okay guys i'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry about the breaks between chapters I won't even explain...I've just been stressed lately. I still don't have an idea for next chapter either... So I dunno we'll see. Thanks guys for being patient :)

"Lily! Breakfast!" James called before bursting into my room. I rolled over and ignored both him and the light. He came and lay beside me gently stroking my arm through my long-sleeved shirt. "Come on." He said brushing a strand of hair behind my ear, making light flood into my vision. "Why not?"

"I….I just no."

"I wasn't searching for an explanation you don't have to tell me." He said before getting up "Five minutes." He called out, before closing the door behind him.

I let out a breath once the door clicked shut. I had been so close to saying "I don't want food."

Why is it I wanted to tell this boy everything? I wanted to tell him about my father, my eating disorder, how freak-ish I feel - everything.

I wished he hadn't gone but I knew there'd be other chances to confess, I only wished the guilty feeling in my gut would leave. I also wished I didn't have this urgent feeling to tell James Potter everything. I wanted so badly to tell him I wanted to eat, for him but it felt like some sort of imaginary force kept pushing me farther, seeing how long I could last without food.

I got up and dressed as James knocked again before opening the door fully. He smiled walking over and hugged me picking me up and twirling me around. "You look beautiful." I smiled as he put me down and he kissed my cheek taking my hand and led me downstairs.

We sat down at the table and James looked at me smiling, so I put a little bit of an omelette, hash browns, strawberries and oranges on my plate.

"So are you coming to watch the Quidditch game, we're playing Ravenclaw?" James asked me. I nodded happily, food still in my mouth. "Cool, cheer as loud as you can, it makes the other girls jealous." I laughed shoving him slightly but he only came closer, catching me by surprise and quickly kissing me.

I smiled as I put the last bit of biscuit into my napkin and pushed my plate away from me. We headed off towards the field together and I kissed James goodbye as he went towards the change room. I went into the stands by myself and tried standing in a secluded corner, not touching anybody.

I tried watching James carefully as he floated around the skies effortlessly, but it just seemed difficult people because were brushing against me and soon I couldn't fight off the memories.

"You stupid whore, who could love you!"

"Scream my name, bitch."

The memories overwhelmed me and I began to feel dizzy. I fought my way out of the stands until I was out on the grounds again, where I just turned and said a silent apology to James before I went and ran to the lake. Even though it was kind of cold I sat by the lake on my stomach sticking my finger in.

I let my tears fall as I remembered the first time my father had ever laid his dirty hands on me and I had cried, wanting to wipe off all the filth. I had blocked it from my mind a long time ago, why did it have to try and invade now?

"Lils?" I jumped letting out a small squeal as James walked over running his hand through his hair as he sank down beside me.

I leaned into him and his arms wrapped around me slowly. "What's wrong Lils?"

"I'm damaged….how can you love me?" I asked and his hand started running through my hair gently.

"I think you're perfect just the way you are, nothing could make me think of you as damaged. I promised I wouldn't leave again and I won't. "

"James…"

"You can trust me I'm sorry, love." I looked up questioningly and he smiled.

"Love?" I asked and he kissed my head gently.

"I've been calling you love in secret for two years now." He smiled stroking my hair before continuing. "So what happened?"

I hugged him and he held me holding on tightly but I didn't notice until I pulled away and saw the seam marks on his arms from my sweater.

"I'm just….there's stuff I haven't told you. I just… being near people and touching strangers it makes me uneasy." He nodded and slightly pulled away before I pulled him back against me. "With you it's different, I want to curl into you rather than run."

"Lily…I hate asking but can you tell me why?" I looked down and held onto his hands to ensure he wouldn't run away.

"My dad raped me."

"What?" He asked and I swallowed as tears stained my eyes.

"He raped me." I said again as a tear fell he stood open mouthed before pulling me into his arms rubbing my back swearing he wasn't going anywhere.

Okay so I included cute Jily :) and I dont know when the next chapter will be honestly I'm super busy with my boyfriend's birthday coming up (8 days!) and i'm nowhere near done his present...I'm just hoping he likes it... but anyays enough about me review, review, REVIEW :)

-Little Miss Fake it