Okay well sorry it took so long...I sent this to my Beta but I guess she has other stuff going on...It happens so I edited it the best I could and am now uploading it. If you see any errors review or PM me and I'll fix it as soon as possible...I have another hour left of my spare and plan on typing up my other chapter (I wrote it on my IPod) Okay so enjoy, review and well I really like the ending I hope you guys do too. :)

"lily" I got up off the shower floor as I heard James' voice. "You okay?" I put a towel around me and went to the door opening it.

"I'm okay."

"Okay you've just been in there a while." He smiled at me and gently put a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Okay get dressed and come sit by the fire." I nodded and went back into the bathroom quickly slipping into my robes.

I finished getting dressed and went to the common room and sat by James in front of the fire. "How are you?"

"I'm alright."

"Just alright?" He nodded and I looked at him uneasily. "You matter more than I do." I shrugged wanting to know he said he trusted me and loved me but somehow right now I couldn't believe it. Had Sirius made a comment? Had he somehow found out about me having a conversation with Severus?

I closed my eyes and leaned into his chest "Tired?" I shrugged and he put his arms under my legs and lifted me up and carried me to my room. "Get some rest." I shrugged and he walked out closing the door. I looked in the mirror and my eyes filled with tears.

"Lily!" James entered my room and smiled. "Hi love." He sat down beside me and started stroking my hair.

"Hi." I said weakly.

"You okay?"

"Just don't feel well." I said and he nodded kissing my head. "Okay stay here today I'll get your homework for you." I nodded and he went down the stairs. I turned over shaking my head. Well two can play this game if he "cares" too much about me to trust me then I can do the same.

I got up going to the bathroom and stood in the shower turning up the water until I couldn't bear it and stood there for ten minutes.

I got up and stood in front of the mirror drying my hair before going back to my room. I stood in front of the mirror starring at my fat I grabbed my razor blade and ripped it out of the packaging. I knew I shouldn't do it James would find out but somehow I found myself dragging it across my upper arm.

Blood bubbled to the surface and I moaned out in ecstasy as the blood ran down my arm. I cut five more times before pressing the small square of toilet paper to it. A month ago it'd been my goal to make this one white square red and now I would succeed.

"Lily?" James opened the door and I dropped the razor to the floor. It made a small ting as it hit the hardwood. James looked at me then the razor dumbstruck.

James walked over calmly and for a moment I thought he was going to pull me close instead he crouched low to the floor and picked up the blade fingering it with his thumb. I wanted so badly to cower into a corner and hide. That look, that wounded puppy look tore right through me.

"How could you?" He pressed the blade to his forearm right below his elbow. I let out a cry and grabbed his hand pulling it away. "Fine then." He went to the window and threw it out the window. I cried out as he did so and he grabbed me by the shoulders pushing me backwards onto the bed.

"Stay here." He said as he walked out of the room. He came back a few seconds later with bandages and tended to my wounds cleaning them before dressing them. "How could you do this Lily? I thought you were getting better."

"I was…."

"So what happened?"

"You wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I figured it was something I did….you don't really love me do you?" He looked at me in shock before sitting next to me.

"I love you more than anything, Lily. I just can't trust people you have to understand that. I try so hard Lils. I do love you so much." I nodded and he hugged me kissing my head.

"I'm sorry the last person who ever said they loved me left." He nodded stroking my hair

"So why did you do it? There's something else."

"I saw Severus….I just….he was the first person I trusted with how my parents abused me and he just left. He didn't care, he never cared." I sighed as James nodded his fists clenching. I grabbed both his hands and smoothed out his hands not allowing him to hurt himself.

"I won't leave Lily I promise, I just I got scared was all but now I want to be here, you have to come get me if you feel this way handling it alone doesn't solve anything." I nodded and he brought my arm gently to his lips kissing on top of the bandages.

Hi again :) So what do you think? Love, hate? I really enjoyed it I actually had to ask my boyfriend's opinion on what to do again...see he does make good decisions :) I just asked what he'd do if he saw me cutting and I kinda combined his answers...So ya until the next chapter Take care everyone