[6] {Per a reader's requests, I'll be lengthening the chapters! Definitely keep making requests like these, I love reading them.}
When Derek's phone went off for the fourth time during lunch, its loud vibrations setting the trays of food awry, he simply reached over and silenced it. After it finished its ringing, he turned off the device altogether, leaving the phone untouched on the table while he once again picked up his sandwich. Mark stared, an eyebrow raised while Derek went on with lunch as if he hadn't just ignored a call four times in a row.
"Are you ever going to talk to her?"
Derek gave Mark a confused look, saying mid-mouthful, "I am talking to her."
"No, you're ignoring her calls," Mark replied, reaching over and turning Derek's phone on once again. Derek rolled his eyes but didn't protest, brushing his palms together to rid them of any crumbs.
"I'll call her back later," he informed Mark, taking a bite out of his apple as he watched the plastics surgeon watching him. "It's not like I see her all that often anyway, doesn't matter. Perks of being in a long distance relationship," he half-grinned, and Mark rolled his eyes.
"There are no perks to being in a long distance relationship," Mark pointed out, but Derek just shrugged. "Seriously. Can't see her, means no sex."
Derek let out a laugh, his turn to roll his eyes at Mark's proud smirk. "That's the Mark I know. I was starting to think you'd disappeared forever. You've gone soft, babysitting me all the time."
Mark shrugged, reaching over to steal Derek's apple so he could finish the rest. His grin appeared to counter Derek's indignant expression, chuckling as he replied, "Apparently not as soft as you thought."
It was a little after 1pm when the door to the bar swung open, and much to his surprise, Max looked up to see Meredith walking in. "Oh," she paused momentarily before seating herself at the bar. "I didn't know you were working this early. Hoping, but didn't think you would be."
"Tequila?" He grinned, placing the glass back on the shelf when she shook her head. "I'm not supposed to be. You got lucky."
Meredith nodded slowly, opening her mouth and closing it a few times before saying, "Can I just have a glass of water? I make it my policy not to drink tequila this early." She allowed herself a small smile while Max supplied her with the nonalcoholic beverage. The bar was fairly empty; apparently most people followed Meredith's "policy" to not drink alcohol at essentially, noon.
Max dropped a red plastic straw in Meredith's water before he handed it to her, and after serving another customer a refill, he pulled up a stool behind the counter and sat facing her.
"What?" She asked, giving him a curious look, squirming a little in her seat to avoid his intense his gaze. His eyes were blue, which instantly reminded her of looking into Derek's eyes. The blue she'd been so used to seeing on early mornings before work and late nights when they finally earned themselves a few hours of sleep. Meredith cleared her throat softly as she averted Max's gaze, drawing a sip from her water while she waited for him to answer.
"I'm assuming you want to talk? That's why you're here, right?" Max had an uncanny way of reading Meredith, to the extent where she didn't know what to think of it. He was her bartender. He'd seen her come in regularly but she doubted she'd ever learned his name until a few days ago. Part of Meredith hated the way he seemed to care about her, and part of her wanted to spend as much time around him because he did care. She couldn't remember the last person who'd really noticed her after she left Seattle, and the fact that Max not only knew she needed someone to talk to but wanted to be that person struck Meredith in ways she didn't know was possible. After Seattle, she'd lost most of everything other than her continuously broken heart. Looking at Max, the tears welled up in her eyes. For the first time in a long time, Meredith Grey was moved to tears over something other than Derek Shepherd. She wanted to cry because Max cared, and she didn't even know his last name.
"I don't know your last name," she said as the first tears rolled down her cheeks. Max looked concerned, the last thing he'd been expecting was for her to cry and now here she was, the tears hot against her skin. He didn't know what to do; he'd never been good with women crying.
"Um, Abbott. My last name's Abbott." He supplied her with the name and a few tissues from his pocket, not sure what else to do but sit and wait for the storm to pass. Or, wait for the drizzling to pass and pray that it didn't turn into a full blown storm.
Meredith nodded, pressing the damp tissues against her face. "Okay. Max Abbott," she held out her hand, "Meredith Grey."
Max grinned, his muscles relaxing as he took her hand and shook it firmly. "Nice to meet you, Meredith Grey. But we're already friends. And I call you 'doctor'."
A smile broke out on Meredith's face, her hair falling over her face as she glanced down at the cool granite countertop and then back up at Max. "Okay, Max. Okay."
