[4] {Today's absolutely gorgeous and I haven't updated in a week, so thank you for waiting patiently and also for the reviews. I don't know how I've gained such wonderful readers. Enjoy!}
The alarm blared through her sound sleep, and Meredith groaned, rolling over to turn it off. She was wide awake by now though; she never was able to fall asleep again after being woken. "6:45am in the morning," she groaned, sitting up. To her relief, the migraine had evaded her sometime in the night, and she wasn't hungover either. Although that wasn't really much of a surprise—Meredith Grey hardly ever had hangovers anymore, too used to the taste of tequila by now. Four years.
She did her best not to think about Derek as she got out of bed and brushed out her hair. She slipped on jeans and a sweater before heading to work, grabbing a coffee on her way there. In the back of her mind she wondered if the Chief of Surgery would have any other interesting questions on the tip of her tongue today.
Mark didn't even bother to knock on Derek's door, instead he just walked right in and opened the blinds, pulling back the covers shortly after. "We have work to get to," he said loudly, and Derek groaned in response. "Come on Shepherd, you're stronger than this," Mark added, equally as loud, if not louder.
Derek groaned again, chucking a pillow which Mark successfully dodged. "It's over," Derek mumbled, as Mark tossed a shirt and a pair of jeans at his head. "It's February today. It's over."
"Yeah," Mark said, sitting down on Derek's bed while the two men thought of Meredith Grey and how much havoc she'd wreaked in their lives. "Okay," Mark said, snapping out of it and clapping Derek on the back. "Like I said, we have work to get to."
"Morning, Dr. Grey," the voice of Dr. James was in front of her, and Meredith looked up, giving the Chief a smile.
"Good morning," she said politely. "Any interesting cases today?"
"Like always," Katherine laughed, watching as Meredith's mouth smiled but her eyes hardly matched. She was about to leave, turning 180 degrees when she stopped, turning back. "Look, I don't usually stick my nose into other people's business but, are you okay?" She placed a hand on the chart Meredith was scribbling on, to make sure she had the resident's attention.
Meredith paused, pen poised over paper, before looking back up at Katherine. "I'm fine," she said. "Thank you, though. For your concern."
Katherine looked like she didn't believe one word that came out of Meredith's mouth, but she let it go. "Good," she nodded, as Meredith went back to her charts. "Because I have an important assignment for you, and I'm not going to hand it over if you're not feeling your best."
Meredith looked up, all of a sudden interested at the opportunity Katherine was about to present her with. She was sure that it would be good; after all, Dr. Katherine James never disappointed anyone, let alone someone who worked in her prestigious hospital.
"Ever heard of Seattle Grace Mercy West? No, of course you have, it's exactly like this hospital but just on the west coast," Katherine was saying, laughing at her own rhetorical question. Meredith just nodded, forcing a laugh too although an anxious feeling was building in the pit of her stomach as she listened to Katherine talk.
"I need you to go there, look into a heart they're offering to one of my patients. It's Thomas Grant, he spends most of his time here lately. He has this critical heart condition…" At this, Meredith's body and brain went on auto pilot. She nodded at all the right parts, as if on cue, but her mind was elsewhere. She couldn't go to SGMW, not when she'd left planning to never look back. And not when she risked seeing Derek there, after all these years. She couldn't do it; already the prospect of it made her stomach twist uncomfortably.
"I'm not, I don't even… with all due respect, Dr. James, I'm not planning on going into cardio," Meredith murmured, desperately trying to wiggle her way out of it and pretend she hadn't been completely intrigued before Katherine said the words, "Seattle Grace Mercy West".
"I'm well aware," Katherine smiled. "Don't you think I know what my residents are planning on getting fellowships in? Dr. Grey," she said, all business now. "You're my best fifth year, arguably my favorite. And Mr. Grant? He's a very dear patient to me. I can't just trust his heart with any fifth year. Do you understand?"
