Mother: Fritz, whatever you did to kill Ernst, it didn't work very well. Did you know that he standing right here?
Ernst: Hi, Mother.
Mother: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! GO BACK TO HADES WHERE YOU BELONG, ANNOYING STUPID CHILD!
Ernst: I hate it here….
Father: Mother, look! The Island God has blessed us with a girlfriend for Fritz!
Mother: Heh…heh…yet another way to torture Ernst…
Father: Yes…hopefully he will become so depressed that he will kill himself and we shall eat his arms and legs…
Francis: No, I think I should get them. Bob the Alligator borrowed mine. (Bleeds)
Mother: Francis…
Francis: Don't worry! He said that he'd give them back!
Mother: Francis…
Francis: Don't worry!
Father: Okay.
Mother and Father: Yes… We shall eat Ernst… (They both do freaky Gollum (the character that I have nothing to do with in creating/writing about/etc) impressions and creep out everyone.)
Ernst: You do know that I can hear you, right?
Mother: GO BACK TO HADES, FREAK OF NATURE! By the way, Roberta, come. Let me give you a pretty dress. You cannot pull off the tomboy look.
Roberta: Ooh! Pretty dresses!
Mother: Yes… We shall have a dancing time…And you shall dance with Fritz and Ernst will be left alone. And we shall laugh at him. And then we shall eat him on the barbeque…
Roberta: (gets a very pretty pink ruffle-ly and slightly cleavage baring dress.) Oh! I feel pretty!
Mother: Oh. If only your hair were not short and ugly.
Roberta: Oh yes. (They sigh, and then go down to the main tree house area.)
Fritz: (Drools)
Ernst: (Drools more)
Fritz: I'm sorry that I have to wear a shirt, but I assure you I am still as hot as ever.
Roberta: Okay. Me dance with you now. (Glomps)
(Fritz and Roberta dance/glomp. Ernst buts in, and sadly is a rather much better dance than Fritz)
Ernst: I luvb you, Roberta-Schnookums-Pie!
Mother: Ernst is happy. This must not continue. Fritz. Embarrass beyond mental capacity.
Fritz: Will do, Mommy Dear. (He takes some banana and sticks it tucked in the waistband of Ernst's pants.)
Bob the Monkey: BANANA! (Glomp. Attaches himself to the banana stuck into Ernst's pants.)
Ernst: MONEKY! DEMON MONEKY! AAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Fritz: Ha! I have triumphed again!
Father: Okay, this is going to get ugly. And Ernst can't get beaten up. Bruises don't taste good. I dance with Roberta now!
Roberta: Uh…Aren't you married?
Father: Yeah, but my wife is perpetually hating me for wanting to move to New Guinea.
Mother: Humph. Jerk.
Fritz: Francis, will you dance with me?
Francis: Hold on…let me get Bob the Alligator off my leg… (Shakes alligator off. He crashes over the railing and lands on some strategically placed trash cans) Okay. All good.
Fritz: Uh…you have no limbs….
Francis: Why so you're right! (Bleeds)
Tinkerbell: TOO MUCH BLOOD FOR A DISNEY MOVIE! (Magically restores Francis's limbs) (Disappears)
Francis: All better.
(Fritz and Francis dance.) (Father and Roberta Dance.) (Mother fires up the barbeque for Ernst's arms and legs.)
Ernst: I'm alone. Just like Marian from Woman in White and Mark from Rent and Eponine from Les Misérables and Erik from Phantom of the Opera and Quasimodo from Notre Dame de Paris…
(The above mentioned characters, none of which I own, appear and form a support group fro Ernst.)
Marian: You think you have it bad. I saved my sister's life, sending a few months of almost getting the guy of my dreams down the drain.
Mark: My girlfriend left me to become a lesbian.
Eponine: I gave Marius the address for the other girl he loved, letting him stalk her and throwing away any chance I had.
Erik: Uh…I threatened to blow up the Opera House with both Christine and me in it if she didn't choose to love me…and in the end I let her go.
Quasimodo: I'm deaf from ringing my beloveds. Yes. I name the bells. Yes. I have no life. Why do you think I do everything Frollo always says regardless of its legality?
(They all disappear)
Ernst: I'm still depressed. Maybe I'll go kill myself…
Tinkerbell: (appears and whacks Ernst with a wand) No suicide in Disney movies. Mention it again you'll never mention anything again. HEH HEH! Tongue cutting outs are fun! (disappears)