Dear Diary, September 9th, 6th Year
So begins today my conquest to destroy Potter's "heart." I suppose he'll never see it coming, which I suppose is supposed to make me feel better, but I still can't help thinking that this isn't going to end well. Alice assures me that since he's a guy it won't bother him too much, but I don't know… *sigh* I really need to get these negative thoughts out of my head. Focus on the victory! Focus on the prize! You will be forever rid of that stupid, silly, slimy, suspicious, senseless James Potter.
To start off my day and my plan, Alice and I woke up earlier than the other girls to "beautify me". Considering I still had to wear the school uniform, I just focused on my hair. Generally my red hair is pretty lifeless but Alice worked some magic (no, not magic-magic) and it turned into lovely, long locks. (Hehehe…I was enjoying the adjectives. I must not get that carried away next time). Anyways, by the time we walked down to breakfast I had taken the school uniform to a whole new level.
Heads turned when we walked in. Alice had spiffed herself up also (in hopes that some Hufflepuff name Frank would turn his head) so we made quite an entrance. Potter and his friends weren't in the Great Hall yet so Alice and I took our seats, making sure there was enough room for those four to sit by us. There was no way Potter would resist the opportunity to sit by me and his friends follow him no matter what. Needless to say, when Potter walked in alone I was rather startled, as was Alice.
"This wasn't part of the plan," Alice whispered to me. She was supposed to socialize with the other three so that I could focus on Potter. Without the others, she would feel like an awkward third wheel.
"We can improvise, can't we?" I whispered back. "Maybe you could forget something? Or we could just start the plan later."
"No, I spent two hours on your hair!" Alice exclaimed, "There is no way we're going to back down now."
I grinned at Alice. "Ah, I see the Slytherin has proved herself as a Gryffindor," I said with a giggle.
Just then Potter sat down next to me, and Alice & I fell silent. I wasn't sure how to react; Potter wasn't chatting away about himself. He just said "Hi Evans." I blinked in surprise, glancing at Alice to see what to do. She nudged my arm to show that I shouldn't freeze.
"Oh," I responded in a not-so-smooth way, "Hello Potter."
Alice jumped up from the bench. "Goodness! It seems I forgot my Charms book!" I refrained from giggling; that sounded so un-Alice.
"I guess I'll see you in Charms," I responded, trying not to look panicked. "I'm not done with my breakfast yet. I suppose I'll just stay here with Potter." Alice walked out, and I could see her shoulders shaking slightly as she tried to refrain her laughter.
Potter, I think he tried to not look surprised but I could see his eyebrows go up. My hands were shaking a little-hey, it's hard to be cruel-so I set down my fork. I didn't want to give away my nerve.
"So Evans," Potter said after an awkward pause, "I bet you're excited about Charms. You seem to really like that class." At this point I was trying not to show my surprise; not only were Potter and I carrying on a conversation but he had not once complemented me or himself.
"Ya, I'm pretty excited," I replied, trying to find a way to carry on the conversation. "Of course, I expect you're looking forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts."
Potter shrugged, taking a bite to eat before answering again. "I've always been more into Transfiguration," he replied.
"Really?" I asked eagerly, curious as to why he liked it so much. Considering it was a difficult class, I assumed he would detest it. "Why do you like it so much?"
"I think it's interesting how you can turn one thing into another. Its complex and exciting-almost like a puzzle." Potter started to chuckle before he spoke again. "You must think I'm loony, going on about my obsession with Transfiguration."
"Oh no, not at all," I responded quickly (too quickly perhaps?). "I've never seen you this excited for anything except-"
"You?" Potter said softly, turning to look at me ever so slightly. Well then, trying to act all romantic, wasn't he? I quickly shook my head, although looking back I should have followed that line of conversation. I'm so used to avoiding talking about me with him (or talking to him in general) that I did what I automatically do.
"Err, no. I was going to say Quidditch…"
"You listened?" Potter said, his head popping up.
I gave Potter a sly smile before standing up. "Maybe." With that I turned and walked out of the Great Hall to my first class of the day. I met up to Alice on our way to Ancient Runes and quickly filled her in on what happened.
"It was really odd how Potter was acting...acting…"
"Normal?" Alice offered with a laugh.
"Exactly! Since when is that foul creature ever that calm?"
Alice stepped a little closer to me before speaking again. "Don't forget about our plan. I don't want you actually falling for Potter!"
"HA! Really Al, do you even know me?"
"Yes," Alice replied, giving me a mischievous grin. "And I know that you are very easily swept away by people. You're too trusting." We had walked into the classroom by this point and the conversation ended there. I didn't really bump into Potter again until Potions. We were partners, after all.
"Today you will be making the Draught of Living Peace. Ah yes, how I do love giving this to my sixth year students! What would I do without it?" Professor Slughorn said, laughing at his own joke. Sirius was trying to talk Peter into tripping James into me again when Remus caught them and chewed them out. I couldn't help but giggle as Potter looked at me, rather confused.
"It was Black, Pettigrew, and Remus," I explained. "They just were being themselves." I picked up the cauldron and set it over the fire so it could begin to boil.
