So, I'm going to ask that people really read this author's note. Normally, they aren't a big deal for me, so I just don't feel the need to badger you readers with my comments. But, for anyone who has a problem with reading about panic attacks or emotional fights, this chapter probably isn't for you. It's very heavy. I'm not sure if this could be counted as a 'trigger', but just in case. If this is a problem, I can always send you a brief synopsis of this chapter if you're really interested but just can't read this version for whatever reason. With that being said, enjoy this chapter and maybe break out a box of tissues.
The entire cab ride home, Blaine couldn't keep the wide smile off of his face. He had Valerie in his arms, and in a few hours, he would have Kurt. The thought of the two -no, three because he couldn't just forget his daughter- brought him so much happiness that he wasn't even sure his heart could bear it.
The moment the car stopped in front of his house, he could feel the smile slowly breaking and sliding off of his face. He saw Monica's car, the only personal vehicle on the street, sitting in front of it. Unlike the rest of Cassidy's family, Blaine and Monica just never could see eye to eye on anything, much less get along very well. She used every opportunity to insult him, and to insinuate that there was someone better for her 'darling sister'. She was harsh, manipulating, and just plain cruel, and there could be no good reason for why she was there.
Unlike every other time he had arrived home after his wife, the entire house was silent. The television made no sound, music wasn't being played on the stereo, and he couldn't hear her fixing something in the kitchen. Never a good sign.
"Cas?" he called hesitantly. "I'm home." He slowly rounded the corner to the living room to see his wife and sister-in-law on the couch. He heard soft cries coming from his wife's end and he walked closer.
Not completely out of character, Monica yelled, "Don't come any closer to her, idiot. Can't you see she's crying already?" She rolled her eyes and sniffed before patting her sister lightly on the shoulder. Now it was Blaine's turn to roll his eyes. Monica never touched anyone unless she was trying to get her way.
"Monica, I honestly don't care about your personal opinion of my intellect. Last time I checked, you are none of my concern, and I was asking Cassidy what was wrong, not you," he replied scathingly.
"How long has this been going on, Blaine," his wife asked as she turned toward the bickering pair. She toyed with a camera in he hand. He didn't answer immediately, so she asked again.
"I really can't tell you, seeing as how I have no idea what you're talking about, Cassidy," he replied slowly. Even as he answered, he still thought he knew what was on the small screen. She shoved the camera right up into his face, and he stared at him and Kurt kissing in Central Park.
He began to sputter. "Wh-Where did you find that?" She tossed the camera aside and buried her head in her hands.
"You aren't even trying to explain yourself!" Monica cut it before anyone else could get a word in. "Seriously, you have no explanation for yourself. What the hell is wrong with you?" Blaine pinched the bridge of his nose, still keeping tabs on Valerie, who was still mercifully sleeping in his arms.
"Who is he," the crying woman asked. She worked her skinny fingers through her hair nervously, afraid of what his answer would be. He sighed.
"A year. I've been with him for one year. Cassidy, I didn't want you to find out this way. Believe me, I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn't be faithful to you because I don't love you that way. And I know that it's still wrong of me to do this to you, but now you have the opportunity to have someone fall in love with you that can truly be with you and love you. Unfortunately, that just isn't me, and I don't know if I can really tell you it was ever me.
"I think I've just been delaying figuring out who I really am for a long time. Too long, to be honest. And I'm sick of lying to everyone about myself. Especially the people I love: Even though it probably doesn't seem like it now, I really do care about you," his voice broke at the end, but still he knew he said everything he had planned. He glanced up from his shaking hands to look at his wife. She stared at him, tears in her eyes and a faint, sad smile playing on her lips.
"Oh hell no you aren't," Monica shouted. "I know that look on your face, Cassidy! You're just going to take this sad little story, forgive him, and let him waltz right out of here to be with that-that thing!" Blaine immediately whirled around to face her. His jaw set dangerously, and his eyes flashed behind the veil of tears.
"Don't you dare call Kurt a thing. He's a more decent person than you could ever be." All he really wanted to do was shout, but so far the little angel in his arms slept through the ordeal, and he wasn't going to be the one to wake her up. She scoffed.
"Oh please." She turned to her sister. "Did you see that he's with Valerie? Hmm? So your daughter was with them today when all of this happened. And this is the only time we really know about." They could both see the blonde seize up and turn abruptly.
"Valerie saw you with someone else? Someone that isn't me? Someone that isn't even a woman?" she screeched. Yeah, that pretty much did it right there.
"Listen-" he whispered as he tried to grab her wrist. She snatched it away when his guitar-calloused fingertips brushed the skin.
