I own nothing...Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just read a few reviews and I have to say a special thank you to kavelf for all the reviews and one in particular. Thanks so much!
Chapter 06 – Bella Comes Clean
Monday evening, Bella indulged in the rare treat of a single bottle of beer as she sat on the front porch with Edward, Jasper, and Alice. The baby monitor rested quietly on the small overturned flower pot near Alice's feet, assuring them all that Tansy was down for the night. Setting her drink down on the small table in front of her, she pulled the blanket closer around her shoulder and laughed at Edward's response to her actions.
"Do you want some help warming up? You could always sit closer." Edward already had his arm around the back of the swing smiling as he offered the invitation.
"No promises, remember?" Bella teased lightly, keeping to herself the fact that Edward had no idea just how much she wanted to snuggle into his arms. She was enjoying the adult only time among the four of them more than she thought she would. "Well, I know Alice is itching to hear all about my day and I know she already told Jasper so let's get this part over with and then we won't speak of it again."
Bella proceeded to tell them, in detail, about her day. She began at the welfare office talking right on through to her tub time with Tansy.
Her visit to the welfare office had left her in shock and her nerves still felt frazzled even after she had come home. Her mind raced as she recalled the lines she had to stand in and the forms that at times seemed to stretch out longer than the lines.
She saw women in various states of helplessness and men that were obviously there as a last resort. There were people of every ethnicity and all the languages spoken had Bella's head buzzing. She looked around the waiting room in awe as she realized that she could pick out at least a few words in each language.
There were people with their heads bent low and wearing hats, afraid of being recognized, and there were people there with all their children, clearly feeling as if they were owed some kind of prize for producing so many offspring. She took in all these people and stood silently, clutching Tansy close to her chest as if wanting to protect her from the onslaught of emotions. In a moment of clarity she realized that this was definitely her last resort.
Glancing around herself sympathetically she took a deep breath and called herself seven different kinds of stupid as she realized she was wasting her time. She could do this on her own...she would do this on her own. She had friends she could rely on and a little bit of savings. She spent all her money carefully and they at least had a roof over their heads.
Still shaking her head she gathered her wits about her and jammed the filled out forms into the diaper bag, resolving to burn them when she got home. Then, walking out of the public aid office into the bright sunshine, she realized that it would be the second thing she would do when she got home. The first thing she was going to do was take a bath to wash off the filthy feeling that so many bodies crammed into one space had left her feeling.
From the welfare office she made her way to the doctor's office and was rewarded with the good news that Tansy was in perfect health and the even better news that her medications needed to be adjusted only slightly. Given that she stayed healthy, the doctor told Bella that he was scheduling surgery for the first week of June and that she should plan on being admitted a few days beforehand to get the necessary tests out of the way. Bella wrote notes furiously. June sixth the doctor had said.
Bella laughed at the irony of Tansy's surgery being scheduled on D-Day. When she had voiced this finding to Dr. Smith he looked less than amused staring at her incredulously as if she had lost her mind to make a joke at a time like this. After a lengthy discussion on what was to be expected, and an exam that left Tansy howling in pain, Bella left the doctor's office feeling exactly the same as the welfare office. First things first, she decided on a bath.
This is where Alice found her later that day. She was surrounded by bubbles, lounging against the back of the tub. She rocked back and forth gently in the water enjoying the skin on skin contact, cradling her daughter against her. She barely looked up as Alice appeared in the doorway smiling at her and holding Bella's robe.
"I'm tempted to join you two. What gives?" Alice asked as she lowered the toilet seat to sit down.
"Just deep in thought and since we both needed a bath I decided to kill two birds with one stone." Bella's words were said with a comfortable smile. Though she was easily embarrassed around other people, she and Alice had always enjoyed a comfortable feeling around each other and with as many shopping trips as Bella was dragged on, she had long gotten over any hang ups in front of Alice.
"How did things go today?" Alice crossed her legs and sat in a lotus position as she balanced herself on the toilet seat. She laid the robe across her legs and pretended to study her nails, trying to sound uninterested.
