Stephenie Meyer owns these characters, I am just playing with them.
The title for this chapter is from HockeyChick, who unknowingly left it in a review for chapter 5. At the time chapter 5 was posted, I was knee-deep into chapter 8 and it fit perfectly. You'll see why when you read this chapter. I am sure Lola appreciates the title even more, given that I frequently hand chapters off to her with the title 'insert title here Lo'.
I know there are legal issues surrounding what Jacob is doing. Please bear with me, these will be explained in upcoming chapters.
And again, thanks so much to everyone who takes the time to read and review for me. As anyone who posts stories on these sites will tell you, there's no bigger high than seeing an email alert pop up saying that you have a new review. So many new people have put this story on there alert list, and a few have even put me on their favorite list! ME? A FAVORITE? (Here's my Bella moment of saying 'I'm not worthy', but believe me, it is truly my pleasure. Thanks so much for the support.
On the drive over that following Friday, Bella cursed herself more than once for not living in the city but strictly for the convenience of living near the Cullen home. She didn't think she could take city living on a daily basis since she could barely manage the amount of people sharing the roads around her as she navigated the expressways amid Chicago's morning rush-hour traffic.
"Tansy, baby, please just hold on." Bella tried to go around other traffic, but the expressway was jammed. "This so sucks! What the hell was your momma thinking Tansy?" Bella's head pounded as she listened to her poor daughter crying from the backseat. She couldn't turn off anywhere and traffic was just crawling along. She turned the radio on for a bit, but when it had no effect on Tansy she just turned it back off, needing to get rid of the excess noise. At wits end for the level of racket in such a closed in space, she grabbed at her cellular phone as it chimed out.
"Hello?" Bella was sure her voice sounded much rougher than she had intended.
"Whoa, Bells, you sound like shit. Were you drinking last night or something?" Emmett's laughter, even subdued over the phone lines, caused Bella's head to pound even harder.
"Emmett, I am trying to get to work okay? I am stuck in traffic, I can't unroll the windows because of the expressway noise, I have Tansy screaming bloody murder in the backseat, my head is pounding, and yeah, you know what? I feel like I could use a drink right now." Bella yelled into the phone as she turned her signal on to switch lanes.
"Wow, emo much Bella?" Rosalie's laughter irritated Bella every bit as much as Emmett's, but where Emmett's was a hammer pounding Rosalie's was like nails on a chalkboard. "I can't believe he asked you that even. There's really no excuse for him either; I blame it on his college years. Anyway, he's going to be working with Jasper now, so he should be gone by the time you get here. I am just making sure you're alright because you should have been here an hour ago."
"Yeah, I know, I'm on the expressway now. There has got to be an easier way to do this. I'm still about twenty minutes away so if you could let Esme know I would appreciate it Rose." Bella knew Rose was getting antsy and eager for her company. Staying home to raise kids but not knowing anyone in a strange city had Rose being slightly needy towards Bella and Alice. "Hasn't Alice showed up with Jasper yet? She left the house over an hour ago."
"They're not here yet. No big deal, just get here safe. Wow, Tansy sure doesn't like the drive into the city does she?" Rose laughed again while Bella clenched her teeth together, realizing that it wasn't Rose's fault she was in such a foul mood.
"No, it's like she gets onto the expressway and just knows we are going to sit in traffic; must be her sixth sense." Bella laughed as she thought of Alice's comment on being a psychic, with an emphasis on the chic.
"Well, I'll let Esme know, see you in a bit." Rose hung up and Bella took a deep breath and blew it out, trying to calm her nerves. She tried thinking happy thoughts, immediately her mind centered on one, Edward. She thought of his eyes, his smile, and especially his liking her despite her flaws. As her daughter screamed in the backseat, Bella couldn't help but smile. She was sure if anyone in the cars surrounding her could hear Tansy scream while her sadistic mother smiled, they would call the Department of Child and Family Services on her.
Bella briefly looked in the mirror at Tansy. She had never seen her daughter so taken with a man before. She was just okay with calm Jasper, she howled near giant Emmett, and she spit up on doctor Carlisle. Only Edward seemed to know just what to say when Tansy was upset. She dialed the familiar number now.
"Bella?" Edward's voice oozed sleepy perfection.
"Hi Edward." Bella felt defeated and knew it came through in her voice.
"Bella? Wow, I can barely hear you. Are you strangling a cat or something?" Edward yelled into the phone, effectively making Bella's headache worse.
"No, but if I see one, I just might out of anger. I have a huge case of road rage, Tansy hates the expressway, Chicago's road construction season is well under way, and my head is splitting so hard I think it's become detached but I can still feel the pain so I know it hasn't. I hate to bother you but I am about ready to lose it." She sighed deeply. "Thanks for letting me vent."