"Why do you call Moony 'Remus'?"
"Because it's his name. Why do you call Remus 'Moony'?"
"Because it's who he is," Potter said quite simply. "But really, why do you call Remus by his name? You don't do it with the rest of us."
"I call Peter 'Peter' sometimes," I pointed out.
"Still, you always call Sirius 'Black' and me 'Potter'. We have first names too, you know."
"Oi! Prongs!" Sirius called, cutting into our conversation. "What are you doing with Lily, talking? I thought you said she'd be snogging you by this year!" Potter looked absolutely FURIOUS at Black! I thought he was going to snap!
"Oh, so this is what you tell people?" I asked. "That I would 'snog you'?"
"No! Lily!" Potter said. "Wait, no Evans!"
It was too late; I had already "accidently" knocked our half-finished Draught onto his feet, causing his shoes to be eaten away. Potter hopped around the dungeon screeching about his feet.
When Alice heard about it she was furious. "This is NOT how you win over a guy to break his heart!"
"You can't expect me to change how I've acted for six years in one day!"
Alice sighed. "We're going to have to start all over again tomorrow, you do know?"
"I guess. Can't we just feed him to the Giant Squid?"
"Do squids eat dung now?" Alice replied, causing us to sink into a fit of giggles.
And so diary, there are the highlights of my day,
Lily Evans
PS-I just realized that he called me Lily, even if it was only to "apologize" to me.
Sept. 9th, Our Sixth Year
You know, we started out having a pretty good day? I thought we were even getting along…until Potions. I'm still not speaking to Padfoot for that. Let's focus on the positive though love before I beg your forgiveness!
This morning I woke up a changed man Lily, I promise you that. I had all the intentions to make you realize that I had changed and to call you Lily but (and don't laugh at me) I was scared to talk to you as just me. You're extraordinary; why would you want someone as boring to me? I figure that to even get you to notice me I have to talk about things I'm good at, like Quidditch.
None of my friends were up when I walked down to the Great Hall, which I assumed you would like Lily since then we could talk one on one. When I stepped into the Great Hall, I knew where you were instantly. You always look pretty (even with the Hogwarts uniform on) but today was different. It's almost like you tried to look pretty because your hair was all done up. Of course, you don't need to try, so I don't understand why you did.
I plopped down next to you and Alice in what I hoped was a "non-Potter" sort-of-way. "Hi Evans," I said to you. Aren't you proud? I didn't say "Hello Lily flower, my dearest and one true love" or "Evans, E for extraordinary, V for vivacious, A for amazing, N for no one but me, and S for something special-how are you?"
"Oh," you said, "Hello Potter." Ah, how cute your "ohs" are!
Alice jumped up from the bench after that. "Goodness! It seems I forgot my Charms book!" Even though I don't really know Alice that well, I never really imagined her saying that.
"I guess I'll see you in Charms," you responded. I kept eating; this wasn't my conversation. "I'm not done with my breakfast yet. I suppose I'll just stay here with Potter." Alice walked out and I tried not to give my emotions away. It was something I never thought I would hear you say, that you wanted to spend more time with me. I think my heart is still in shock. Evans, that has to be the most beautiful thing you've ever said.
"So Evans," I said after my heart had recovered, "I bet you're excited about Charms. You seem to really like that class." What I really wanted to say was "So Evans, I bet you're excited about Charms. You're really amazing at it."
"Ya, I'm pretty excited," you replied, looking as if you were trying to contain yourself. "Of course, I expect you're looking forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts." I still wonder about what made you say Defense Against the Dark Arts.
I shrugged, taking a bite to eat before answering again. "I've always been more into Transfiguration." If only you knew Lily what I could do. You'd be so astonished at me; you'd be in disbelief! You would never think that I, James Potter, could be an Animagus!
"Really?" you asked. Lily, you seemed rather intrigued. I had finally found a topic of conversation that you liked! There was no way I was going to change it. "Why do you like it so much?"
"I think it's interesting how you can turn one thing into another. Its complex and exciting-almost like a puzzle." I can't tell you how embarrassed I was to say that. Lily, you always wanted to see the real James Potter and there I was. "You must think I'm loony, going on about my obsession with Transfiguration." And I nearly ruined the "real me" with that line…
"Oh no, not at all," you replied. "I've never seen you this excited for anything except-"
"You?" I asked. Well, it's true! I mostly just talk about you, or you and me, or us.
"Err, no. I was going to say Quidditch…" Bloody hell! Why did I bloody say that? At least you looked uncomfortable too.
"You listened?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
Lily stood up and SMILED at me. "Maybe." She walked out, and her hips swung back and forth…seductively? What was she playing at?
"Today you will be making the Draught of Living Peace. Ah yes, how I do love giving this to my sixth year students! What would I do without it?" Professor Slughorn announced. I wasn't really paying attention though; you were my partner so I was paying attention to that. It was much more important. You were giggling about something, I noticed, so I asked what exactly it was.
"It was Black, Pettigrew, and Remus," you explained. "They just were being themselves." Why was it Moony got to be called by his first name while the rest of us (namely me) were forced to be called by our last names? What made Moony so likeable?
