"Jon still mad at you?" Kate asked.
"Yes I am," Jon said, his back to the group. He was glaring pointedly at the wall. Cam, Brennan, and Kate rolled their eyes. Booth, McGee, and Abby smiled, amused. Ziva and Tony, the objects of his ire, sighed dejectedly.
"He won't be for long," Tony said, "She paid for gas, I drove, and we split on..."
He dropped a greasy take-out bag on the table, "Tommy burgers!"
Jon turned, eyes wide, "Is it... Original Tommy's?..."
"Had the shack and everything," Ziva assured, "Double and chili fries."
The couple were nearly bowled over when Jon launched himself at them, hugging them tight. He said, tears in his eyes, "All is forgiven."
He gingerly pulled out a wax paper wrapper and set it on the table. He carefully, as if diffusing a bomb, unwrapped the burger. The group's jaws collectively dropped. It was the most greasy, fatty, unhealthy, and disgusting looking burger they had ever seen. It looked so greasy, fatty, unhealthy, and disgusting, that it was beautiful. Mouths were watering.
"You are going to die if you eat that," Kate said.
"I concur," Brennan agreed.
"I think I'm going to cry," Booth said.
Tony took a picture, "This is going on Facebook."
"I think I saw something move in there," Abby said.
"I want your knives after you have your heart attack," Ziva demanded.
"Ditto, on you computer," McGee said.
"I order you not to eat that," Cam said, "I may not be your commander anymore, but I still order you not to commit suicide."
"That is an order that I shall not follow," Jon said. He carefully flipped it over so that the thick chili was under the patty. Then took a big bite, dropping a large amount of thick, greasy chili on the wrapper, "I can taste the growth hormone!"
"What does it taste like?" Tony asked.
"Like an orgasm for my mouth!"
"Can you feel your arteries shutting?" Kate asked.
"Yes!" he made it sound like it was the most awesome thing in the world.
When he finally finished the heartattack confection the group stared, waiting for him to keel over and die. It was Cam who said, "This cannot be legal."
"It probably isn't," Booth said.
2 Days later
They were hanging out in the Bravo Company building. Jon entered the room, sat down with his friends and said, "Tommy's has left the building.
The girls, plus McGee, promptly left, leaving the trio there. Tony asked, "How was it?"
"Just like it came in: Big, brown, and full of grease."
I know it's slightly disgusting, but as someone who's had Original Tommy's, I can say with absolute certainty that is is accurate. So, dirty humor.
PLEASE REVIEW!