Chapter 21
The sound of knocking was a great relief for Sara. She was desperately hoping that Catherine would know what to do.
Emily's reaction to the knock was nowhere close to relief. She thought that the person knocking was there to take her away, just as Mrs. Sorenson had done. Emily was having a hard time understanding what was happening around her. It was all very confusing. She was sure her mom would never come back. Now she was scared that Sara would leave and never come back or even worse someone would take her away. Emily was convinced that this person on the other side of the door would take her away from Sara.
"Hey honey, let's go let Catherine in." Sara picked up the young girl, before she headed to the door.
Emily wanted to believe her mama, but she couldn't take the risk of it being someone to take her away. She held on even tighter. Arms wrapped around Sara's neck and legs locked around the brunette's waist. Mostly she just wanted to run and hide.
Sara didn't have the chance to say a word after she had opened the door.
"Catherine..." Emily yelled as soon as she saw it was Catherine and not some monster. Flinging her little body into the unsuspecting arms of the startled strawberry blonde. "You came back."
Though surprised by the young girl throwing herself at her, Catherine managed to catch Emily and hoisted the girl into her arms, so they could look into each others eyes.
"I promised we would see each other, sweetheart. And I always keep my promises."
Sara didn't have any other option than to close the door and follow Catherine and Emily into the living room. She didn't know what to do or where to go. This was one more thing she felt she was failing at. Not like Catherine, who had no trouble keeping up a light chatter as the older woman moved to the couch with Emily.
"What's this I hear sweetie, you giving your mama trouble?"
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After her conversation with Sara, Catherine hadn't expected the welcome Emily had given her. Though Emily had talked a little, the girl had clung to her in a way Catherine hadn't experienced, since she had pulled Lindsey out of the car.
Catherine didn't get an answer, but she was granted a small smile by the girl. By the look on Sara's face, the brunette wouldn't be all that much help in trying to figure out what was going on with Emily. Sara was looking more lost and like a young child than Emily at the moment.
"I'm hearing you're not eating. What happened to eating more than Linds the other night."
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Sara was amazed at how easily Catherine managed to keep the tone light even when the strawberry blonde was trying to get Emily to talk about what had happened to cause so much turmoil in the young girl.
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Catherine knew better than to expect Emily to be able to express what was wrong. She suspected that the girl hardly knew what all the emotions running wild in her small body were.
There was no sight of Emily saying what was wrong, but thoughts were flying through the girl's head. The different emotions showing clearly in the young blonde's green eyes.
Instead of pressuring Emily to explain what the girl didn't understand, Catherine chose another direction.
"Why don't we get you dressed, than we can decide what to do today."
The suggestion that she would be staying for more than a short visit got some energy and life back in Emily's eyes. The reaction in Sara was different to say the least. The brunette was shuffling her feet. Catherine was sure that if given the opportunity Sara would have her hands stuffed into her pockets.
It had been some time since she had last seen Sara so nervous. Catherine was finding it hard to keep a smile of her face at the sight of a so clearly nervous Sara. She was finding Sara's shuffling oddly fascinating and couldn't keep her eyes of the younger woman. The hard part was the conflicting feelings. Part of her felt guilty for wanting to look and grin at the cuteness of a nervous Sara. But the other part wanted to freeze the image.
She did manage to direct the smile at Emily before Sara noticed she had been staring.
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Much to Catherine's surprise, Emily had almost no pink clothes. Not like Lindsey at that age, where everything had to be pink, or even now her not so little girl had more pink than Emily.
She had noticed that the style of Emily's room was much like the rest of Sara's apartment. What she hadn't noticed was that the girl's clothes was much like Sara's, though there was a greater range of colors than she had ever seen the brunette wear.
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They found Sara where they had left her. "Look's like your mama fell asleep standing up."
"No silly, mama's not sleeping, her eyes are open."
Emily giggled, that more than hearing the voices, was what pulled Sara out of her private world.
"She sure looks like it standing like that still in her pajamas. Do you think she want's to go back to sleep, while we go have fun?"
Emily couldn't stop giggling at what she believed was silliness on Catherine's part.
Sara was a little baffled by the conversation she happened to find herself in the middle of. It made no sense, but Sara was willing to overlook that with Emily enjoying herself. Anything that at this point made the young blonde sound happy was okay with Sara. The problem was that she felt bad for not being the one who put the smile on her girl's face, she just didn't know how.
