Chapter 32
Nancy noticed the difference in Catherine right away after the first meeting with Sara.
The time spent with Sara, gave from the first day Catherine more energy in her life. It only got better as the friendship with Sara evolved.
Lindsey improved as Catherine's mood and energy level increased. Thriving in the attention and time she was spending with her mom. But Lindsey still didn't want to meet with Sara, when Catherine suggested a Saturday with Emily and Sara.
That was the first time, since Catherine had decided to change, that Lindsey had gotten angry.
Catherine was only slightly surprised. The few time she had brought up Sara, Lindsey had either changed the subject or tried to leave the room. She didn't want to ignore what, Catherine now realized, was her daughter hurting over something to do with Sara.
The trouble was getting her stubborn daughter to talk about what was bothering her. Getting things talked out with Lindsey, wasn't made easier by the increase in crimes that came when the holidays was getting closer. With them still being understaffed at work, the pick up in crimes meant Catherine had to work longer hours. Forcing her to have Lindsey stay more with Nancy, and postponing their Christmas preparations. That didn't help matters in trying to talk to Lindsey.
"But mom, you promised it would be just us. Why can't it be like that."
Lindsey had looked forward to the day they had planed, getting to spend time with her mom. And wasn't looking forward to having to share her alone time with her mom with Emily and Sara. It was supposed to be their day, and it had already been moved a couple of times already, because of mom's work.
"I know this was supposed to be our time, and it still will be. I thought we could help Emily get her first Christmas tree since her mom died. And you're the best at picking trees and getting the right amount of marshmallows to the hot chocolate we always have while decorating the tree. I thought we could share that with Emily and Sara."
Catherine knew she wouldn't persuade Lindsey by bringing Sara into it, but hoped Emily was another thing.
Lindsey had been more okay with Sara in the last couple of weeks after getting angry with her mom. She didn't go out of her way to talk to, or be in the same room as Sara when they both were at Nancy's. But she didn't storm out any longer.
Catherine hadn't wanted to push too hard, but she had tried to give Lindsey the opportunity to see that Sara hadn't betrayed their trust, and that she had picked up the friendship again. Sara had been the best role model and Catherine wanted that back, as well as her girl real happy again.
Lindsey wasn't ecstatic about spending time with Sara and Emily. She knew she could have gotten her way and spent the day alone with her mom. Helping Emily, as her mom had said, overruled her want to stay away from Sara and spend time alone with her mom.
She had a hard time trusting Sara again, she wanted to, but there was a small voice in the back of her mind. Warning her that Sara would leave her again. She wanted to give in and let Sara back in. But it was difficult to just stop being angry. Lindsey missed the time and things she had shared with Sara, especially the time they had spent working on the car. She was getting closer to letting her anger go and give Sara a chance, but she wasn't all the way there yet.
Even though Lindsey was still mad at Sara, she wasn't mad at Emily. She liked Emily, and knew the younger girl had started a new school in a new city, and with a mom that didn't have experience with all the kids things a mom should know.
"Fine, but it has to be the mini marshmallows, the ones you bought last year tasted wrong."
Catherine couldn't help but laugh at that. "Yes, I'd remembered the mini marshmallows. The ones from last year was the same brand just regular size."
Lindsey had alway insisted the regularly sized marshmallows tasted differently than the minis. Mentioning the marshmallows, Catherine knew Lindsey was okay with the idea and not just humoring her.
rrrr
At the tree lot, Lindsey and Emily both wanted the biggest tree they could find. Lindsey was explaining to Emily how to find a tree that had the best branches for decorating and where there would be room for presents.
Without either of the girls noticing Sara was paying as much attention as her little girl to what Lindsey was saying about how to find the best tree.
Sara had never bought a tree for herself, and had only experienced Christmas while living with Caroline and with briefly Sam. She was determined that Emily would get the Christmas the girl wanted. To do that, Sara had found that the tree was essential. As was the decorations, they had planned to go shopping for tomorrow. Emily had made sure her mama knew what was important.
Emily's exited yell, tore Sara from her thoughts about what they still had to do before Christmas, and the short time they had.
"Mama can we get this one?"
Emily was pointing to the highest tree in the lot. Well, over anything they could fit in their apartment.
"Em, that tree won't fit in the living room, you got to find something not as tall and wide."
Sara's voice showed patience, she didn't want Emily to think she couldn't chose their tree, after Sara had promised Emily would get to decide. The only contribution Sara had felt was needed from her, was the need for the tree to be able to fit in their living room. Sara wouldn't mind if Emily chose a tree that would necessitate they moved some furniture, but they still had to be able to use the room. Emily had agreed when Sara had brought up that condition, but had been forgotten when the young girl had seen the big Christmas tree.
