(As Ernst, Father, and Fritz land on the island, Mother freaks out. As usual.)
Mother: Did you know that the islands between Thailand and New Guinea have tigers!
Everyone else: Yes.
Mother: (Blinks) Well. Now I do too. Anyhoo, the tiger tried to eat Francis and my beloved Bob.
Father: Who is Bob?
Mother: Our elephant.
Father: We have an elephant?
Mother: I 3 him. Bob! LMAO!
Family: (Blinks)
Fritz: Mommy Mommy we're gonna build a tree house! An it's gonna have a rocket launcher, an a ice cream machine, an video games an we're gonna stay up all night an…
Mother: No tree house.
Father: Come on, Mother.
Mother: No tree house. Tigers everywhere. Tigers kill us. Tigers climb trees. Tiger tried to eat Bob. I LUVB MY BOB!
Father: Come on, Mother. Tigers are cats. It's not like cats can climb trees.
Ernst: Actually…
Father: SHUT YOUR MOUTH NOW, BOY OR PUT YOURSELF ON THE BARBEQUE, CAUSE IF YOU GONNA TALK, WE GONNA EAT YOU.
Ernst: (digs a hole in the ground and buries himself in it)
Father: That's called 'obey thy Father'.
(They build the tree house. Francis gets a monkey, whom Mother names Bob. Mother finds a way to get three new outfits, despite all their stuff having been destroyed and them being isolated. Fritz gets hotter, if possible. Ernst gets more annoying and more death threats. If possible.)
Mother: Yay! We have a pretty house. In a tree, which no tiger can climb. By the way I named the tiger Bob.
Father: What is it with you and Bob?
Mother: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY I NAME MA AMINALS, PUNK?
Tinkerbell: No possible rifts between married people in Disney movies. Remember. You have to live happily ever after.
Mother: He dared to question my Bobs.
Father: She's a psychopath.
Mother: I'm not a psychopath until the nice doctors proclaim me as such.
Father: There are no nice doctors here.
Mother: Then I guess I'm not a psychopath.
Tinkerbell: Uh…I'm gonna go…I'll be sending Winnie the Poo who the authoress doesn't own down a little while later with some honey to make everything all better…(flies away very disturbed)
Father: As I was saying, it's not like cats can climb trees.
Ernst: (has had his mouth duct taped together) MMMMMMFFFF!
Fritz: And now, let us go around the island and make sure that it's an island.
Ernst: (rips off duct tape.) OWIEOWIEOWIE! Anyhoo, it's pretty obvious that we're on an island.
Fritz: But we must make sure. Besides. Maybe once we're away from everyone I can kill you and say that the tiger ate you.
Mother: Fritz, no! You can't go away and leave me with these jerks!
Father: Mother-
Mother: You want to keep talking, Mr. Dummy Who Wanted to Move to New Guinea in the First Place and Dares to Question My Beloved Bobs?
Father: No…
Fritz: Uh…you're all getting creepy…Come on, Ernst. Let's go.
Mother: (sigh) This island has everything we need. It's beautiful, safe, and, in our tree house, completely free of tigers named Bob.
Father: Well, it doesn't have everything. Eventually Francis and Fritz will grow up and ask what a girl is.
Mother: What about Ernst?
Father: Don't worry. We'll kill him before he gets that old. It's physically impossible to not kill him before he gets that old. Now, if only the island had a way of supplying women here, all would be good.
(Cut to Ernst and Fritz)
Fritz: Remember in Switzerland when all the girls voted me the hottest guy in Switzerland ten years running?
Ernst: Yes.
Fritz: Yeah…I miss that here…
Ernst: What?
Fritz: You know. The adoring fan girls, the people screaming, the girls fawning over your every move…
Ernst: You forget. Every time I talk to a girl, it's like the repeat of what happens to Quasimodo after the Feast of Fools in the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, without the being saved by a beautiful woman. By the way, the authoress doesn't own the above mentioned movie. Well, she owns a copy of it, but not the rights.
Fritz: Yeah. You're really odious to all the girls.
Ernst: How did you learn a word like odious?
Fritz: Word-a-day toilet paper.
Ernst: (Blinks) Ooo-kay. I still don't get how I'm actually smart, but everyone hates me for it.
Fritz: You only know stupid stuff. Here, all that matters is being hot and being able to chase away tigers named Bob.
Ernst: I have a pistol!
Fritz: With one shot. Ooh.
Ernst: (utter Gollem moment) Don't listen to him, my precious…
Fritz: I'll never understand how a guy so utterly hot as me ended up related to such an utter creep.