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Small Things- Chapter Four: Waking
Kevin was struggling his way through layers of drowning fog. He couldn't figure out which way was up and the constriction around his chest had him increasingly panicked. Why the hell was it so hard to breathe? There was warmth at his side and he focused on the presence he sensed there. Opening his eyes seemed like the biggest challenge he had ever faced but he strived to see; some part of him rebelling against the vulnerability that came with being blind. When he finally forced his eyelids apart he couldn't help the pained moan. It was too bright and everything was reduced to a teary blur.
Stubbornly cracking his eyes open another fraction he ignored the instant headache that sprang up behind his retinas. The tears began to clear and, for the first time, he had an idea of where he was. Hospital? Why was he in hospital? He concentrated on the last thing he remembered and felt heat flash over his body as he remembered the night with his partner. They had gone to work the next day and caught a homicide. A boy beaten to death because he was gay. They had canvassed the area. He could remember that. Then they had gone back to the bullpen and he had visited the college. The college by the parking lot.
The memories hit him like a ton of bricks and he instinctively tried to sit up, to escape, to protect himself, to do anything to get away. He was aware of voices but, lost in reliving the attack, he couldn't make sense of what they were saying. He was aware of desperate gasping breaths but didn't realise they were being torn from his own lips. Hands were suddenly on him and as they held him down he realised there was no way he could resist. He lay tense, blinded by bright lights and his own tears, waiting for the next blow. When none came he relaxed slightly only to panic again as he was pulled into strong arms that refused to let him go. His chest was aching and he was trembling violently as he tried to sort past from present.
"Shhhh, Kev, I've got you. You're safe. I'm here. It's OK. It's OK." Javier breathed over and over as he rocked the other man. The sight of his partner in such distress had shaken the Hispanic detective and he hadn't even thought when he had pushed his way past the doctors and nurses to comfort his lover. Kevin was still trembling but he seemed oblivious of the cacophony of warning alarms from the diagnostic machines that had been disrupted when he regained consciousness. As the other man's trembling eased he relaxed his hold slightly but kept his arms in place. "I've got you, baby." His cop's mind noted the start the nurse gave at the endearment but he put aside his annoyance for the time being. Kevin was the priority now.
"Javi?" whispered the Irish detective and Javier felt his heart break at the cracked sound of his voice.
"It's me," he whispered back "I'm here, Kev."
"Hurts," whimpered Kevin and flinched violently as a doctor reached towards him. The man raised an eyebrow at Javier's glare but didn't back down.
"Detective Ryan," he said gently "I want to help you. My name is Doctor Phillip Edwards and I'm standing in for Doctor Monroe who usually treats you. I need to get you laid down and get some things reconnected. If you're in pain then I can help." For a moment Kevin's fingers closed convulsively over Javier's upper arms but he allowed himself to be manoeuvred away from the other man and back into the bed. He lay quietly through the examinations but no one missed his flinches when he was touched unexpectedly. Javier knew his nervous hovering wasn't helping but he didn't know what to do. He was torn between finding someone to kill or gathering up Kevin and never letting him go.
"Would you prefer pain medication that allows you to stay awake or do you want to sleep for a while?" asked Doctor Edwards as he was preparing an injection.
"Stay awake," whispered Kevin. He cleared his throat and winced at the pain.
"The nurse will bring some ice chips for your throat. We had to intubate you for a while so it'll be sore but there's no permanent damage," he was reassured. The Irish detective nodded and turned his eyes away from the sight of a needle being inserted into his arm.
"We'll just leave you to have a talk then, shall we?" the doctor said as he began gathering up his equipment.
"Thanks," said Kevin. The ice chips had returned his voice to almost normal and only a slight hint of roughness remained. He was still pale, though, and Javier wanted to find a corner and cry when Kevin turned to look at him. The guilt and pain was rolling off of the other man in waves.
