Unfaithful - Chapter 2

The first thing Tali became aware of was the stuffiness in her nose. She breathed in deeply, and immediately regretted the action as her head seared with pain. She managed to open her eyes, but vision was suddenly flooded with burning white light; she squeezed them shut again instantly and groaned. It felt as if she'd been punched in the stomach, so she rolled over onto her side, both to turn away from the light and curl into a ball to stem the dull ache in her abdomen. She took a few more experimental breaths, then opened her eyes again. Thankfully there wasn't anything shining in her face this time, but everything was blurry. She blinked rapidly, clearing up her vision just enough to make out her surroundings.

It was dark, though ribbons of light rippled over the wall across from her. Curtains, she managed to figure out, after a few moments of staring. She didn't recognize much else in the room; she could make out a sofa in the corner and a door along the wall, as well as the abstract brown and white patterns on the sheets she was lying on, but everything was foreign. She had no idea where she was.

She laid there for a while, refusing to do anything but blink. Her body felt like a wreck: the muscles of her midriff were sore, her eyes burned from the dull ache in her head, and to top it all off, she was all stuffed up with a cold. Her mind paused at that thought. Wait, what? How had she...?

She managed to inch her head down low enough to see her body and was met with nothing but pale skin. She was absolutely naked, and something shattered in her mind at the realization. Memories of the night before came rushing back, flooding her already-incapable mind with sensations and events that she didn't remember, didn't want to remember. No, she thought, there was no way.

Her first thought was of Garrus. She needed to talk to him, confirm that what she was remembering wasn't true, that it was all just some kind of horrible dream. A quick glance around the room told her that he wasn't here, and the pit of dread in her stomach grew. Perhaps he was in the bathroom? She moved her legs an inch toward the edge of the bed, and hissed in pain. She looked down at her body again, this time more carefully, and her throat constricted at the sight. She was covered with red marks, and her legs were mottled with an angry rash. She took a moment to stare, trying to think of any other reason for why she had these scratches, anything other than what her conscience was telling her. She bent her knees, raising her legs over the side of the bed, then stopped as the movement revealed a new horror. She ran a hand over the inside of her thigh, wincing at the sting as her fingers traced over welts that had no doubt been left by talons or something equally powerful. Anxiety built within her as she parted her legs enough to check the last and most important place for evidence. Sure enough, the skin there was pepperedwith crimson blotches as well, raw to the touch. She gently pressed a hand over her groin and flinched. There was no doubt left in her mind of what had happened last night. The details might be beyond her now, but this... this was undeniable.

"Keelah," she whispered, "what have I done?"

Tali lost track of time as she sat there, staring down at her own naked body, the full implications of what she'd done settling into her mind. It was obvious by now that Garrus had left; there wasn't anything but the marks on her body to indicate he'd even been there. Her breathing alternated between even and panicked, then finally settled into a lucidly slow place in an attempt to calm herself. She had to get out of here, that was the most important thing right now. Shepard would be worried and...

Shepard.

"Shepard," she echoed again, her voice a hoarse whisper. It took every inch of her self control to not cry. She'd betrayed him in the worst possible way, with his best friend of all people. He was the most important person in the galaxy, the lover she didn't deserve, and she'd cheated on him. Cheated on the man she was lucky to have in the first place. She should be tossed into a pit of varren and chewed to pieces for what she'd done. She pulled her knees closer to her face, ignoring the protests of her nerves, and simply hung her head, her eyes closed in a desperate will not to break down.

She was still for a long time, unconsciously shivering in the cold morning air. Eventually the pounding in her head forced her to open her eyes again, her body pleading for healing from the abuse she'd put it through the night before. Yes, she needed to get her suit on, get out of here, go home. A home she no longer deserved.

She let out a grunt of pain as she slid off the bed and the sheets rubbed against her rashes. She was unsteady on her feet at first, her headache making it hard to find balance, but eventually she was able to stumble around the room and look for the discarded pieces of her suit. Most of it was piled near the door of the bathroom so she slipped it all on, making sure to get all the buckles and zippers right. It was awful enough that she'd had sex with someone other than her boyfriend the night before; she didn't need to go looking the part now too.

