Unfaithful - Chapter 3

Tali had been sitting at the mess hall table for quite some time, focused on the glass of water in her hand. Occasionally she glanced up, her eyes focusing on the door of the main battery as she tried to find the confidence to get up and go inside. She didn't know why he wanted to speak with her; after all, he'd already lied to Shepard and she assumed that he'd keep the peace, but this sudden request was making her doubt that. She'd even asked what was so important earlier this morning, but he hadn't explained further.

She needed to stop trying to guess things and just get this over with. She stood up and approached the main battery hesitantly, her hands clinging to the straps of her suit. She paused in front of the door for a moment, then clicked it open. Garrus was standing at his usual station, his fingers tapping away on the keyboard at a rapid pace, his back turned to her as she stopped a few paces away from him.

"Garrus?"

"Tali," he replied in his usual pleasant tone. HE didn't turn around to face her.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Mmm. Yes." He was silent for a moment, and she resisted the urge to fidget. "How are you feeling?"

She furrowed her brow; he usually wasn't one for niceties and empty questions. "I'm fine." She paused for a beat, then added, "a little bruised, but fine."

That made his fingers stop tapping on the console. "Sorry to hear that," he finally replied. "I'm sure Dr. Chakwas can help you out."

Tali sighed in exasperation. "She has, and you know that. What did you want to talk about?"

He nodded. "Straight to the point, I respect that." He turned his head to glance at her, his face a mask of fluid nonchalance as he finally acknowledged her presence. The carefully orchestrated expression on his face irritated her, even though she had a feeling that was exactly what it was meant to do.

"Well?" she prompted.

"About the other night..." He looked away, his mandible twitching slightly. "Does Shepard know?"

She scoffed and shook her head. "Of course not. I'm not insane." He looked back at his screen, though he didn't seem to be reading anything in particular. "Why?"

"No reason." He quirked his head to the side, as if pondering something. "I assume you want to keep it that way." It wasn't a question, by the tone of his voice, just a simple fact.

She tilted her head, incredulous. "Don't you? Do you know what he'd do to both of us if he found out?" To her utter surprise he let out a laugh, startling her slightly. "Keelah, what has gotten into you? Shepard trusted us and we broke that trust, and you think it's funny?"

The amusement fell off his face in an instant and he held up a hand to stop her. The unreadable mask of emotion cracked a bit, showing his irritation through the set of his jaw. "I know what happened. I was there." He looked up at the speaker suddenly. "EDI, would you mind giving us some privacy?"

The AI responded almost immediately. "Turning off all sensors in this room."

"Thank you. Ping me if someone's headed this way."

"Understood." The intercom buzzed dead above them and he straightened, turning to face her. His posture was rigid, even slightly intimidating, and he spared her one glance before turning away to focus on something across the room.

She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, bowing her head slightly. "Look," she began, "I just... I just want to move on, pretend like this never happened. I'm sorry if I was rude, I just -" She stopped abruptly as he looked at her again, studying her in a way that made her wring her hands in nervousness.

"I get it. You and Shepard have something special." His voice was friendly and calm, like always, but there was a sparse hint of acidity in his tone. She put the observation aside though, grateful that he understood her predicament even if he mocked her for it.

"Exactly. I... I don't want to ruin it because of one stupid mistake." She glanced down at her hands and then back up at him, briefly catching the hint of softness in his expression, but it was gone just as quickly.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the console. "Mistake? Hmm."

She paused, confused and slightly alarmed. "It was nothing other than that. You realize that, right?"

"Of course." His eyes didn't move from her for a long moment, pinning her in place. The familiar sensation of attraction bubbled within her as she stared back, but she stifled it quickly. "But keeping it a secret... it's not exactly what I had planned to do."

"You want to tell him?"

"I don't make a habit of lying to friends. Especially Shepard." The words stung, just as they were meant to.

"This is the last thing he needs right now, Garrus. He needs people to support him, not betray him."

"Inspiring words," he drawled, "but you've already done it. It's too late now." He flicked his mandible in a taunting gesture, his attention wandering away from her.

She took a step forward and dug her nails into her palms. "As did you! You were the one to take advantage of me!"

