night. It was out of mere luck I think that I was not at home and Summer spent the night with her best friend…« he made a pause. »I´m awfully sorry, but I think you´d better look at this. You and Jane.«

Teresa´s heart missed one beat. She almost instinctively knew what must have happened: »Ok, I round up Jane and be with you as soon as possible.«

Cho and Summer looked at the bedroom wall with a mix of shock and horror, the woman was still weeping, but more silent now, she tried to stop sobbing. The sight clenched her chest and made it difficult to have enough air for both actions; so she had to decide between crying and breathing. The fact that one needs to breathe to survive made that choice easy.

This was a bad dream.

Cho was very silent now, continued looking round, and noticed that the bed sheets were also a complete mess; blood-stained and at one point almost soaked in blood; a small soup-pot was there, toppled over, the blood must have been in this pot. Then he looked back below the ghastly painting at the wall. They already knew where the blood came from; the mangled body of the stray cat Summer used to feed sometimes at night was lying next to the wall, right below the red smiley face. He could not remember afterwards how long he stood there only looking at the wall painting, which had an evil smile, the lines slightly, but not much run down because the blood was not entirely dry when it was painted on the wall. After a while he tried to get Summer out of the room, begged her to prepare some tea, and she listened to him; maybe happy to escape that horror vision.

This was not funny. He tried to think over the possibilities. What if they´d been at home? Would they be lying here, cut and stabbed to death? Who did this? At first of course there was Red John. They had worked on his case for years; this was well-known by anyone whom you might ask. But he had never turned against one of them. He could, of course, have changed his mind, but… wasn´t he dead?

Surely also the street gangs knew that. Maybe this was some late rage reaction – in the last years he also had some encounters with street gangs who were capable of such a thing. For sure it was not the work of a mere burglar; the attack clearly went after him personally, and it was surely pure good fortune that he was still alive. It was well-planned.

But why now? And why this Red-John-painting at the wall? All people round thought that RJ was history, shot by Jane – without that Special Agent Darcy from the FBI maybe. The FBI had started investigations about the possibility that it wasn´t so. If not, Jane was in trouble, Lisbon was in trouble, for goodness sake, they all were in trouble. The red face was painted with a lot of concentration, so that the drying blood did not drip too much.

Ok. This was the last thing he needed to be convinced that it was better to call the police also. Whoever did this – must be crazy, or… worse. But again he hesitated.

He looked back on the face at the wall; it was so much like in the Red John murders. Although… it did not entirely fit; the eyes were wrong. Was he alive? So no police, to protect the others, especially Jane?

He shook his head. Probably it was over. If this was a street gang´s doing it was maybe an initiation rite; like some have to steal a car, rob a pharmacy or stab an innocent person. The more he thought about it, the more this idea seemed likely to him. He was known as a former member of the "Avon Park Playboys" and now he had completely changed the sides. That would make him a very attractive target for gangs, for a test of courage and devotion. This was a real mess; disgusting and frightening.

They cut the cat´s throat to get to her blood which they used to paint the wall and splatter it all over the bed. He was sure that it would have been easy for them to burglarize a butchers shop to get some animal blood there; but no. And of course they´d painted a red smiley face. They must know for sure that he was with the Red John investigators. This was probably a "very-funny" joke-attempt. Would this be better than if it was really Red John?

Maybe it was the best not to involve the police here; he knew well how this could end. The aggressions on both sides would build up more and more, until maybe really someone died or there was a massive street-gang-war. No policeman liked it if someone of them is attacked by gang boys, and no gang likes it to be wrongly suspected. He decided to try to find out on his own. That was not the concern of the whole team; they had something else to focus on right now, but Lisbon and Jane should know. He was sure that they would keep silent if they came to the conclusion that this was only the doing of some street gang, and that they would let handle him this.

:-:

A little bit later Patrick and Teresa arrived at Cho´s house. He and Summer were awaiting them at the door but stepped back so that none of the neighbors cold see inside. Of course both newcomers were shocked when they saw the mess in the bedroom and the bloody painted arrows in the entrance area that pointed in this direction.