She checked herself in the bathroom mirror before placing her mask on, fidgeting with her hood a little bit until it was properly settled. She studied her face in the mirror, the glowing white irises of her reflection mocking her. She traced a line of pink along her left cheek; it was most likely a stray scratch, but it was a mark all the same. He'd marked her everywhere, both where it could be seen and where it couldn't. The former would fade away with some medigel, but the latter...

She let her hand drop and sighed. She needed to speak with Garrus before anything else, perhaps he'd be willing to keep quiet about it; she couldn't think of a reason why he'd want to make Shepard angry, it'd probably end badly for him, anyway. She was taking the cowardly way out and she knew it, but it was better than hurting Shepard. Infinitely more so. Before she let herself succumb to her own thoughts again, she placed the mask over her face and brushed off her suit slightly, then left the bathroom. She made one last scan of the hotel room, her eyes lingering on the crumpled sheets of the bed, regret slowly churning with despair in the pit of her stomach at the sight, then turned around abruptly to leave. She never wanted to see this place again.

Engineering was empty when she finally arrived. Shore leave didn't end for another two hours so she assumed the others were taking full advantage of it, which she was grateful for, because she was in no mood to speak with anyone today. Everything was just as she'd left it yesterday evening, though it felt like a lifetime had passed since she'd last been here. She leaned against her console and turned on her omnitool for the first time in hours, finally gathering the courage to check her messages. Eight missed messages from Shepard, among a plethora of others on random subjects, but nothing from Garrus. She hovered her finger over the most recent one from Shepard, sent early this morning, debating whether she wanted to open it. What if he already knew? Would Garrus have told him? She breathed in slowly, trying to curb her growing panic.

She was caught by surprise as the door behind her slid open, making her jump and turn quickly. She winced, her head protesting at the sudden movement with a white-hot bolt of pain, and the person who walked in didn't set her at ease either. Shepard was walking briskly toward her with a crooked smile on his face; whether it was the good kind of smile or the bad, she didn't know. For all she knew, he might just be excited to throw her out the airlock. She bit her lip and wrung her hands nervously as he approached closer.

He stopped in front of her and stretched his smile into a full one. "You," he murmured, placing one hand on her arm and the other around her waist, pulling her against him. He'd done this dozens of times before, but right how it felt utterly alien. "I can't believe you." She froze. Oh Keelah, he knew. He knew and he was playing with her mind and this was driving her absolutely insane. He was so happy about it too... She deserved nothing less than mockery and shame, though.

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out in her defense. She gaped like a fish for a moment, and was utterly relieved that he could see her face clearly. He interrupted her speechlessness by brushing his lips over the top of her hood, pressing down until she could feel it on her scalp. "Missed you," he said softly, moving the hand on her arm to her own and squeezing their fingers together tightly. She pressed back as well as she could manage. Her mind reeled as she tried to understand what was going on; on one hand he apparently didn't know anything about what had happened the night before, but some of the things he'd just said indicated otherwise. She decided she needed to play it safe and pretend ignorance for now. If by some miracle he didn't know, at least she wouldn't give anything away by her unusual actions.

"Me too," she murmured, pressing back against his chest.

"So, Garrus tells me you're a lightweight," he said with a teasing lilt, and her heartbeat stopped for a moment. He pressed his lips against her temple once more before pulling away, flashing her a warm smile. "Apparently you were too far gone to bring back here, so he left you in a hotel room?"

So that was what he'd told Shepard. A flood of relief came over her at the realization that her secret was safe. Garrus hadn't betrayed her in that aspect, at least. She let out a nervous laugh, turning her gaze down for a moment. "Yeah, brandy doesn't sit well with me," she managed to reply.

He laughed, ghosting his fingers over her hand and then clasping it again. "How's the head?"

"Not bad. Just a little dizzy."

"Well, if you need help with that I have a few hours free today."

She paused. What could she possibly say to that? "I, uh, I'm not feeling up to it today. Just kind of -"

"I didn't mean it that way," he interrupted, amusement lacing his voice. "Though I'm up for that too, if you are..."

"No, I - I mean, I'm tired and my head hurts and..." He furrowed his brow as he looked at her.