"Don't touch me! I want you out of this house now. Put my daughter down, and leave. I don't care where you go or who you see. Just know that if this guy is really your choice, you are never going to see her again," she threatened as her sister chortled silently. Blaine gaped. Never once did he assume that she would be this way. Not that he was expecting her to be perfectly okay, but he thought she was better than to endanger his relationship with his only daughter.
"Are you forgetting that she's my daughter as well? You can't keep me from seeing her, you know that. Not everyone is close minded now." She laughed, high pitched and hysterical.
"Oh please, Blaine, use your brain for once in your damn life! There are plenty of people who are going to side with me. Your father among them. He'll help me in any way he can to ensure that some fag will get his granddaughter." Blaine flinched because of the word, but then what she really said got through to him. She continued despite his tortured face. "So you'll be left without a daughter, without a father, without a wife, and you'll be ostracized by all of your friends. Congratulations. Now, get out of my house. Put her down, and walk out the door." He bit his lip, warring with himself. He didn't just want to leave Valerie with no explanation for why he was gone, but he would have a better chance of getting to see her if he cooperated for the moment. With a heavy heart, he placed her gently on the couch and brushed her curls away from her innocent face. He stayed like that for a minute, just cradling her face or stroking her hair, until Monica shouted at him to get a move on.
He moved towards the bedroom and threw a few changes of clothes and other essentials into a duffel bag, his hands shaking the whole time. His breathing sped, and his heart began thumping wildly in his chest. Without even thinking, he grabbed the bottle of anti-anxiety medication from the bedside table and took one, just to feel a little more in control. The sound of the zipper closing seemed to echo in the room and in his mind. When he walked back out, Valerie was awake. She smiled when she saw him, and it was all he could do to not break out in tears at the sight.
"Daddy, why do you have a bag. Where are you going?" she asked, an adorable, frustrated furrow between her eyes as she tried to figure the mess out.
"Daddy's, um, I have to go, sweetheart," he said quietly, his voice thick with tears. She cocked her head to the side, still not sure of what he meant. She looked from him, to the bag, then back again.
"Where are you going? Can you tell me?" He laughed, a tired sad sound and nodded.
"I'm going to Kurt's apartment. Remember, the nice man you met in the park today?" She nodded and smiled.
"Yes! I liked him, he was nice. So can I come. Please?" He shook his head and kneeled in front of her. He wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to tell her that he wouldn't be able to come back, not her and Cassidy like he had just the day before.
"No, sweetheart, I'm sorry. Not tonight, okay." She pouted, but shrugged.
"Okay, so when are you coming back? 'Cause I can't go to sleep unless you read me a bed time story and then sing me a song," she told him quite matter-of-factly. He choked down a soft sob as he took her small, olive hands between his own and looked into her blue eyes.
"I can't come back tonight. I'm going to be staying at Kurt's place from now on. I won't be able to read to you for a few nights. So be a good girl and let mommy read to you until I can see you again, okay sweetheart?" She shook her head vehemently.
"No. I don't like it when mommy reads, 'cause she doesn't do the voices like you. But why can't you come back? Don't you want to be with me anymore?" Her lower lip trembled, and a tear slipped out of her eye.
"Of course I want to be with you! Don't you ever doubt that," he exclaimed as tears of his own began streaming freely down his cheeks. "But mommy and I…we aren't going to be together any more. I'll be with Kurt, because I love him." She nodded, as if she understood everything he was saying.
"Well yeah, I knew that. You and Kurt looked at each other like Cameron's daddies do today." She noticed the tears glistening in her father's eyes. "Why are you crying, daddy? We're still going to be together." He nodded weakly, still crying because he knew she didn't completely understand.
"Of course we are. Just not tonight, because I have to go now, okay?" He stood up and kissed her on the forehead and whispered that he loved her into her skin.
"But I'm coming with you daddy. I want to stay with you!" She began to cry freely now as she held on his bag's straps. From inside the kitchen, Blaine heard a dish smash, and he knew Cassidy and Monica were listening to the whole thing.
"Valerie," her mother called. "Let your father go. He won't be coming here anymore, so say goodbye and let him leave." Both father and daughter looked over to her, identical masks of shock on their faces. Never once had she been so cold toward her.
"No! Daddy can't leave. Not without me." Blaine picked her up and held her close, letting her cling to his neck and hold on for dear life.
He didn't let go until her Cassidy's cold fingers pulled her away. She began to struggle, trying to get back to his warm embrace.
