The trip back didn't seem real. There was no getting lost in the desert with the Citadel's spires piercing the heavens before them. All they had to do was head towards it, all they had to do was watch it expand before them. If the TARDIS had been turned inside out and dropped in a big heap, Tegan thought it might have looked like this: not infinite in size but incalculable. She entered this palace of technological achievement through a small, human-sized door. It was not blue, but she felt properly cut down to size.
The first thing Tegan did when she got back to her apartment was to celebrate a joyous and deeply personal reunion with her hygiene chamber. She luxuriated in a scented bath that was kept at the temperature she preferred, and felt the pulsing water move over her stiff muscles. She could hardly keep her eyes open while the sonic field dried her off.
Tegan didn't remember anything after her bath, but she woke up face down in her pillow and ready to resume the high life. Dressed and breakfasted, she tried to drop in on the Doctor, but the Doctor was out; likewise Turlough. How typical. No one wanted to see her vacation slides. Keludar would probably be glad to have her back, but he'd been scornful of her trip. She wanted to talk to someone who would listen.
That left Professor Omicron.
Technology assisted the process, but it was still a long trip from her suite at the heart of the Capitol to the Academy library. Once Tegan got there, she realized she had no way to find Professor Omicron unless she wanted to camp out in the map room. Obviously, the thing to do was to ask the librarian on duty.
Library personnel reported to the office of the Keeper of the Matrix. Being a librarian on Gallifrey carried the kind of prestige that a human librarian could only dream of.
"There is no such person." The librarian frowned at her.
"I talked to him myself." Tegan added, "He's not dead," figuring that might be the problem.
"Nonexistent persons can be neither dead nor living." He did not sound merely indifferent, but almost outraged. "Kindly cease wasting the time of library personnel with student pranks." The librarian walked away, leaving Tegan standing there astonished.
Tegan started hunting down Keludar. When she tried his contact code, he didn't answer. It was that kind of day. Usually Keludar popped up out of nowhere, like he had a spy system in place watching for her. Perhaps, for once, he was actually attending class or revising? The student residence and class areas were strictly off limits to casual visitors. Tegan was angry and confused, but in a strict sense was still 'casual.' She was forced to linger in the public areas. In her childhood in Australia, she had turned over rocks to find scorpions. They would sit in the sunlight, stingers at the ready, radiating sullen malevolence. That's how she felt, sulking about with poison bubbling under her tongue.
"So you've returned at last," Keludar said from behind her.
He might have expected to surprise her, but she turned, temper bristling, to face him. "I asked about Professor Omicron at the library and they said he didn't exist at all, alive or dead. What the hell is going on?"
"That's not his real name, and no, I don't know what it is. He's rather like a ghost, except without being dead. I'm sure it's very convenient for him. The librarians think it's an old student joke. They all aspire to be Matrix technicians. It's a profession that encourages neither creativity nor imagination. It follows that they have no sense of humor."
"He invited me to come tell him about my trip Outside." Tegan didn't care that she was whingeing.
Keludar raised an eyebrow. "I see where I am in your notification list. Tell me, Tegan, have you gone native or are you persuaded of the joys of civilization? Don't tell me you're unmoved by the luxuries of the Ambassadorial suite. Unless, perhaps, it's actually uncomfortable in order to encourage ambassadors to leave. Some Time Lords have thought themselves quite clever."
Tegan was in no mood to have Keludar's wit honed on her. Why couldn't he laugh outright instead of putting on a pose? If he wanted to fight, she could oblige.
"Is that what you tell yourself looking in the mirror? You know, I'll miss wallowing in the mud. My civilized hygiene chamber has controls I've never tried to use, but I doubt they include mud baths."
"No, nor meals of animal flesh. I should think it would provide skins to wear, if requested. Only don't ask for the hides of the High Council. Were that possible, many a Time Lord would have been raw meat long since." Keludar was seldom that crude. Tegan resented the edge to his voice.
She could do crude. "Trying to bring cannibalism back in fashion, Keludar? You do so like to be trendy, but maybe it was just bad taste."
"Doubtless you found the Shobogans more to your taste, being not so 'civilized.'" Keludar's blue eyes were narrowed. It was tempting to read his expression as jealousy, but Tegan suspected it was more about his ego than his heart.
"They were friendly. They welcomed me and threw me a farewell party. We danced, sang, and had this thing primitive humans call 'fun.' Tegan was not shy about troweling on thick layers of sarcasm.
"I've heard of what primitive humans consider to be fun. 'Wallowing in the mud' seems an unnecessarily crude way to describe it."
"Are you jealous? Why else are you making such a fuss?"
"My dear Tegan, what cause have I to be jealous, were I to engage in such a barbaric emotion? Jealous? If I am, what should I do? Carry you off over my shoulder? Is that the kind of attention you desire from me?" He didn't actually move nearer to Tegan, but his stance shifted and abruptly she felt threatened. Keludar was taller and more athletic than the average Time Lord.