Cho asked: »Jane, can you tell me, is this the style of Red John? And if it was him, what about the fact that you shot him? What would the attorneys say, or the jury, if they knew that he´s still out there? Until now the FBI only tracks a faint evidence line, but…«

Lisbon added: »We must think about that. So, what do you say, Jane?«

The consultant answered: »Yes, it looks a lot like Red John´s style, but as you said, you are still alive and not even severely hurt. He killed all his victims in the past. He would have let it be, if you or Summer weren´t here, and would have returned another day. He never did something like that before, this is not his manner. Why should he start now?«

Cho sighed: »So I thought. My first impression was some impostor or gang; If this is so I don´t want to involve the police because I can handle this much better by my contact persons. I´ll find out who it was, only to be sure that this won´t happen again – or worse, happens to you, Summer. Maybe it is better to stay with your mom in Reno for a while.«

Summer protested: »I will never leave you! Don't even think about that; if needed we´ll keep on night watch. I stay.« She crossed her arms and looked stern.

Jane stopped again in front of the face at the wall and stared at it for a while, but remained quiet. Then he turned around and let his gaze flicker through the room. There was nothing missing, nothing toppled over or broken, only the bed looked like a real mess, and of course there was the cat´s body at the foot of the wall. The throat of the poor animal was cut with a single streak, precisely through larynx and the arteries. There was not much blood left that had leaked out since the cat was lying here, the most part must have been used for the paintings and the splashes on the bed. A disgusting idea…

Cho asked: »Have you seen it all? Then I´d like to clean up the mess.« He took two or three photos with his own camera just to have something to show his contact people when he was asking round, but took no picture that showed clearly where it was from; it could have been made in any house that had approximately the same wall colors or furniture.

Summer said: »I´ll help you with that, if you are sure that you don´t want to call the police.« She smiled. »But I also think it´s better to handle it alone if it was a gang´s doing. Come on, let us get the cleaning equipment, Kimball.« The two of them left the room.

In fact Teresa was really worried now. What happened to her colleague was one step worse than what she had endured. It was the same attacker, there was no doubt, and now it was clear that this person was really after them. The attacker found her in the Inn far out in the woods, and now Cho´s home; and he entered somehow without setting the night-alarm off, and without leaving traces. It was a pro-job. Someone wanted to be sure that the RJ case was reopened. Maybe Red John himself was back, but would he act like this? It did not really fit him to let somebody live… if he´d kill her and Cho it would have been the same, maybe – oh, I really think this again: it would be better for her to be dead. Then she would not be bothered with those dark thoughts that kept sneaking her up just now and then, like a curse. Or this was his purpose, a new act in this tragedy… he was just playing round, like a child that rips off a fly´s wings just for fun, and watch it crawl and suffering in pain before finally killing it. A thought that made her shiver.

This very moment Jane stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her shoulders from the back, and whispered: »Teresa, let me be there for…«

She freed herself from his embrace, maybe a little bit too hasty, which he noticed of course, and backed off a step, looking worried. But nevertheless she said: »Stop trying to be concerned about me. I am okay. I can and will handle this alone. We now have to support Cho and Summer, we only can hope that those happenings are not connected.«

He shook his head: »I´m afraid they are. This is step two. We did not react to his first attempt, now he´s gone a little bit further. He´s used blood this time, and killed that cat, to show us that he´s really capable of murder. And it´s not important that it is an animal that is lying here. It´s the fact to take a life, that matters.«

Lisbon shivered again. It was alarming, yes, and maybe she should start an investigation on this now; better now than too late, if something more happens.

Jane said: »I´ll give you a little bit more time to make the right decisions, Teresa; otherwise I´ll do something on that on my own and if it brings me back to jail… then it has to be so. You can clearly see that this person increases his level of violence. Whoever it is, he or they start to become a real threat.«

She hold against it: »Ok, listen to my proposal. We let Cho ask round his street gang contacts, maybe they know something. Maybe this here was really only an initiate rite. If you compare it fact to fact it is a completely different history – ok, except the smiley face at the wall, but this here looks different to… mine.«

»If you say so.« Jane replied. »I see much coincidence here. So we are disagreed once again. I only hope that this stubborn behavior of you does not lead into another, even worse thing.« These were direct words, and he spoke them with an unusual, hard tone.

Teresa was really wondering, maybe a little bit hurt by his statement, but… he was right somehow. What kind of team leader was she, if she´d risk the health and life of her friends only to cover up her own mishap? Jane disliked that from the beginning, and… and what if the attacker was outraged by the no-reaction-politic, and decided to do something worse next time to show how serious he was. Would it happen to Rigsby? Van Pelt? Herself again? Maybe Cho, Summer, or… Jane?

If she´d start an investigation, she must also investigate against her friend, Patrick. If she proved that the attacks were led by Red John, it was her, who would expose him to a new trial and all – could she ever do this? Would the others do this?

