"Natalia?" Olivia called as she walked into the farmhouse. No answer. The house was quiet and still.
"Is Natalia here?" Emma said loudly from the porch as she bound up after her mother.
"It doesn't look like it, sweetie."
"Awww, where is she?" Emma said, her school bag hanging awkwardly from one arm, "I wanted to ask her for some help with my homework."
"I'm not sure, but I can help you with your homework in a little bit."
Emma looked disappointed. "Okay, I guess. Natalia's better at math than you, though."
Olivia laughed a little and felt strangely offended that she'd be deemed unworthy of helping with third grade math. "Gee, thanks. Well, at least go up and start it. She might be home soon. If not, we'll try to work through it together. Deal?"
"Yeah, okay," Emma said as she walked through the kitchen. "And don't worry. You're better at spelling than she is."
"We all have our talents, I suppose." Olivia said as Emma passed from sight, heading upstairs.
Olivia dumped her purse and keys onto the kitchen table and tried not to feel relieved Natalia wasn't home. During her trip back from visiting Rafe, she had worked herself up into uncontrolled ball of nerves. If she hadn't picked Emma up from school and gotten lost in an animated recap of the day, she was sure her nerves would have started causing her physical harm. Every fear she'd ever had about telling Natalia how she felt and what might happen after that confession was running through her mind. Every outcome from Natalia being horrified and slapping her, to Natalia being extremely happy and… affectionate played in her mind. She was feeling dizzy from all the different emotions that kept shuffling through her.
After a minute of steadying herself on the back of one of the kitchen chairs, she took a deep breath and said to herself firmly, "I can do this. I'm Olivia Spencer, and I can do this." She looked around the kitchen, as if searching for something, then ran her fingers through her hair in mild despair, "Oh god, how am I going to do this?" She continued looking around the room, as if that would help somehow, when her eyes landed on Natalia's Virgin Mary statue. "Help?" she said with a distressed smile. No help was immediately forthcoming, but she did notice that the statue was sitting atop a takeout menu. Food! She grabbed the menu. The way to Natalia's heart wasn't through her stomach, but it occurred to her that it was probably a good jumping off point.
After picking out a number of food items off the menu she knew Natalia would enjoy, it dawned on her that she had no idea when Natalia would be home. Or even if she'd be home. She grabbed her cell phone and typed, Will you be home for dinner? She sent it and began staring at the phone, waiting for a response. After several moments of doing this she realized she was actually staring at a phone waiting for it to ring. She slid the phone into her pocket. "I am losing my damn mind," she muttered, and headed upstairs to change into something more appropriate for telling Natalia Rivera how she couldn't live without her.
"So, what now?" Frank asked Natalia. He was so excited. Today was so great.
"Oh, I don't know, Frank," Natalia said with a tired sigh. "You're going to wear me out soon."
"Oh, no! I wouldn't want to do that," Frank replied. "How about we go get some dinner? That'll be good, huh? We can sit down and that'll get us off our feet!"
The day had been a very long day. Frank decided it would be fun to go around town and tell just about everyone who would listen about their engagement. It should have been a fun day. Natalia knew she should have been all big smiles and laughter, but she was nothing more than distracted, half-hearted smiles and small chuckles. Memories of the early morning consumed her. She tried to stop them. She prayed for them to stop, but she couldn't keep her mind from replaying every event over and over. Every event from the warmth of waking in Olivia's arms, to seeing the foul but amusing hang-over remedy in the sink - every event obsessively played in her mind in endless, tormenting loop. It left her feeling detached and guiltier than she'd ever felt in her life. Every time someone offered her a drink she thought of the unmade pot of coffee she'd promised Olivia in the early hours of the morning. Olivia probably didn't even remember the promise, but the way things were left that morning felt wrong.
In fact, this whole day felt wrong. The very fact that she couldn't get her mind off Olivia was wrong. It was wrong because it was unfair to Frank. It was more than unfair. Being here with him when her thoughts were with someone else… that was beyond wrong and she knew it.
The guilt overwhelmed her. How could she have dinner with Frank when things were like this? How could he want to? Couldn't he see that she was failing in her role as the perfect fiancée? Couldn't he see how her smile never quite reached her eyes? She should be staring into his eyes and holding his hand and saying, "Oh, Frank, my love, I would love to have dinner with you today and for the rest of my life," but the emotions simply weren't there. No matter how many times she reminded herself that he was her perfect idea of the perfect man, the perfect love refused follow. Why did I think this would work? What was I thinking? Why did I say yes? How am I going to tell him? She thought to herself in despair, and felt a low-grade panic begin to rise in her chest as another thought popped into her mind: How am I going to tell her?
"Natalia?" Frank tilted his head, wondering at her long pause. "How about it?"
"Um, well," Natalia said, blinking at Frank. She wished she could think of a truthful reason to say "no." The guilt was already paralyzing, and adding a boldface lie to the equation would be downright despicable. There was no doubt God would break out the lightning and strike her down where she sat. She felt like the proverbial deer in the headlights. She kept trying to think of something to say, but her mind was racing in a million directions. Inappropriately, memories of Frank repeatedly talking about how she could cook and sew "so darn good," filled her head. She felt a little anger start invading her body. Is this really all he knows about me? I don't even like to sew! How does he not know that? Just because I can do it well doesn't… Olivia would never say those things. Olivia…
Her phone beeped. She grabbed it from her purse with a swiftness that she regretted immediately. She felt so obvious in her hope that it was something - anything that would take her from Frank's company. She glanced up to gauge his reaction. He was smiling. Of course. She looked back at her phone. When she saw that it was a text from Olivia, a smile flashed across her face.
