Natalia knew she was cooking for no reason but couldn't seem to stop herself. Time wasn't passing quickly enough. Usually cooking calmed and helped her take her mind off her troubles. It helped time pass. This morning that simply wasn't happening. She poked at some biscuits she'd made. They weren't going to be any good by the time Emma and Olivia woke up. She glanced outside. Still dark. She made a grunt of frustration and threw the dish towel she was holding onto the counter. Leaning over the sink she reluctantly allowed her thoughts to travel back to the moment she woke up that morning.
She remembered her feet feeling cold, but the rest of her body feeling blissfully warm and safe. It was probably the cold feet that woke her up, but it was the warm that kept her from moving as she slowly drifted awake. She remembered smiling and snuggling in closer to the warmth, holding onto it tighter. It was only when the warmth made a small, happy sigh and pulled her closer that she fully woke up. Her eyes blinked open. Olivia! They'd fallen asleep on the couch together. Not only had they both fallen asleep, but they'd found a way to wrap themselves around each other in a delightfully comfortable way. Natalia pressed her eyes shut. She realized she should probably move, but the temptation to stay in Olivia's arms was too great. She decided to take a minute – just one minute to indulge the temptation.
Without moving, she took stock of the situation. Her head was resting slightly below Olivia's shoulder so she couldn't see the other woman's face, but she felt and heard a deep, rhythmic breathing coming from very close to the top of her head. She could feel the warm breath gently moving the hairs on top of her head. She'd seen Olivia sleep before, watched her do it for long periods while she was sick. It was always strangely comforting to watch as the breaths rhythmically flowed in and out. Olivia always looked so peaceful when she slept. Sometimes Natalia imagined that God would momentarily erase all of Olivia's past for her while she slept, leaving her without the worry of her past mistakes, leaving her light and free to enjoy the slumber without any baggage to trouble her dreams. She sometimes wished she could be the one to do that.
Further observing the situation, she realized that one of her hands had found its way across Olivia's stomach and around to her far side. She tentatively moved her fingers and realized the tips of them were under Olivia's shirt, touching bare skin. She swallowed hard and felt her heart begin beating hard and fast. The feel of the soft skin undid any resolve she had to move from the woman's embrace in "just one minute." Despite a distant voice inside her head telling her she should consider stopping, she slowly began moving her fingertips in small, slow circles, barely touching the skin. Even though her eyes were closed, the lids still fluttered a little as the feel of the soft skin made her entire body temperature seem to raise an immeasurable number of degrees. Unable to hold the thoughts back, she imagined herself lying beside Olivia and studying that skin, the way it looked as she caressed it, the way it looked as Olivia moved beneath her caresses. Her hand drifted upward. She took a deep, longing breath as she felt the entire palm of her hand come in contact with Olivia's soft skin.
Suddenly, Olivia shifted her hips and made a small moan in her sleep. Natalia froze. Oh God! What was she doing? She suddenly felt like a creepy teenage boy who was trying to feel up his girlfriend in her sleep. She pulled her hand away slowly, trying not to fully awaken the woman who was definitely not her girlfriend, and moved to untangle herself from the embrace.
"Mmmuh huhmmm" Olivia protested firmly in her sleep and held Natalia closer with a surprising force.
Natalia felt mild panic bubbling up inside her. She sat up with more force, knowing it would wake Olivia, but hoping the surprise of it would confuse Olivia enough to not realize how they'd been sleeping.
"What? Huh?" Olivia said, sitting up and looking around through half-shut eyes. "Natalia?"
"You fell asleep on the couch."
"Oh, oops." Olivia said with a tiny smile, and moved her arm awkwardly. "Ow, arm's asleep." She looked at it for a moment before clutching her head. "Oh shit. Ow, my head. And ow, arm… pins and needles. Oh, God, my head!" Natalia couldn't help but laugh as Olivia alternated between grasping her arm and her head. Olivia squinted at her through eyes that were yet to fully open. "You laugh, but I feel like someone planted a million tiny bombs in my brain and they're exploding my brain cells one by one."
"You are so over dramatic," Natalia laughed. "It's what you get for drinking so much." Olivia made a weak sound of protest. "You know I'm right. Go up to bed. It's still hours before you need to be up. If you still feel bad in the morning, I'll make us coffee and you can complain about it then."
"Mmmkay," Olivia said slowly, her eyes closing again at the thought of her comfortable bed. "Help up." She put an arm in the air and waited for Natalia to grab her hand. Natalia shook her head and stood to help the drama queen. As she took her hand, Natalia felt her heart melt at the sight of the sleepy woman who struggled to her feet. Who would have thought Olivia Spencer could be so damn adorable? Sure, everyone knew she was sexy and seductive and all those things, but Natalia knew the adorable and vulnerable side of Olivia too. She felt privileged and blessed to know Olivia felt comfortable enough with her to let that side show. There was only one problem; that side was absolutely irresistible.
Once Olivia was on her feet she patted her arm again. "It's waking up," she said with a proud smile and began moving up the stairs. She paused and said with a raised eyebrow, "Although I do wonder how it fell asleep, I was just sitting there with it out in the open. Usually something has to be on a limb for it to do that."
Natalia smiled a little too widely and shrugged. "Weird!" was all she could think of saying. "You should drink some water before going back to sleep!"
"Ah, yeah, good idea," Olivia said in a murmur as she continued walking up the stairs.
Natalia watched as she disappeared from sight before making her way to the kitchen.