Cho and Summer came back from his storage room with all the cleaning equipment they could carry, but that seemed not to be enough: »I must get some new wall paint and a new mattress.« He sighed after he had tried to remove the blood from the wall, and Summer had taken off the bed sheets. There were still blood stains on the blank bed, and half the wall had a reddish color now. The outlines of the face were still clearly visible.

Lisbon asked: »Do you want us to investigate this? We would do it if you like.«

Kimball shook his head: »Ah, no, thanks. If we start something officially here, it soon could become really big, maybe interesting for another CBI-Team or the FBI, all the people there who had been working or are still working on the RJ case. Which would, in the end, bring Jane back to jail or at least in big trouble; if it is proved that he shot the wrong man. So I will try to get something out "by talking to someone"; you know what I mean. If this proves as the wrong track we still can follow the other. But you can leave now, if you like.«

Summer added: »We only clean up a little bit more and then we´ll go to my house to try to get some rest, as I planned. Kimball must sleep, and the Thursday seems to be half gone already. We´ve got a longer drive... I told no one were we going. So we´ll be safe.«

Cho sighed: »I want to cover up this and not tell the police. That´s definite now.«

Lisbon nodded: »I will respect your choice.«

»And so do I.« Jane added, but Teresa did not really believe him.

Although she had wished to get a little bit of sleep or even rest before she went to her doctor, there was not enough time left. Teresa had got one of the last terms that afternoon and was sitting in the waiting room now, with a mix of emotions running through her body. She was so tired that she could sleep in while walking, but at the same time she was really afraid now from closing her eyes – she always saw some horror pictures because of her overtired state. She was nervous and felt hot or cold, sometimes packed in wool, then as clear and awake as if she was balancing on a knife´s edge.

Finally her doctor, a moderate older man with grayish hair, called her in. »What can I do for you, Miss Lisbon?« he asked, but then he added: »Oh I see, you look really tired, and your circulation must be troubled. May I take a check on your blood pressure?«

»Of course, if you need.« Teresa answered. »But I am only a little bit stressed by my job at the time. I´ve simply overseen and neglected my need to sleep a little bit too long, and now I am so overtired that I can´t find rest. I need some medicine to sleep, for two or three nights, then I´ll be back to normal. They gave me the weekend off, thank god.«

»Hm.« the doctor replied. »Sleeping pills? You know that I have to ask you some questions before I give them to you. One moment…« he looked at the screen of the blood pressure apparatus. »Low, and your skin feels cold. You need a rest; that is clear. If stress is overwhelming, you might need something to calm you down. I agree; above all you asked me only for a short time treatment. But nevertheless, my questions are inevitable.«

Lisbon groaned: »Please, doc… sorry, I only want to sleep, there´s nothing more to it. I have a really cruel case right now and want to concentrate on this, but I can´t if I am so tired that I might oversee one detail. This stress and overtiredness also starts do affect my body… but I think a little bit of sleep will do. It will be the best cure.«

»In which way does the stress affect you?« The doctor asked.

»I forget to eat some times, and my stomach seems to be sick, I get the urgent wish to throw up as soon as I tried to eat something. I am like a raged wild cat sometimes; I growl at people without any cause… and I am over my time… well, to admit it, I lost counting somewhat days ago… it is Thursday, no? No matter, I think. You see, my body is really longing for sleep, even if it is drug introduced.« She smiled weakly.

The doctor again made: »Hm.« Then he went to his medical cupboard and took out a small card-box. »Miss Lisbon, are you sure that you have been right with your counting?«

»Um, yes? I… you don't say…« she jumped to her feet. »No, of course not! It´s stress!«

The older man was still calm: »Don´t worry. I only want to make you this test before I give you the medicine, ok? Just use my bathroom. We´ll know in a few minutes. I´ll prepare the prescription form for the pharmacy in the meantime.«

»You can´t really mean that.« Lisbon was still offended. »What if I refuse to make this test? I mean, what do you expect from it? If I say no, what else could there be, than: No?«

The doctor was more serious now: »If you refuse the test, I won´t give you the sleeping pills. It´s only for safety, don´t worry. It will be over in five minutes, you get your medicine, you leave, and then you´ll have a nice sleep at home. Everything easy, but it is against the Hippocratic oath to give you that kind of medicine right away.«

»Ok, I´ll do it… to make you content. But under protest! This is ridiculous.« She left her bag in the doctor´s room and took only the pregnancy test with her, read the user´s manual while she walked and returned to the doctor´s desk a few minutes later. »Happy now?« she asked, smiling grimly, when she put the test on the table before him. »And trust me, I used it, and not put it into the tap water. So much I am a law enforcement officer.«

The doctor looked at the test, meanwhile took his pen to sign the prescription, then he wrinkled his brow. »I am sorry. No sleeping pills for you, Miss Lisbon. But I can suggest you some valerian and lavender tea. You…«

»No pills?« Teresa mouthed, and could not believe it.

