Ch 3: Sometimes Family Are the Ones You'd Choose
He noticed her hands were a little balmy as they walked out into the mockingly peaceful Newport sunshine.
Hailing a taxi, Kirsten watched as Sandy handled the dolly for all of her luggage. Sandy just had the one bag.
Instantly, a yellow cab stopped, waiting as Kirsten climbed inside. Obviously, her looks were attracting attention, as she had to tell the cabby to wait for her fiancé because the driver tried to take off without him. Shutting the trunk, Sandy wiped his hands on the front of his jeans. Kirsten fixed her lipstick in her small mirror. She snapped the compact shut, and fluently gave the cabbie the address.
It was sickening to Sandy how easily the words ran off her tongue, as if she used them all the time. Kirsten even surprised herself at how easily her Newport address still came, and she was haunted by how familiar the drive from the airport was. Everything seemed to be right where she left it, as if it were yesterday.
In actuality, she had not been in Newport since the beginning of June for a week, but went back to Berkeley because she had gotten an internship, and being with Sandy was certainly preferable to being with nine-year-old Hailey, an alcoholic mother, and of course, Caleb. He was not even there that often--but he sure made up for it when he was (and not in a pleasant way).
Sandy's hand made soft circles as it massaged Kirsten's right knee. Sure, it was a little possessive, but Kirsten thought it felt so good. She knew he was going to feel a little awkward over the next ten days. He only had been with her to Newport one time, and that was before they were engaged. Sandy was not looking forward to Christmas with Caleb one bit, not to mention all of Kirsten's Newpsie-to-be friends (which, of course, included Jimmy). Kirsten had made it perfectly clear to him that all mentions of her pregnancy were to be kept to a hush for the time being. She would tell her mother first, and her father after the wedding. She could not face telling him quite yet, but her mother would be happy for her.
When she imagined telling her parents that she was having a baby, she pictured that she and her mother would be side-by-side on the edge of her parents bed, her mother would pull her close and hug her, stroke her hair and telling her how proud she is of the woman Kirsten had become. She would say how excited she was, and would tell Kirsten that she had been waiting for this day for a long time. Kirsten would smile, maybe even cry a little bit, and dread how to tell her father that she was having a baby. Kirsten had also pictured that she would be, well, wed.
Elizabeth Nichol watched intently from the parlor window. The cab pulled up into the extensive driveway, and Sandy helped her out, trying not to look up at how high Kirsten's house stood. As she emerged from the taxi, Kirsten's hand instinctively went to her lower abdomen. Seeing this, Elizabeth wondered if the wedding would be the only topic of discussion over the next ten days. She put down her glass on a marble coaster, saving it for later, and fixed her lipstick at the mirror in the foyer. She was, after all, expecting guests presently. She straightened her pearls and smiled softly--silently sharing a secret with herself before opening the grand front door.
"Mom!" Kirsten called, running to hug her mother.
"Hi sweetie, I'm so glad you're here!" They embraced tightly as Sandy struggled to bring Kirsten's entire luggage inside.
"Sanford, it's so good to see you, how are holding up with this neurotic little one, here?" She patted Kirsten on the head.
"Well, I'm still standing, Mrs. Nichol, and it's great to see you too, ma'am." Sandy held out his hand, and she pulled him in for a hug. Kirsten took a deep breath, sighing. She knew that her mother liked Sandy. If all else failed, she still had her mother on her side-- and if one person had the power to persuade Caleb--it was her mother.
"Now listen, don't worry about those bags, I'll have Carla take care of them, come with me, we've been waiting all day!" Sandy released himself from Kirsten's suitcase, and took his fiancée's hand, following Elizabeth into the living room.
"So, kids, you'll be relieved to know that your dad will be home tomorrow, but you'll be upset to know that the Coopers and cohorts have invited us to sit with them at the gala for CWUN Foundation, so we're kind of stuck. However, Hailey's going too, so the comic relief has been supplied for." Elizabeth forced a smile. Kirsten looked at the floor. Sandy looked at Kirsten. "I know that Jimmy and Julie-- his new girlfriend-- are probably the last people in Newport you want to see right now, but you're going to have to see them eventually. May as well get it over with right?"