He huffed mockingly and narrowed his eyes imperceptibly. "You were sober enough to know what you were doing and went along with it. It's as much your fault as mine, so don't pretend otherwise." She took a step back, though the set of her shoulders remained stiff. His eyes scanned over the cannons. His voice was quiet when he spoke again. "I know he'll forgive me eventually. He'll be upset, yes, but he'll be glad I was honest. It'll work out." His eyes flitted to her for a moment. "I can't say the same for your relationship with him."

Tali swallowed thickly and clenched her jaw. She couldn't deny the truth in what he said, in any of it. It made her realize that really, she didn't have much choice in the matter; it was either watch her relationship crash and burn or beg Garrus to listen to her. The former wasn't an option.

"Just one favour, Garrus, that's all I'm asking for."

"You're asking me to lie to someone I respect. You would have already told him, in my place."

"You don't know that."

He gave her a solemn look. "I know you, Tali. You would have."

She stared down at the ground, silence stretching between them. She knew that she was asking him to do the impossible; he'd been a complete asshole for the past couple of days, but she owed him for not telling Shepard. She was growing desperate now though, and she was prepared to do whatever it took to get him to keep his mouth shut. Eventually she found the strength to speak.

"I'll do anything," she pleaded, her voice wavering. "Please."

His head snapped toward her suddenly, his fixed stare studying her with an intensity that made her swallow anxiously. He exuded some kind of emotion, both undisguised yet unreadable, utterly raw and almost painful to see. To her credit, she didn't move a muscle under his scrutiny and stood absolutely still, letting seconds stretch on as she waited for his verdict. Eventually he turned away, and she almost exhaled in relief.

"Anything?" he echoed, his voice eerily soft.

"If it means you won't tell him, then yes."

"Hmm." He straightened himself and turned away, widening the distance between them. He was quiet for a while longer. "Alright. On one condition."

"What is it?"

"Sex, whenever I ask for it."

"What?" Her jaw went slack and her eyes widened.

"You heard what I said." The ground seemed to spin for a moment underneath her, as pure disbelief spread through her body. He was a complete and utter lunatic. She hissed in a breath, gritting her teeth and letting her hands clench into fists. "And you'll enjoy it too. Breathe a word of it to anyone and I won't hesitate to tell Shepard that you willingly slept with someone else."

"You can't be serious," she choked out. " You want me to sleep with you and cheat on him, just for your own disgusting -" He cut her off with a chilling look, that paralyzed her down to the bone. He was serious. He was dead serious. Her mind deadened bit by bit as that fact sunk in.

She swallowed heavily, then closed her eyes in an attempt to control herself, breathing in slowly. She stemmed the wave of nausea that threatened to overwhelm her, then tried to rationalize her thoughts. Garrus' proposition was absolutely horrifying, but the only other alternative would be to lose Shepard, which she simply couldn't do. She could live with this arrangement, if barely, but it kept her secret safe.

She examined her fingers as she pressed them together, interlacing them and gripping hard, then tilted her head back up at him. "How long do I have to do this?"

He shrugged. "For as long as I like."

She clenched the muscles of her jaw and bit down on the inside of her cheek until she could taste blood in her mouth. Anger, fear, and grief boiled up within her, but she quelled it enough to make her decision. "Fine." She pulled her chin up, staring back at him. "I'll do it."

He looked back for a moment, then gave a faint nod. "Shepard won't know." And there was her bitter victory, overshadowed by an ugly death sentence. He turned away and walked back to his console, and she could just pick up the sound of a breath escaping his lungs. "I've got work to do," he said quietly.

She didn't move, just glared at him with the hope that he would drop dead any second now, but he held his silence. For a long time she stood there, waiting for him to acknowledge her, say he was just joking, anything but what he had just made her agree to, but he didn't do anything but tap away on the keyboard as if she wasn't even there. This was sealed and done. She bit her tongue, spun on her heel, and left, her ears filled with the sound of shrieking.