The doctor shook his head. »No. The test is positive.«

»What?«

»Of course these tests are not working with one hundred percent certainty. Maybe you want to see specialist. A blood test brings better results, if you want to be sure. Whatever… Congratulations.« he smiled widely and stretched out his hand over the table.

Lisbon, who was still standing, took and shook it: »Mm… thank you?« It was like being battered down with a big, blank white hammer. There was absolutely tabula rasa in her mind. »I… should go then, I assume...« she said. »May…maybe I can get a term at my specialist doctor, and… then I come back with the real results and so on.«

»Fine.« the doctor answered. »Do you want to take the test with you, as a memory?«

»I think… no?« it was more a question than an answer, but currently she was feeling like a feather in the wind, and up she goes and down and to and fro and back and forth, whatever… a bad dream, this was all a bad, bad dream.

:-:

She must have sounded really awful on the telephone, because although it was already late in the afternoon now, the secretary of her gynecologist had an emergency term free on the next day, although it was Friday. Usually it was almost impossible to get a term earlier than two, or three weeks in advance. But Teresa did not wonder about that, it was all like being already drugged… almost funny, relaxing… But why by all means! Why do I feel absolutely nothing! Her mind cried out loud once, ere there was this soothing blankness again, like the quietness of a computer that had a complete crash – only a frozen screen where nothing was possible any more. Quiet, calm, not moving, blank, just: Fine.

She had not much memory to this evening, but maybe sleep overran her somehow; and luckily enough there were no dreams or visions. Wow, maybe I should take that kind of therapy against my sleep deprivation, she thought, while taking a shower. No sleeping pills, just some moderate or massive shock each evening… and the insomnia will be gone.

It was already hot in the morning and had this kind of damp air that usually predicts a thunderstorm. Everyone tried to stay at the shadowy side of the sidewalk, children were begging for ice and cool drinks, even the birds seemed to stay in the shadow.

The waiting room of her specialist doctor was full of people, that predicted a long waiting time, but fortunately the climate control worked well. It was strange, she´d been here often, but never in this situation. Thoughts were running like blinking flashlights, as if you pass by advertising signs on the highway, she could not remember a single one.

When it was her turn, at first the doctor took a blood probe to get it to the analysis, so that it would be ready after examination. »Your house doctor was right.« the gynecologist said. She was a very experienced woman, and used to interpret the body speech and behavior of her patients. »But I think that this was not planned?«

»I… can´t say that it was planned, no.«

The doctor nodded: »Okay, I´ve got those situations from time to time. I can´t tell you what to do; I´ll give you some papers to read, … but in the end there are not many options. It depends on what you want – it is all yours, and your decision, but whatever you like to do, I will accept it. You are grown up enough to think about the consequences; I am your doctor in any way and won´t force you into a choice. But some decisions are final.«

Lisbon shook her head: »Well I am sure, I do not need your papers or any more time to think about it. I want… to end it. Better now than tomorrow. That´s like a nightmare.«

Now the doctor really looked concerned, and her words were mildly reproachful: »Miss Lisbon, this is a very fast and final answer. You seem to be really sure that you don´t want to have this child. You are with the police, is there something… something you have to or want to conceal? Did anyone force you into this? If so, I must reprimand you for not coming earlier. If you were attacked during duty, you should have come right at the moment, even if it was midnight or whatever. I have an emergency number, you know? I mean, with your blood probe is everything else ok, you´ve got no infection or something, but still… you should have made a report about this. You can´t let this guy live on unpunished.«

»I know.« Lisbon answered. »But… I… It does not matter what I thought then.«

Sighing, the doctor agreed to that. »Ok, if you want it… sign this form. In this case we should not wait any longer; at this state of your pregnancy you don´t have to go to the hospital for abortion. I give you a pack of two pills. Take the yellow one tonight, the blue tomorrow evening, and that´s it, your body will some kind of restart your monthly rhythm. You must read this paper and sign it.« She handed the paper over; it contained of two sides and informed the patient about the process and risks of an abortion in this state of pregnancy. »You can take a copy home with you, read it through. Take your time. Ask my assistant for a new check up term about one week after you started treatment.«