"Alright, alright. I'll say it. Ready? You were right Alice. Are you happy now?" Bella sighed as Tansy shifted position tucking her head in the crook of Bella's neck. Clearly the baby was enjoying the skin to skin contact just as much as Bella and she had only moved her head to the other side so she could stare at Alice while Bella held her close.
"Happy that we are going to be broke? No. I'm ecstatic that we are going to do this with little to no help from anyone though." Alice lifted one finger and waved it at the baby, earning her a soft giggle. "Do you want me to take her?"
Bella lightly splashed water on her daughter's back to rinse the soapy suds away and nodded. The lavender scented baby soap had worked its magic on both her and Tansy, lulling them almost to sleep.
"Would you mind?" Bella handed her slippery bundle carefully to Alice who immediately wrapped Tansy in a towel and started to pat her dry while Bella pulled the plug out of the drain before reaching for her robe. "On a more positive note, Dr. Smith scheduled her surgery for June sixth." Bella busied herself so that Alice would not catch the sting of the tears as she realized fully what it meant.
"The sixth? Of June? Oh Bella, that's just about a month away. That doesn't leave us much time to get her ready." Alice's voice was soft but still, Bella heard it wavering slightly.
"I know Al. After carrying her around all day I knew she gained some weight. She's weighs thirteen pounds!" Bella said the words with such optimism that Alice could help but comment.
"Yeah, she's practically chubby now." As Bella looked over at the baby in Alice's arms, they both laughed, knowing full well that she had no cute little rolls of baby fat.
"I know right? It's strange to see her near Emily and Ethan. They all weigh about the same but Tansy is what? Three months older than they are?" Bella's question caused Alice's brow to furrow in concentration as she tried to remember how old the twins were. She nodded in confirmation as Bella sighed. "Hopefully, once her heart is patched, she'll be able to catch up and get back on track. It seems like every step she takes forward she takes one or two back."
Bella tightened her robe around her and stepped into the living room before gasping. There on the couch flipping channels was Jasper, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he waited.
"Um, Hi?" Bella said awkwardly as she pulled the robe tighter still.
"Heya Bella." Jasper said nonchalantly as he went back to flipping.
Alice stepped around Bella walking unconcerned into Tansy's bedroom with the baby. Bella looked back at Jasper as she followed Alice.
"You didn't tell me he was here." Bella growled as she pulled open a drawer and took out a soft fleece sleeper. Slamming it closed, she tossed the pajamas to Alice by the changing table, careful not to toss them directly on her daughter.
"Who? Jazz or Edward?" Alice still looked unconcerned.
"Edward is here Alice? Are you kidding me?" Bella's words were practically a scream and she moved to close the bedroom door.
"What? They just came over for a little while to hang out. He's probably in the kitchen getting a drink. What's the big deal?" Alice's voice let Bella know that she was overreacting.
"Alice, you spent fifteen minutes with me in the bathroom. Don't you think you should have let me know that someone else was in the house? I mean, what if one of them had to use the bathroom?" Bella stood with her hands on her hips now.
"I would have directed them to a tree in the yard, it's not a big deal. Jasper drove me to pick up some supplies and when I mentioned going home Jasper asked Edward to tag along so he wouldn't fall asleep driving home later. Go get dressed Bella, seriously it's not a big deal, so stop making it one." Alice kept herself busy getting Tansy ready for bed tossing her a quick look before leaving her alone in the bedroom.
Bella crept quietly through the hallway, hoping no one would hear her and turn their heads. She made her way to her own room where she pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a long sleeve t-shirt. When Bella returned she found everyone gathered in the living room.
To her surprise, Edward was sitting on the arm of the couch, his feet resting on a cushion as he made faces at Tansy while Alice held her. The feeling between the four adults was such an easygoing one that Bella didn't realize just how much she had missed 'just hanging out' as Alice had put it. She crossed the living room greeting Edward with a hug and a kiss on the cheek before sitting down on the only available cushion, right on his socked feet and then laughed as he pretended to be in pain.
"Maybe if your feet were on the floor where they belong you wouldn't have gotten them sat on." Bella reached for Tansy to draw her in close, inhaling the sweet smell from their bath.
"Bella, why don't you go give her some medicine and then we can hang out for a bit?" Alice curled up close to Jasper, leaving Bella with no real option.