"Alright, was just offering." He laughed again, lightening the awkward mood. "Though I'm surprised, you never refuse." Even now, the boyish grin on his face sent little sparks down her spine.

"I just, I..." She resisted the temptation to wring her hands together, and he simply shook his head.

"Tali..." He hushed her, then took both of her hands in his and gripped them tightly. "Listen, Liara wanted to speak with me today, but I do have a few hours off later. Come up if you're feeling like it alright?" His voice was so soothing, so mellow in her ears that she unconsciously pulled closer to him. "And get Chakwas to get you some meds for that hangover." She breathed a laugh, this one a little less forced than before, watching as he brought up their joined hands to leave kisses on her knuckles. "I should go, Donnelly and Daniels will be back soon."

She nodded and let him unclasp their hands. "Okay."

He flashed her one last smile before turning away to leave, and she watched his retreating form disappear behind the door. Once he was gone, she turned and braced her hands against the console, letting her head hang between her shoulders. She'd never be able to forget what she'd done, but she sure as hell wasn't going to let it happen again. There was only so much of this she could take, and she felt like she was already at the breaking point.

The rest of the day passed slowly for Tali. She didn't bother to contact Garrus yet; she wasn't ready for that conversation. She tried to get some work done, but her mind kept wandering, enough that Adams told her to take a break after she accidentally misaligned one of the thruster parts, which would have resulted in a spectacular meltdown if EDI hadn't caught it beforehand. She stopped earlier than usual and headed back to her own personal quarters, while ignoring the insistent chiming of her omnitool. She had no doubt it was Shepard, but for now she could pretend that she was asleep. It killed her to ignore him like this, but she was still mentally exhausted from speaking to him earlier, and wasn't ready for round two just yet.

She'd been sprawled out on her bed for hours now, but she'd given up on trying to sleep a long time ago. All day her suit had rubbed against the marks and chafes on her legs, making it uncomfortable to stand, let alone walk, and now the irritation wouldn't let her rest. Well, that was what she was telling herself, though deep inside she knew part of it was from the guilt that plagued her mind. The ache in her lower abdomen had just gotten worse as the day went on, and it was probably the most difficult thing to deal with; not only did her muscles feel like they were torn apart, but it constantly reminded her of her mistake.

She sighed, then rolled over onto her side in a feeble attempt to find a more comfortable position. The incessant beeping of her omnitool had died down, Shepard had probably figured out she'd gone to bed by now. She glanced over at the holoclock on the wall. It was nearly the middle of the night cycle already, when the ship was quietest. She'd been contemplating going to the medbay all day to get something for the scratches and rashes, but couldn't think of a way to explain them to Chakwas without causing suspicion. The doctor would probably be asleep now, and it was the perfect opportunity to go get the items she needed without having to deal with a confrontation. She pulled herself off the bed and paused for a moment; if she ran into someone things could get problematic, but it would only get worse if her scratches scarred over, or even worse, got infected. She couldn't resist Shepard's advances forever without pushing him away completely, and if he found those marks_... No, she'd have to go right now. There wasn't a choice.

She slipped out of her room and into the hallway that ran between the two cargo bays. The lights were dimmed down, making it difficult to see, but she knew by memory where the service stairs were, even though she didn't take them often. She made her way silently up until she reached the crew deck, emerging close to Liara's cabin. Thankfully the lights were turned down here too, which made sense because most of the night crew would be up in the CIC. She made her way across the deck, taking care to not make too much noise or bump into anything, then passed through the med bay doors. Her eyes didn't need to adjust to the darkness, so she wasted no time getting to work on finding what she needed. She hadn't been here for quite a while, not since she'd acclimatized to Shepard's quarters, but she knew the place well enough still. She began her search, making her way through the cabinets and drawers that lined the walls, while trying to make sense of the medical script on the various containers and tubes she came across. Her first priority was medigel to get rid of the marks, then any kind of balm to get soothe the rashes. Those would fade in time though, so she wasn't too worried about that.