Meredith nodded meekly, letting out a small sigh that went unnoticed by Katherine. "Of course." She knew that she was playing with fire by agreeing, but Katherine had done so much for her. Even discarding the fact that Meredith was Ellis Grey's daughter, Katherine had let Meredith into New York Medical so smoothly that Meredith sometimes felt like she actually belonged there. She knew she didn't, that no place would ever amount to what Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital meant to her, but she was still appreciative of how quickly Katherine James had let her into their residency program. NYM was an amazing hospital, and one of the hardest to be accepted into. You had to be the best of the best. And with one look at Meredith, who'd shown up unexpected in Katherine's office four years ago, Katherine had allowed her into the program. She didn't ask questions, didn't comment on how Meredith looked so broken and like a shell of a person. Katherine could tell that Meredith had nowhere else to go, that she needed something or someone or anything, and she'd allowed NYM to become a sort of shelter for the blonde who'd just finished her internship.
"Good." Katherine smiled, glad that Meredith had accepted. "The flight and hotel stay will be paid for by the hospital, of course. You won't have to worry about a thing, and you should be back in a week, given that there are no complications here with Mr. Grant, and there with our prospective heart. Oh," she said, something coming back to her suddenly. "If I remember correctly, you completed your internship in Seattle? I'm sure this visit will bring back some fond memories."
"I sure hope so," Meredith said quietly, giving the Chief of Surgery another small smile again before she was left standing alone with her charts. Fond memories meant Derek Shepherd, and she didn't know how she would ever face him again. She bit her lip, the deepest sigh in her heart. She wasn't sure she could do this, but she'd agreed. There wouldn't be any backing out now, she knew that much.
She went home early that night, sinking into an oversized armchair with a plate of pasta in hand. She didn't cook all too often, but she figured that with her visit to Seattle in the near future, she could do with a good night of attempting to relax. She let herself turn on the TV, flipping through the channels until she found a show she enjoyed. For a moment, Meredith could pretend that she wasn't damaged and hurting on the inside. For a moment, she could pretend that life was good. Placing some pasta in her mouth, Meredith felt another memory sliding to the front of her mind. She muted the TV and closed her eyes, smiling faintly at the memory of Derek saying her name.
"Meredith," Derek called down the hall, catching up with her with a grin on his face. "You didn't pick up when I called last night."
"No, I didn't," Meredith smiled. "I was asleep."
"Oh, we're lying now, are we?" Derek chuckled, looking around him before he pulled her into an on-call room and locked the door.
"Dr. Shepherd, what are you doing?" Meredith laughed softly, quietly, still afraid that someone would hear them.
"You kissed me—it was a great kiss, by the way," Derek said simply, crossing his arms. "And I said I'd call you, and then you ignored my call. What's a guy supposed to think?"
She rolled her eyes at his grin, crossing her own arms in return. "I'm very sorry, Dr. Shepherd. It won't happen again," she said, a smile playing on her lips.
"Good," he replied, uncrossing his arms and letting them drop to his sides. "So, can I kiss you again?"
He'd always been so smooth. She laughed, placing her hands on his shoulders and taking a step forward. He held her gaze steady the entire time, a chuckle escaping from his lips as she said, "Yes, you can." She barely had time to get out her sentence before his lips were pressed against her, kiss after kiss until she thought her lips might be numb. Finally, he released her, and she looked up at him in bewilderment, never having been kissed like that before.
"You know I would've kissed you anyway, right? Even if you'd said 'no'?" His grin was contagious, she couldn't help but smile right along with him.
"They call you McDreamy." The nickname slipped out of her mouth easily; it wasn't the first time she'd referred to him as that.
"Who?" He asked, brows furrowed together, mildly confused.
"Everyone," Meredith waved her hand, laughing at his expression as he struggled to follow her train of thought. "The nurses, the interns, the residents. Some of the patients. You're Dr. McDreamy."