"I want to know why I'm being subjected to an inquisition. What do you think we did out there? Stripped, painted our skins, danced around a fire and had an orgy? I don't care if you're four times my age, Kel, sometimes you are such a child. You need to remember something: those Outsiders are your kind. They're Gallifreyans who chose a different way of life. They have the same basic education as any other Gallifreyan."
"And what good does their education do them out there?" Keludar scoffed.
"You should go visit them and find out. Wallow in the mud. I'm sure someone will be glad to hold your head under for you," Tegan snapped. She stormed home.
- o - O - o -
Hurricane Tegan gained strength on the trip. The Doctor had often failed to notice her moods. It seemed to be a cultural blind spot. The inhabitants of the Citadel ignored the savage on her way back to the Capitol. Calmly, rationally, infuriatingly, they went about their business while she moved past them. Bad temper did not register on the perceptions of those who had never stood in the shadow of a storm cloud.
"I only want to see him for a few minutes!" She didn't have the gale force to blow down a locked door, but she was going to rain on all who came near until everyone was as miserable as she was. Tegan was tired of the words. She'd said them first to the guard outside the Doctor's private office. Then she'd repeated them up the ranks until she was passed on to the Castellan himself. The man was new to his appointment, and puffed up with promotion.
"The Lord President is meeting with the High Council. You will have to wait until the meeting is over. There is no time limit."
"But they must have breaks, to eat, or… or just because they're sick of each other's voices." A meeting that went on without limit sounded like the Doctor's idea of hell.
"Why should they finish if they rest? They will end the meeting when they have settled the matter at hand, or when they agree to table it for further study." The Castellan frowned at her.
"Couldn't you even pass him a message?"
"I may only interrupt them under circumstances of disaster. Do you have news of an alien invasion?" the Castellan looked at her in a nastily significant way.
Tegan glared at him furiously. She was in the wrong and they both knew it, which fed her anger. "Fine. I'll wait."
"If you must," he said quellingly. "It is not forbidden, if you cause no disturbance."
"If I do you'll be the first to know about it, believe me!" Tegan said, wishing she could give him a fat lip to go with his smug face.
- o - O - o -
Tegan refused to wait in her room. She sat down on a couch. Then she lay down. Inevitably, she fell asleep.
When she woke up, nothing had changed except the guard. It was a new one, so Tegan tried again. "I'd like to see the President now, please." She smiled, all honey and no vinegar.
"The President is not to be disturbed."
"Is he still meeting with the High Council?" Tegan rubbed her eyes.
"No, they left."
"What? Didn't anyone tell him I was waiting for him? Why won't you let me in?"
"He sent out a message that he is not to be disturbed."
Tegan made her feelings known in a few well-chosen phrases of Australian argot that apparently had no Gallifreyan equivalent. The guard only looked confused and the paint did not blister from the walls, which was typical of this day.
There was only one word left to convey her feelings. "Gallifreyans!" Tegan said with deepest loathing, and went to her room.
She tried Turlough's contact code. Still out. The Doctor's. No response.
Tegan ran her hands through her hair until it stood on end, and went out to the garden, hoping to calm down. It was night. Lights came on at ground level. She sighed and her hot breath boiled out onto the air. "'I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your door in… oh! Which door is the Doctor's?"
Fairy lights led her to a door. "Let me in," Tegan said without huffery. The door swung open to the touch of her hand, and she passed through.
- o - O - o -
She had never been in his rooms any farther than the private office. Come to think of it, she'd never been in his room in the TARDIS. Now, that would be invading the Doctor's privacy. He didn't want the Presidency. This was an apartment of state, as impersonal as a hotel room. Why else have such an enormous bed when Time Lords hardly slept at all? Oh, yes, Morbius. Tegan dimly remembered that other things besides sleep happened in a bed.
"Doctor, are you here?" she called, and at that point realized she might be in trouble. The Lord President of Gallifrey 'is not to be disturbed.'
She saw more light through a door that was partly opened. Coming closer, she could see that it led into the private office. If the Doctor was there, he should have heard her. Tegan went in. There were meeting materials on the desk. The long white sleeve of the Doctor's Presidential robe draped over the armrest of the tall chair.
Tegan came around to the front of the desk. The Doctor was seated, his eyes open, his face calm. The Sash was draped around his shoulders; the Crown circled his brow. He had never looked so alien. The Crown was not merely a symbol. It provided a direct connection with the Matrix. He was in communion with the greatest storehouse of knowledge in existence. Certainly, he could answer her trivial questions–if he didn't annihilate her like the insect she was.
She shouldn't be here. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and started to tiptoe out the way she'd come.
"STAY THERE."