"No! No, you can't make daddy leave! Mommy, you aren't being fair! Please, please don't make him leave." Blaine couldn't even see as he opened the front door through his tears. Even as the door closed, he could still hear her screams of protest. Mercifully, a cab happened to pass by and let him in. He told the driver Kurt's address then sunk back onto the uncomfortable seat. Without even thinking, he dug his phone out of his pocket and dialed his sister.
Blaine? What's going on? Not that I don't love to hear from you and all, but it's later than the times you usually call. Blaine sighed when she picked up, happy that he didn't have to spend the whole ride letting the memories tear him to pieces by himself.
"Sorry, Rachel. It's Cassidy. We, well, we're splitting up. I just left not even five minutes ago." He heard a stifled gasp from the other line.
You did what? Oh my gosh, what happened? I swear, if that bitch cheated she will have hell to pay!
"No, um, actually I cheated on her. With a guy. Who I'm in love with. Who I completely and irrevocably have been in love with since I met him a year ago." There was nothing but silence.
Oh, Blaine. Honey, not that I'm not totally supportive of your choice because I'm going to love you unconditionally no matter what, but why do you sound as if you have the Hudson River gushing out of your eyeballs?
"It's Valerie. Cassidy told me that there was no way I would ever be allowed to see her again. Rach, my little girl is my entire life! And then I had to tell her why her daddy was leaving and why I wouldn't be able to read to her and sing to her tonight before bed. She was perfectly fine with it until it really sunk in. Oh my God she was screaming for me to come back. Rachel, she was fucking screaming and crying and-"
Blaine, please calm down. I know this is horrible, but I am not going to allow you to have a panic attack in the back of a cab. Did you already take a pill earlier? He still couldn't speak, so he just made an affirmative noise. Okay, good. Hopefully that will start to work soon. And she can't keep Valerie from you. Maybe she could twenty years ago, but that isn't how it works. Blaine groaned and leaned his forehead against the cool window glass.
"You don't understand. She's going to tell dad everything. Well, she'll probably fabricate some of it, but he'll know."
I-I know our father's pretty horrible, especially when it comes to gays, but you do you really think he'll try to keep Valerie from you?
"Yes, I really do. And so does she. That's why she's going to go to him. I don't know what I'm going to do if he gets involved, because they'll make my life a living hell. And I'm sure dad will find some way to go after Kurt and I just-I can't do that to him."
Deep breaths. I really wish I knew what to tell you. But the only advice I can really give is follow your heart. If you're this in love with Kurt -I'm going to assume that's the same guy you said you were in love with- then you're just going to have to hope that everything is going to work out. We'll talk more about it tomorrow. We'll go get coffee, you can bring Kurt, and then we'll discuss what to do about this. Alright?
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. Love you, sis." He could practically hear her smile on the other end.
Love you too. Blaine sat in silence the rest of the way to Kurt's place. He tried to keep Valerie's pleas and screams out of his mind, but it was like a broken record, constantly looping and replaying the same sequence until he thought he would go crazy.
When he stopped in front of the building, it took all he had to keep inside the car until it came to a complete stop. He quickly grabbed his bag and all but sprinted up the stairs, skipping two or three at a time in some places. When he reached Kurt's door, he all but ran into the door in his haste to get inside.
"Blaine," Kurt breathed when he finally -finally- opened the door. "I didn't think you were going to be here this soon and-" he broke off when he saw Blaine's red, puffy eyes and tear-stained face. "Oh my God. Baby, what happened?" He wrapped his arms around the shaking man's waist and pulled him close.
"I'm never going to be able to see Valerie again. Well, maybe when I go get the rest of my stuff, but Cassidy's going to try to keep her away. And she's going to get my dad involved who's going to hate me and he'll be on her side," he explained in a rush. Kurt was speechless. He hadn't thought that anyone would stoop that low to hurt someone. Especially when the person they hurt was someone like Blaine, someone easily wounded and emotional. It was a wonder that he had even made it to the apartment, not in the state he was in.
"Blaine, you didn't have to do that. Not for me. I would have forgiven you. I would have understood," he assured quietly as he rubbed the other's back. He guided them to the couch, seeing as how they would be in this position for a long time. Against his chest, he felt Blaine shaking his head.
"Even if I wanted to deny it -which I never would- it wouldn't have mattered. Her sister caught a picture of us kissing in Central Park today." Kurt sighed and let a tear of his own slip out as he leaned his head back against the couch. It pained him to see Blaine like this, so weak and defenseless.
"It's okay," he assured with a sudden rush of hope. "We're going to get through this together. I promise."