"I'm sorry, Javi," he whispered. And Javier Esposito saw red. He would find the bastards who had made his lover think he had anything to apologise for. He would find them and hurt them. Badly.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Kev," he told the other man. "I should have been there. I should have been backing you up and I wasn't. You don't need to be sorry, querida."
"Couldn't fight them," his lover insisted "Should have been stronger. Should have been paying closer attention. Didn't do enough."
"There were at least six of them, Kev," Javier said gently "They got your gun. There are not many people who could have fought at all, let alone as hard as you did. We've been over the crime scene with magnifying glasses. You fought as hard as you could and I don't have to have been there to know that. We've got evidence, Kev. You did everything you could. I've had Special Forces training and I wouldn't have been able to do anything differently. I'm damn proud of you, amante. And I'm the one that's sorry."
"You don't need to apologise, Javi." Kevin said "None of us knew. Mason is in this up to his neck. And I'm sorry for that spectacle just now." He glanced away to the side "Got confused when I woke up."
"Don't be sorry," Javier took his partner's hand and brushed his lips over barely healed knuckles "I think you had a right to be confused. I'm jus glad you're alright."
"How long have I been here?" asked Kevin. His muscles ached from more than the attack. He got the feeling he hadn't moved in a long time. "Javi, tell me," he insisted when his partner looked like he might try and avoid the question.
"Nine days," the other man answered. "For a little while they weren't sure if you were gonna wake up. And they weren't sure if you were gonna be… well… you. You took quite a bump on your head, Kev." Kevin snorted.
"A bump?" he questioned the other man "Sounds like something Castle would say."
"Yeah, well," said Javi, immeasurably reassured by his partner's laugh, "He's been hanging around here with us all as much as he can. Even took to reading sections of his newest book to you. I think he hoped if his writing annoyed you enough then you'd wake up and shove it down his throat."
"He been bugging you about his big gay adventure for Naked Heat?" asked Kevin, smirking at Javi's exasperated expression.
"Only every minute of the day," muttered the other man "now you're awake there's no escape for you, Kev."
"Nah," laughed the Irish detective "Castle's a softy. I'll just pull the injured cop routine and point him in your direction." He smiled beatifically at Javier's growl and took the moment to properly look at his partner. He wasn't pleased at what he saw. "Javi, you look rough as hell," he told him.
"Says the man on the hospital bed," snorted the other man.
"Well you look like you should be in here with me," retorted Kevin, then he saw the flash of heat in his partner's eyes. That wasn't exactly what he'd meant but if it got Javier horizontal…
"Interesting offer, querida," drawled the other cop "I think hospital beds are a little small for that kind of fun, though." He leaned down and whispered a suggestion that Kevin actually whimpered at. The need that swept through him banished his aches and the bad memories and left him on fire. With his good arm he pulled Javier closer and fitted their mouths together. The kiss started off slow, enough, but didn't stay that way for long. There was heat and need and relief and pure lust in the way Javi kissed him and Kevin actually groaned when the other man pulled back.
"Should we come back another time?" Castle was standing in the doorway with a mile wide grin on his face, Beckett behind him. Kevin didn't consider telling them to go away. At least, not much.
"It's good to see you awake, Ryan," Beckett said as she elbowed castle out of the doorway to get inside the room "How do you feel?"
"Tired, achy" he replied honestly "but alive."
"You gave us all a bit of a fright," Castle told him "We've had an interesting few days without you."
"You missed me," Ryan told him "Admit it." The writer dropped all pretence of teasing and nodded seriously.
"Don't put us through something like that again," he said, before grinning gleefully "I'll set Lanie on you. She had some pretty interesting things planned for you."
"Don't look at me," Javier told his lover who was looking at him beseechingly "You're on your own when it comes to Lanie."
"Coward," muttered the Irish cop as he sent a glare at the snickering Beckett. "That's right," he grumbled "Make fun of the guy who got beat half to death." He glanced up at their shocked silence. "That's what happened," he said matter of factly "I'm not going to dance around the matter. I appreciate you trying to shield me but right now I want details. Could you pin anything on them with the crime scene evidence?"