"Mom, we're going to be fine. But thanks for the heads up." Kirsten nodded in reassurance, giving Sandy's hand a squeeze. He still did not look too reassured. "CWUN? Is that new?" Kirsten certainly did not recognize it.
"Children With Unfortunate Noses. I hear noses are supposedly the new breasts." Sandy chuckled at this and Kirsten rolled her eyes. She was thankful that her mother was not an active part of the plastic surgery or Botox community.
-----
"I'm not so sure about this Kirsten, I mean, these people hate me." Sandy sat on Kirsten's bed the next evening as she rummaged through her suitcases and held dresses up in front of her mirror.
"They don't hate you." She looked at him through her full-length looking glass.
"Are you kidding me?" Sandy raised his eyebrows.
"Yes." Sandy rolled his eyes. Kirsten put down the ruby cocktail dress and sat down close to Sandy, gently pulling his face toward hers. "I know it's really hard right now, but we're going to have to get used to them. I don't want to be near them any more than you do, believe me, but just look at it this way: these people love me, and I love you, so they'll love you. You know… if AB and BC than…" She smiled.
"Yeah yeah, CA," Sandy rolled his eyes at her.
"Transitive property of love." Kirsten tried not to laugh.
"It's a good thing you're the most beautiful woman ever, because that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Kirsten smiled, and Sandy took her hand, pulling her in for a soft kiss.
"I'm definitely the lucky one in this relationship."
"I don't think you realize how completely far off you are." Sandy whispered against her lips, pressing his forehead to hers before kissing her again.
Caleb burst into the room without knocking. Kirsten instantly pushed Sandy away, turning and facing the opposite wall from where she sat on the side of the bed. Sandy folded his hands neatly in his lap.
"Kiki, once your little friend here is quite finished groping you, the both of you should be downstairs in a timely manner. I was thinking of actually being on time to meet the Coopers. Wouldn't want to keep Jimmy waiting, would we? God knows he's waited long enough for you." Caleb rolled his eyes. There was an awkward silence as Sandy looked over at Kirsten trying not to cry. She stood up, and turned to her father, hugging him.
"It's good to see you, dad. I've missed you." Caleb stroked her hair softly, but broke the embrace quicker than necessary. Sandy snorted to himself at his future father-in-law's nerve. Caleb shot anther look towards Sandy before he left the room. Kirsten took a deep breath and sat back down next to Sandy.
"I'm really sorry about that." She put her hand on his knee as she apologized.
"It's not your fault. You are the classiest person talking to him like that. I love you even more for it."
"I'm sorry I didn't make a big defense about the whole Jimmy thing… I shouldn't have let him talk to you like that." He took her hand.
"Kirsten, this is day one. Out of ten. I can assure you that there will be plenty more times for your father to insult me." He smiled.
"That I trust." He kissed her again softly before leaving for the pool house, where Caleb had reassigned him from the guestroom located down the hall from Kirsten's bedroom.
---
The jazz quartet was mockingly pleasant compared to the way Kirsten's stomach felt as they entered the ballroom. Her parents led the way over to their table where the Coopers sat. Sandy spotted Jimmy and a bold-looking auburn-redhead next to him, presumably Julie. Kirsten heard her father mutter something about the Coopers already being here, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes at him in public. Arm-in-arm, Kirsten and Sandy followed her parents to the table and exchanged greetings with the Coopers.
Jimmy immediately rose to say hi, kissing Kirsten politely on the cheek and shaking Sandy's hand firmly. Sandy looked less than pleased, as did Julie.
"Kiks! I'd love for you to meet my girlfriend, Julie. Julie, Kirsten." the redhead stood up, squinting her eyes together and tilting her head to one side in an annoying mock-smile.
Kirsten's gleaming straight teeth were revealed as she smiled happily at Julie, holding her hand out to introduce herself.
"It's lovely to meet you, Julie."