She ended up telling him everything. She didn't know how she even started, but as Max's piercing blue eyes gently pushed her on, everything Meredith had been holding back for the past four years came out in the open in that cozily lit bar on that cold February afternoon. Her chest felt tight while she recounted everything that had led up to her departure from Seattle and SGMW, but Max sat quietly, handing Meredith tissue after tissue as he waited for her to catch her breath. Most of her sentences were broken and came out choked, but the more she talked, the less it hurt. It was cliché to think—and clichés weren't something she really believe in, but every word Meredith spoke eased that tightness in her chest a little more. She didn't know if she would ever be whole again. She needed Derek for that. But at least for around an hour, it hurt less.
Three minutes passed after Meredith finished before Max responded. He'd been waiting to see if there was more, because it wouldn't have been the first time Meredith had paused to regroup, but when her eyes met his slowly, he knew it was his turn to talk. He didn't know where to begin. She'd unloaded everything on him in such a "short" amount of time that he couldn't process it all at once. Between filling up a few drinks here and there and listening to Meredith cry and speak, Max hadn't gotten all that much time to sort through his thoughts. She was more broken than he'd thought, and he wanted to pull her into a tight embrace but she sat tense on her stool, on edge. "You're afraid I'm judging you." It hit him, the sudden revelation, and he watched as Meredith barely nodded, the motion so slight that he hardly noticed. "I'm not judging you, Meredith."
"I know," she said, but he could tell she didn't believe herself or him.
"Hey," he said, waiting until her blue eyes met his again. "I'm not judging you. Everyone has their own story to tell. Yours isn't any better or worse than mine or the next person's."
"You have a story?" Her smile told him that she thought the idea of him having a past was completely out of the question.
"More or less," he cocked a grin, coaxing a genuine smile to appear onto her lips. "But this isn't about me, it's about you." He took in a deep breath, eyeing her across the counter while he tried to find a place to begin. "Okay," he let out a laugh. "I don't know what to say to you. Are you okay?"
"'More or less'," she quoted him, and he rolled his eyes.
"Very funny, doctor. Are you?"
"I think I will be."
"Good." He nodded, and fell silent again. "So, this Derek, are you still in love with him?"
Meredith scrunched up her nose, making a face as she played with the straw in her water. "I don't… I haven't… it's been four years, Max. I don't think it's normal to still be in love with someone after four years."
"Forgive me, but you don't seem very 'normal' to me. You drink way too much tequila to be considered normal."
She reached across the counter to smack him in the arm. "Shush, Max. I'm broken, remember? Stop breaking me." She grinned at him, and he grinned back. "I might be. I don't know."
"You need to see him again," his statement really a question.
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Okay." Another pause. "I think I might be."
"Still in love with him?"
She shook her head. "I think I might be seeing Derek again." Her tongue stumbled over his name, and Max's eyebrow rose at the inconsistency. "Soon," Meredith recovered. "The Chief is sending me to Seattle Grace Mercy West to bring back a heart for a patient. She says I'm her best fifth year resident. And I- I said I'd go. But Max, I don't know." Meredith's eyes pleaded with the bartender before her like she was asking him to pull her out of this situation, but they both knew that even if Max went to talk to Dr. James, Meredith would still be on a plane to Seattle despite the rapid racing of her heart.
"Well, congratulations on being the best fifth year. But it sucks you have to go when you don't know if you're ready."
"I'm not. Ready. I'm not ready, I mean."
"I know." He gave her a sympathetic smile, and Meredith realized she didn't find his sympathy condescending. He was just genuine upon genuine and that worried and intrigued her all at the same time. He was her first friend in a long time, and she was reluctant to admit that she was enjoying his company. But he had the kind of smile that made her heart flutter in the tiniest bit just because and only because his smile was beautiful, and Meredith had done such a great job of pushing people away that she had the inexpressible need to let someone in. Max wanted to be in her life. Meredith had taken in a fair amount of tequila over the past four years but she could still see that Max actually wanted to break through her walls. It was the kind of different that for once, she wasn't running from.
She was tired of being tired. She was tired of the same routine day after day; of missing Derek to trying not to miss him to hating herself for not being able to let go to missing him again. She was so tired. Being a surgeon hadn't always been her dream, but now it seemed like the only thing keeping her afloat. It was the one thing she could hold onto. And if having Max in her life meant she had something else to hold onto, she would fight to keep him there. She just couldn't afford to sink any further than she already had.
