Olivia appeared in the doorway of the kitchen and quietly watched as Natalia scooped various leftovers into an ever-growing pile of plastic containers. Unaware of Olivia's presence, Natalia hummed under her breath and swayed her hips in time to the humming. Olivia allowed her eyes to travel the length of Natalia's swaying body. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to quell the desire that rose inside her. One step at a time, she thought to herself and took a deep breath while moving into the room.
"That's a lot of leftovers," she said.
Natalia jumped a little and spun around. "Oh! You scared me. I was just thinking…" Her voice trailed off and she looked down at all the little containers. "Yeah, it sure is a lot of leftovers."
"Thinking?" Olivia said with a quirk of her eyebrow. "That can be dangerous, you know."
"Oh, I know," Natalia said, busying herself with the containers. "All too well."
Olivia looked at Natalia for a long moment, wishing she could know what was going through the woman's mind. She picked up a few of the filled containers and found a place for them in the refrigerator. "Well," she said, surveying the large quantity of food and feeling a little silly for ordering so much, "at least neither one of us has to cook for a few days."
"That's always a good thing," Natalia replied absently.
"Ah, ha!" Olivia said, spinning toward Natalia, her face lighting up. "I knew it!"
"You knew what?"
"You don't like to cook!"
"What? No! I love to cook… you know that." Olivia's face fell. She couldn't imagine how anyone actually liked to cook, especially after working all day. Natalia rolled her eyes and laughed at Olivia's sudden disappointed look. "Okay, fine, there may be days when I'm less than thrilled with the idea."
"Ah, ha!" Olivia said with a triumphant gesture. "I knew it, I knew it" she said, drawing her words out in a sing-song manner as she put the last of the containers on a shelf in the refrigerator.
Natalia laughed. "You knew nothing, Olivia Spencer. I admit to nothing but feeling tired some days after you work me to death at the Beacon."
"Oh, you know you love it," Olivia said with a wink.
Natalia sighed dramatically, "Just go," she waved her hand toward the door. "Go outside. It's a beautiful night. I'll meet you out there with some coffee."
"Mmm, coffee," Olivia said as she moved to grab her coat and open the door. "I never did have my morning cup," she said with a pout, remembering the morning. It felt like a lifetime ago.
Olivia stepped onto the porch and took a long, cleansing breath as she looked skyward. Natalia was right; it was a beautiful night. The moon was full, it was warmer that it had been in months, and millions of stars blanketed the heavens. She stood very still, staring into the sky, transfixed by the sheer number of visible stars. Unbidden, a nervous tension started to fill her. The night was so beautiful, so perfect, that it rattled her nerves. It almost felt like a gift – a special gift just for her, so everything could be perfect… as long as she didn't screw it all up. Suddenly, the stars felt like a million tiny eyes, judging and questioning her as she stood alone on the porch.
"Hey you," Natalia said, breaking Olivia out of her thoughts with an offering of coffee.
"Thanks," Olivia said with a weak, grateful smile. She held the cup tightly with both hands, allowing the warmth of it to move through her hands and arms. Calm started to flow through her. The heat steadied her and the sky seemed much less ominous with Natalia by her side. "Mmm, it's wonderful," she purred after taking a sip.
"Thanks," Natalia said in reply, not trusting herself to say anything more. She'd been watching as Olivia took her first sip, and the way she looked, eyes closed, lips parted against the cup, a tiny flick of her tongue over her lip… It made her feel dizzy. Not wanting to pass out on her own porch, she moved toward the bench and sat down.
Olivia followed, oblivious to the effect she was having, still enraptured by the coffee, taking one small sip after another. Natalia made a point of not looking at her. They sat for several minutes in silence, drinking and looking out into the night.
"It really is beautiful tonight," Natalia said eventually, closing her eyes as an unseasonably warm breeze drifted over her face.
"I can't get over how many stars we can see out here."
"I know," Natalia said wistfully. "Everything's so different out here. Sometimes I still can't believe I actually live on a farm."
"Yeah, me either," Olivia agreed with a smile that quickly faded as she remembered her recent search for a new home. Both women remained quiet for several moments.
"Let's go for a walk," Natalia said abruptly. She stood and reached out a hand. Olivia looked up questioningly. They'd sat out on the porch together many times, but they'd never gone for a walk together at night. "Well, come on." Natalia's hand held steady, waiting for Olivia to fill it with her own. In the moonlit darkness, Olivia thought Natalia's face looked a bit like a statue of an angel she'd once seen – it was serious and beautiful and a little sad. Her hand looked like a sacred offering. Olivia was powerless to resist. She took the offering and stood to follow the angel into the night.
"Where are we walking?" she asked, a sudden nervousness driving her to fill the silence with words. Natalia led her down the stairs and into the yard.
"Does it matter?"
"No," Olivia said truthfully. She knew she'd follow this woman anywhere.
Olivia felt like she'd stumbled into a dream sequence. She'd often dreamt of grasping Natalia's hand and holding it as they walked together and here it was actually happening. It felt unreal. She felt Natalia rubbing the top of her hand with her thumb as they moved across the yard. Very unreal. Eventually, Olivia gave a mental shrug and decided to go with the flow. Losing sight of reality every now and then never hurt anyone, right?