Emily didn't have to say anything else, it was written plain as day on her face. She wanted that big tree.
"I know Em, it's pretty. Next year we might be able to get a bigger tree when we've found a house."
"But mama, I want a big tree this year."
"I know sweetie, and we'll find the biggest one that will fit, promise."
Lindsey could understand wanting a big tree. She had alway wanted the biggest tree in the lot, but they had never gotten anything but smallish trees. Lindsey could see the almost tears in Emily's eyes, and heard that Sara hadn't excluded all the big trees. Even that next Christmas there was the possibility of a bigger tree.
"Come on Emily, let's look at the trees over there instead, those are prettier and don't loose the needles so fast, so you can keep the tree inside longer."
With that Lindsey dragged Emily toward groupings of smaller trees. Before stopping at any specific height grouping, Lindsey looked to Sara to see which size Sara would allow. Sara had nodded towards the grouping larger than what Lindsey knew she would be taking home.
While Lindsey and Emily looked around in that size grouping, Catherine got Sara attention.
"You do know that now Lindsey will want to get that large a tree."
Catherine was enjoying the look of joy on both children's faces, not really minding that she would have to get a larger tree this year.
"What? Why? You don't have to get the same size."
Sara was confused as to why the size of the tree Emily could get, would also mean Lindsey and Catherine had to get the same size.
"It's fine, it was time to upgrade our tree." Catherine smiled.
Sara found Catherine's answer confusing, but before she could inquire further about the meaning, Emily's excitement about two of the trees the girl's had been looking at, drew the attention of both adults.
"Mama, can we have these two? please."
Emily looked at Sara with pleading eyes, hoping they could get two Christmas trees. She hadn't considered how two trees would fit in the living room. In her mind it was fully logical that now they had the right height there would be room for both trees. She didn't think about where to put them, she just saw the picture of two decorated trees in her mind.
"Em, I know you'll like a Christmas tree to decorate and to celebrate Christmas. But we don't have room for both of them. You'll have to choose one for our home, but if you ask nicely you might be able to talk Cam into letting you help her pick her tree."
The last part about Cam had been added as an after thought, after having seen the look in Emily's eyes at not being allowed both trees. Sara didn't want to do anything that could ruin this Christmas. It was the first Christmas after Sam's death and the first Christmas Emily would be able to remember celebrating with Sara. And Sara wanted to make it special, starting their own traditions and keeping some of the traditions Emily had had with her mom.
Catherine saw what she recognized could lead to a very sad Emily or in the worst case a tantrum.
"That's some pretty trees you chose Emily."
Catherine looked to Lindsey, hoping her daughter would understand what she tried to convey before she continued.
"You know what, if Lindsey likes them, we could buy one of the trees. That way you can help decorate both of them, and you'll get to see both trees."
Catherine hoped this way would make Emily happy, and she would get a chance to include Emily and Sara in the Willows family traditions for Christmas. Even better if Lindsey would openly welcome both Sara and Emily to participate in their family.
Her and Lindsey could always use more family, and it sounded like Emily could use all the family the young girl could get.
Lindsey hadn't understood the look her mom had given her, but combined with what her mom had said, it had given Lindsey an idea of what her mom wanted.
Lindsey didn't mind helping Emily or even Sara, she just had a hard time letting the brunette in again. Scared to trust, much in the same way Sara was. There was also her promise to her mom about giving Sara a second chance. Her mom's suggestion would also be the first year they would get that size tree. A big plus in Lindsey's book.
"Yeah Em, you chose one for your home, and the other one me and mom take home, You can help decorate if your mom lets you. We have hot chocolate with mini marshmallows."
Emily wasn't convinced it was a good ides. "But I want two trees."
"This will sorta feel like having two trees. They'll just be in two houses. I don't think you could have both in your small apartment."
Everyone in Lindsey's life lived in houses, and it wasn't until she had been to Sara's home that she had been in an apartment. So to her anything less than a house was a tiny home. Lindsey was right that the two trees wouldn't fit in the apartment, no matter how much Emily wanted it.
Emily wasn't convinced it was the best idea, she still wanted both trees, and she wasn't sure the idea that it would also be her tree when it was at Lindsey's house. But her mama had said they couldn't have both trees. And if there was one thing she knew, it was that a no meant no. At least from her mama, Cam she could sometimes persuade to change her mind. More and more spoke to the advantage of agreeing with Lindsey, but she had to make sure it wasn't just something Lindsey was promising.