"It's alright Bella, relax. Take a few deep breaths and put me on speaker phone." Edward cleared his throat and Bella laughed as she put him on speaker holding up the phone toward the backseat.
"Tansy baby. Listen sweetheart." Bella pleaded with her daughter as she increased the volume on the little phone. She could now clearly make out Edward's deep voice.
"Tansy? Hey beautiful." Edward started to hum and sing into the telephone then only after a couple of minutes the screams turned into sobs. A few more minutes went by and Edward began talking again, telling Tansy all the wonderful things she was going to be able to do once she got better.
It didn't matter that he was talking in words the baby couldn't understand, it was the sound of his voice that was causing the sobs to turn into whimpers. As he rambled on, telling Tansy how special her mom was, the whimpers turned into softer sighs and eventually the baby was quiet. Bella swallowed against the lump in her throat as Edward kept talking to her daughter, lovingly telling her how special she was and how much she had his family wrapped around her fingers.
Edward had to be aware that Tansy was now asleep but it didn't matter, he kept up the talking for the rest of the drive. What was meant to be only another twenty five minutes turned into forty as Bella navigated the Edens expressway.
As she turned into the now familiar drive she began to laugh. There on the front porch sat Edward with his phone to his ear. As she pulled the car to a stop, he came down to greet her. Bella could see that he had a glass of orange juice in his other hand. Getting out of her car to greet him she finally hung up her phone, disconnecting his call as his words came through the phone and in person, laughing with him as he did the same. Bella jammed her phone into her pocket then carefully wrapped her arms around him.
Edward held her carefully, not wanting to spill any juice. Stepping back from her he held out the juice as he pocketed his phone. Bella gratefully took the glass, noticing that he held two tiny pills in his hand also.
"I'll trade you, two pain relievers and some juice for a willing audience during my next performance of humming 101." Edward laughed as Bella collapsed against her car eagerly stuffing the pills into her mouth and following them with half the glass of juice.
"You laugh, but I swear, I'm about ready to move into the basement here just to avoid that commute, it's a killer." Bella sipped the other half the glass in a few easy gulps.
"Geez Bella, we have more juice in the house. Slow down." Edward laughed at her as he opened the back door to get the car seat out. He easily pulled the diaper bag out slinging it over his shoulder before reaching back in to unbuckle the carrier. "I'm not going to take her out of the carrier just now, she seems comfortable." Edward shrugged as he said the words and held the carrier easily. He nudged the back door closed with his foot before stepping to Bella was still leaning against the driver door with a smile on her face.
"You're a natural you know that?" Smiling as she said the words and then wincing as she remembered the headache.
"Nope, not a natural, she's just easily entertained. Plus, she couldn't leave the room, she was stuck being my audience. You both were." Smiling, Edward kissed Bella softly, his tongue tracing her lips and enjoying the taste. "God I love orange juice." His last words were spoken with such reverence Bella laughed more before responding.
"Edward Cullen, the baby whisperer." She teased him and even with his arms full managed to get her own around him as she snuggled into his chest for a hug.
"Come on, let's get you inside. Jasper and Alice finally showed up too, with no words of why they were so late." Edward wiggled his eyebrows at her and she pretended to grimace at the thought of Jasper and Alice being intimate.
"Let me just grab my portfolio." Bella sighed as she opened the door and reached into the passenger side for the huge bag. "I can't wait for Esme to see the drawings I brought with me; I hope she likes them.
"Bella relax, Esme will love anything you do. If you don't mind, I'd like to stick around and see them for myself. I don't have to go to work today, well at least not until later this afternoon, my foreman Ben is on the site this morning. Just calm down." As they started walking, Edward slung the diaper bag higher on his shoulder and reached out to Bella with his free hand.
"Right as usual Edward. I'm just frazzled. You guys have no idea what I am going to do to that room though. I hope Esme is okay with the design; that's got me a bit nervous too." Bella led the way to the front door.
As they approached, the door opened and Carlisle rushed out. He embraced Bella in a quick hug and kiss on the cheek as she greeted him.
"Hi Carlisle, Bye Carlisle. Good thing I stepped out of the way for you." Bella enjoyed the easygoing nature of her relationship with Carlisle. He truly had become Bella's go-to man for all things medical.
"Sorry kids, I forgot a folder I was working on yesterday. I'll be back this afternoon. He stepped toward his car giving them a quick wave.
"What a liar that man is! Working on a folder my foot!" Bella laughed.
"What do you mean?" Edward looked genuinely confused which made Bella laugh even more.
"Edward, you aren't that dense, you should be able to figure this out – did you see a folder in his hands? No. Did you see his crooked and very loose tie? Plus, one of his shoes was untied. You should see your face!" Bella bent over in laughter as Edward's face turned into one of surprise.