"And you, Kirsten. I've heard so much about you." Julie's voice was entirely unemotional.
"All good, I hope."
"You have no idea." Kirsten chuckled at the awkward stare she received from this pretentious young woman.
------
Kirsten opened the door to the bathroom awhile later and took a deep breath, setting the purse on the counter. This night was just getting worse. Why did she let herself be dragged to Newpsie functions? She vowed never to take part in such things once she and Sandy were married. She would never let this be her life.
Of course she had the same Chanel clutch as Julie--Jimmy had bought Kirsten all sorts of Chanel in high school--he had always said the classic elegance "suited her character." She hoped she had brought the correct purse into the ladies' room. Another woman would surely notice if she had Kirsten's purse with the prenatal vitamins in it. Shit. This surely was not her purse--but interestingly, it did have a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test.
Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Jimmy got Julie pregnant! Was she going to tell him, or would this end up like Kirsten's relationship with Jimmy as well?
Julie stormed into the bathroom, and Kirsten, startled, looked up immediately.
"Oh, Julie, I think we got our bags mixed up, here?" she offered the redhead her clutch.
"Thank you. I--this is going to sound, well, snoopish, but I couldn't help but look in your bag… prenatal vitamins? I assume congratulations are in order…" Kirsten wondered if Julie had even read her pregnancy test--judging by the look of plastic joy smeared across her powdered face.
"Yes, I suppose so." She smiled, nearly sickened. "Here, I have your purse. I, too, noticed the-- uh…"
"Pregnancy test? I know what you're thinking. I haven't seen it yet, but I hardly ever believe these little at-home things are right."
"I took four when I found out I was pregnant. All correct." Julie pulled out the plastic swab.
"Two lines…"
"Positive."
"Are you sure?" Neither girl looked up.
"Yeah."
"Oh."
"I suppose congratulations are in order for you as well." Julie's eyes started to well up with tears as she nodded, accepting her invitation to Newport society.
"I'm really sorry, if this is awkward for you… I mean finding out his girlfriend is pregnant… I mean, I'm no you…"
"Julie."
"I'm never going to be Kirsten Nichol, the beautiful, smart, perfect-for-Jimmy, Newport princess…"
"I'm sorry that you feel I'm such a hard act to follow." Kirsten forced as smile, reaching for a tissue to help Julie with her make-up. "But I don't love Jimmy, and I see that you do. I couldn't possibly understand why someone would go to all the trouble of putting up with Newport Beach unless you really loved him. That's why I left, and that's how I know Sandy loves me. He puts up with it, and so do you."
"You mean it?" she looked up for a moment, listening for reassurance.
"Yes, and Jimmy is still a good friend of mine--so nothing makes me happier for him than seeing him find someone that cares for him, especially because I didn't. You guys will be very happy together."
"His parents hate me. Your parents hate me."
"My mother doesn't hate you." Julie snorted at this. "But while we are on the subject of terrible in-laws, you should meet Sandy's mother. I promise that Annette Cooper is no match for Sophie Cohen. And my father is certainly giving Sandy a run for his money."
"Sandy and me both." Julie replied sarcastically.
"Well, you never know, he may just come to love you one of these days." Kirsten tried to get a smile out of Julie.
"The Coopers loved you. They still think that you and Jimmy have chance. They talk about it in front of me for god's sake…"
"Well, they are wrong, I can tell you that much. Nothing has made me happier than being with Sandy; I'm with him for sure--regardless of what our parents say. And Jimmy loves you; you guys will find a way to make this work. He's a good guy; he will support you no matter what. He's going to do the right thing."
"Thanks, Kirsten."
"Of course." she smiled softly, patting Julie on the shoulder. Julie reached up and held Kirsten's hand, giving it a soft squeeze.
"Maybe we should keep all of this--my news and yours--between the two of us for awhile. I haven't told my parents yet--just Sandy, and you obviously haven't told Jimmy. It can be our little secret?"
"You have my word."