Teresa knew that she did not speak much, but maybe it was the best. »Thank you.«

»And remember, you can call me any time you like, ok, if you have questions.«

»Yes. I know.«

»Excuse me, Ma´am, is everything all right?« these were the first words she heard from the man, that was standing next to the park bench. He had an umbrella that protected him from the pouring rain. While he spoke, he positioned one edge of the umbrella above Lisbon, so that she also was sheltered; but that did not help much; she was already soaking wet. »Ma´am?« the man asked again. »Do you need a doctor? Shall I call the ambulance?«

»No, thanks.« Teresa replied. »And would you just leave me alone, please?«

The man smiled. He must be about forty-five, fifty years old, and his brown hair had some gray streaks at the temple. His green eyes were hid behind thin rectangular glasses, and he was about five foot ten, or eleven, he wore a thin rain coat to protect his fine suit from drops. »No, I don´t think that it is a good idea to leave you alone. You´ve been alone much too long – if not, you wouldn´t be sitting out here in the rain, would you? Is there someone I could call for you, a friend, maybe, family? So that they come and pick you up?«

»No. Thank you for your concern. I am ok. I only have… some decisions to make. Alone.« She still refused to talk to him.

Taking a deep breath the man continued to speak: »But is this really the right place to make decisions? A park bench in the middle of a thunderstorm? Lady, of whatever kind your problems are, they are not worth it that you risk your health for them. You´ll get pneumonia if you stay here. The rain is warm, I admit that, but there comes the wind and the chill effect. Don´t you want to go somewhere, where it is dry and sheltered from the wind?«

Now Lisbon smiled: »Are you a doctor or something? You talk like a psychologist.«

»I am not a psychologist, but yes, I am a doctor. An internist; to be precise. I´ve got much to do with people who do not feel very well, be it physically and psychically. So… maybe in time I´ve learned a little bit, to be a… psychologist.« He looked concerned. »Lady, you are trembling all over. Here…« he folded the umbrella, took off his rain coat and his suit jacket, than he placed the jacket and the coat around her shoulders. »It keeps the wind off.« he said. »You can return it to me whenever you like.« He was wet too now, and turned to go.

»Wait.« She called after him and followed him a few steps. »Maybe you really can help me. If I am not disturbing you. Maybe I just need… someone to talk who does not know me.«

»Okay?« he answered. »Let us sit down again at your bench, if you like. But I want a promise from you, as some kind of "thanks for the talk"«

She backed off a little bit, and was alarmed: »What promise?«

»The promise, that I am allowed to pay you a cab that takes you home, after we talked. You need to get rid of that wet clothing, or I will meet you again at the hospital… and I don´t like that. I do the best I can do for my patients, but… you know, being sick is not nice. And if you probably want to meet me ever again, I would prefer some place outside the hospital, with you being healthy.« He smiled and held the umbrella over both of them.

Lisbon answered: »If you want this promise, I promise. Maybe it is the best to go home and get this done… ere I think too much about it. That´s only getting more difficult.«

The man replied: »This does not sound very good, Miss. You don´t plan to do something really stupid to you?« He seemed to be really concerned and guided her back to the bench, where they sat down again. »You are not up to… «

»No. Not for suicide, but… it's the right kind of direction. I… am going to… end a life.«

He sighed: »I am sorry for that… a loved pet, I assume? Maybe your old or sick cat or dog, that you had for twelve, thirteen, or even more years? That´s hard, I know. But at least you have the chance to help your loved pet out of it, if it is really suffering.«

»That might be true, but it is no pet. I got some pills to end a … pregnancy. I am not far, so it is easy, my doctor says. I don´t know why I hesitate.« she said in a very low voice.

»Um.« the man said. He did not expect that, and it really was a difficult situation.