"Okay, A, Carlisle is very busy at work and couldn't afford to rush home for a midmorning quickie. B, he and Esme know there are a house full of children and wouldn't do that. And C, and most importantly, eeewww. Bella, that's truly sick. How can you even think that way about my parents?" Edward looked truly shocked as they entered the house, talking softly so no one else would hear their conversation.
"Okay Edward, number one, your father is one handsome man and your parents are still so much in love, he would make the time for a midmorning quickie. Number two, the 'children' in this house are all experienced grownups and unknowing infants. And number three, here she comes now." Bella turned to greet a disheveled Esme.
"This is wrong on too many levels." She heard Edward mumble behind her as she greeted Esme in a warm hug.
"Edward, take Tansy upstairs by Alice, she's already started. We really need to finish this room so we have a place for all the kids to go when they are here." Esme nodded at Bella.
Bella felt a pang of regret. She wondered what would happen when she was finished with the room. Would Edward still want her around? She wondered if Esme would still call her once in a while or if Rose might still want to get together for play-dates as the babies got older. She left her thoughts unspoken as she followed behind Edward and Esme.
Edward put the diaper bag down in a corner before gently placing the carrier next to it. Alice stopped what she was doing long enough to greet Bella and Tansy. Setting her portfolio down on the drafting table in the middle of the room Bella sighed, ready to get to work and let the pain reliever kick in.
"Who put this table in here?" Bella asked as she looked over at Esme who was holding her empty juice glass and Tansy's formula that she had found in the diaper bag.
"It's from Jasper's bedroom. He wasn't using it and Alice said you could use something in here to work on. It just makes sense." Esme shrugged as she left for the kitchen.
"Esme and Carlisle, sitting in a tree…" Alice's words were soft enough that only Edward and Bella could hear. Edward again feigned shock as Bella laughed at him.
"Stop. STOP!" I don't want to know." Covering his ears, Edward stepped away from Alice while she sang.
"Your brothers said the same thing before they left. You guys are so cute pretending to be so ignorant of the fact that your parents still have sex." Alice smirked as she walked past Edward and pinched his cheek playfully before making an excuse to leave the room.
"When is her next appointment?" Edward asked Bella the question, desperate to change the subject as Alice left the room.
Bella set a pile of large drawings on the edge of the table as she removed the portfolio bag to zip it closed. She turned to Edward as he spoke and caught the edge of the stack with the corner of the bag. Sighing, she watched the heavy drawing papers fall to the ground.
"I'll get it Bella, just finish putting that away." Edward felt bad for questioning Bella, knowing she must still have a headache and that concentrating while in pain was difficult. He was tempted to take her down the hall and have her lay down in a quiet bedroom for a short nap but then his eyes fell across one of the drawings.
Edward could just see a corner of it, but he could tell it wasn't like the others and didn't belong in the stack. He pulled it out and gasped when he saw what it was.
"Bella, when did you draw this?" Edward stood and tried to hide his confusion and shock.
Without looking, Bella figured that if it was in her portfolio that she did it within the last week and that it was a drawing of the room. She answered him without looking. "Probably during the week one day. Why?" Bella now turned her eyes toward the poster board size drawing that Edward held and gasped as she saw what it was.
"Oh wow, I didn't realize that one was in there. It must have gotten scooped up with the drawings I did and left on my desk at home." Bella walked toward Edward slowly and reached for it so to hide it, not answering his question.
"Bella? When did you draw this?" Edward asked again. The tone of his voice was sterner but it the volume was louder. It unnerved him that Bella wouldn't meet his gaze.
"A while ago; what does it matter?" Shrugging, Bella started to feel defiant as she reached to take it from him again. She crossed her arms in front of her defensively as he moved it away from her grasp.
"It matters because this is a damn accurate drawing and I want to know when it was drawn and what exactly you were looking at when you drew it." Edward raised his voice before realizing that Tansy was still in the room.
"It shouldn't matter now when I drew it. It obviously wasn't meant to be in my bag with these drawings. And it was obviously not meant to be seen by anyone else." Bella reached for it again and again Edward pulled it away from her hands.
"For the love of fuck Bella Black. When did you draw this and what could have had you feeling so horrible that you wanted to jump off a building?" Edward ground out the last of his words as he continued to hold the drawing out of Bella's reach.
"Do you really have to ask Edward? For your information, I drew it about a month after Tansy was born. It's a perspective from where I was standing at the top of a building. Did I seriously consider it, consider killing myself? Yes. Why? Jesus, do you even have to ask? Everything I was dealing with came crashing down to reality and I literally had no one to depend on except Alice." Bella sucked in a breath as she revealed one of her darker moments to Edward.
"My husband was leaving me and my daughter was dying in a hospital. I wasn't sure if I could handle it all on my own. Did you really want to know all that Edward? This drawing represents a horrible, dark time in my life. Do I still feel like jumping off a building or killing myself? Of course not, but it was drawn at a time when I felt like I had absolutely nowhere to turn. Then I realized I couldn't do that to Tansy."