"Aha," he chuckled, finally catching on. "That's news to me."
She laughed, planting another kiss on his lips. "I'm just saying, I finally understand why now. The whole McDreamy thing. I see it now."
"You're lying again," he told her, still grinning as she moved to open the door and step back into the hospital hallway. "You saw it before."
She'd fallen asleep somehow, after the memory. And although she woke up with a smile on her face, reliving Derek's deep kisses, Meredith instantly knew that she needed a drink. It always hurt more after she remembered something so good, so pure, so innocent—because she also remembered that she was the one who ruined it all. She needed a drink.
Max noticed her almost immediately after she sat down at the counter, same spot as yesterday. "Tequila?" He asked, and she nodded. Meredith stacked up three empty glasses before she glanced up at Max, biting her lip nervously. Almost automatically, he stocked her up with another shot, but this time Meredith didn't knock it back so quickly.
"Max," she said, wishing she was more drunk.
"Yes, doctor?"
She frowned, laughing a bit before asking, "How did you know I was a doctor?"
"You came in dressed in scrubs one time," he grinned, filling up someone else's apple martini while he talked. "I figured you could be a nurse, but you're too smart for that
"I wouldn't say that," she said, making a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. "Smart people don't come to bars this often, do they?"
"You never know," he told her honestly, and she smiled.
She emptied her shot glass before returning back to the subject that had originally been on her mind, before Max called her "doctor". "Max," she said again, and he glanced up at her, nodding for her to go on. "Would you think I'm terribly crazy if I said I needed a friend?"
He chuckled, handing her another shot of tequila against his best interests. "No, I wouldn't think you're terribly crazy."
"Okay," Meredith sighed, her voice higher pitched because she was tipsy. "I need a friend," she said very matter-of-factly, causing Max to grin.
"I can see that," he told her, watching as Meredith played with her shot glass, the tequila finding a way to stay confined in its container even though she was tilting it from side to side.
"I think you'd make a really great friend," she added.
"I am a really great friend," he agreed, trying to decide whether he should take back the tequila. She looked like she'd had enough to drink for the night, especially after last night's unbelievable amount of alcohol, especially for someone so petite.
"Are you gay?" She blurted out, and he laughed. She laughed along with him, although he doubted she really knew what was going on.
"No," he shook his head, still chuckling to himself. "I'm not gay."
"Good." Meredith frowned, squinting up at Max in the bar lighting. "Or, not good. I don't know, is that good? That you're not gay? I've never had a gay friend," she said, her tone almost wistful as she made a face.
"It's good," Max grinned. "I'm glad I'm not gay. I'm very into women."
"Okay," Meredith said, picking up her shot between her thumb and pointer finger. "Max," she mumbled, and he nodded to show she had his attention. "Don't," she paused, jabbing a finger at a guy down the bar. "… Let me leave with that guy."
He laughed again, reaching over the counter to pluck the shot from her hand, much to her indignation. "Then you better not drink this."
She frowned again, mumbling, "I don't know why I can't have tequila and not go home with that guy." Another jab at the stranger. "I don't know why I can't have my cake and eat it too."
"You, doctor, are clearly drunk. My shift is over early tonight, how about I take you home?" Max offered, dumping her tequila down the sink.
"Okay," Meredith agreed. "But not to my bed. You don't get to take me to my bed. And Meredith. Meredith Grey. The doctor's name is Meredith."
Max laughed again, and Meredith noted in her drunken state that he had a nice laugh. "Oh, don't worry, Meredith. I'm not going to take you home to your bed, don't you worry." She looked sad to him—she probably looked sad to anyone who had a pair of working eyes. And Max wanted to fix her. He didn't really do the "fixing" thing, he was a guy, but looking at Meredith leaning her head down on the counter in front of him, Max knew that he would come to care for her probably too much. That was part of his character: he cared. Despite the fact that he was a guy, he really cared about people, and he knew that she'd come to see that.