Okay sorry it's so late but it's been a busy week. I've had one presentation, two projects and my boyfriend's birthday and the week isn't even over yet. But this weekend it'll all be worth it :D I love when my dad goes out of town it means FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOM anyways enjoy the chapter :)
Chpt 12:
Like all happy moments do, this one had to end. James eventually pulled away; his fists clenched making fear burned in the pit of my stomach, spreading like wildfire.
"I'll kill him…" I stepped back until I was against a tree. "How could he have hurt you?" James asked his voice rising. I couldn't move images of my father's fists coming in contact with my jaw – I stood there, petrified. I looked up at James his fists curled and jaw clenched…it scared me.
I couldn't help it, I ran up the stairs and into my room avoiding the stares as I collapsed onto my bed breathing heavily. My father's words filled my ears and clouded my thoughts though I wished I could escape them. I curled up into a ball as I sat in the corner of my bed so I was facing the wall, feeling like I was suffocating.
"Lils?" I heard James, his voice soft as if he were talking to a wounded animal.
"Please don't hit me." I said quietly as he came closer. I heard him pause by the end of the bed and turned my head slightly so I saw a strangled expression quickly go across his face.
"Listen to me Lils, I would never, ever hurt you." He pulled me against him as he lay down and I turned crying into his shoulder.
"I'm sorry James I cry way too much." I said softly, trying to even out my breath by copying his.
"You want to know what I think?" He asked and I shrugged wanting him to continue. "I think crying takes much more strength than faking a smile. Forcing a smile is easy but trusting somebody enough to cry in front of them takes so much more strength." I had to smile. This James, the selfless, caring James was the James I'd been missing out on.
This James is the one I loved with all my heart. "I love you."
"I love you more, beautiful." I moved my arms so they were around him and squeezed. He kissed my head lovingly stroking up and down my spine sending shivers through me. "So Lily are you ready for dinner?" I shook my head and he smiled pulling me to my feet anyway.
I intertwined my fingers in his and followed him to the dining hall. We sat down at the Gryffindor table. I turned feeling like I was being watched and caught eyes with no other than Severus Snape. I smiled and he slightly smiled before a worried expression crossed his face.
I filled my plate with some macaroni and cheese, garlic bread and a deep dish pizza. James smiled at me as I ate and soon desert was served. James put a brownie on my plate and gave me puppy dog eyes saying "Please."
"James why are you asking her to eat a brownie? What are you anorexic or something? You're already the perfect weight." Sirius asked from his spot next to Remus. James shot him a glare and I looked down, pushing the brownie away.
"Don't even pull that Sirius. Ever." Sirius nodded and his eyes looked at me the laughter gone from his face.
"Sorry Lily I didn't mean it as an insult." I nodded smiling at him but still left the brownie untouched as we were dismissed.
"Hey James are you up for a run?" I asked on the way up to the common room.
"Not really, sorry Lily I'm still tired from Quidditch practice." I nodded and smiled inwardly as I ran up to my room and grabbed a pair of yoga pants and a long sleeved shirt before walking to the bathroom.
I sat over the toilet and shoved a finger to the back of my throat. A bit of bile came up so I tried again. Again a bit came up but I felt a bit on the back of my throat, trying to ignore my disgust. I sat over the toilet as more vile came up than before.
Finally my stomach felt empty and I changed clothes, shaking.
I started running by the lake as I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up as Severus came towards me and started running beside me.
"Hi Lily." I just glared at him and he continued. "You okay Lily?" He asked, sounding concerned. I had to hold back a laugh.
"You lost the privilege to care when you called me a mudblood."
"To care? We used to be friends."
"Yes used to." I said before starting to run faster, doing three more laps around the grounds before heading back to the common room, all out of breath and sweaty.
I went up to James and hugged him from behind, kissing his head. He turned diverting his attention from either homework or the fireplace I couldn't tell. "Sorry I smell. I was just about to have a shower," I explained. He only smiled, reaching back and running his fingers through my hair.
"It's okay I love your Lily smell," Peter gagged behind us and I shot him a grin.
"Okay lovebirds break it up, James you have work to do," Remus scolded him.
"Oh don't be such a spoil sport," James rolled his eyes at him.
"Thanks Remus, keep him in line." I winked.
"Moony, why did you have to get her on your side?" James whined and I smiled happily although I was slightly confused. I never did understand their nicknames but James had only mentioned that one day maybe he'd let me in on the secret.
"Anyways I need a shower," I began to back away, but was stopped by James' voice.
"Can I join you?" James asked in a husky voice. I laughed, slapping his arm playfully. I ran up the dormitory stairs and grabbed my robes before going to the prefects bathroom. I didn't feel like a bath so I just got into the shower in the far corner when it was hot enough.
I cried on the floor thinking of Severus – the first person I'd trusted with what happened at home and the person who turned away from me. He didn't care, he stopped talking to me.
"My parents are abusive, Sev. That's what's always wrong!"
"Well you're just a stupid mudblood anyway." He said before turning away. I wanted to go after him but I figured he hated me now. After all who would ever love a mudblood like me.
I cried harder recalling the memory and managed to reassure myself by saying at least James had come back….
So review your thoughts. Good, bad? Like Severus or hate him? Anyways I'd better go I still have my new confession things on DA I'm working on. Search me up if you feel like it my username is ashleyorerin
-Little Miss Fake it