"Sure. It's about past her bedtime anyway." Bella stood and began to make her way into the kitchen, surprising even herself when she motioned for Edward to follow her.
"Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were coming over. If I would have known, I wouldn't have taken so long in the bathroom." Bella stopped her explanation short, not wanting to explain anything having to do with her and being naked. She took a towel from a small closet and laid it on the dining room table as she gathered the supplies she would need.
"No apology needed Bella. Seriously, it was a very last minute decision. I don't think Jasper wants to make the trip home that late by himself." Edward drew her into his arms to comfort her in a friendly hug, inhaling the sweet smelling soap she used. As Bella pulled away she smiled, knowing that he wouldn't push her any further.
"Could you please hold her until I get everything ready? If I put her down now, she's going to know exactly what's happening and she'll start to fuss."
Bella methodically gathered up everything she would need in the towel. As Edward watched, she took a bottle of pink liquid from the refrigerator and started to shake it. She then reached for a syringe from a box on the counter, uncapping it by using her teeth. He watched as she furrowed her brow in concentration to get the exact amount and then recapped it. She put the bottle back in the refrigerator and turned toward Edward as she laid the syringe on the towel.
"I appreciate your help. If this is going to make you uncomfortable, you can go and ask Alice to come help. I'm not sure how squeamish you'll get." Bella looked embarrassed, as she shuffled around.
"No, I think I'll stay if you need help. But, remember the other day at the zoo when my dad said I should remember." Edward waited for Bella to react before he continued to explain. "Well, I was in medical school before but I dropped out." He continued watching her move around the room.
"You dropped out? Of medical school?" Bella stopped her movements briefly. "That's insane Edward, no one drops out of medical school do they? All that work!" Bella reached for a pudding cup and a small tongue dispenser. She placed both on the towel. After a minute she snapped her fingers and added a few paper towels to the growing pile. As she reached for another bottle of pills, Edward decided he had to ask.
"That's exactly why I dropped out. All that work for something I didn't think was that fun. I'm not like my father; he's got an amazing amount of patience and confidence. What is all this for?" Edward stopped explaining himself as he looked at the pile of supplies with amazement.
"This is her ritual, welcome to our world Edward." Bella took one pill crushing it in a bowl with a mortar and pestle. She took a packet from another box and emptied the powder in the bowl and mixed the medicines together. Bella gathered up all her supplies in the towel then nodded for Edward to follow her as she carried them all to the changing table in Tansy's room. She took everything off the towel putting it in easy reach on the dresser.
"You can put her on the towel. I'll take it from there." Bella sighed as she put her hands on her hips. Edward thought she looked as if she were preparing for battle.
Bella started to undress Tansy and Edward gasped. He held the girl while dressed and now that she was in just her diaper it truly hit him. Although he rarely held them, he was used to seeing his niece and nephew. Chubby, healthy children.
He wasn't prepared for what lay before him on the table. The frail little girl started to suck on a toy Bella gave her for distraction. Edward saw no baby fat on this baby, no chubby little rolls, no pudginess. What he did see was skin and bone. Tansy's heart beat fast and Edward swore he could probably count the beats through her chest. He saw every rib almost protruding through against her pale skin.
"It's shocking isn't it? She weighs a whole thirteen pounds. I'm so proud of you baby!" Bella made a silly face at Tansy and was rewarded with a smack in the face with the toy she had given her. She rubbed her face gently and laughed when she saw Edward's smirk. "I asked for that, I know. If you aren't able to handle this it's really okay. You don't have to stay if it makes you uncomfortable." Bella looked at his face as he stared at Tansy lying helplessly on the changing table.
"I'm okay, it's, ah, it's just a shock at first." Edward said, clearly embarrassed at his reaction to Tansy.
"Okay, I usually undress her, because if she's going to spit up, I don't want to have to wash everything. I try to keep it all in the towel, but she spits up rather forcefully. And the medicine doesn't taste so hot either so she really squirms. Usually I'd just put it in her tube with a nutrition shake so she won't taste it. But for nighttime I don't want to feed her this late. For this time, I have to give it to her in her mouth, so I am going to hide it in a few spoonfuls of pudding." Bella took the pink syringe and started to make faces at Tansy to get her to laugh. "Edward, would you mind holding her head? Just like this?" If I aim it at the back of her throat chances are less that she'll taste it."
