Father: We shall prepare for battle. Yes…Ernst, you are expected to at every possible moment throw yourself into the line of fire. But don't get hit by a bazooka. We're running down on meat.
Ernst: I really, really hate it here.
Father: And now, we shall sleep.
Francis: But what about the tiger pits? And the pits with sharp and pointy objects at the bottom?
Father: If you can get a tiger into a pit, you can have a tiger.
Francis: YAY! What do we name it?
Father: George!
Ernst: JHolahichpaiudgwbodhaliuhdaljg.
Fritz: Uh…H…A…R…R…Y! That makes….uh…
Mother: It will be named Bob.
Roberta: Yes. It will be named Bob.
Father: Why Bob? George is a much better name!
Mother: (Jedi Mind Trick) It will be named Bob.
Father: It…will…be…named…Bob…
Francis: Okay. We cover the pit with palm leaves, and we hang a slice of some meat, maybe Ernst, over the pit. So the tiger walks across the palm leaves and falls into the pit!
Fritz: See? I really am the only dumb one in the family…I have to go cry now…
(The family sleeps)
Tiger: Meat! Wow! Maybe it's even Ernst meat! I'll have to go see! (walks over pit. Falls.) Oh crap.
Tinkerbell: WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT THE PG LANGUAGE? DO YOU ALL WANT TO DIE?
Tiger: Please don't kill me nice fairy!
Tinkerbell: I'm only letting you go because the humans can't understand Tigerese. I'll let you off with a savage beating. Next time I shant be so generous. (Tiger is savagely and not very G-ful-ly beaten. Tinkerbell pops back to Never-Never-Land.)
Francis: I GOT MY TIGER! I GOT MY TIGER!
Mother and Roberta: WE GOT OUR BOB! WE GOT OUR BOB!
Father: Yes…the…tiger…will…be…named…Bob…
Fritz: I HAVE MY WORD A DAY TOILET PAPER TO MAKE ME SMART!
Ernst: I HAVE MY SUPPORT GROUP OF OTHER MARIAN-LIKE CHARACTERS!
Tiger: I don't have Ernst meat. It must have only been beef or Bob the Ostrich meat…(cries)
Pirates: HJGAOGCAOUTG! We come to kill you.
Father: Oh cr-
Tinkerbell: (pops up) DO YOU WANNA DIE, SWISS PUNK?
Father: Oh crud.
Tinkerbell: That's more like it. (pops away)