Teresa hurried to say: »You don´t… you don't have to listen if you don´t like.«

»I got your promise, you got mine.« he answered. »But now I know why you don´t seem to notice the coldness of the rain and all. Hm, may I ask, have you talked to the father? What does he think? Or… do you want to lose that child because you don´t like the man?«

»The "or", I fear. I was burglarized and drugged then… I don´t know who´s done it.«

»Are you serious?« the man almost jumped up to his feet. »You weren´t at the doctor right the next day? That's really dangerous, you know? Why the heck did you…« He calmed himself down. »I am sorry. You for sure had your reasons, and I am not in the position to say any word of reproach to you. Please, forgive me. But I understand now why you might not like that child. You are convinced that it is the best solution to take the pills, so that your husband and other children never know what happened to you, so that they are not concerned. Am I right? Wow, that's really hard.«

She shook her head: »This time you guessed wrong, I am neither married, nor do I have children. Never found the right… ah, whatever. I made the decision because of work… and so on. Work also has to do with that burglarize in some difficult way.«

The man wrinkled his brow: »Maybe I go too far to ask you this now; and I would not be surprised if you decide to slap me or leave at once… But have you, even if it was only for a single second, thought of keeping the baby? I mean, not to offend you, but you are not in your twenties anymore… It´s… well… I have gone too far. I should better go.«

»No, I won´t hit you. And yes, one single moment I thought… that… I was jealous on my brother who has his teenage daughter, and… I am still alone. But then…«

He smiled grimly: »Your concern took over again. You were taken without your will, and this child will always remember you on that.«

»But I can´t remember a thing of that night. And I think I would know if… I mean, you can feel it, no, if there was someone with you. But there wasn't a sign. Strange, no?«

»You told me before that you were drugged, that can cover up body signs. But let us play one minute with the possibility that you keep it. The baby knows nothing about that. It will love you, whatever may come. It´s yours, and no one can take it from you.«

She nodded: »You are right, but will I be able to love it?«

»There is no easy answer to this question. But when I look into your eyes, I know… you are a wonderful person. A little bit stressed right now, and outworn; and I really don´t think that it will be easy with a small baby child, but… you will love it.« He smiled again. »And if all this is not enough for you to be able to be a good mum, there are thousands of families in the US that would be so tremendously happy to adopt a baby child. You don´t need to take a life of an innocent thing, that can´t do anything for self-defense… Ok, being honest, it´s just some aggregation of cells now, not feeling much, but it is the beginning of a life.«

»But how should I explain that in my work?«

»This should be your least important question. What others think of you.« he sighed. »Maybe if you think of it for a while longer, maybe you can make out someone in your surroundings that could possibly be the father. At least you could belt him one or deliver him to the police. Or… if not that, make him pay for the medical treatment. If you decide for the worst case, you should look that you get some DNA evidence to get the bastard punished. So I would suggest you to go to a hospital with that. And if you should know him perhaps…«

The next second for Lisbon was like running into oncoming traffic.

The man besides her noticed her blank face: »You ok? Are you feeling dizzy or sick?«

She replied, with a trembling voice: »No, I am not, I only just realized that… I maybe… good gracious heavens, I maybe know the father.«

»Wow, that´s good news.« the doctor clapped his hands once. »So you have a lot of more options. So skip that pill-eating for today, maybe even for tomorrow, ok, and think a little bit about it. Calm down, get your senses together. I am sure you would be more content with your decision, if you had a longer time to think about it.« He stood up. »And now we really should take you home; even I am starting to feel cold now, you must be close to hypothermia. I´ll give you my card, if you like, you can call me for advice. I won´t ask for your name nor for your address. Just follow me to a cab now, and drive home, ok?«

»I will do, as I promised. And thank you… very much. You really helped me.«

»All my pleasure.« he replied, then they walked to the next street to look out for a cab.

The talk to the doctor had been a relief for the moment, but reconsidering it, now, where she was at home, dry and warm again, she knew that there were a lot of more difficulties coming… but one thing was for sure, she had to think about it instead of acting too fast. If it was his; no, not if. She had been almost sure that she´d been left unscathed – respecting the felt tip paint on her skin. But then the very next night where she really got carried away… this was like the most kitschy and cheap love and romance story one could ever read. Who could ever wish to be inside such a story? No one, by all means.

Could she kill his child? This answer was easy: No.

But what would he say if he knew? The simplest thing would be to ask him. Why not? They were both grown up. What would he say if she took the pills, and he´d ever find out? She could pretend that she thought that it was from her nightly visitor. He´d understand, and he´d be so... Oh my… back to the start. Could she explain it with a panic reaction? Surely not, she was not the person for pathetic dramas. And what would the others say? Well, she was old enough to decide on her own. If the baby was only half as nerve racking as he could be sometimes she´d go crazy. Or not? Hm.

»Do I want to have Jane´s baby?« she asked herself in the mirror. »Or… could I live with… taking its life?«