"What do you mean 'do that to Tansy' Bella?" Handing the drawing back to Bella, Edward made his way to a wall and leaned against it, needing the support.
"Think of it from my perspective Edward. Just before she was born, I had the kind of life most people can only dream of. Secure job doing what I really wanted. I had what appeared to be a loving husband and we were about to add to our family. At that point in my life, I felt like I had it all. Then after she was born it all started crumbling piece by piece. I was thinking that she would be better off without me because I was such a mess and I felt she deserved so much more." Bella stared at the drawing in her hands.
"I knew Alice would step up but then that wasn't really fair to Alice either. Then after a while, I started to feel like my heart was broken emotionally just as much as hers was physically and it just seemed to click that we matched. She's my daughter and therefore my responsibility."
"She is your responsibility, but who is to say you have to shoulder that responsibility on your own Bella? Jacob should have been there right alongside you the entire time. Your mother should have been more supportive. And what about Jake's family?" Edward's voice sounded desperate as he started grabbing at straws trying to alleviate some of the stress Bella was surely under at that time in her life.
"What about them, hmm? Any of them? Don't you see? No one else wanted her. I was literally all she had-I was it. And even as fucked up as I was at the moment I stood there on that ledge, I knew she deserved more. Ever since then I've tried to make it up to her. I may not be much, but I am all she has." Bella held up the picture as Edward began to interrupt her. "Okay, okay, I am not all she has anymore. But from a blood family standpoint, I am it. It's just not fair to her that I should chicken out and quit the game just as she joined it."
Edward smiled softly at Bella's analogy and crossed the room to join her. He took the drawing from her hands, held it under his armpit as he unzipped Bella's portfolio and placed it in there. He made a show of zipping it back up after he put the offending drawing in it, then crossed to the closet and stored it in there. Closing the door, he sighed as he leaned back against it. Bella's now empty hands fidgeted and she crossed her arms again as they stared each other down.
"I know this changes things Edward. I haven't felt that way in a long time now, months even. I know now that I should have gotten help at the time but I still have a hard time asking for it. No one else knows of that drawing's existence and I'd like to keep it that way. Alice never saw it when I was drawing it and I never told her exactly what happened in that span of time." Bella defended herself as best she could. "Drawing it sort of reminded me that I need to be grateful for the time I have with her instead of spending the time I have with her worrying about the time I might not have with her in the future."
Edward closed the distance between them and unfolded Bella's arms from her body as he pulled her into a tight embrace. "Such a remarkable woman." With his chin resting on her head he spoke, hoping to convey everything he felt after she trusted him with her spooky little secret.
"This changes nothing Bella. You are so strong, everything you have gone through and are going through and you've never given up. Come close to it, but never did quit. Knowing all this, how stubborn you are and how you never give up and how loyal you are to your daughter and Alice. Knowing all this simply makes me want you more. This changes nothing." Edward's emotions had him repeating the words for emphasis.
Bella got three more solid hours of drawing time in after Edward left for work so she could concentrate. She attacked the room with a renewed sense of the direction and was surprised when her phone chirped an alarm and she realized how late it had become. She made her way silently to the kitchen; grabbing everything she needed before heading back upstairs to continue her work. She had decided to just give her a tube feeding before she got too hungry and worked herself up into a fit. Bella hated to do it, knowing Tansy needed to use her mouth and stomach muscles more but the physical pain it brought on when she got sick took a lot out of her. One feeding at a time Bella, she reminded herself.
As she got Tansy set up, she moved her carrier closer to the wall and handed her a toy. She prepared everything efficiently and quickly, sending up a small thank you that no one had interrupted her on the way to the kitchen and back. As she mixed everything together she poured it into the syringe she connected to Tansy's ng tube. She reached for a roll of tape and carefully taped the syringe to an empty wall. It was Emmett who had finally realized that Tansy could be put on 'autopilot' as he called it. He was so proud of himself that Bella frequently thanked him for the suggestion and she had to admit it to herself, it was almost a relief that she was free from being tied down to a tube feed. As long as Tansy's hands were kept busy with a toy, she could easily be fed this way.
Bella went back to work, with frequent glances in Tansy's direction to make sure she was alright. After another hour of work, Bella stood up and stretched. She looked over at Tansy and decided to free her from the tube feeding giving her a bit of a stretch as well.
She was surprised that there were no constant interruptions and figured that everyone must be going on about their day. As she checked her phone she saw a missed text from Alice saying that she and Esme were going to a fabric warehouse to look at material Esme wanted to use. They have apparently poked their heads in at some point and decided not to interrupt because Bella had been deep in concentration.