Seeing how Catherine could draw Emily out of her silence, just like that. When Sara had been trying to find a way and coming up empty. It gave her a strange sense of calm, knowing that if she couldn't help, at least she had called someone who could. Sara had never liked not being in control or not knowing what to do or what would happen. Just another reminder of a childhood, where she had never been in control and never knew what would happen.
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"Do you think we should send your mama to get dressed or should we just leave her here when we go to the park?"
"Mama, hurry up." Emily was bouncing in place, finding it difficult to keep from hurrying her mama along. That never had the desired effect. Usually all it accomplished was that it took her mama longer to get ready. It wasn't that Sara deliberately dragged her feet. Even when Sara tried to hurry there was a subconscious pull that meant no matter what she tried it only made her slower. Sara was just about the only one that didn't know about it. Everybody close to her knew. Emily knew and had experienced it several times, though most of them the young girl couldn't remember.
Knowing that hurrying Sara didn't give the desired result, didn't mean that Emily could contain her impatience. The young blonde hardly ever could, but that was a great part of why Sara fell even more in love with the small girl every time she saw Emily.
"Erm, okay. I'll be quick, but I have to shower."
"Yeah, I know, but please..."
The pleading look in Emily's eyes, only added to the confusion in Catherine's. Not wanting to start interrogating her colleague at this moment, Catherine chose to try to distract Emily.
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Sara did try to be quick, but the thoughts running rampant in her mind wasn't helping matters. She got lost in thought in the middle of washing her hair. It wasn't until Catherine called out to her through the bathroom door that Sara remembered where she was and what she was doing. After that wakeup call it wasn't a problem to finish quickly, when her thoughts had stopped running wild.
Sara was amazed at how easily Catherine had gotten Emily to talk, when she hadn't been able to the young girl to say one word since they left ACS. Sara knew getting Emily to talk was a step in the right direction. Though it would by far solve everything, but a start nonetheless.
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Catherine was a big help in cheering both Emily and Sara up. A short trip to a nearby park, getting some air and moving around was just the right thing for getting Sara to loosen up. Catherine suspected that was a big part of the brunette's problem.
In the time Catherine had known her, the brunette had always been a thinker. That was a great trait when working as a CSI, but it rarely helped anything or anyone when dealing with children. Thinking rationally would only leave Sara more confused, as no child Catherine knew would be remotely close to what passed as Sara's logic. Actually she had never met anyone the brunette's logic fitted, besides Sara herself. That was what made Sara such a great CSI.
Catherine believed that once Sara stopped over thinking everything, and gave herself the chance to relax in her own skin, she would be a great parent.
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The time they spent at the playground gave Sara the opportunity to leave her problems behind, if only for a short time. It was a rare moment when the brunette let her inner child get a small glimpse of the world.
The trouble was that Sara had never had much time before her innocence was torn away. Changing the young girl's outlook on life for always. Everything she saw on a daily basis at work, had only made Sara more jaded. Sara had since her early childhood had difficulties letting anyone in long enough to let them see her vulnerable side, or that she wasn't always strong and capable. She had learned early on that anything that could be viewed as a weakness was punished. And not only at home.
Not being as everyone else, or what someone decided was normal, was also seen as a weakness. There came the first problem, her parents opinion and that of the children she went to school with, didn't compare. That meant Sara never fit in either place, no matter how hard she tried. She wasn't very old before she gave up on trying to fit in, in school. At least there the worst that happened was that she was ridiculed, but for the most part of her school life she was ignored and left alone. It was much worse when she happened to be the wrong child at home. It didn't take much longer for the young Sara to give up trying to be the perfect child at home either. No matter how hard she tried, it was never enough or the criteria had changed.
Because of her experiences in life, Sara didn't know how to interacting with people most of the time. It never came natural, and she had, had to fight hard to get to where she was now. The few real friends she did have, had all fought hard to get through the hard shell the brunette put up to protect herself from the world. It always took time, but if you were let inside, there wasn't anything Sara wouldn't do. People rarely took the time or put in the effort to get to that point. Sara had become harder to crack with every friend or lover that had betrayed her trust. Every time she put her walls up higher and thicker than before.
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Catherine was hoping that once they got back to the apartment, Sara would keep the lightness she could see glimpses of when the brunette was swinging or going down the slide with Emily.