Once they'd made their way halfway toward the small pond that housed a family of ducks in the warmer months, Natalia untangled their hands. And we have reality again, thought Olivia with an inner sigh.
Both women felt the loss of contact acutely. In fact, Natalia felt the loss so deeply something inside of her seemed to snap. She'd released Olivia's hand because it seemed the right thing to do. The right thing for who? She thought to herself with frustration. She was tired of the right thing giving her so much pain. She was a good person, so how could something wrong make her feel so fulfilled and happy? It wouldn't. And this – this moment – this was right. With that, she looped her arm through Olivia's, drawing their bodies close. She continued their walk as if nothing was out of the ordinary. A stunned Olivia fell into step beside her.
For several minutes no words passed between them. The only sounds were of shoes meeting grass and distance wind flowing through tree branches. Olivia kept glancing down at the thin hand that held onto her arm. The grasp was tight and seemed almost desperate in its attempt to hold on. She wanted to tell Natalia that she could loosen up, that she wasn't going anywhere, but the close contact had all but rendered her speechless. Oh my God, Natalia's holding my arm, was pretty much the only thought she could coherently form.
"Hey look," said Natalia, halting their movement as they drew near to the duck pond. She pointed up with her freehand, "it's Canis Major." Olivia looked up, scanning the sky.
"The big dog?"
Natalia nodded.
"I didn't know Alan named a constellation after himself," Olivia said with a grin. Natalia laughed and swatted her arm.
"Do you see it?"
"There're so many stars it's hard to see constellations."
Natalia pulled her closer and pointed again. "Right up there, see?" Olivia half-heartedly looked into the sky. They were now so close she could smell traces of Natalia's shampoo. She resisted closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "That star, and that, and that big one's his head." Natalia dropped her hold on Olivia's arm for a moment to point with both hands. Before she could regain her hold on the other woman's arm, she felt Olivia move slightly behind her and press a hand gently against the small of her back.
"Ah yeah, I see it now," Olivia said in a voice so low it came out as a whisper. Natalia felt her heart skip several beats. Olivia was so close she could feel the breath behind the words skim the surface of her ear. Her mouth went dry. For long moments she stared out over the pond, watching the reflection of the moon as it danced across the rippling water. Then, as if a magnet was pulling her back, she felt her body lean into Olivia's waiting embrace. She heard Olivia release a soft, contented sigh and her heart melted with the sound. If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.
"I think the big star's called Sirius," Olivia said slowly, looking into the sky, speaking only in a floundering attempt to reign in her emotions.
"I think so, too," Natalia said, her voice barely audible.
Both women stood very still, staring into the night sky, hardly breathing, not wanting to break the spell that their closeness was casting over the moment.
Slowly, unable to stop herself, Olivia moved her arms to encircle Natalia's waist. Both women sighed with pleasure as their bodies came together in a tight embrace. Natalia closed her eyes and lost herself in the moment, in the warm, comforting feelings that coursed through her body. God, how could I have been so wrong? Nothing… nothing has ever been so right, she thought as she gave in to the power of the moment and leaned heavily into Olivia's arms.
Olivia knew she was crossing lines. Crossing lines, burning bridges… hell, she was probably burning small villages in distant countries, but she didn't care. She had Natalia in her arms and nothing else mattered. The feel of their bodies pressed together was absolutely intoxicating. She closed her eyes and allowed the sensation to fill her. I will never have to drink again, she thought, her head spinning.
"Look," Natalia said, turning her head slightly toward Olivia's.
"Hmm?" Olivia said, coming dangerously close to allowing her lips to land gently on Natalia's earlobe.
"Falling star… make a wish," Natalia whispered, her voice breaking a little as she noticed how close Olivia's face was to hers.
Olivia tore her eyes away from the side of Natalia's face and looked up. She saw the star for a brief moment, and wondered at it as it faded from sight. Could this moment get any more perfect? Instead of a wish, she sent up a heartfelt thank you.
"Perfect," Olivia said quietly. Her lips were hovering close to the side of Natalia's face and it was taking every ounce of willpower she had to not turn the woman in her arms and begin kissing her with every ounce of passion she possessed. But no… They had to talk before anything like that could happen. She closed her eyes and pulled back a little. "We have to talk," she said, hating herself for ruining the perfection of the moment, but she needed to know this was all actually happening. She needed to know this was the real thing. She was pretty sure she'd die or at the very least lose her mind if she kissed the woman in her arms and then was never allowed to do it again.
Natalia closed her eyes and felt her shoulders slump. She knew this was coming. She wasn't sure what was coming, but she knew it was coming. Something bad. It was always something bad.
"No," Natalia said, closing her eyes tight and grasping Olivia's hands that still rested on her stomach, holding her in place.
Olivia blinked. Everything in her wanted to say, "Okay!" and go back to quietly holding Natalia in her arms. However, the woman's protest scared her. What did she mean, no? No, she couldn't do this? No, this was all very wrong? No, go to hell, you foolish idiot?
