I know it's been forever since I updated this story, but I've some chapters written and will be updating them even though my beta can't seem to find the time to do the beta thing, so I hope the mistakes aren't too bad. I'll be updating the chapters I already have and will be trying to finish the story, I do know where I want to take them, but it has been difficult to find the right words and the time to actually write.
I'm not sure if anybody still want's to read this but here's the next chapter.

Chapter 19

Getting Emily enrolled in school proved to be the easiest thing that Sara had to do that week. They had met with the principal in the morning and he had showed them around. After talking for some time, he had taken them to see the kindergarten. Emily had liked the teacher but had stayed unusually quiet during the time they spent in the school. Sara had thought the teacher looked too young to be teaching, but the kids in the class seemed to respect her.

After spending time at the school, they headed for DCSF. Sara wanted to get everything sorted out as soon as possible.

Talking to Margrethe had been harder than the brunette expected. The older woman had several questions for both Emily and Sara. Making the CSI even more nervous in the process. Sara feared that Margrethe would decide that Emily would be better off not staying with her. If that wasn't bad enough, Emily didn't react al that well to meting the older woman.

Emily's good mood and behavior over the weekend had lulled Sara into believing that the blonde was doing fine. Not long after they stepped into the DCSF building Emily had started acting out.

Sara had expected some kind of reaction from the girl. After all she had seen Lindsey after Eddie died. Even now Lindsey still had her moments, and still got in the occasional fight at school. But Sara hadn't seen other reactions from Emily besides the clinginess in the days right after Samantha's death. Emily being rude or ignoring Margrethe, when the older woman spoke to her, took Sara by surprise. Emily had always been polite. It had been one thing Sam had deemed as important.

It wasn't until they had been to the school that it dawned on Emily that she wasn't just visiting Sara, but it was happening for real. It all became too much for the young girl to handle. Getting angry was the only way she knew to react. That was why Sara was so surprised. In the brunette's experience Emily wasn't one for anger. Whenever Sara was with the girl, Emily was if not always happy than at least easy to get a smile from. What the CSI had forgotten to consider was she hadn't seen the girl on a daily basis the last four years.

Margrethe on the other hand knew from experience that there would be some sort of reaction. And it wasn't a surprise that the anger was directed at her, and not Sara. The older woman was glad that Emily took her anger out on her. Emily needed Sara and if the girl was angry at the brunette, it would make everything more complicated.

Margrethe didn't want to drag this meeting out more than necessary, and didn't keep them long. But before Sara and Emily could leave they set up an appointment for the older woman to see Sara's apartment.

Sara had thought that they could look at options for Emily, for when she was at work. But with what happened at DCSF, Sara didn't think this was a good time. Sara could put off finding a baby sitter for a little time, but she wasn't sure how long Grissom would allow her time off. The supervisor had called several times already to get her to come back to work.

Apparently it hadn't been well received by Eckie or the higher ups, that Sara took time off to get everything settled with Emily. It wasn't so much that the Sheriff minded as long as the lab worked and he didn't get bad press. For some reason though, he did listen to Ecklie. The lab supervisor had for some time been telling everybody who would listen, that Sara was a liability to the lab and would someday do something that would ruin that lab's credibility. Ecklie could be very convincing when he wanted to, and the subject of Sara Sidle was one he put a lot of effort into.

He saw an opportunity with Sara asking for a family leave, which put the brunette's orientation out in the open. He was pushing for Emily coming to live with Sara, wouldn't be recognized as a family emergency. Sara therefore shouldn't be allowed the time off. That Grissom had granted it, Ecklie was trying to spin that in his favor too. That way he might be able to get rid of both of them, or at least make it harder for Grissom.

After Sara had, had a week off, the lab supervisor had managed to convince the Sheriff that it was inappropriate for Sara to get family time when it wasn't the brunette's child. If it hadn't been for Grissom, Sara would have been called back to work much sooner. It didn't matter to Ecklie that Sara had more than enough vacation days to take at least a month off.

Emily had been quiet on the drive home. Sara hadn't been able to get the blonde to say anything, or even react to some of the jokes that usually had both of them laughing. It hadn't gotten much better when they came home. Emily didn't talk, and she stayed close to the brunette. Not straying far from Sara for the rest of the day.

Nothing seemed to work, and Sara became more nervous as the day progressed. She didn't know what to say or do to make it better. It had Sara doubting her ability to take care of Emily. Sara was scared that when Margrethe came for a check up, the older woman would decide that she wasn't fit to take care of a child and take Emily away.