Glancing over at her daughter, Bella could see her trying to stretch her small body out in the cramped carrier. She sighed as she quickly finished the picture she was transferring onto the wall and put her pencils away. Making her way to her daughter she smiled over at her as her head wobbled to one side as she caught sight of her mother. She started babbling which made Bella's heart melt.
"Come here Miss Tan. You've been cooped up in that seat long enough today." Bella freed her from the connected tube and capped off the ng tube taped to her cheek. As she danced around the room, she pointed out various pictures on the walls. Feeling like on some level her daughter knew exactly what was going on, she explained things to Tansy as if she could understand her.
She went through the motions of telling her about the different buildings she was painting in the background of the park on one wall before she went over to the opposite wall and began pointing out the various animals that were in the zoo she was drawing. After she ran out of animals she began just conversing with her daughter as she walked with her around the room.
"And pretty soon, Aunt Alice will be back here to visit you. Esme is going to bring her here and so she can see what we've finished. So, let's get this wall drawn up so that we can start having fun with the paints!" Bella held Tansy in one arm as she picked up a pencil with the opposite hand and began drawing again.
She knew the design would be a hit. Esme's beloved city was all around the room in the background, hidden behind the zoo and the park. Of course, Bella had to make a few compromises, she knew that the zoo she was drawing was neither Lincoln Park Zoo nor Brookfield Zoo, but she hoped that Esme would recognize it more for its symbol than the real deal.
While they lived in the city where Lincoln Park Zoo was, Bella lived in the suburbs not far from Brookfield Zoo was and where they had all visited together. She combined element of both into the room, keeping it whimsical and childlike but not too babyish so that the children could grow to appreciate Chicago's skyline that she was including into the background.
When she heard pounding on the stairs outside the room, Bella stopped her drawing. As Esme poked her head in, she sucked in a breath, staring around her at all the details that Bella had managed to complete. The two women talked a bit about how the room was coming along and where the design was headed. Bella, on her guard now that she knew first-hand how devious Esme Cullen was, kept the conversation focused on the room.
Esme, being Esme, ended the conversation by trying to strong arm Bella into staying the night. The two women talked a bit and while Bella acknowledged that Tansy would be a great deal happier with no car trip, Bella was needed at home to go over details of the fundraiser with Seth. It was only after hearing this did Esme Cullen acquiesce to let Bella return home for the night with a promise of arriving back bright and early Saturday morning.
Bella sent silent thanks to Heaven later when on her drive home Tansy managed to sleep the entire trip. Her thanks was short lived when she realized about a mile from her hone that smoke was starting to blow out from under the hood of her car. Deciding it was best to just get home, she drove it the rest of the way. Shaking her head as she climber out of the vehicle, Bella couldn't help but think that if it wasn't one thing going wrong, it would be another. Sure, Tansy slept, but now she would be stuck with a huge car repair bill that she really couldn't afford. She would have rather traded and had the screaming infant for the car trip home. No one knew better than Bella that the twisted hand of fate knocked at the worst possible time.
Still, Bella couldn't help but laugh at the sight that greeted her. Jasper came running down the driveway with Alice clinging frantically to his back. They were laughing and playing and Bella envied their care-free attitude. She sighed through the smoke and called a quick hello as they approached her.
"What's up doc?" Alice did a Bugs Bunny impersonation as Jasper squatted to let her climb down easier.
"Oh you know, same old same old. Guess I need to find a mechanic to fix this." Waving toward the car with one hand, Bella jammed her other into her jeans pocket.
"Why not ask Rose to take a look at it? She's a master mechanic, didn't you know?" Looking at Bella with her head cocked, Alice said the words like she didn't believe Bella missed out on that information when it was shared.
"I don't think I knew that. She never told me." Bella was sure that if the information was given out, she would have remembered.
"Well, maybe you were daydreaming when she said it. Ask her this weekend if she can take a look at it." Alice shook her head, still not believing that Bella didn't know. "I'm going to get the mail; what time is supposed Seth coming over?"
"Any time now, he's the only reason I didn't just stay over tonight. Now that I have no car, I wish I would have left it there for Rose to look over. Are you going back tonight?" Grabbing at straws as she lifted her daughter's seat out, she wondered if she could bum a ride back tomorrow with Jasper and Alice.
"Alice was coming back with me tonight. We can come back tomorrow morning for you if you want, although you know, Edward would give his left nut to come back and pick you up." Jasper said the words and Bella almost dropped the car seat in shock. Alice appeared undisturbed as she replied.
"His right one too probably, just call him and ask him to." Alice's words faded as she moved across the driveway to get the mail from the box. While Jasper helped Bella with the seat, Alice pulled the mail from the box, including an official looking envelope that was folded and crammed in with the usual bills and junk mail. As she read the return address, Alice's face frowned. She knew what was in that envelope and suddenly wished she was anywhere but there.