"Thanks, Julie. And to be honest, I'd only heard bad things about you. Those people could not have been talking about you; you're a very considerate person. Just know that the next year or two will be tough on all of us, and while we are in similar boats, you can call me whenever you need me to lend an ear. I'd be happy to help."
"I'd appreciate that, and I'm happy to help the two of you in any way I can."
"Here, let's get you cleaned up before you head back out there. Those Newpsies are like vultures. Next thing you know, it will be all over the place that I made you cry… god only knows what those women can think up." Julie rolled her eyes at the thought of going back to the party. Kirsten pulled out a wand of concealer an eye pencil.
-----
Kirsten rushed to find Sandy when she was back in the ballroom. She spotted him being mauled by her former classmate's mother, Mrs. Khan. Kirsten tapped him on the shoulder, greeted the inebriated Newpsie and led Sandy away to the dance floor.
"We didn't practice dancing." Sandy asked nervously.
"I know, but you looked like you needed saving. By now, they are all too drunk to notice." Sandy smiled at his fiancée.
"I love you." Kirsten leaned up to kiss him softly, and smiled back.
"I love you too." she replied. He pulled her closer, securely keeping his hand on her lower back and laying their linked fingers across his heart. Kirsten smelled amazing; Sandy tried to follow the scent, tracking it down in her neck and hair.
"I think we should tell my mother."
"About Ezekiel?" Sandy asked excitedly. Kirsten rolled her eyes.
"Just for that, I will tell her without you."
"Mission accomplished."
"You haven't heard the second part of this deal."
"Why do I feel like it is going to involve me telling your father that his daughter is pregnant with my child?" Kirsten laughed.
"Well, I thought about that, but I figured I would like you to be alive to raise our child. How about you tell your mother, instead of me telling her?"
"Telephones are wonderful things, huh?"
"At the wedding."
"You want to be there when this happens? She's going to blame you, you know."
"I've got you to protect me."
"Yeah, like you've been protecting me from your father."
"Hey, what does that mean?" Sandy kissed her softly.
"Nothing. It means nothing at all." He kissed her again.
"Fine, I'll let you off on good kissing."
"It's one of my finer skills." Sandy stood up a little straighter.
"Oh, shut up."
-----
Kirsten walked back and forth past the oak banister before actually knocking on her parents' master bedroom. Finally putting her knuckles to the whitewashed wood, she took a deep breath.
"Kirsten? Come in sweetie." her mother called. Kirsten turned the brass handle and stepped onto the wooden floor covered with area rugs. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and waited for her mother to emerge from the bathroom.
Elizabeth was fastening her pearl earrings and searching for her shoes. She heard a knock on the door and recognized it as Kirsten's: three soft, sensible, even knocks. They were quiet and nervous, yet steady. It was obviously Kirsten. Pushing the earring through her earlobe, Elizabeth went back into the bedroom, and saw her daughter with her blond head down, her hands twisting her ring. Elizabeth noticed immediately just how much Kirsten looked like her. Twisting her rings was something that she always did. Kirsten had obviously inherited a habit even before she was married.
"Hey honey. You okay?" Kirsten smiled.
"I need to talk to you about something." Kirsten patted her hand on the bed beside her, asking her mother to come sit down, as she had planned. Elizabeth sat down next to her, reached for Kirsten's hand, and mixed her fingers with her daughter's.
"Something's come up."
"Cold feet, honey?" Elizabeth looked at her sympathetically.
"Why does everything think it's that? I swear it's not, am I acting like it is?"
"Well you're coming to me a few weeks before your wedding, acting nervous and I am your mother. I would expect you to consult me in such a situation." Kirsten did not look up.
"I'm getting married to him--its not cold feet. Actually, in fact, I'm-- umm…" Kirsten put her hand to her stomach.
"Pregnant?" Elizabeth asked, smiling.
"How did you know? Did Sandy tell you?" she was worried all of a sudden.
"No, he didn't tell me. I could just tell."
"What? How? Does Dad know?"
"I didn't tell him anything. You didn't tell me anything, I didn't want to say anything unless you told me. And as for your father, he is blind as a bat."
