Well by the end of this chapter you may hate me...I'm sorry for that but I promise it'll be worth it next chapter, lotds of Jily. :) So anyways I hope you guys enjoy it somewhat...again I didn't email this to my beta first so if you find any errors review or PM me :)
The snow appeared at the beginning of December along with a letter from my parents. How they'd gotten it to me I had no idea since they hated using owls. They must've somehow tracked down an owl or something.
Dear Freak,
You are to come home for Christmas this year. If you don't we'll have to come to that freak school and drag you out by the hair. Hope to see you soon.
It wasn't signed but I knew mum had written it. As soon as I finished my stomach dropped. I was alone in my room; James was at quiditch practice. I crumpled the letter and threw it as hard as I could towards my wardrobe. I dank to the floor hugging my knees as loud sobs escaped my lips.
James found me huddled in a ball and suddenly I felt like a four year old; I couldn't control my crying and when I did loud hiccups escaped. James walked up to me and sank down pulled me into his lap. I clung to him as tears escaped my red bloodshot eyes. I felt so hopeless I'd been hoping I'd escaped that hell hole only to be summoned back.
"What's wrong love?" James asked softly and I pointed to the crumpled letter. He got up putting me down softly on my bed as he reached for the letter. I watched his face carefully and it went from concern to rage. His fists clenched and I walked over tears still falling from my eyes. I took his hands in mine and tried putting my fingers between his nails and palms carefully. I managed and looked into his hazel eyes. They looked cold and hard, they'd gone a dark brown and showed no light.
"I won't allow it. They won't nearly kill you again! There have to be laws!" I jumped as his voice rose and he wrapped his arms around me squeezing tightly and to my surprise I felt one of his tears touch my head. "I won't allow it." He said sadly as he started shaking. I raised my head and kissed him gently before standing on my tip toes and pressing our foreheads together.
"James I'll be okay…I'm strong." I didn't really mean the last two words, I didn't believe them but it seemed worth saying, to convince both James and myself.
"You are Lils but they nearly destroyed you. This time they may succeed, I can't lose you. "
"I'll write you every day I promise" I said and he shook his head.
"You have one more week before you have to go. I don't want you going there….What will you eat? What about your dad?" I winced as images filled my head and shrugged.
"If anything happens I'll write you and you can fly in on your broomstick and save the day." I said brightly but he only smiled sadly.
"I would, it doesn't matter what time of day. You're more important to me than anything I wouldn't care if I got in trouble with my parents." I smiled slightly knowing I wouldn't write him. I'd only burden him…
I nodded anyway and he squeezed me lightly. "It's only a few weeks I'll be okay." I said trying to reassure him but knowing I couldn't.
"You've been good lately; eating and not self harming what about when you leave? I don't want to lose you again….You disappeared for a while…your mood was so dark. I'm sure inside your head was darker though."
"But you followed me in with a match." I said smiling and he kissed my forehead. "I got out because of you." He smiled slightly brushing my hair behind my shoulder.
"I just don't want to lose you….I want you to continue getting better. This may only make you worse." I nod knowing he's right…but at the same time I had no choice in the matter.
"I'll be okay I'm stronger now." He nodded and led me backwards so we're lying on my bed. I lie down so my head is on his shoulder and I'm curled up against him.
"I just love you so much." He says softly as his fingers start running through my hair sending shivers down my spine.
"I love you too James, more than anything." He smiles and I curl up into him more feeling safer. Somehow I fall asleep against him wanting to stay in this moment forever.
"Lily come on wake up, love." I raise my head and look up at James smiling at him. I love waking up beside him, we do this every once in a while where we just fall asleep together. Usually I never sleep with my legs strait out but usually with James I do, I guess because he makes me feel so safe. When he's gone it feels like something is missing.
"Breakfast." I nod and get up not bothering to change from my old robes. I follow him downstairs and sit beside him putting food on my plate not really paying attention to what it is. It should matter in a week I'll be without food but somehow I can't seem to force myself to pay attention.
"You okay Lily?" Remus asked and I nodded smiling at him. "You sure? Your eyes are kind of red."
"Oh I must've just gotten shampoo in them during my shower. No big deal." I say easily and James takes my hand squeezing it lightly.
I act like a zombie all week, I eat, sleep and shower as if in a trance. James notices but barely ever comments. He only holds me and lets me cry late at night in his arms when my true emotion reveals itself. If he doesn't fall asleep with me he usually ends up coming in when I wake him screaming from nightmares.
On the final day we sit on the train wearing muggle clothes. Mine have been altered of course to fix but look better than before. "Send an owl if you need me and take this." He said pushing one of his sweaters into my hands. I smiled and put it in my trunk carefully. I see my mum and dad as we near the station and James follows my gaze squeezing my hand reassuringly.
"I love you." I say with tears in my eyes missing him already.
We get off the train and I hug him one last time before going over to my parents. "Hi dear we missed you." Mom says forcing me into a hug and leading me to the car. I look back seeing dad with my trunk and force a smile at James. He waves and I brush a tear from my eye.
"Come on Lily." Mum says forcefully grabbing my arm and digging her nails in. I bite my lip to keep from calling out and get in the back seat beside Petunia.
"Guess you were wrong, freak you're home again." But with these people would never be where I considered home.
As soon as we got home dad looked at me and grunted. "You can take your own bloody trunk." I grabbed the handle and pulled the trunk starting up the stairs wincing as pain shot up my arm.
I sat in my room starring at the blood stained comforter and sheets remembering how this had been my home once upon a time. But ever since that Hogwarts letter came I'd been treated as an outsider.
My first night in the house I was left alone luckily as I curled up with James' sweater inhaling his scent.
"Hi fatty time to make breakfast." Petunia squealed before running down the stairs again. I got up and started downstairs making bacon and pancakes.
I put the plates on the table before going upstairs and opening History of Hogwarts. Reading it somehow made me feel a little bit closer to home but I still couldn't forget where I was.
"Lily!" Dad came stomping up the stairs and into my room. I looked up as he grabbed my book holding it up before throwing it across the room. "What is this rubbish?" I wince expecting the blow that follows as he pulled my up by the hair.
I walk into my room limping Christmas Eve and let out a small sob. "Oh James I miss you." I cry I don't want to be here, not on Christmas eve. Some kids got candy and toys for Christmas I get beaten.
"lily?" I sit up hearing James' voice and looked around. "Lily?" I hear it coming from his sweater and take it in my hands feeling it before finding a piece of mirror with hazel eyes reflecting back at me.
Ya little bit of a cliffy but personally I enjoy it. I might not update again right away since my laptop is slowly breaking down and I'm currently painting my room, I can't find anything at the moment it's a miracle I even found clothes this morning! but ya review, review, review.:)
-Little Miss Fake It