Crossing back over the driveway and joining up with Jasper and Bella, Alice reached for Jasper's freehand. She gripped it tightly, alerting him to look down at her. He did so briefly before she nodded at the mail in her hand. Bella, still carrying her daughter to the house and up the steps, paid no attention.
As they entered the house, Bella set her daughter on the floor in the living room so she could take the bag from Jasper. Instead, she was surprised to find Alice thrusting the mail at her.
"Here's your mail Bella." Alice handed her a few pieces in a pile, all resting on top of the larger envelope, she quickly looked away as she and Jasper unloaded Tansy and her bag and got them settled into her room.
"I wonder what this is?" Bella said, turning the large envelope over in her hands and opening it as she tossed the other mail on a nearby table.
Alice immediately went into Jasper's arms, bracing herself for the upcoming bad news. Jasper, not knowing what was about to happen, held her tightly, as they focused their attention on Bella, her daughter's needs all but forgotten.
"Oh! No, he can't do this!" Bella's hands shook as they gripped the paper. Tears were already starting to fall down her cheeks as she sank to the floor and wailed.
Bella's sobs appeared to have an effect on Alice and with each sob, she cringed in Jasper's arms. He held her gently, placing kisses every so often on the top of her head and murmuring that he will help in whatever way he can.
At last Bella seemed to have cried herself out and she crinkled the papers together in her little fists.
"Bella, what's wrong?" Jasper now became concerned as Bella began mutilating the papers. He sat Alice on the couch and reached for the papers, prying them from Bella's grip.
"Jacob. It's Jacob, oh how can he do this? I know how he did this to me, but to her too? How can he do this to her?" Bella's words weren't making sense and Jasper still crouching next to her on the floor, put one comforting arm around her as he held the papers with the other and tried to comprehend the information.
"Son of a bitch." Were Jasper's only words. Alice looked up at him, spooked by the sound of his voice. They were only four words, but spoken with such a quiet venomous quality, Alice was scared and didn't mind that Jasper stayed by Bella to comfort her.
After a few minutes, when Bella was finally cried out she looked over at Alice. Her face was blotchy and wet, Alice couldn't tell if it was from tears, snot, or spit as Bella's mouth hung open in shock, or a combination of the three.
"Jacob wants a divorce. From me and Tansy both. He is terminating all his parental rights to her Alice." Covering up her face with her hands Bella sobbed a few more times as the realization hit home again. "He's completely giving up on her!"
Jasper was torn once again as the tears started to fall down Alice's face too. He motioned to her with his hand like a child would and, still holding onto Bella with one arm, dropped the paper as Alice flung herself into his other.
He fell back from the force and moved his legs to sit cross legged as he held the two women as they cried. He may have appeared calm and collected on the outside, but inside Jasper was fuming and resolved that Jacob Black would regret the day he decided to leave his wife and child.
Finally collecting herself, Bella clumsily stood halfway before tripping and steadying herself on Jasper's arms. She tried again and as she stood she made her way over to her daughter who was still asleep, not being affected by the noise of hers and Alice's cries at all. Fresh tears began to fall as she stared down on her daughter. Sleeping or not, her arms ached to hold the baby, to feel her, to know she was real.
Picking her up gently, she clung to the warm bundle tightly as she fell onto the soft carpet. She rocked her gently, side to side and back and forth. Over and over again in her head Bella made promises to her daughter. Promises she intended to keep come hell or high water. She was the only family that Tansy had left and she was not going to give up on her. For as helpless as the little baby was, Bella came to the realization that she was just as helpless and she could not decide if she needed her daughter more than her daughter needed her.
A short time later, this is how Jasper and Alice found her. Having collected themselves in the other room before approaching her Alice kneeled down and hugged her tightly.
"Why don't you join us tonight Bella? Jasper can drive us all in his car and we can spend the weekend putting this into perspective and deciding on a plan." Alice tried to make her words seem fun, as if the whole problem was a game to be played and not another mountain for Bella to have to climb while carrying her daughter.
"I'm really not hungry right now, but please, you two go ahead. Tomorrow I'll call Edward; Seth should be coming anyway." Bella stayed planted on the floor not daring to take her eyes away from her daughter.
"Seth has been here and has already gone Bella. We let him in and he saw how upset we were so we explained to him know what went on and he took off. He poked his head in and tried to talk to you but you were so deep in thought you didn't hear him." Alice rubbed her back in gently, slow circles. "He said he will let you know the details, and you just need to show up. He's going to take care of everything."
"Oh good. That's good news right?" Bella's vice took on a dreamy tone as she gazed the her daughter's mouth, sucking firmly on the thumb planted between the lips, the sucking and breathing motion letting Bella know she was alive. She concentrated harder on Tansy's chest, watching it rise and fall, studying the rhythm and committing it to her memory. Running her fingers through the baby's soft hair, Bella hummed a simple lullaby.