"Thanks… I wasn't really planning on telling him until after I was… well. Married."
"He's going to be overjoyed, you know. Like I am." Elizabeth pulled her into a hug, although Kirsten tried to object.
"How did you know?"
"You're not drinking, Sandy is being overprotective, and every now and then the two of you have been talking to your stomach. Not that it's obvious or anything." Kirsten groaned.
"I told him to stop doing that." Elizabeth smiled softly, patting Kirsten's knee gently. "But to be honest, I heard this from Diane Khan's mother… she told me the other night, and to be honest, I was wondering how she knew before me." Kirsten's eyes flew to the size of mars.
"What are you talking about? I haven't told anyone besides Sandy! I mean Julie knew but she wouldn't tell…"
"Well I certainly think that she would be a more likely candidate than Sandy. She's trying so hard to fit in here, and frankly, gossiping is just about the easiest way to do so." Kirsten started to cry, and Elizabeth pulled her daughter into a hug, stroking her golden hair. "I am so proud of you honey. You did something a lot of people in this town could never imagine."
"Got pregnant before I was married… and now everyone knows it."
"Kirsten."
"Sorry."
"You've stepped out of this bubble even though you never really had to. You could have taken the easy road, have lived a pleasant life here in Newport and never have worried about anything that really matters. But you didn't. You took a step beyond that and you found just what you were looking for, who you were looking for."
"Sandy?"
"Kirsten." Kirsten rolled her eyes, pushing away a tear. "I'm proud of you for that, and believe me; you will be rewarded in the long run. All of those girls that you've grown up with, you may be the outcast in their eyes, but you're going to be the one that has the best education, the loving marriage, and the happy family. You would have had money with Jimmy, but you wouldn't have been happy. And I know that your father probably won't ever realize the absence of a correlation there is between the two, but I know this, and you know this, and Sandy knows this. Caleb might not ever figure this out. It will be your job, hard as it will be, to not hold that against him."
"Humph. Yes, that will be fun." Kirsten replied sarcastically. "I am just so scared, you know, to be married. God, that's like forever. What if I'm not ready? What if we aren't supposed to be together? Mom, I'm a mess!"
"Baby, you're fine. Why are you so scared? Marriage isn't perfect, even yours. But you and Sandy will be just fine, you're going to be so happy together, and in a few months, the three of you will be happy." she smiled, putting her hand on her daughter's abdomen.
"But what if we get five years into this, and we realize that we aren't what we wanted, that we fight, and this kid is screwed up forever?"
"You can't spend your life worrying about whether or not you're going to fight. You're going to fight, but you'll get through it. He loves you so much, anyone can see that, and I know that he is thrilled about this baby, Kirsten. The way he looks at you…" Elizabeth paused, nearly jealous.
"I remember that feeling, knowing that he's only looking at you and you can feel him trying so hard to behave himself when he's next to you. Men are really such little boys, Kirsten. Especially where Nichol women are concerned, men are little boys. Lucky for you, money isn't going to get in the way of your marriage; it won't blur his vision, or make him blind in the least." Elizabeth paused.
"Mom?" Kirsten sounded genuinely worried about her mother's eyes spilling their tears.
"Sandy loves you very much, sweetie. He loves you and he's going to love this kid so much. And your father loves you so much, and he just wants what's best for you, but he just can't see enough to know that you don't need money to be happy."
"Are you and dad okay?"
"Baby, I love your father very much. But--"
"But what? You guys aren't in trouble or anything, right?" Elizabeth sighed. How was she to tell her daughter of Caleb's affair? No one knew; Caleb did not know his wife knew he had been on business trips to cheat on her for months. Elizabeth did not intend to tell her daughter these mere weeks before her wedding.
"We're fine, sweetie."
"I'm going to kill Julie. I knew I didn't like her."
