Epilogue

Catherine woke alone, thinking perhaps she had dreamt the night, but no, this wasn't her bed or her apartment. She touched the space beside her and couldn't tell if she was imagining a lingering warmth beneath her fingers or not. A deep, unbroken silence stretched as Catherine listened for some movement or signs of life to indicate she wasn't completely, totally alone. Hearing nothing, she crept out of the bed and found a robe by touch alone and went to search the apartment.

Catherine allowed herself a few minutes to snoop through the bookshelves and kitchen cupboards while she told herself Sara had just stepped out for a moment, maybe went to pick up cream for coffee or eggs for breakfast, but that lie got harder and harder to sustain during the twenty minutes she sat on the couch and simply stared at the door, willing it to open. Finally, she admitted the truth to herself, that Sara had run and wasn't coming back, and roused herself to collect her clothes and get dressed, pretending all the while she wasn't straining to hear the door open.

The smell of cigarette smoke drifted up to her as she stepped out of the apartment into the chill desert air. That's where she found her, at the bottom of the steps, her white tank glowing eerily in the dull light from the streetlight. Cigarettes butts were piled around her bare feet as another glowing tip lit her face.

Catherine snagged the cigarette out of Sara's hand and took a long drag, inhaling deeply while watching the brunette beside her out of the corner of her eye. Dropping the butt, she ground it out under her shoe and waited for Sara to react, but Sara just sat there, her fingers loosely interlocked in front of her face, almost in a position of prayer.

Unable to take the silence any longer, Catherine called her name softly, and then louder. Getting no response, she laid a hand on Sara's joined hands, the ice-cold skin a shock. "Sara, baby, you are freezing," she told the brunette quietly, still waiting for some sort of acknowledgement. At this point, she would almost welcome anger, if only because it was a reaction to her presence. Brushing the hair back from Sara's face, she found the blank stare and lifelessness in those dark eyes unsettling and she just sat and watched, waiting for a sign, of what she did not know.

When the first tear slid down Sara's cheek, Catherine could only watch in fascination as Sara, slowly, painfully slowly, broke down in front of her. As Sara crumbled, Catherine caught her, holding the brunette with all her strength while deep sobs racked Sara's body.

When the brunette quieted, and finally fell silent, still in Catherine's arms, Catherine pressed a light kiss to Sara's temple, feeling her face artificially warmed by the emotional outburst, a warmth she knew wouldn't last long. "Sara, Sara, honey, come on, let's go upstairs. I'll make you some tea."

Sara didn't resist as Catherine took her hand and guided her up the steps. She settled the surprisingly pliant brunette on the couch, her shivers becoming more pronounced as her arms came up compulsively to wrap around her body for warmth. Catherine covered the chilled woman with a blanket, making sure to tuck the edges in around Sara's bare feet, feeling like she was caring for her daughter. "I'll make us some tea. You want honey?" she asked quietly, still slightly unnerved by Sara's continued silence.

Sara finally responded with a nod, and Catherine reached out to caress the soft skin of her cheek briefly before heading into the kitchen.

As she leaned against the counter waiting for the kettle, Catherine watched the huddled form on the couch and came to a realization: Sara had been right, that night in front of the club; this had never been about Catherine or their possibilities for a relationship. It had always been about Sara, her fears, her demons. But Catherine also knew that something in the night had shattered the wall Sara hid her feelings behind, and Catherine realized that she had no idea what lie beneath.

The kettle whistled and Catherine busied herself with making the tea, adding a healthy dose of the whiskey she found in the cupboard to both drinks before she carried a tray out to the living room.

Catherine watched as Sara cradled the cup with those delicate yet strong and all too skilled hands that Catherine was beginning to love and breathed in the steam before finally meeting Catherine's eyes for the first time in what seemed like hours. Red-rimmed and still awash in a sea of emotions, Catherine saw a glimmer of warmth lurking there. Smiling in response, Catherine decided that it didn't matter that she couldn't read the emotions swirling in those ebony depths; she had a lifetime to figure it out.

-Fin

If you can ride the backlash
There's still time for a comeback
You don't have to lie down and die
But Lazarus he only did it just the one time
He couldn't face another try
I could almost like youNow it's really over
Now you've shown some weakness
Now you're looking over your shoulder
Who's gonna come and find you?

-EbtG, "Downhill Racer"