"Why do you call Moony 'Remus'?" I finally asked.
"Because it's his name. Why do you call Remus 'Moony'?" Very sly Evans, very sly.
"Because it's who he is," I replied, not daring to go any further with the topic. You didn't need about his furry little problem. "But really, why do you call Remus by his name? You don't do it with the rest of us."
"I call Peter 'Peter' sometimes," Lily pointed out. We weren't talking about Peter!
"Still, you always call Sirius 'Black' and me 'Potter'. We have first names too, you know." Just once Lily, just once, could you call me James? It would mean the world to me.
"Oi! Prongs!" Sirius called, cutting into our conversation. "What are you doing with Lily, talking? I thought you said she'd be snogging you by this year!" Great…and now Potions took a turn for the worst. When did I ever say that either? I don't have any recollection of ever saying that you and I would snog by sixth year. I mean, I wouldn't mind if we did but I don't need you to know that. If it helps, I bet you're a really good snogger. I am…probably…
"Oh, so this is what you tell people," you screeched, "That I would 'snog you'?"
"No! Lily!" I screamed. "Wait, no Evans!"
Evans, you never even gave me a chance to explain what happened. I love you and everything, but perhaps you could control your temper? You redheads get so fired up and temperamental that you never give people a chance. You never give me a chance. For example, today you just happened to "knock" our Draught all over my feet. That bloody hurt! Since we didn't finish it, the potion was eating into my shoes and soon my feet.
Madam Pomfrey fixed me up pretty quickly, although it will be awhile until Sirius and I are patched up. Our conversation after I got out of the Hospital Wing was rather loud and to-the-point.
"BLACK! WHAT THE-" I'm sure you can figure out for yourself what I said next.
"James, seriously, calm down! It was a bloody joke! We make them all the time!" Sirius said, winking at a group of fourth years who walked by.
"You can't even take this 'seriously'!" I shouted. "You know, we had a CONVERSATION today! We were actually getting somewhere! I actually had a bloody chance and you ruin it!"
"It's a girl! You haven't gotten her in the past six years, what makes you think you'll get her this year?" Sirius shouted back. Peter was looking nervously between us and Remus was glancing around the hall before he spoke up.
"If you're going to argue, maybe you could do it in a classroom or something? No one else really wants to hear it." He was looking nervously at a group of people who had gathered nearby.
I glared at Sirius. Really, Lily, I was angry. He had made you angry at me when we had been perfectly happy. He knows this is one of the few things I actually care about. "I don't mind everyone hearing. In fact, I prefer it." Turning towards the crowd, I began to shout again. "OI! LISTEN HERE! THIS GIT IS A BACKSTABBING, FOUL 'FRIEND' WHO'S JUST OUT TO RUIN YOU-" Sirius pulled out his wand, walking towards me. I pulled out mine, and we stood facing each other.
"Potter, Black!" Neither of us moved as we heard the fierce bark of our Care of Magical Creatures professor striding towards us. "Drop your wands this instant! 20 points each from Gryffindor!"
This didn't stop us though, and finally Peter and Remus pulled us apart. I stormed off towards the Quidditch pitch; I needed to clear my head. You might find this hard to believe Evans, but I actually do have some emotions. Right now I was feuding with my closest friend, my brother, and the girl I loved thought I was some git who just wanted to get in her pants. When I was flying it would be just me and I could calm down.
My broom was down in the Gryffindor section of the broom shed, so I grabbed it. I have one of the best model brooms out there so kicking off and flying straight up was the most amazing feeling out there. It's indescribable; the whole world is out there for you to conquer, for you to explore. I know how much you detest flying Lily, but I hope someday you understand why I love Quidditch so much.
I spent some time going as fast as I possibly could, but after a while it just wasn't what I wanted. I slowed down to a more leisurely pace, floating lazily over the lake and through the towers of the castle. I swear that the giant squid smiled at me from his position in the lake and even the mermaids were gliding through the water. (Trust me Lily; mermaids aren't nearly as pretty as they are made up to be.) It was starting to get dark out and I finally had to land on the Pitch before I broke curfew. I had my Invisibility Cloak tucked away; if I hadn't I would have been caught on my way back to the Tower. No one was in the Common Room when I got in there and as I slipped into the Boys' Dorm I could hear Sirius roll over in his bed to avoid me.
Although I slid into bed quickly, I didn't fall asleep right away. I was thinking about how great this day started out and how terribly it ended. And you know what Evans; it's your entire bloody fault. If it weren't for the fact that I am completely in love with you I would have been done with you after today. You've screwed up my friendship and I've screwed up with you. I'm not sure yet how I plan on getting back together with you (even though we were never together) but it will have to be brilliant. I'll have to blow you away. Lily Evans, you're never getting rid of me. I'm always going to keep coming back, unless you kill someone. Or marry a Slytherin. Or get married to anyone but me. If you DATE anyone but me. Pretty much, if you do anything with anyone else who is male and isn't me.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Yours,
James Potter
PS-I just realized I called you Lily today. Give me a chance to do it again some day.