"We've got them at the scene of the crime. DNA and trace puts them there." He wasn't surprised when Beckett was the first to answer him. "They're denying any involvement," she continued "Say they were there earlier and had their own punch up. They've got members of staff and their father as alibis for the time you were attacked. Mason senior has employed the biggest kickass lawyer he can find and he's crying about harassment. Castle has a date with one of the maid's who's acting as an alibi. I'm pretty sure she'll roll on Mason if we promise to protect her. With that and your statement, even their high- flying lawyer won't have a leg to stand on. Hopefully, if David Brookson comes forward to testify, we'll at least be able to arrest them for the murder of Tye Malloy. After that, with the threat of a cage hanging over their heads, one of them should roll on the others. And that's what we have. What do you think?"
"I think you need to get someone in to take my statement as soon as possible," Kevin told her "The longer we wait the more chance there is that his lawyer will accuse us of fabricating events to make an unlawful arrest. Or whatever it is they say when they think you've cooked up a story to cover your ass." Kevin pinched the bridge of his nose with a pained sigh. His headache was coming back with a vengeance and every heartbeat made his already tender ribs throb.
"You need to rest," Javier told him immediately "I'll call a nurse and get you some more pain meds."
"I'm fine," Kevin began but Javier ignored him in favour of telling Castle to find a nurse.
"Don't give me any crap, Kev" Javier said calmly "You were attacked and nearly killed. You need to rest and heal, querida. And, you know," he added "The quicker you get better, the quicker you can come home." Kevin pouted but nodded and ignored Beckett's snort of laughter.
Castle came back through the door with a nurse trailing behind him. When Javier caught sight of her plastic smile and the barely hidden malice in her eyes he could have groaned. Why hadn't he warned Castle about her? The last thing Kevin needed after what has happened to him was any hint of the homophobia that had led to the attack in the first place. The nurse went about her business in silence and it was an awkward silence at that. Beckett picked up on the tenseness of the situation straight away but kept her mouth shut. Castle began fidgeting so Javier guessed that he knew something was wrong. Kevin didn't seem bothered as the nurse finished up and Javier prayed he hadn't noticed anything. But his partner was a cop and Javier should have known he wouldn't miss much. When the nurse was gone, and the wrinkles of pain were smoothing out on Kevin's forehead, the Irish cop turned to his lover.
"She didn't like me," he stated "You look worried. Tell me what's wrong Javi."
"It's more us she doesn't like," Javier said gently and watched understanding flick across his partner's face. When Kevin reached for his hand he took it and brushed a kiss over the other man's knuckles.
"Her loss," the Irish detective shrugged "If she doesn't even want to get to know how completely kickass awesome we are then it's her problem."
"I second that," Castle told the two of them, with his patented ear to ear grin. "Although I might have added sickeningly cute to that list of descriptions," he added. Javier smirked at that as he eased himself in beside is lover, careful not to jostle him.
"I think Castle likes you, Kev," he stage whispered. He grinned at Beckett's whoop of laughter.
"Sorry, Rick," Kevin sighed dramatically "Javi's just so damn possessive. He'd kick your butt. Looks like we were just never meant to be."
"That's a disappointment," the writer sighed "How am I going to finish my book?"
"Seriously, dude?" asked Kevin "There's this thing called the internet, you know."
"Then Alexis would see my search history," he complained "Do you really want to be responsible for mentally scarring her for life?"
"She lives with you," Javier objected "She's already affected for life. And anyhow, have you seriously not figured out how to delete your search history?" Castle laughed freely and Javier could feel Kevin chuckling quietly against him. He also felt the massive yawn from his partner. "Kev," he sighed "lie down and go to sleep. I'll stay here, baby."
"Kay," breathed the other man "Thank you," he added "All of you."
Javier watched him as he slept and thanked a God that he hadn't thought of in a long time. He had his Kev back, and he was keeping it that way. No matter what.
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