Every step felt heavy as Tali made her way to the elevator, intent on retreating to her quarters and somehow working out the sheer amount of anger pent up within her. She nodded half-heartedly at Liara when she greeted her, and disappeared out of sight before the asari could pin her down for a conversation; she was in no mood to talk about her three favourite topics of discussion right now, which consisted of Shepard, Javik, and the Reapers. She nearly ran into one of the privates in her rush, and didn't bother stopping to reply to his apologies. She rounded the corner, and had nearly made it to her destination when she heard her name called out behind her. Her heart sank at the sound; luck had completely abandoned her today, apparently.

She drew in a breath, evening both her temperament and her emotion in one go, then relaxed her body into a more pleasant stance and turned to face him. Shepard and Kaidan were approaching her, the latter focused on a datapad in hand while talking to the former, who had a slight smile plastered on his face and attention fully devoted to her. The corner of her mouth twisted down, despite the effort she was putting in to stifle her reactions.

"Shepard," she greeted, making her voice as kind as she could manage.

"I was just coming to see you actually, glad I caught you." He stopped in front of her at a comfortable but respectful distance. Kaidan nearly stumbled as he stopped behind him, then looked up at her and nodded.

"Tali," Kaidan echoed, then seemed to realize that his chat with Shepard had come to an end and it was his time to leave, if his suddenly enlightened expression was anything to go by. He nodded at the pair of them. "Commander." She missed his presence instantly as he disappeared from sight, and braced herself as Shepard approached her.

"You didn't come yesterday," he said in a slightly dejected tone. It was almost enough to break her heart.

"I was tired, I'm sorry."

He quirked his mouth into a soft half-smile. "I'll forgive you, if you come now." She resisted the urge to sigh. Of course he'd want to spend time with her now, right after she'd signed off her body for someone else's use. She couldn't say no this time though; she'd already used all her excuse cards yesterday. She gave him a hesitant nod.

"Okay, but aren't you busy?"

"I'll get EDI to clear up my schedule."

"Are you sure-"

He silenced her with a glance. "Yes. You're not running away this time." He held out a hand to her, and she took it tentatively. He led her into the elevator, pressing the first floor button. "And anyway, I always have time for you." She gave his hand a light squeeze.

The loft was messier than she remembered from a few days ago, though that was probably because she hadn't put away the stuff he tended to scatter everywhere. She picked up a uniform shirt near her feet and threw it in the laundry duct as Shepard made his way down the stairs lazily. She followed him shortly after, finding him sprawled across the couch with his head leaned back and eyes closed. She took a moment to simply watch him, since he didn't get much opportunity to take time for himself these days. Although they made a point of forgetting about the war when they spent time together, his cheerfulness had diminished considerably as time wore on; this whole fight was resting on his shoulders, so it wasn't surprising that he was feeling the strain of it all.

She approached him quietly, then ran a hand over his forehead. He smiled faintly, then opened his eyes after a moment.

"Take the mask off," he murmured, as though he was already half-asleep.

"It's a mess in here, I'll catch a virus," she replied, though her voice lacked the teasing lilt it usually would have.

"Bullshit." He reached up and took it off himself, placing it in her hand so she could leave it on the coffee table. She turned her face away fairly quickly; though the marks had faded already, she was rather self-conscious about it. "That's better."

He sat up abruptly and patted the spot beside him in invitation, which she took. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, his other hand finding hers and lacing their fingers together in the awkward way that they did. She didn't say anything for quite some time, just loosened up enough to press against his side, and he seemed to be okay with that for now.

Eventually, as she figured he would, he grew restless. He drummed his thumb along the back of her hand, and she almost smiled at the gesture. "Your mind on something?" she eventually asked.

"Nah." He paused. "Well, yeah."

"What is it?"

He sighed. "Just... this whole war. It's been almost a month and a half since we left Earth and..." He trailed off, seemingly unsure of what to say.

"You're tired," she finished for him. "It's been a long journey for you." She caught a smile form on his face in her peripheral vision.

"Yes, well... you're here now. That makes it easier."

Tali felt like she was going to be physically sick. Her mind ran through the worst insults she could think of toward herself, sinking into a pit of self-deprecation. "Yes," she managed to finally say.