Bella reached for the tongue depressor and once she was satisfied blew a gentle breath in Tansy's face to get her to breathe in. Once her mouth was open Bella put the tongue depressor on her tongue and squirted the pink liquid in the back of her mouth. Tansy started to squirm so Bella started to sing to her. After a minute of two, when she was satisfied that it was going to stay down Bella stopped singing and looked over at Edward.
"That was almost too easy. Usually she squirms and fidgets so much that it immediately comes back up. That will keep her heart rhythm regular. These next two are to keep her blood pressure down and one is a steroid to try to help her get stronger. Are you ready? She needs to sit up for this and she doesn't hold her head up by herself yet." Bella explained.
"Can I hold her then? Would that be easier?" Edward asked clearly confused.
"Easier, yes. But also messier for you. Here, hold her like this. I'll have the towel ready just in case she spits up. Ready?" Bella asked calmly.
"Okay, I'm ready." Edward looked at Bella as she worked on getting Tansy to eat the pudding laced with medicine. The first few bites went down fine. Bella looked over at Edward and smiled.
"Thanks for doing this. You know, your whole family has been really great." Bella gave Tansy a break between spoonfuls so she could talk to Edward. Tansy, hearing Edward's voice again tried to turn herself around to see his face. "I didn't think she would get so use to your voice. Most infants have a fear of strangers, but Tansy has been around so many people in and out of the hospital, she trusts pretty much everyone." Bella gave her another spoonful of the pudding smiling lovingly at her daughter as she sucked it back.
"Can I ask you about your family Bella?" Edward's eyes were on Bella as he held her daughter. He spoke in a soft, low voice. "How did you end up all alone?"
"Well, my parents divorced when I was very young. My mother and father were married young and then quickly had me. Neither was ready for parenthood though. Only in hindsight did they ever realize that it was an impulse thing. My mother was quite scatterbrained. She wouldn't allow my father to have much of influence over me; I didn't get spend hardly any time with him when I was growing up.
By the time I could decide on my own to visit, he was so set in his ways that it was just uncomfortable being with him. He wasn't much of a talker; I don't think he ever really got over Renee leaving him and taking me away.
I lived with Renee all over the Western suburbs and Chicago while growing up. I knew who my father was, but yet I really didn't know him. And believe me, no one was more shocked than me when I found out he left me this house after he died." Bella looked around Tansy's room giving her another spoonful of pudding. "I miss him."
Edward just nodded, understanding but not really knowing. He couldn't even think about the time when his own parents were no longer around. "What about your mother?" Edward asked. "It's hard for me to imagine ever being alone. Being a twin makes it even more so, I mean even before I was born I had to share a room with Emmett for nine months, and he's a pretty big guy." He was relieved to see that his comment made Bella laugh, his intended goal was to see a lot more of that laugh.
"Count your blessings Edward. You don't know how lucky you are to have a family like yours. I have Tansy, and believe me, there are days when I feel like I don't deserve even having her in my life. She deserves so much more than I can ever give her. I am going on the basis that everyone is always saying that babies only need love. That's about all I can give her. For however long I have her." Bella's face suddenly took on a desolate look.
"But what about your relationship with your mother? What about Tansy's father? I'd like to know Bella." Edward looked over to see Bella still concentrating on feeding Tansy. Edward was trying to figure out if she was deliberately evading his questions or ignoring them altogether.
"Well, what can I say? Once I, or we, found out about Tansy's heart condition, Jacob started distancing himself. I thought it was because I focused on her so much, but I needed to, because he didn't. He wouldn't hold her, and watching him try to interact with her was almost painful. He didn't stick around long. I can't even tell you when he actually left, I didn't recognize it. Suddenly he was just gone.
Alice moved in to help me out, both with the bills and Tansy. I guess I just thought, maybe still think, that Jacob will come back. I don't know – I haven't heard from him in months. Seth is a cousin of his, somehow, second or third removed or something crazy shit like that. I know that they talk, but he hasn't tried to contact me personally." Bella shook her head obviously not caring to go on further.