"Bella we are going to their house, are you coming with us or not." Alice stood, fully prepared to either have Bella move to pack and leave, or make eye contact and say she was staying put. Either way, Alice resolved that she was going to make Bella wake up out of her stupor and acknowledge her.
Finally looking up at Jasper and Alice, Bella answered. "You guys go on ahead. I'll call Edward in the morning and let him know when to pick us up. I'm just going to spend the night here tonight." Bella answered, but still didn't move from her space on the floor. Even as they said their goodbyes, she stayed on the floor, rocking her daughter.
As soon as Bella heard Jasper's car leave, she stood and placed Tansy back in her crib. She went to the basement studio and came back with a small jar of paint, perfectly labeled as were all of the colors she blended herself. She made a habit of keeping a small amount of each color in case she needed it for touch ups. The jar was labeled 'Tansy's room – banner'. Taking a brush from a small cup and a rag from a pile on the bench, she turned to go back upstairs. As an afterthought, she grabbed one of her old button down maternity shirts that she now used as an art smocks. With a new determination, she made her way back up to her daughter's room.
She placed the items on the floor and crossed over to the crib. Picking up her daughter she moved silently into her own bedroom. She lay the sleeping baby down in the middle of her bed and moved pillows to surround her. Even though Tansy wasn't yet rolling over (although by now she certainly should be), she always erred on the side of caution so she couldn't get hurt. Once back in her daughter's room, she opened the window, mindful of leaving the screen up to keep bugs and critters outside. She wasn't painting a big area, but knew the fumes would linger and this close to surgery, she was taking no chances of Tansy getting sick.
She opened the paint and carefully dipped the brush in the pan and dabbed off the excess. Talking out loud to herself, she concentrated on the task in front of her. "Okay Jacob, you win." Bella's words were barely a whisper. "I'll let you win this time because you aren't worth it, and you, don't, deserve, her!" Bella felt as if each word cleansed her soul as she painted over the one, single word that was her last connection to Jacob – Black.
With a determined sigh, and feeling better than she had in a long time, Bella cleaned up the paint brush in the kitchen sink and then went back to survey the results. Once dry, she would paint a new word there – Swan.
Growing up, she never really cared for her own last name, and she was so proud of Jacob that she readily agreed to change to his. Now, she turned the name over in her mind. She would go back to her own name, to being Bella Swan.
She vaguely remembered who Bella Swan was before she met Jacob. Standing in the room watching the paint dry, she wondered if she would feel differently. She knew it would take time to get used to it but she smiled a bit remembering parts of her childhood. Her daughter was another story. She had never been anything besides Tansy Black.
"Tansy Elizabeth Swan." She rolled it over and over in her mind before saying it out loud. Turning out the light, she nodded to herself as she shut the door to leave the fumes escape through the open window without chilling the whole house. "It's just perfect." She made her way back to her own room to her daughter. Tonight it would be just the two of them.
Back at the Cullen's, Esme looked around her table and frowned. "I really wish Bella would have stayed tonight. She was so insistent on talking to Seth about this fundraiser." Esme made eye contact with Alice, opening up the conversation and hoping that more details would be divulged.
"Well, Seth stopped by but Bella wasn't in a mood to talk. She had a rough ride home, what with her car ride and all." Alice looked guiltily over at Esme before concentrating her look on Jasper.
"Was Tansy giving her trouble? She should have called me." Edward looked at Alice confused as to why Bella wouldn't call.
"Well, her car barely made it home and I don't think she wanted to be that much of a bother. This is Bella we're talking about you know." Alice said the words dismissively to Edward but was so unnerved by his stare that she quickly turned to Rose and changed the subject. "Rose, I did mention that you could maybe take a look at the car the next time you come out by us. I don't think it will be moving any time soon." Edward wasn't fooled and watched Alice like a hawk.
As Rose grilled Alice and Jasper about Bella's car trouble, Alice began fidgeting under Edward's intense stare. As food began being passed, she almost caved and spilled the whole story as she knew it to the Cullen family. Just as she started to speak, the phone rang. 'Saved by the bell.' Alice thought as she breathed a sigh of relief. Her relief was short lived as she listened to the half of the phone conversation she could hear and knew who it was on the other line. It was Esme Cullen who stood from the table to answer the phone.
"Cullen residence." She said with perfect manners. "Of course. Right. I don't remember but I'll ask and if you are sure this is what you want to do. Of course, you know we are here to help you in any way we can. I wish you would have stayed for dinner. Yes, but she didn't mention it to us." Esme gave Alice a quick look. "I see. Well, you give Tansy a giant hug from Carlisle and I. I'll give you the information tomorrow; you are still planning on joining us tomorrow right? Take care Bella. Good night."
The group around the table suddenly stopped eating, except Emmett who seemed oblivious. Everyone pushed food around their plates.