"Good news?" Frank said happily as he leaned forward, trying to read the message.
"Let me read it first, Frank," she said absently.
She pulled the phone away from his line of sight and read the message. Will you be home for dinner? She blinked. She looked up at Frank who was still smiling. Did he ever stop? She looked back at the phone. Her heart soared and sank all at the same time. The feelings she got from a single text message told her all she needed to know about her current situation. Everything felt crystal clear. Technicolor images of dinner with Olivia and Emma played in her mind. They were all smiling and laughing. The smiles were real and everything seemed right - so very right. It was simple math, really. Olivia = right. Frank = wrong. So wonderfully simple… and yet, so terribly complicated.
"Is it?" Frank said, trying to see the message again.
"What?"
"A good message? You were smiling. You're so beautiful when you smile like that."
"No… I mean, yes," she slipped the phone back into her purse. "Well, no," she closed her eyes, collecting her thoughts. "Do you think you can take me home, Frank?"
"Aww, really? Is everything okay at home?"
"Yes, it's just… I think I need to go home."
"But, I was hoping we could get some dinner and then maybe go to the park and count the stars. It's going to be such a beautiful night."
"Oh, Frank, I don't think so. I woke up really early today… and I…" No lies, Natalia, she reminded herself. "I need to be home." She began putting on her coat and collecting up her purse as a way to signal she had her mind made up.
Frank sighed, "Okay. I understand. It was a really big day, after all."
As they headed out, Natalia pulled her phone from her bag again and typed: Home very soon. Pressing the send button had never felt so good.
Natalia smiled affectionately as she walked through the door of the farmhouse. Olivia and Emma were moving happily around the kitchen table pulling food out of various bags and boxes. She wanted to run over and collect them both in her arms for a long hug.
"I see you guys cooked," she said, restraining herself.
"Natalia!" Emma squealed as she jumped from her perch from atop a kitchen chair, running to hug Natalia.
"Yep! Just call us the Springfield Iron Chefs," Olivia replied, and watched with amusement as the force of Emma's hug nearly knocked Natalia over.
"Oh my," Natalia said as she looked over at all the food on the table. "I think that's just about every food I love on the planet. How did you know?"
"I thought you might enjoy the selection. It wasn't hard, though. I mean, I've ordered it all before."
"You have?" Natalia said as she started opening the few remaining boxes.
"Well, yeah, don't you remember that one time when…" She trailed off. Uh oh. The time in question was the time she'd ordered all of Natalia's favorite foods and let Frank take all the credit for it.
"The only time I remember a dinner like this was when Frank…" Natalia looked up sharply. Olivia was staring at her with wide eyes, looking guilty. "That was you?" She said, knowing it was true. For days she wondered how Frank knew all her favorites. Of course it was Olivia.
"I ordered it all and then Frank showed up. I figured he could use some help." Olivia shrugged, wishing this conversation would go away. The last thing she wanted to talk about was Frank. "The man's pretty clueless sometimes, ya know?" she added, unable to resist a minor insult.
"Oh, I think that's an understatement," Natalia said under her breath. "So you thought playing Cyrano would help things along between us?"
"No, I mean, I don't think I thought of it that way. It's not like I told him not to tell you. In fact, I figured he would tell you. I suppose he didn't?" Olivia moved behind Natalia to get glasses from the cabinet. She didn't trust her face to not betray the regret she felt for that evening. She deeply wished she could have shared that meal with Natalia.
"No," Natalia said and sat down, staring at all the food that covered the table. She felt angry - angry at herself for not seeing the truth right away - angry at herself for letting any of this go this far. She used to consider that dinner one of the turning-point moments between her and Frank. It was a moment she used to convince herself that he really knew her enough to love her. It was one of the reasons she said yes to his proposal.
"Hey guys, stop being so serious!" Emma said. She was tired of her mommies not smiling and laughing all the time like they used to.
"Good idea," Olivia said, placing glasses and sodas down on the table. "Let's eat!"
"Yeah!" Emma replied with enthusiasm and popped a French fry into her mouth.
Passing Natalia on her way to sit down, Olivia noticed that the woman still looked distant and a bit sad. "You okay?" she said, laying a hand on Natalia's shoulder for comfort. The touch instantly brought Natalia back to the present.
"I am now," she said, tilting her head toward the hand on her shoulder and smiling upward. Olivia winked and sat down. "Dig in," she said with a wave in the general direction of the food.
"Did Cyrano ever get the girl?" Natalia asked several minutes later.
"Mmrm?" Olivia asked, her mouth filled with food.
"In the play, did Cyrano ever get the girl?"
"Um, you know, I can't remember."
"Yeah, neither can I," Natalia replied. "We should know this!" Both women laughed.
"Yes, we probably should! But… okay, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he did. I mean, why waste all that time on a story without a happy ending?" Natalia smiled and looked at her for a long moment before saying, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're right."