"And your mother?" Edward pressed on, clearly not understanding that Bella didn't want to talk about her family, but he felt he needed answers. He didn't want to walk into a relationship with hidden minefields all over it; he wanted, no he needed, to know up front what he was dealing with.
"Renee is a whack job Edward." Bella replied quickly. "I have nothing to do with her anymore. She lives in Florida now with her current meal ticket and has absolutely nothing to do with us at all. She's pretty disappointed that I 'chased' Jacob away.
She visited us once, when Tansy was a month old it was then that I asked her then not to visit us ever again." Bella's face clouded as she finished up with Tansy and cleaned up the mess. Edward held tight to the baby, going to sit in the rocker with her, still wrapped in the towel.
"Can you talk about it?" Edward asked her softly.
Bella sat down on the floor next to the rocker. She reached up and lightly fingered Tansy's curls. "When Renee came into town, Jacob was very distant and barely around. I let him know that my mom was coming, because she always made him uncomfortable. Renee likes her men young and handsome. She tends to look at men like objects, or rather things, rather than people. One night the three of us were sitting together in the living room, Renee decided that would be a perfect time to smoke. She just lit it up and thought nothing of it. Keep in mind that I've mentioned that she's a whack job. Under normal circumstances, you shouldn't smoke around a baby, but Tansy was still pretty weak from an episode of heart failure the previous week. At one point while arguing with us, she actually blew smoke right into Tansy's face.
That was the only time that Jacob ever defended Tansy. She was fine for a few hours but, during the night, she went back into heart failure. I'm sure it wasn't the smoke itself, but she was still very sick and weak from the previous episode."
"And then…what happened during the night Bella?" Edward looked down at the baby he held, nearly asleep in his arms.
"We rushed her to the hospital and man, you should have heard the doctor lay into me. It was my fault you see, Renee smoking in my home and all. Anyway, I took it, I was still new to the whole 'sick child's mom' thing and didn't realize that I needed to stand up for Tansy and myself." Bella shook her head to clear it and then continued. "Jacob and I never discussed how far to let the doctors go with Tansy. I just assumed do everything you can – she's my daughter for Christ's sake."
"Of course." Edward's voice rasped out the words, letting Bella know that she did the right thing and leaving it up to her to decide if she wanted to continue talking about it.
"After she had an attack, they coded her. You've been to medical school so you know what that means right?" Bella looked at Edward as he held Tansy tighter and nodded. "Well, that night, they coded her three separate times; after the third one Renee came walking into the ICU.
"There was a resident at Tansy's bedside with us and we were discussing a DNR order, you know what that is, right?" She looked again as he nodded with a grim look on his face. "Well, I never had any intention of signing one; however Jacob sure did though. As Renee listened in, she saw it as her chance to yet again come between me and him. She quickly jumped in on his side saying it would be much better for everyone involved if we just let her go." Bella kneeled positioning herself between Edward's legs as she stared at her daughter.
"Your mother sounds like a real piece of… work." Edward barely attempted to hide the resentment in his voice.
"I could never let that happen. And after what she did with the smoking, I felt it was her fault. I realize now that I just needed someone to blame besides myself for Tansy being sick." Bella sighed as she felt a weight lifting off her shoulders.
"Wow, what happened then? I mean obviously Tansy got better." Edward lifted the bundle in his arms slightly as proof.
"She sure did." Bella gave him one of her huge smiles. "She coded once more during the night and well, have you ever seen anyone code?" Edward shook his head. "It's so awful. It's happening to her, but I swear, with each jolt of the paddles I felt it inside me. It was pretty frightening. I stayed with her and Jacob, well he left.
"Between Tansy, Renee and myself, I guess he decided he had enough of crazy Swan women. That is when Renee felt the need to tell me how disappointed she was that I stupidly chose my daughter over my husband. I've never regretted that decision, not even for a single minute. I don't think she even realized that she told me to do the exact opposite of what she did, she chose me over her husband, and she was telling me to choose Jacob over my daughter. The irony wasn't lost on me." Bella laughed sarcastically.
"You did the right thing Bella." Edward shifted Tansy slightly so Bella could lay her hear against his knee. "So, at the zoo the other day, when you were talking about people considering carrying a baby as punishment, I gather you were speaking of Renee?"