"Carlisle, that was Bella." Esme said the words, keeping her voice calm. "When you get a moment, she wants the name of the lawyer you mentioned to her last time she was over." Esme took a sip of her water glass. "Apparently Bella has a legal problem that she needs help with." Again Esme stared over at Alice who shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
"Of course, I'll give it to her tomorrow morning." Carlisle looked over at his wife. "Is everything alright then?"
"Well, it appears that Bella has heard from her estranged husband and she needs legal counsel in order to take him to court." Esme's eyes implored Carlisle to continue asking questions.
"Well, since he hasn't been heard from, he really shouldn't have a say in anything." Carlisle responded, picking up his water glass and swallowing down a gulp. "Was there any particular issue that she needed help with?" Carlisle directed the question at Alice, who was still fidgeting nervously.
"Well, it's really not my place to say but I am going to anyway. Jasper and I were at the house this afternoon when a letter came. Bella never mentioned wanting to go back to Jacob, and I know that she had no intention of it but just can't afford a divorce lawyer right now. She just wanted him to make some kind of acknowledgement toward Tansy. As it turns out, he made an un-acknowledgement so to say, of her." Alice made a face like she had just tasted poison.
"What do you mean 'un-acknowledgement' Alice? Is that even a word?" Rose looked utterly confused as she tried to figure out what the hidden meaning behind Alice's words was.
"Bella's first attorney didn't work out too well." Jasper looked at Rose. "Bella and Alice told me the story. She was insisting that Bella should ask Jacob for more money, as if she would. This has never been about money for Bella." Jasper looked in Edward's direction.
"So, what is the story then?" Rose asked.
Esme continued for Alice who was obviously struggling to keep it together. "Dear, the papers Bella received a petition for a divorce, but not only a divorce." Esme could barely continue herself.
"What else is there?" Carlisle asked as he set his napkin down and went to crouch down by his wife's chair to comfort her. "Esme, honey what's wrong?"
"Jacob's papers are also requesting that Bella change her and Tansy's name from Black to her maiden name Swan." Alice could barely continue. "He's…he is voluntarily terminating all his parental rights to Tansy." Alice started to sniffle as Jasper leaned over to her. After only a moment of hesitation, Rose reached over to Emmett and openly started to cry as Esme held desperately to Carlisle's torso.
"What? He's doing what?" Edward sat staring at his family, too stunned to say any more.
"It means he's giving up on Tansy, and he wants nothing further to do with her or Bella. They have no one now." Jasper kissed Alice head softly as he stared at Edward.
"Whoa, that is seriously fucked up. How does someone do that shit?" Emmett looked up from his chair as he awkwardly tried to hold his son in one arm while holding Rose as she held their daughter in hers.
Alice used her napkin to wipe her eyes and leaned away from Jasper to take a sip of water. "Well, most people wouldn't do that. But Jacob is, and always has been pretty obsessed with the perfect life. When he found Bella, she was, well perfect – except she doesn't see herself that way."
"No, she doesn't." Edward said agreeing as he made eye contact with Alice.
"When they were married they had the perfect wedding. They had the house that her father left her and they were going to fix it up until it was perfect. When she found out she was pregnant, it was perfect." Alice shrugged as she continued.
"Bella had no morning sickness, no swollen ankles, barely any weight gain. She was plainly beautiful before, and being pregnant made her just stunning. I was there when Tansy was born. I won't say it wasn't difficult because you know I'd be lying, but it was pretty much textbook. Only after they let Jacob back in the room to cut the cord did anyone realize that something was wrong."
"He wasn't in the room with Bella during the birth? Shit, Rose would have had my head on a platter if I ditched her then." Emmett said the words with a smile as he kissed his wife lovingly. They all knew there was no place else Emmett Cullen would have rather been.
"When the diagnosis came, you should have seen Jacob snap. At one point he told Bella she was a genetic defect." Alice gritted her teeth as she continued to seethe out the words. "His request now is not only to divorce Bella, but to have her name and Tansy's name changed from Black to Swan. That's what the letter was. That's why Bella needs a lawyer. She had every intention of divorce and changing their names anyway, Jacob pulling this stunt just makes it more urgent – as if she doesn't have enough on her mind right now."
"Alice, didn't you…see any of this?" Rose wasn't sure how to put the words without offending Alice.
"Oddly enough, I did. I saw Bella reacting very badly to a letter from a lawyer. I hate to say it, especially on Mother's Day weekend, but at first I actually hoped it was something saying Renee was killed in an accident. I really hoped it had nothing to do with Jake." Alice finished with a determined tone in her voice as Jasper gently rubbed her back and nodded his approval at her.
Edward stood from the table and placed his napkin on his recently vacated chair. "I'll see everyone in the morning." He left the room with everyone staring after him.