"Kirsten…"
----
Sandy found Kirsten in the living room looking through Christmas decorations. Elizabeth had graciously waited at her daughter's request to decorate the house on account of Kirsten's sentimental value for the activity. She picked up a little brown angel her mother had made with her. It was her father's favorite. A sense of realization struck her-- this was her last Christmas with her family. Next year, she would be with Sandy and the baby, starting Christmas traditions of her own. As freeing as it was to be with him, her family was still her family. She couldn't help but feel a lack of oxygen at that moment.
"Hey babe, what are you looking at?" Sandy asked, coming up behind her as she held the ornament in her hands.
"Oh, nothing-- just going through decorations… what's up?" her voice was a little unsteady.
"Are you okay? You sound… off." He stroked the fabric on the side of her shirt softly.
"Oh, I'm fine. Christmas is just a hard time of year, huh?" she smiled.
"Why do you think I'm Jewish?" she laughed.
"I don't know… I guess I just am feeling some sadness… this is my last Christmas here, next year it will be you and me and whoever this is." She put her hand on her stomach. "I'm just feeling a little sentimental." Sandy picked up a piece of mistletoe and leaned in to kiss her.
"Here, I'll help." he picked up some tinsel and flung it over Kirsten's shoulders, pulling her in for another kiss.
"Of course you will."
"Christmas is going to be great this year, I have feeling." Their noses grazed and foreheads were against each other as he spoke.
"I'm sure you do." Kirsten sounded polite, but less than convinced.
----------
"No champagne, sweetie?" Caleb asked tartly to his daughter at Christmas.
"No, thanks dad. I have a headache, I'd better do without." Kirsten smiled.
"You sure you're not pregnant with this mood that's been going on all week? No! Did Jimmy finally get his act together and set things straight with you?" Caleb smiled as Kirsten turned bright red, but it was Sandy who lashed out at Caleb.
"DO NOT speak to her that way. You have no right to accuse her of such things, and in front of all these people. How dare you. Kirsten told me her father was unbearable, but I had no idea you would be this far out of line." Kirsten's mother downed the last of her chardonnay before gripping the edge of the counter and steadying herself before speaking.
"Caleb. Upstairs. Now."
---
"How could you let that boy speak to me like this? What are you, drunk again Liz?" Caleb hissed at her as soon as they were in the privacy of their bedroom.
"How could you speak to her like that? And right in front of Sandy! Caleb, you are the most blind person I know… he loves her more than anything." Elizabeth nearly sounded jealous.
"Excuse me, but have you met Jimmy Cooper? The man his head-over-heels for my daughter, not to mention the fact that he can offer her everything she could ever ask for. What does this Jewish ragamuffin have to offer Kirsten that Jimmy doesn't?"
"Happiness. Kirsten doesn't love Jimmy. I know you have a hard time seeing this, but money doesn't solve everything, Cal. We're the perfect example of that, aren't we?" Elizabeth was growing frustrated.
"What does that mean?" Caleb snarled.
"I'm onto your little game. I refuse to scare Kirsten like this-- weeks before her wedding to the most perfect person on the planet for her. You better keep your mouth shut and don't do anything stupid. I guarantee you will regret treating her like this." Her voice grew more intense, threatening him with something he prayed she did not know.
"So she's pregnant?" His throat felt a bit dry.
"You're not going to the wedding. I don't care where you go, but I refuse to deal with you at that moment in my daughter's life."
"You're kidding me." Caleb burst.
"I wish I could let you go, Cal, but I don't trust you." Her expression started to grow saddened.
"You have no reason not to trust me, Liz." he tried to take her hand. When he stepped closer to her, he could smell the traces of alcohol on her breath.
"Don't touch me! You will do as I say, and you won't say a thing when Kirsten blames you for the rest of her life for missing her wedding. You will do this because I have every reason not to trust you. Now, go apologize. I don't want to hear a word of you mentioning Sandy Cohen's unborn child currently residing in my daughter's uterus." Caleb was appalled. Elizabeth disappeared into the bathroom and he heard the door click locked.
----------------
And who's to say that we're not good enough?
And who's to say that this is not our love?
Mother don't tell me friends are the ones that I lose
'Cause they'd bleed before you
And sometimes family are the ones you'd choose