"She definitely makes the top two, that's for sure. The thing is, she chose me over my father and then proceeded to make my life miserable. I told her she wasn't welcome into my life anymore and not to make contact with me again ever. So now it's just me and her." Bella laughed then winced as Tansy grabbed a fistful of hair.
"And Alice." Edward added helpfully as Bella nodded.
"And Alice." Bella agreed, untangling her hair from Tansy's grip.
"And Esme." Edward said, lifting Tansy up higher to try to help untangle the snare.
"And Esme. Oww." Bella said the words somewhere between a laugh and a cry as she tried to untangle the mess.
"And Rose, Emmett, Jasper…" Edward started rambling off names and laughing as he dangled Tansy in midair above Bella.
"Oww, I got it, I got it. Yes, your whole family is there to help me. I could sure use some of that help right now." Bella said the words sarcastically as she kneeled, trying to bring her hair up to Tansy height to stop the pull.
"Okay, okay." Edward pulled the baby back down to his lap again, releasing some of the tension on Bella's long hair. "You know Bella, I'd like to be there for you too." Edward's face grew solemn as he easily untangled the hair in Tansy's grasp.
"Thank you." Bella said, not sure if she meant for the save or the offer of help. "I know you all want to help. I'm just still so unsure about everything. And she has to be my priority; she has no one else."
"That's not true. She has Alice, Esme, Rose…" Edward started rattling off his family members again, trying to get Bella to see his point.
Bella could only laugh at his silliness jabbing at his leg playfully.
"I get it, I get it, your whole family. Thank you." Still laughing, Bella tried to smooth out her still damp hair.
"You need to smile more often." Edward said, joining her as they laughed at the silliness the baby had caused.
"I need a reason to smile more often first." Bella said, the laughing slowly dying away as sadness crept back into her voice.
"Well, what would you say if I told you I plan on giving you more reasons to smile like that?" Edward said rocking forward, closer to Bella and handing her daughter over to her to put to sleep.
"I would say that right now, I'm not making any plans for my future; it's just too uncertain. It's too shaky for me to go beyond Tansy's day to day needs. What we just went through, this little ritual of medicines? This is my life Edward. This happens three times a day. It's exhausting, it's uncertain, and there are no guarantees that I'll have anything to show for it in the end. I can't ask anyone else to sign up for this. Alice does, she's my best friend." Bella smiled at her own words, knowing that Alice was, and would be there for her no matter what. "I really don't know what I would have done if Alice hadn't been there for me. But asking anyone else to give up their life and take all this on? I just can't do it." Bella shook her head as if not even willing to consider the option. Stepping away from Edward with her daughter in her arms she crossed to the crib and lay her down as she reached for the previously discarded pajamas.
"But you aren't asking me Bella, I'm volunteering. There's a big difference." Edward's voice came up right behind her, causing her movement to become shaky as she felt his warm breath on the back of her neck. Gathering her composure, she swallowed and then started to speak while she changed her daughter, dressing her back in her pajamas.
"And until I know what I will be facing in the future, I can't ask that of anyone. I'm sorry, but I can't afford to be distracted. My one goal right now is her health; it's the reason I only take specific painting jobs now too. I have to be able to work my own hours, thankfully Esme understands that. Tansy comes first, always. Trust me when I say that I really would like to be able to offer you more, but right now, I am technically still married to Jacob. He is Tansy's father. I don't like that I am left in limbo while he decides to do whatever it is he is doing. But I don't know what will happen in the future for her should he decide to come back."
"What about the future for you? If he decides to come back?" Edward quickly added the second half of his question.
"I've mentioned this to Alice before, but it's worth repeating. I'm done with him. As soon as I can hire a lawyer I am asking for a divorce. But for her, I want him to be there for her, to walk her down the aisle someday, to catch her whenever she falls. The longer he waits, the harder it will be for the two of them to get to know each other. I just wish I knew what was on his agenda. I'm sorry Edward, but until Tansy is better and until Jacob decides what he will be doing, I just can't handle another emotional tie." Bella looked truly upset by her own words even though she knew she was being honest.