She eventually found packets of medigel in a drawer full of them, but still hadn't found something for the rashes. She was about to open the last cabinet when she heard the pneumatic hiss of the door opening, making her jump and drop a pair of medical scissors. She froze in place, as light footsteps approached her, and she took some solace in the fact that it definitely wasn't Shepard. The lights came to life above her, revealing a rather tired-looking Chakwas standing near the door. The other woman passed a hand over her face and blinked at her.

"Tali, what are you doing here?"

"I, uh," she started, as the doctor's gaze fell down to the pouch in her hand.

"Are you injured?"

"No, I'm fine. Just... just a few cuts." The doctor's brow furrowed a bit, but she nodded, seeming to accept it.

"EDI informed me someone was here. Were you looking for something in particular?" Tali paused for a moment, deciding whether it would be safe to bring up the chafing on her legs. She trusted the doctor and her professionalism, but just the thought of someone knowing about what had happened unnerved her. She didn't know if Chakwas' loyalty to Shepard transcended her doctor-patient confidentiality either, so she'd have to be careful.

"Just uh, something to get rid of the redness, that's all," she muttered. A worried look came over the doctor's face.

"Redness? Are you sure you don't have an infection?"

"I'm sure," she replied with a nod, taking a step toward the door. "It's fine, I'm just -"

"I think it's best if I take a look. If it's a infected cut, it could put you out for a whole week."

There was truth behind her words that Tali couldn't deny. She herself was no doctor, and seeing as she'd taken off her suit in a foreign place, chances for infection were likely. "Okay," she replied with a nod. "But... please don't say anything about it."

Chakwas nodded. "Of course. Whatever happens in this room stays between its occupants. Now, take a seat on the bench over there, I'll be over in a minute."

Tali complied and watched as the other woman washed her hands and snapped on a pair of gloves. There was no doubt in her mind that she would recognize the marks on her legs, and it made her fidget nervously. She didn't get enough time to second-guess herself and back out before Chakwas approached the medical bench and set down the items in her hand on a tray nearby.

"So, where are you hurt?" Tali tapped her legs, and she nodded again. "Remove those sections if you can so I can have a look."

She did so, undoing the parts covering her thigh and placing them gingerly beside her, resting her heels on a metal bar below so that her skin wouldn't touch the surface she was sitting on. The doctor examined her thoroughly, carefully hidden expressions flitting over her face that Tali just managed to catch. Yes, she definitely recognized it.

She sat in silence as the other woman cleaned up all the cuts on her upper legs, growing more and more embarrassed during every passing second. The disinfecting fluid stung, and she bit her lip to stop herself from making any noise. She was relieved when Chakwas finished, pulling away and dropping a swab onto the tray. "Is there any vaginal tearing?" she asked evenly, betraying not even the slightest indication of judgement in her voice.

"No, well, I'm pretty sure." The doctor seemed to accept her answer and pulled off her gloves, walking over to one of the cabinets.

"You can get dressed again." Tali fastened the sections of her suit back on as Chakwas approached her, two tubes in hand. "This will help with the chafing," she said as she handed them over, "and this will disinfect the cuts."

"Thanks," Tali mumbled, taking both the offered objects.

"You're welcome. Be careful."

She nodded in reply, then paused. "If you could -" Chakwas held up a hand to stop her.

"It's not my place to say, as your physician." Tali let out the breath she'd been holding. "If you need more, just ask."

Tali nodded again, then hopped off the bench and took a few steps toward the door."Thank you again," she said.

Chakwas merely nodded, then turned away to clean up.

Tali left the med bay and walked across the crew deck again, making her way back down the service stairs. Her omnitool pinged with a message when she was halfway down, and she paused to open it. Who was still up this late?

She furrowed her brow as she read the name of the sender, then opened it quickly.

"Might want to be a little quieter next time. Come see me tomorrow, it's important. G."

She reread the message twice. That was all he had to say to her? She sighed, then pushed it out of her mind; he was probably as nervous and upset as she was. She didn't blame him, not at all. It was bad enough that their friendship had essentially been ruined, but if it ruined their relationships with Shepard... well, she spoke for both of her and Garrus when she said that his trust was more important than anything else. Tomorrow she'd see what he wanted to talk about, get this mistake dealt with and buried in the ground, and try to get on with her life.