Turning pleading eyes toward Sara and Catherine, Emily knew she would need permission from her mama and Catherine.
"Mama, can we keep one of them?"
To Emily that was most important. It wouldn't matter if Lindsey got a tree if she didn't. She had momentarily forgotten that her mama had already promised they could get a tree.
"Yes Em, you can chose one of them. I promised you the biggest tree that would fit. And we always keep our promises, right?"
"Yeah, if not sure you don't promise."
It wasn't the first time they had gone through what a promise meant. Keeping promises was very important to Sara, and she wanted it to be important to Emily.
"Can we help Lindsey decorate her tree?"
Emily looked between Catherine and her mama. Knowing that Catherine's answer was as important as her mama's.
Sara wasn't sure if she should answer first, and potentially put Catherine on the spot, or if she should wait to see what Catherine's answer was.
Catherine knew it only depended on Sara's answer, she had already been the one to suggest this solution, and didn't think there was any question of her answer. With Sara's hesitation, Catherine thought the brunette had forgotten her earlier invitation. Catherine didn't want to force Sara into agreeing if she didn't want to. Waiting until Sara looked at her, Catherine gave a slight nod, hoping Sara would understand.
Sara though slower than normal did get an idea of what Catherine meant. At least she hoped she did.
"Yes Em, we can help Lindsey." Before Emily could say anything Sara gave her a pointed look. "But...you will have to ask Catherine."
Emily could hardly contain her happy energy, but she knew she would have to ask Catherine first before she could jump into her mama's arms.
Sara found some things very important in her parenting of Emily, most she had learned from Caroline. There was also things she didn't think as important as other parents.
Emily turned her best pleading look toward Catherine, still staying close to her mama. "Please Catherine, can I come help Lindsey decorate the tree?"
Suddenly Emily became shy as she started talking to Catherine. Wanting to hide behind her mama but still wanting to be polite when asking.
Catherine couldn't help the smile at Emily's sudden shyness.
"Of cause sweetie, you and your mama are more than welcome to join us for the decorating and the hot chocolate."
The hot chocolate was a big part of their Christmas tree decorating tradition. And Catherine would like to include Sara and Emily. She had wanted to invite them to their home sooner, but had wanted to give Lindsey time to not only trust Sara again, but to also believe that she would be there and wouldn't leave again.
It had been a difficult month, but she could see the progress she had made with Lindsey. The way Lindsey interacted with Emily and even Sara that day proved to Catherine that she hadn't ruined everything with her daughter beyond repair. There was still a way to go, but they would get there together.
Emily after getting her answer didn't need to keep her excitement in check. Jumping into her mama's arms giggling and wriggling. The wriggling was mostly due to Sara tickling her.
"Mama, can we decorate Lindsey's tree today? So you'll know what we need when we buy Christmas things tomorrow."
The last part caught both Lindsey and Catherine's attention. It was Lindsey that spoke both of their disbelief.
"You don't have any Christmas decorations."
Lindsey was staring at Sara and Emily like something was wrong with them.
Sara didn't know what to say to that. Yes, she didn't have any decorations, but she did have a box from Samantha that she did't know if she should bring out or let it sit in the storage room.
Emily on the other hand didn't mind answering.
"Me and mommy had some, now it's only a small box, but mama didn't do Christmas. But she say we'll do Christmas right, and I got a calendar and it's got chocolate each morning. We're late, but mama promised we buy a tree and Christmas things this weekend."
Emily was exited about everything Christmas and even though Sara didn't have any Christmas decorations, she had done what she could to make the holiday as good as she could. The reason for the Advent calendar Emily had mentioned.
Sara was surprised to hear that Emily knew about Sam's box of Christmas decorations. When Emily ran out of steam, Catherine stepped into the conversation, giving Sara time to collect herself. She had seen the shock on Sara's face when Emily had mentioned the box of decorations.
"You are lucky. You might want to look and see what's in the box, so you'll know what you already have."
The last part was as much meant for Sara. There was no reason for Sara to keep things from Sam hidden. The things was a part of Emily and her mom and Emily would need to keep the memories as she grew. Catherine knew it would be difficult to see Sam's things, and be reminded of what had happened, but with time the memories would become of the good kind. It would also help Emily remember her mom.
Sara didn't know why Catherine encouraged them to get Sam's box of Christmas decorations. But she took the hint as to using Sam and Emily's things and not just keeping them in the storage room. It did sound like Emily was ready for Sara to bring out Sam's things. Now the question was if she was ready.