"Well then, how about if I just agree to hang out in the background? As a friend? We will be working together at my parent's house so it's not like we won't see each other there and at other events relating to them. Let's agree to disagree. I won't make promises I can't keep and we will just be friends who can lean on each other once in a while. Deal?" Edward took a step back and waited for Bella to turn and face him.
Sighing, Bella pulled a blanket up to her daughter's chin and wound up the mobile hanging over her head. Turning slowly to face Edward she crossed her arms in front of her. "No promises?" At Edward's nod and smile she melted. "Deal."
As Edward drew her into a hug, he pulled her gently toward the door. Noticing that she was reluctant to leave her daughter, he reached for something similar to what he knew Rose had. At Bella's smile and surprised look, he knew he was right in grabbing the baby monitor for her. Smiling at him she took it and turned to set it up. Edward waited patiently by the door for her. With one hand on the light switch and the other on the door handle, he knew that this would be just the beginning of his waiting for her. And he knew in his heart that she would be worth the wait.
"What took so long Bella?" Alice asked as she lounged on a chair she had pulled up right next to Jasper's.
"Bella was just giving me a rundown of all things Tansy. That's an interesting name by the way, what does it mean?" Edward diffused the conversation, not wanting Bella to have to explain their conversation from Tansy's bedroom. He sat down on the swing and accepted the beer bottle from his brother.
"Well, Tansy is an herb." Bella began explaining, accepting the beer offered to her by Jasper before sitting next to Edward on the swing. "Jacob is Native American, so, we were trying to find a name that sounded American enough to make it sound right and Native American enough to tie her to her heritage. If I would have known then what I know now about how things turned out I would have insisted on Daisy or Holly." To Bella's great relief everyone laughed.
"Do you know what it means though?" Jasper asked absently.
"Well, its Native American meaning is something like plant or flower, but it's actually an herb. It's also got origins in Greece and means eternal life or immortal."
"Kinda freaky considering how many times she's been brought back huh?" Alice poked at Jasper playfully. "It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy kinda thing." She ended her jibe by humming the theme from Twilight Zone.
"No shit right? All kidding aside though Bella, it sounds like you had one hell of a day. For the sake of keeping peace, I suggest you don't tell my mother about your little trip to the Public Aid office today." Jasper glanced over at Edward to see him nodding in agreement.
"What? Why would I tell her? More importantly, why would she care?" Bella looked from Edward to Jasper.
"Uh, in case you didn't notice, she pretty much considers you her daughter. She really likes you Bella, and hearing that you went to a stranger for help before you even considered asking her would really upset her. I just don't want to see my mom get hurt." Jasper's words warmed Bella's heart.
"I would never do anything to intentionally hurt your family. Anyone in your family." Bella immediately felt bad for not disclosing her plans for today when they were all together at the zoo.
"We know that Bella. It's just that Esme cares a lot about you and Tansy both; she really wants to help everyone. To her, there's nothing that can't be fixed or made better. And yes, she will use that 'nurturing mother will fix everything' card against you when you least expect it." Edward smiled at Bella ruffling her hair as she dropped her forehead against her drawn up knees. "Don't worry, if she gets too out of hand, we can rein her in."
"Well, we can try to rein her in; I'm not making any promises though. When my mother gets an idea into her head, she runs with it." Jasper looked over at Bella who now stared at him incredulously. "You think I'm joking? I'm not."
"Alright, alright, quit scaring her Jasper. We should really let them get some sleep if they plan on being at the house to work tomorrow." Edward stood and stretched, unknowingly bared his well toned stomach muscles to Bella as his shirt rode up his body.
Alice stood up and began collecting their bottles before nodding toward Jasper to follow her inside.
"Will I see you tomorrow at your parent's house then?" Bella tried to be nonchalant as she posed the question to Edward. She still sat, knees still drawn up to her chin and her arms still wrapped securely around her legs.
"I definitely have to go into work for a while, but I do plan on stopping by there at some point. Do me a favor and don't leave before I get there. I want to go over a few things with you." Edward briefly sat back down on the swing but stayed near the edge rather than make himself comfortable. He rested his elbows on his knees and intertwined his hands together before looking over at Bella.