He buried his nose in her hood, pulling her even closer to him. "Feeling better than yesterday?"

"Much."

"Good." His thumb traced circles on her hand, to which she replied by squeezing back. His hand around her shoulders fell to her waist, rubbing the curve back and forth with his fingers. "I love you," he said suddenly, making her freeze. He'd said it before, but hearing it now... it just hurt, after all she'd done. To protect him, she reminded herself, but it was from her own mistake.

"Love you too," she mumbled, almost inaudibly. His fingers danced along the buckles near her waist, giving away his intentions. She resisted the urge to bite her lip. The marks Garrus had left were gone now, but she still felt the imprints of them on her skin. She decided it was best to distract him now, maybe it would get his mind off of that topic. "Where are we headed next?"

The smile fell off his face, replaced with a more serious expression. "Thessia, actually."

She furrowed her brow. "Why?"

"There's some kind of artifact there, at least according to the asari Councillor. She says it's worth the trip."

"Oh. I guess Liara will be coming with you?"

He nodded. "Javik too. We're getting reports that the Reapers are closing in on the planet, so we'll need him."

"Makes sense."

He quirked a brow at her. "Not jealous?" he teased.

Despite herself, she scoffed. "Of course not. You take who you need to take. I'm not that insecure."

He laughed. "But you're not above making personal jabs, are you?"

He had her there. "No," she replied, a little embarrassed. "I guess not."

"Enough of that," he said, the playful look coming back into his eyes. He placed a hand under her chin and made him look up at her, leaving a gentle kiss on her mouth. "I've decided that," another peck, "I need payback for all the frustration you've been putting me through."

She forced a laugh, hoping that her smile met her eyes. "Frustration? I haven't been doing anything."

He stopped to pretend he was thinking. "Nothing? Yes, of course, you haven't been going about, flaunting -" both his hands came to rest on her hips, pulling her into his lap, "-these."

She gave a slight huff of amusement that didn't quite come off right, as she moved into a more comfortable position. "Oh?"

He hummed his agreement, his eyes reflecting both longing and genuine joy. She tried her best to ignore it, distracting herself by placing her hands against his chest as he trailed his hands up and down her waist, pulling her a little closer. She managed to give him a small half-smile, the one he liked most, as his fingers worked at the little zippers on her suit. She froze when he brushed the skin underneath, biting her lip to hide her discomfort. He didn't seem to notice though, as he pressed his mouth against hers, his tongue pressing gently against the seal of her lips. She parted them slightly, letting him enter and explore her mouth, flicking his tongue against hers in a slow dance that she tried her best to match.

His fingers kept working on removing her clothing as she rubbed light circles on his chest, not quite reciprocating his ministrations but attempting to make a good show of it. He managed to undo the upper parts and tossed them aside, and wasted no time to pepper her bare skin with soft kisses. His hands came to massage her breasts, his fingers flicking over the nipples lightly, but the gestures were too familiar, as Garrus had done similar things to her just two days before. He pulled away and looked over her sprawled form, and she heard her heart pounding in her ears as she held her breath, hoping to whatever deities existed that she hadn't missed healing any marks. Apparently he didn't, as he leaned forward and took one of her nipples into his mouth, sucking gently pressing his teeth lightly into her flesh. She had to fight to keep herself from jerking away from him; Garrus had done the exact same thing. Shepard gazed up at her and seemed to notice her discomfort, the beginnings of confusion coming over him, before she let out a soft sigh to stem it. By some miracle, he actually bought it. She felt awful for deceiving him like this, when all he wanted to do was pleasure her, but she still had wounds that weren't quite healed.

She relaxed a little when he let go of her breasts, instead coming up to brush his lips against hers softly. With her eyes closed she could let herself go and get lost in his gentle caresses, so different and careful than the harsh, frantic strokes Garrus had scarred her with. Shepard's hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her to him, twisting and laying her down beneath him, his legs on either side of her. He kissed the hollow of her neck softly, then pulled away and smoothed the hair from her face. He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb along her lower lip, taking a moment to memorize her.