The words stopped her motion like a wall of stone; they stayed her feet like she was frozen to the spot. Tegan couldn't even speak. The Doctor was looking at her. She was not consciously aware of the passage of time, but her knees gave out and she sank to the floor. She buried her face in her hands.
"Tegan? Oh, no."
Arms came around her, lifted her; the Doctor carried her to the desk and sat her on the edge of it. He sat down next to her, with one arm still around her shoulders to support her. She leaned against him.
"I'm so sorry. I only meant for you to wait, but the Matrix… I did not mean to constrain you in any way. Wearing the Sash and the Crown, my will is reality inside the Matrix. I unknowingly exerted that power through my voice. Borusa did the same thing to you; you may be susceptible due to prior mental interference."
"Stop babbling!" Tegan slapped out at him, not even trying to aim. Her fingertips brushed his chest.
He rumbled a sheepish, "Sorry," and squeezed her shoulders.
Tegan sighed. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have come in. It's been a bad day. I think I have culture lag."
"Did your trip not go well?"
"Oh, no! I enjoyed it, and yet I was glad to come back."
"I'm glad to have you back. Perhaps we can make an exchange: if you will forgive me for accidentally trespassing on your liberty, I will gladly forgive your, ahem, trespass of my apartment." The Doctor leaned forward and tipped her chin up to make her look at him. "It might have been bad timing, but you are welcome."
"Thanks, Doc. It's a deal." She managed a smile for him, since that was clearly what he wanted.
"So what was so important that you… wait, how the devil did you break in here?" The Doctor looked at her speculatively.
"The garden let me in." Tegan felt a little glow at that accomplishment.
"Ah, yes, no guard out there. Well, that was easy. So why did you want to see me so urgently?"
Tegan felt herself blushing, and hedged, "I did lose my temper, but since we're past that bit, have you ever heard of Professor Omicron?"
He stared at her. "How did you hear that name? He's long dead."
"Let's not go into that just yet–he exists, right?"
"It's sort of a pen name, really. Whoever he was, he wrote my favorite book on mythic galactigraphy." The Doctor smiled ruefully, "I almost failed my exam by quoting from it."
"Mythic galactigraphy?" Tegan felt a little woozy.
"It was a book on where imaginary places would be if they were real places, a compilation from ancient Gallifreyan legend. After I acquired the TARDIS, I went looking for them. Some are real places that were forgot or deliberately kept secret. I always wondered if the author snuck them in there for subversive reasons."
"I can see why you liked it. Anyway, I've met him."
"But he's dead. That book was centuries old when I read it."
"Well, I met him in the library and he called himself Professor Omicron and said he was a retired teacher of galactigraphy. Keludar knew him. I promised I'd tell him about my trip Outside, but when I went looking for him, the librarian said he didn't exist and accused me of pulling a student prank."
The Doctor cleared his throat "Students have been using that name for nefarious purposes for a while now. It's sort of a senior class in-joke. But–"
Tegan put her hand over his mouth. "Don't say he doesn't exist! I've met him, I tell you." The Doctor stared at her. His breath puffed over her skin and she snatched her hand back quickly. "Sorry. I didn't mean–oh, rabbits." Her hand flopped about in her lap, helpless with embarrassment.
"You seem keen to defend his motives in giving you a false name," the Doctor said slowly.
"He was kind to me. I thought he was a sweet old man. He said he didn't mind everyone thinking he was dead because he liked to surprise them."
"Did you see him and Keludar together?"
"Yes. They spoke… " Tegan realized she might be getting Keludar into trouble. Even if she was mad at him, she didn't want that. Not with the President. "The Professor was worried about me being treated properly."
"Because Keludar was there?" The Doctor asked the question casually, but his face had the keen look he got when he was pursuing a mystery.
"No! The Professor was confused about who was President. He mentioned someone named Morbius."
The Doctor actually flinched, shifting far enough to the side so that he was hardly touching her at all.
"I told him I was being treated well, and that pleased him," Tegan said, feeling contrite. The name of Morbius had upset the Doctor far more than she had anticipated.
"Next time I enter the Matrix, Tegan, I will ask after Professor Omicron." The Doctor's face set in stubborn lines.
Tegan touched his arm lightly. "Doctor, I think he's all right. He was kind to me. I hated thinking he was neglected and alone, and him on his last regeneration."
His expression softened. "I will remember you spoke up for him, Tegan." The Doctor slid off the desk. "Feeling better? I believe it's time for supper. Dine with me; I'll see if Turlough's about and we can all have a pleasant evening together."
"All right. Say, Doctor?"
"Yes, Tegan?"
"Don't tell Turlough I can get into his apartment." Tegan smiled impishly at him.
"Your secret is safe with me, word of a Time Lord." The Doctor smiled, and the last of Tegan's unease evaporated.
tbc