Ernst: Yay! Now can we build a shelter!
Father: Wait for Fritz to suggest it.
Fritz: Let's do what Ernst said.
Father: Yay!
(They build a very small tent.)
Mother: My my. It is strange here. (She sees a lizard) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA! BAD LIZARD I HATE YOU GO AWAY (picks up Anne's bazooka) (Authoress's Note: see "The Horrid Summary" for more references to Anne's bazooka) I SHALL BAZOOKA YOU!
Lizard: (Makes a small movement. Flicks its tongue) My my. I wonder if this nice Swiss lady will be friends with me…
Mother: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (Drops bazooka) OH FRITZ, SAVE ME!
Anne: (pops up) NO TOUCHY MY BAZOOKA! (Whacks Mother on the head with a haddock) By the way, I have a secret. (Pops away)
Everyone: (Comes running)
Mother: Itwasgreenandsmall anditmovedandnow I'mreallyscaredand Ihateithere…
Father: Oi.
(cut to night. Everyone except for Father is sleeping.)
Mother: Go to sleep, you stupid jerk.
Father: Why did we want to move to New Guinea? It wasn't that bad in Switzerland.
Mother: Yes, it was. Fritz and Ernst would have been sent to the army. God only knows what happens there.
Father: But still, we could have stuck it out. Besides. If Ernst went to the army, maybe he would be killed. Then all would be good.
Mother: No, we couldn't have that. Everyone hates Ernst. The army would have killed us just for having him in our family.
Father: Yeah, I really don't like Ernst.
Mother: Me too.
Father: (Cheerfully) Well, at least we know who we'll eat first when we come to cannibalism.
Mother: It's nice to have some security.
(Cut to the next morning)
Mother: IT RAINED! I'M EXTRAORDINARILY WET! AGAIN!
Ernst: In the grand scheme of things, Mother, being wet is extraordinarily irrelevant.
Mother: Okay, it's decided. We eat Ernst now.
(Father, Mother, and Francis approach Ernst with forks and knives.)
Fritz: No, we need him to come up with stupid ideas that would never work but that sound great when I suggest them. Come. Let us raid the ship for everything to build a house.
Mother: No. We don't have to build a house. We will stay on the beach and wait for a ship.
Father: You don't know anything. Let's ignore you. (They do so, and take the raft back to the ship.)
Francis: Come here, lil' elephant. I wouldn't hurt you. (He lures an elephant into a foot noose with a piece of sugar cane.) Come here, lil' elephant. I'm not gonna hurt you…
Tiger: (to the tune of the meow mix song, which I do not own.) I like human, I like human, meow mix meow mix please deliver…
Elephant: AH! TIGER! (Attempts to run away, but is caught in foot noose.)
Francis: STOP MOVING! I WON'T HURT YOU! (Sees tiger) Oh crap.
Tinkerbell: (Randomly appears) EXCU-USE ME? I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY WHAT I THINK I HEARD YOU SAY! (Wacks with wand and disappears)
Francis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA THE FAIRY DUST GOT IN MY EYES!
Mother: Wtf? (sees Francis) YOU STUPID CHILD! WALT DISNEY GONNA COME DOWN HERE AND SMACK YO' BLASHPHEMOUS HEAD, PUNK!
Doggies: TIGER! LET'S PLAY!
Tiger: Oi. Stupid Swiss dogs...
Doggies: Play!
Tiger: (growl)
Francis: Elephant!
Mother: (sees tiger) Oh crap. (Glances upward) Uh, sorry Tink… AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!
Doggies: (Against all odds, two medium sized mastiffs with no claws and not very sharp teeth managed to scare away a tiger bigger than both of us put together with saber teeth and claws.)
Mother: Good doggies.
Francis: Mommy, can I keep the elephant?
Mother: Stupid child! (Sees elephant) Awwwww… he's so cute…Let's name him Bob.