The afternoon had been difficult and like previous times when Emily was upset, the blonde didn't have any appetite. That day had been worse than Sara had ever seen before. Even right after Samantha's death the young girl had not reacted this violently. The little food Emily had managed to eat had caused the blonde to throw up. The first time it happened had changed Sara. The brunette had been doubtful of her parenting abilities, but seeing Emily so upset that it made the girl sick, somehow made Sara forget every insecurity she had. At least for a little while. It didn't mean that the brunette all of a sudden knew what to do, but it was easier to focus on Emily instead of her own contradictoring thoughts.

Emily had been sick several times during the day, even though she hadn't attempted to eat anything other than a little dry toast. It wasn't that the blonde was really sick, but the realization of having lost her mother made her upset.

Throwing up only resulted in upsetting the young girl even more. At one point it got so bad that Emily was sobbing and dry heaving while Sara desperately tried to comfort her. Emily didn't know why she was upset or how to stop. All the blonde knew was that she was upset. Sara didn't know what to say to make it even remotely better, so Sara just cradled the girl in her arms and softly hummed. Sara might not know what to do, but despite that, she managed to do what Emily needed.

In times that Sara needed it the most, she instinctively knew what to do. It wasn't anything Sara was conscious of, and she wouldn't have believed it if anybody pointed it out. In fact she wasn't even aware that it was the right thing or that it helped. It was as with everything else in Sara's life, she never did believe that she was good at anything, besides being a CSI. That was the one thing in her life that the brunette believed she could actually do well, without it being some sort of accident or plain luck. As with a lot of what her parents had told her, Sara believed that she was no good and that she was nothing. Her parents had left her with physical scars, but Sara had more trouble overcoming the psychological scars, and was still struggling with the lack of confidence they had left her with.

Sara had sat on the tile floor with the blonde in her lap all the while Emily was sobbing and dry heaving. The floor was cold and uncomfortable, but it wasn't something the CSI noticed until she had to get up. After sitting in the same position for more than an hour with the extra weight of Emily, though slight, had put both of Sara's legs to sleep by that time Sara was certain that it would be safe to move to a more comfortable place.

They had ended up spending the rest of the day in Sara's bed watching movies and just being together. The brunette had gotten some of the girl's favorite movies during the last two years to have some entertainment for when Emily visited. Several DVD's had been added to the collection when Emily had brought her things to live there. Sara had chosen to take most of the blonde's DVD's with them instead of having them shipped. A decision the CSI was very glad about now that they had watched three Disney films in a row.

It wasn't something the brunette would have pictured herself doing before she had meet Sam. That had changed after the first day the brunette had spent with Emily. Now, it was one of Sara's favorite times. Though there were some movies that Emily wanted to watch all the time, that Sara would rather not see again. This was one of the few times where Sara didn't mind as the repetition seemed to have a calming effect on Emily.

By night time the CSI had managed to get Emily to relax enough so that the blonde could stomach eating a little. But Emily was still refusing to let Sara leave her even for a short time. That had given some less amusing moments when the brunette had to use the bathroom. Even in sleep the blonde had a firm grip on Sara, not giving the CSI any opportunities to move. Forcing Sara to remain in the bed. Emily's grip loosened some during the evening and night, but she never let the brunette go entirely. That didn't leave many options for Sara. The CSI had tried a couple of times to get up without disturbing the sleeping girl and it had only resulted in Emily whimpering and tightening her grip.

It wasn't long after Sara was sure the blonde was asleep and wouldn't wake with the smallest sound or movement that she panicked once more. Being stuck in one place, forced Sara to think of other ways to deal with the panic than her usual flight reaction. She wasn't thinking straight and was having a hard time finding a solution. The brunette didn't notice when her thoughts started to drift to time spend with Catherine. Sara knew the strawberry blonde was good with people, especially kids, but she was still surprised at how well Emily had taken to the older woman. Emily was nowhere near as shy as Sara, but by no means as out going as Lindsey. Emily wasn't usually this open when meeting new people. But with Catherine and Lindsey it had been as if Emily had known them for a long time.

Without being aware of it, Sara had picked up her cell phone and dialed Catherine's number.

Sara didn't notice what she was doing before she heard Catherine's usual greeting. Startled out of her musings, she was at a loss for words. She was hardly able to stutter out a greeting. Her brain was having a hard time trying to catch up after being ripped from pleasant thoughts about the older woman.