"So, is the doctor in need some tequila now?" Max's grin was starting to become more familiar each time he flashed a smile at Meredith.
"It's still too early," she smiled back, standing up and finishing the last of her water. "I really should get back to work. My lunch break's long overdue."
"Is the Chief of Surgery going to be on your case?" Max asked.
"No," Meredith smiled, shaking her head. "She needs me to go to Seattle remember?"
Max snapped his fingers together on Meredith's way out. "Ah, that's right." She turned at the door, catching Max's wave. "See you soon, doctor."
February 3, 2008, three days after Meredith left, Derek had walked into a Starbucks after his shift was over. It had been late, and he knew that most people would've been heading home to sleep, but it was his night on-call. And for the first time in three days, he'd been given a fragment of hope.
"Sir, your latte." Derek nodded at the barista, wrapping his tired fingers against the hot paper cup before bringing it to his lips, much too hot to be tasted. "Careful, that's hot," the barista smiled, winking at him. They were always flirting with him. Normally he didn't mind, but now with Meredith gone, he didn't want to be flirting with anyone, let alone the barista who served his coffee at 9pm. She'd scrawled her number on the side of the cup and Derek muttered something callous under his breath as he walked out into the cold. The wind bit at his cheek and his neck and he pulled the collar of his jacket up higher, trying to make a barrier against the wind.
He was walking towards his car when he looked into grocery store, eyes landing on a blonde standing in one of the aisles, a cardboard box in her hand. "Meredith." Derek immediately turned from his path to his car, walking into the grocery store instead, his eyes fixated on the blonde at the end of the aisle. His steps were far too eager, his anticipation rising in his chest as he made his way to her. It had to be her. She'd said she was leaving but she'd just needed a few days to cool off. She'd never left in the first place. She couldn't do that to him and she wouldn't. He knew Meredith.
He was about to form her name, his lips prepared to open with the first syllable of her name, when she turned and looked up, confusion written all over her face. Derek's steps faltered awkwardly and his pace slowed, trying to give himself as much time as possible to register that this wasn't Meredith. But he'd been so sure. And when reality sunk in, he was also aware of the fact that he was in the tampon section of the store. No wonder she was giving him strange looks.
He closed his mouth and stepped past her, grabbing a box of tampons on his way to the next aisle so he wouldn't seem as lame as he felt. Maybe she would think it was sweet—a man buying tampons at 9pm for his girlfriend complaining of cramps. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before; Meredith was horrible at remembering to stock up on tampons.
Derek paid for the small yet colorful box, pulling out his credit card and swiping it on auto-pilot. It hadn't been her. "Girlfriend?" The guy working the cash register was saying.
"Um, yeah." Derek managed a smile before he grabbed the plastic bag holding the tampons and left.
He went through his on-call shift the same as he always did, only the way his hopes had been dashed so abruptly stayed with him throughout the evening, and then his regular work hours the next day. When he finally got home and was about to get out of the car, he saw the tampons sitting in the passenger seat. With a sigh he grabbed them, walking into the frat house and heading straight up the stairs to the bathroom. They still lived there; Alex, April, Jackson, Lexie, himself. It'd only been three days. They were trying to work out living arrangements, trying to figure out whether they should leave Ellis Grey's huge house or if they should just try and get a hold of Meredith and find out what she wanted to do. It was technically her house, since Ellis had passed away. But that was another painful reminder behind the reason why Meredith didn't seem to be in Seattle anymore.
Derek stuck the box of tampons under the sink, much like he'd done so many times before. But as he sat there on the tiled floor, his back against the closed door, some hopeless part inside him said Meredith wouldn't be using those tampons anytime soon.
He'd never stopped hoping. Every time Derek saw a blonde that resembled Meredith, he stopped whatever he was doing just to make sure it was or wasn't her. He just had to know. He couldn't handle the thought of seeing someone that looked like Meredith and passing by, only to miss an opportunity to see her features up close again. He thought he'd known her, thought he was sure she'd never leave him like that; but four years later, he just wasn't so sure anymore. Little by little, he'd started believing that she was really gone—evaporated into thin air like some kind of magic trick that only she could ever accomplish, leaving an empty hole in his life where she'd once breathed and laughed and lived and most of all, loved.