"No?"
Natalia shook her head. "I can't hear you say we shouldn't be doing this."
Olivia lifted her eyebrows in surprise. "Natalia," Olivia shifted, trying to turn the other woman around. Natalia held firm in her position. Olivia leaned close, her lips next to Natalia's ear. "Turn around, please," she said, trying to make her voice sound as comforting as possible.
Natalia swayed. Why was Olivia using her sexy voice at a time like this? Did Olivia even begin to know how she sounded when she lowered her voice like that? There was no fighting that voice. She sighed and turned around.
Olivia started to back away to give them space to talk. Natalia moved forward and pressed Olivia's hands back onto the sides of her waist. "No," she said again, defiance evident in her eyes.
Olivia frowned. She wasn't quite sure what was happening, but since Natalia wasn't pushing her away, she couldn't find a reason to protest very much. "At least stop saying no," Olivia said a little pleadingly and flashed a nervous smile.
Natalia smiled back. "I think I can do that," she said and moved her hands slowly up Olivia's arms, caressing a light path toward her shoulders. Once there, she allowed one hand to drift up close to Olivia's face. She tucked a stray golden brown lock of hair behind her ear. She watched Olivia's eyes fluttered shut as she moved one finger slowly down her earlobe. "Where you saying something?" Natalia asked.
"Umm, yes," Olivia said, her eyes still closed. "I need to know," she said, willing her eyes open. "I need to know what this is. You're still engaged, and I don't know if you…" She took a deep breath, and tried to recall the speech she'd planned out earlier in the day. "What I'm trying to say is that we started out as enemies, and then we grew into something…"
Natalia interrupted Olivia by laying two fingers over her lips. "Olivia? Just tell me you love me." She removed her fingers to allow the other woman to speak only after a gentle, quick caress of her lower lip.
Olivia's mouth fell open slightly. "But I…"
"Please?"
"I love you," she said weakly. Natalia smiled, the size of her dimples larger than they'd been in weeks. Olivia smiled back, unable to resist the infectious smile which beamed like a ray of light. Slowly, the confusion faded and the enormity of what just happened hit her.
"Does this mean…"
"I love you too, Olivia Spencer. I love you so much it feels like my heart's going to explode with the force of it."
Olivia laughed and felt tears starting to form in her eyes. "Oh hell, no, don't do that. Heart transplant. Been there, done that, don't recommend it." She said with a laugh and moved to wipe a tear from her face.
Natalia laughed and helped her wipe away the tears.
"What about your engagement?" Olivia said, closing her eyes to brace against the answer, not wanting to hear it, but knowing she had to.
"I can't marry him," Natalia said softly as she wiped away the last of Olivia's tears. "I think you know that. I think we both always knew that."
Olivia nodded sadly. She wanted to apologize for pushing Natalia into the arms of Frank, she wanted to take it all back and a do everything differently. She regretted all those months they could never get back. But the past was the past and now they had the future together. She drew Natalia into her arms for a long embrace. The hug was therapeutic, comforting them both, cleansing them of the confusion and heartbreak of the past months.
Eventually, Natalia leaned back to look into Olivia's eyes.
"Hi," Olivia said and smiled shyly.
Natalia laughed and moved a hand up to cup Olivia's cheek.
"Olivia, if you don't kiss me soon I'm going to die a very cliché death."
"We wouldn't want that," Olivia tried to say lightly, but she felt so nervous she could barely breathe.
"No, we wouldn't" Natalia agreed. When Olivia didn't move right away, she whispered, "come here," and slid her fingers into golden-brown hair. Olivia was helpless to resist.
Both women moaned blissfully as their lips finally met. They melted into the kiss. It started slowly, both women hesitantly relishing the feel of their lips moving and sliding together. But as the kiss grew longer, as the women began pressing their bodies closer, sliding hands across backs and necks, the hesitation faded away. They began recklessly moving their lips against each other, breaking away to breathe and gasp, only to dive back in for more. Olivia dimly thought a first kiss should probably be a bit more chaste, but she could do nothing to hold back the passion she felt for this woman. She slid her tongue across Natalia's lower lip and was rewarded by a moan that sounded hungry and passionate.
"Oh my God," Natalia said as she rolled her head back, panting, needing a moment to collect herself.
"Fireworks," Olivia said, her eyes closed, her voice shaky.
"Fireworks?" Natalia asked, her eyes slowly coming back into focus and landing on Olivia's mouth. She desperately wanted to claim more kisses.
"I never knew what people meant when they said they saw fireworks during a kiss." She looked into Natalia's eyes, feeling vulnerable. "I saw fireworks," she said with wonder in her voice.
"Oh, Olivia," Natalia said, cupping Olivia's face in her hands and leaning in for another kiss. This time, she poured all the love she could into the kiss. It was gentle and deep and passionate, and left no doubt in Olivia's mind she'd be getting kisses like this from this woman for the rest of her life.
"Let's go home," Olivia said as they finally parted.
"Home," Natalia agreed and they walked back to the farmhouse.