"I'm so lucky to have you," he murmured. She gave him a weak smile in return, the best that she could muster. She trailed her hands down his torso, feeling the hard lines of muscles under the fabric of his uniform; it was all that she could manage to do. She wanted to enjoy this, give back as much as he was giving to her, but every time she touched him she couldn't help but feel disgusted with herself.

His fingers danced along the bare skin of her midriff, dipping under the hem of her leggings every so often. He began to inch them down over her hips, his hands leaving warm trails wherever they lingered, until he'd gotten them down to her knees. He drew a path of kisses from her mouth to her waist, occasionally licking at her skin, leaving pink trails as her skin flushed under his ministrations. Her mind might have been occupied with belittling herself, but her body was responding to his strokes and kisses, heat burning between her legs. He pulled her leggings off in one smooth motion and his hands immediately went to her thighs, rubbing them and pinching the flesh lightly. He crawled off her for a moment and stripped quickly, and before she had time to even say anything he straddled her again, his hands roaming her body slowly but eagerly.

She traced circles on his back as he pressed up against her, delicious friction between them that even she appreciated, one of his hands trailing between them to rest at the junction of her legs. Unconsciously she held her breath as his finger dipped into her smoothly, testing her opening. She panicked for a moment; would he be able to tell she had had sex recently? She put aside the silly thought immediately, because there was no way he'd be able to tell if there was a difference, assuming it was there at all. He pulled the finger out and then dipped it back in, this time curling his finger into the bundle of nerves that lay just inside. The sensation shot through her, making her gasp in pleasure. She was losing herself, she thought, losing herself in his touch just as she had with Garrus, and that troubled her. A grin spread over his face and he traced little circles inside her, making her hips thrust into his, but she was careful with the noises she made now. The wetness between her legs had increased twofold from his teasing already, and despite her inhibitions, she felt herself sink into the familiar embrace of velvet pleasure.

He thrust his fingers inside of her a few times, then pulled them out and wrapped her legs around his hips, positioning himself over her entrance. He kissed her gently before pushing the tip into her opening, stretching it lightly, then slowly making his way in until he was in up to the hilt. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, letting out a soft sigh as her walls tightened around him. "I love you," he murmured again, and this time she felt no panic or nervousness. When he was within her he completed her, elevated her far past the reaches of her imagination. This was why she couldn't let go of him, or let him know that she'd betrayed him, because he was beyond anything she could ever ask for in a man. She had to make a conscious effort keep control of her emotions, as he filled her in a way that no one else ever could. He drew back out slowly, until just the head remained within her, then pushed back in with one fluid motion, sending waves of pleasure spreading through her body. "Look at me," he whispered. "I want to see you."

She'd kept her eyes squeezed shut to hold back any tears, but now she opened them slowly, hoping that he wouldn't notice the sheen of moisture in them. If he did he didn't say anything about it, just simply gazed back at her as he set a lucid, slow pace that hit nerves in her body that she had forgotten she had. He brought her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair as he kept moving, languidly but with just the right amount of force. Keelah, she loved him so much. More than her family, the fleet, her friends; there were no words to describe how far it went. Feeling him inside her always brought back their dependence on each other with pure clarity, but this time it held a bite to it. One day she'd tell him the truth, she promised herself. One day.

They rose to their peaks at a slow, burning pace, each of his thrusts sending them higher, pushing them closer to ecstasy. They didn't dare look away, watching the lust in each other's eyes burn into vapours of ecstasy that engulfed and surrounded them, sending them over the edge in each other's arms. She sighed her release into his shoulder, clenching around him tightly, her body refusing to let him go, and he followed her with a muffled groan. It was quiet, but it was them, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

Both of them exhausted, he took a moment to ease himself onto her, careful not to crush her under his weight, and rolled them over, letting their bodies touch across every inch of bare skin. They didn't move for a long while, as she listened to his heartbeat in silence. He was taking his time to come back to reality, but she had already been jerked back to it. Shame flushed her skin and replacing the euphoria from a moment before, for she had enjoyed that, let herself go when she had no right to. It filled her head and took hold of her heart, sending chills down her spine even though he was so warm against her. Shepard was relaxing and drifting off underneath her, but she couldn't follow.