"Oh, is it about the room?" Bella tried to keep her voice sounding casual but she had the feeling that it betrayed her and she worried for a moment that she might be sounding desperate.
"No, it's about you even thinking that you need to go on public assistance at all. Bella, I know we haven't known each other that long, or even that well yet. But I want you to know, I am going to be there for you and Tansy. I'm not going away and I want to help." At the start of Bella's protest Edward moved to place one hand over her mouth, stopping her from speaking. "Just listen. I know you don't want to take it, so if you ever need it, we'll call it a loan and you can come up with your own repayment plan. But please, at least consider my family before you do something as drastic as you did today. Promise?"
Edward moved his hand away from Bella's mouth and laughed as she breathed in deeply.
"I wasn't even holding it that tight; you could still breathe through your nose." Edward laughed at Bella's expression.
Bella smirked back at him, not daring to tell him that the reason she inhaled was to get a last whiff of his soapy clean scent.
"Edward, that's a very nice offer, but I can't accept it. We'll be fine. Alice and I can do this. It's important that we do this on our own." Bella's head gave one affirmative nod as if she needed to convince herself as well. "Thank you, but I can't accept any money from you Edward."
"See, I knew you would say that, its alright. There are other ways to help. Since you decline my outright offer to help, I am just going to have to be a little more devious." Edward looked over at her face, laughing when her jaw dropped open. As she clamped her lips back down he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, causing Bella to jerk her head back in surprise and then smile at the bold, playfulness of his action. As his brother opened the door and stepped onto the porch Edward stood up to go, leaving Bella bewildered and still smiling. "See you tomorrow Bella."
"Goodnight Edward." Bella managed to get the words out but it was too late so she ended up saying the words to Alice as they watched the Cullens pull out of their driveway.
"I'm Alice remember? Short and spastic?" Alice threw her hip into Bella's as she teased her about the name calling. "Edward is the hunk that you just let leave without saying goodbye to."
Alice's words drew Bella out of her daydream. "Right. I knew that. I'm just tired." Bella smiled down at her friend but Alice wasn't convinced, the bright light in Bella's eyes giving away her quiet happiness.
"Okay, time to get serious. Let's go nail down some specifics." Alice turned to return back into the house, all business now, and Bella knew exactly where she would find her.
As she entered the kitchen, Bella went over logistics with Alice about the job at Esme's house, Tansy's surgery and exactly what their days would look like for the next few months. They came up with different scenarios and with alternate plans just in case there were details that were being overlooked. They moved their brainstorming session to the old couch, taking their midnight snack with them.
"I mentioned babysitting to Esme and she said just bring Tansy to work with me there so that won't be a problem." Bella nibbled on a cookie while she and Alice hung out on the sofa.
"Of course she won't mind. Bella, that family is crazy about you. And in case you didn't notice, one family member in particular." Alice looked over her glass of milk at Bella and raised her eyebrows, daring her to deny it.
"I can't deny it Alice. He told me as much when he helped with Tansy tonight. He said he wants to try to be there for us both." Bella sighed as she reached for another cookie.
"What did you say Bells? I want details!" Alice squealed, her eyes were bright with excitement.
"Alice, I told him I wasn't able to make any promises right now." Bella started to drown her cookie in the milk but noticed that Alice's eyes had clouded over and she was just staring at her.
"Bella, why on Earth would you do that to him? Why would you do that to her?" Alice indicated Tansy by pointing to her bedroom. "And why on Earth would you do that to yourself?" Alice looked completely shocked as Bella began defending her actions.
"Come on Alice, you saw for yourself how Jacob treated us once Tansy was diagnosed. Even her own father wanted nothing to do with her. Do you really think that Edward would want to be involved once he really figures out all that this life entails? What he got tonight was just a small dose of what my reality is like. I'm not sure that I can handle it most days, and until I know for sure that she will be fine, I can't ask anyone else, Edward included, to sign up for this. It's bad enough I sucked you into it." Bella bit hard on the cookie, polishing off her milk as she got up from her seat and began clearing away the fallen crumbs and glasses.
"You know what I think Bella? I think maybe Jacob did break you too far, perhaps there is no hope for you at all." Without another word, Alice stomped into her room, leaving Bella to clean the mess all alone.