And in the kitchen was where she stayed for 3 hours. At first she cleaned. There were no dirty dishes, but she figured some of the rarely used dishes probably needed to be rewashed. No one likes a dusty plate, after all. Then she cooked, which she knew was pointless since Olivia was bound to wake up feeling sick. She ate most of the food she cooked. Just something else to make me feel guilty. Finally, around 8am her cell phone rang. It was Frank. Apparently, he wanted to have a day of fun and excitement with her. Natalia barely heard him as he babbled on over the phone about his plans for the day. She only knew that she needed some space from Olivia. Space, not to process what had happened, but hopefully to get rid of it from her mind. She was marrying Frank, Olivia wanted her to marry Frank, and that was the end of the story. At least, that was the simple version of the story. Natalia liked the simple version of things. She'd gone through too much in life, had too much drama to want the complicated story anymore. Been there, done that. She craved simplicity and a day with Frank would be simple.
+++++
Olivia sat in the farmhouse kitchen, finally alone. She leaned back in the chair and made a dramatic fake crying noise. "Why, God? Can't you just give me one day off?" She'd barely been awake 2 hours and already she'd had to face the annoying sight of Frank in her kitchen picking up Natalia, and had a messy argument with Philip. "Maybe if I sit quietly God will forget about me," she muttered and laid her head down on the table.
Her cell phone rang.
"Arrghh!" she yelled and got up with an angry push of the chair. "Yeah?" she barked into the phone without even looking at the caller ID. The call was from Rafe. The anger flew out of her as the operator connected them.
"Olivia?"
"Rafe? Are you alright?" Natalia's son had never called her directly from jail before, and she felt worry consume her.
"Yeah, Olivia. I was just… my mom and Frank were just here. They told me the big news."
"Oh?" Olivia said lamely. She felt like she should mention something about how wonderful it all was, but she wasn't feeling up to it.
"Listen, I was hoping you could come down here for a visit. I kind of want to talk to you. If you're not busy or anything."
"No, of course, Rafe. I'll be down there in a couple of hours. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, that's good. Just get here before three, okay?"
"No problem, kid. See you in a few."
Olivia still felt rough as she walked into the prison. She was hoping this wouldn't be one of those all-day hangovers that refuse to go away until you get another night of sleep.
"Hi, Rafe," she said in a voice that she hoped didn't make her sound hung over as she sat down in the chair across from him. She'd subconsciously been trying to impress the son of her best friend for a long time now.
"Hey Olivia," he said with a smirk, "how are you feeling?"
Olivia knew that smirk and put her head in her hands for a moment, "She told you, didn't she?"
"Yep," Rafe laughed. "She told me all about it." Olivia sighed, but smiled back at the young man.
"Don't worry," Rafe said, not wanting her to think he thought any less of her. He was actually glad to hear about the human Olivia instead of the tough-as-nails superhuman she tried to show the rest of the world. "She was laughing the whole time she was telling me about it."
"Glad I could entertain," Olivia deadpanned.
"In fact, that story…" Rafe's smile faded, and he leaned forward. "It's just that her marrying Frank, that was a big surprise. I mean, I know they were sort of dating, but…" His words faded out and he looked down at his hands.
"But?" Olivia prompted.
"I think Frank's a good guy. He's done a lot for my mom and me, you know? It's just that this all seems so rushed. I always thought if she ever got married again she'd be so happy she wouldn't be able to contain herself."
"You don't think she's happy?"
"Well, she trying to be happy," Rafe said, chosing his words carefully, "but I can see that she isn't. Not really. She doesn't seem unhappy, but… but sometimes, most of the time, when she's really happy it's like I can actually see the happiness. Like she gives off a light." Rafe shook his head. "I know that sounds so lame."
"No," Olivia said, her voice soft, "you're right. I thought I was the only one who thought that."
"She has that light when she comes here with you." Rafe said, leaning a little across the table. "I saw a little of that light today... when she was talking about you."
Olivia stared at Rafe, she wasn't sure what to say.
"You make her laugh," Rafe said.
"We make each other laugh. But I don't see…"
"God, Olivia, I thought my mom was the dense one." Rafe sighed, "Listen, I have a lot of time to think in here. I have a lot of time to think about what my life will be like when I get out of here. I think about Ma and how I'm going to do everything I can do to make her proud of me again. And for some reason I keep picturing you and that cute kid of yours in all my plans. The four of us in that farmhouse. I can't seem to picture it any other way. If I picture Frank there, suddenly the whole picture goes out of focus. Everything seems dimmer."
Olivia stared at him. She wanted to scream out, "Me too! I belong there. Me, not him!" but she just looked at him, waiting for him to go on. She felt nervous tension begin to flutter around her body as she began to realize where his speech was heading.
"You make her laugh, and you make her happy," Rafe said, losing his eye contact with Olivia for a moment. This conversation was difficult and awkward for him, but he knew it all needed to be said. He looked back at her, "And you love her, don't you?"
Olivia felt her bottom lip tremble. She wanted to say "yes," she wanted the word to come out at the top of her lungs. She wanted to scream, "I love Natalia Rivera!" from the rooftops, but the only thing she could manage was a small nod.
"She loves you too," Rafe said, leaning forward once again, wishing he could touch Olivia's hand to steady her.
Olivia shook her head and felt tears begin to fall down her face. "No. I don't know…" she said weakly.
"She does. I'm her son. I know these things." Rafe said with a sudden light smugness. Olivia laughed a little despite the tears. "Tell her," he went on, "before she marries Frank. I mean, you know she can't marry him, right? He's not a bad guy… he's just not you."
Olivia felt a sudden surge of happiness move through her and she laughed. "Okay," she said simply, as she wiped tears from her eyes.
Rafe waved his hand a little, "Well, go! Go tell her. I expect to see her shining the next time she visits."
"Thank you," Olivia said, as she stood to leave, her voice cracking with emotion. Rafe waved her away again. She rolled her eyes and they exchanged smiles. Olivia turned and confidently strode out, determined to go home and tell Natalia how she felt.