When the silence continued Catherine used a moment to check who she was supposed to be talking to. Seeing Sara's name on the display she became nervous of the silence.

"Sara honey, is something wrong?"

When Sara didn't immediately answer or said anything at all Catherine jumped to the conclusion that something had happened to Emily. The silence was scaring the strawberry blonde more than she would have thought was possible with anything concerning Sara.

"Did something happen to Emily? Are you at the hospital? Stay where you are, I'll be right there."

Catherine would have kept going and rushed out of the lab with no thought to the location of the brunette, if Sara hadn't found her voice and finally spoken.

"We're at home." Sara wasn't sure what had happened. She couldn't remember having called the older woman. The concern clearly shown in Catherine's voice further confused the younger CSI.

"Umm okay."

There was an uncomfortable silence when both women didn't know what to say. When it became apparent that the brunette wasn't about to say something, anytime soon Catherine knew she would have to. Other wise they would be on the phone all night. And with the way the night was progressing Catherine really didn't have the time. She had a case with a ton of evidence that needed processing.

As it was, she had left Greg in the layout room for a short coffee run. The young lab rat was eager to learn, but she wasn't much for leaving him alone to process her evidence.

Grissom had decided, since Sara wasn't working for an unknown period, to continue Greg's education.

The spiky haired blonde would occasionally get to help the other CSIs. But not in the same extent as when Sara was working. Greg would only get to help on small parts of the cases. If Greg could have chosen, he would have preferred to follow one case from beginning to end, the way Sara would usually do. Of course there were times when that wasn't doable, but Sara's way of teaching were more about the process of combining the clues to get to the truth. That didn't mean that he didn't need to know how to process the evidence correctly. So far the other CSIs had only allowed him to work with the mindless parts of their investigations.

"Um, Sara not that I don't want to talk to you, but why did you call?"

"I don't know. I'll let you get back to work." Sara was sure the older woman was trying to nicely get rid of her.

The brunette had spent her whole life hiding her emotions, and for the most part she was unreadable to the people around her. For some reason it didn't work all that well with Catherine. At least not recently. The strawberry blonde had no trouble hearing the conflicting emotions in the younger woman's voice.

"I'm not trying to get rid of you honey, but you have to say what's wrong if I'm to help you."

Sara couldn't explain why she felt safe enough to let Catherine in, but for once she wasn't going to fight the feeling.

"I don't know what happened, everything was going okay. Then all of a sudden Emily's not talking. After we got home she's refused to let me go. And if that wasn't bad enough she spent a good chunk of the day throwing up. I don't know what I'm doing. What if I can't do this Cat?"

When she had started, Sara didn't seem to be able to stop talking.

Catherine had a hard time suppressing a smile at the brunette's rambling. It was rare that Sara talked freely about anything related to her private life. The fact that the younger woman entrusted her with something as personal as self-doubt had Catherine feeling... Yeah, she didn't know what she was feeling, but it was good. It didn't matter that Catherine was the one of them that had the most experience in dealing with her feelings. The strawberry blonde was refusing to acknowledge what she subconsciously knew.

It had been easier for Sara to acknowledge her attraction to the older woman. Not that the brunette hadn't fought against the feelings, but she had, had longer to come to terms with the attraction to a coworker.

Whereas Catherine hadn't noticed anything special about the brunette, until Sara had started helping Lindsey. It was as if she hadn't seen Sara all these years. Now that she did she liked what she saw. This indecision and shyness was a new feeling for Catherine. She had always known what she wanted, and never shied away from getting it. She didn't know why this time was any different.

"Sara, sweetie, you gotta relax. How is Emily doing?"

"She finally fell asleep some time ago."

The panic was slowly slipping back in, no matter how calming an effect hearing Catherine's voice was. The helplessness reminded Sara of her parents, and her desire to be nothing like them.

"I know you can do this, and it's a good thing that she's sleeping."

Catherine didn't get a change to continue as she was interrupted by Greg looking for her. Holding up one finger as to let the young man know she would need another minute. Catherine continued her conversation with Sara.

"I'm sorry, but I have to run. Greg is getting impatient and I don't want him goofing around too much."

Catherine hoped this was said in a way that wouldn't get the brunette angry at her. It was meant to inject some lightness into Sara's already dark mood.

"If you'll like, I can come by after I've taken Linds to school."

Sara had been able to find some inner peace after talking with Catherine. The prospect of Catherine coming by in the morning was comforting.