(Cut to later, Fritz and Ernst are in the water on a raft, and it gets smashed.)
Ernst: Oh crud. Hey! There're some people over there! AHOY! AHOY! (Ernst does a very intricate Pointe ballet dance to get their attention, but fails)
Fritz: YOU STUPID JERK! Those are the self-same pirates, again! And they have two new prisoners!
(Cut to old guy and Roberta)
Old Guy: You're a guy, remember? If they knew you were a girl, they would make you marry one of the pirates.
Roberta: I find that highly unlikely.
Old Guy: It is. But we can't say rape in a Disney movie.
Tinkerbell (I do not own any of the Disney characters, concepts, etc): (appears) YOU JUST RAISED THE MOVIE TO PG, PUNK! FAIRIES ATTACK! (Tinkerbell, the fairies from Sleeping Beauty which I don't own and all other miscellaneous Disney fairies start killing the Old Guy)
Old Guy: AHHHH!
(Cut to Pirates)
Pirate King: NO! Johnson, you keep messing up the harmony on measure twelve. It's a G for the basses, not an F sharp. Again, from the top!
Pirates: With cat-like tread,
Upon our prey we steal,
In silence dread,
Our cautious way we feel.
No sound at all!
We hardly speak a word.
A fly's foot fall
Would be distinctly heard!
Pirate King: JOHNSON! WHAT DID I TELL YOU? IT'S A G, YOU TUNE DEAF OAF! (The whole pirate crew and king start killing Johnson.)
(Fritz and Ernst enter stealthily, coming up in the mass of sugar cane behind Roberta and Old Guy.)
Fritz: Don't worry. We're friends. And I'm hot.
Roberta: You don't say… (Drools and glomps)
Old Guy: Take my granddaught- er, that is, grandson named uh…Bertie! They can hold me for ransom, but he is young. (Starts to sing Bring Him Home, which I don't own.) He is young…He's afraid…Let him rest…Heaven blessed…Bring Him Home…
Pirates: Hey! He's stealing our singing bit!
(Pirates leave Johnson with a pitch pipe to overcome his tune issues, and start trying to kill Ernst, remembering him as the guy who scars eyes when he doesn't wear a shirt.)
Pirates: LHAIBAOGHD! DIE!
Ernst: Bertie! Run!
(Fritz, Ernst, and Roberta run away and get to the middle of the island with safety.)
Roberta: I don't wanna run anymore. (Cries)
Ernst: Ha! You're even wimpier than I am! Ha! You're as wimpy as a girl! Hahahahaha!
Roberta: (aside) I am sooo gonna remember this for when he tries to flirt with me later…
Fritz: Worry not, Bertie. He is only an ugly, Marian-like jerk. I can tell that we will become great friends. (Puts arm around Roberta and helps her run)
Roberta: Heh…heh… (Drools) So gonna remember this when he tries to flirt with me later….