Ch 4: I Hold Onto This Life I've Found
"Her dad almost got married to my mom."
"They did not almost get married."
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July, 2003; Newport Beach, California
"Kirsten?" Sandy Cohen opened the French doors from the backyard to his bedroom, looking for his wife.
"Hey, you better get ready, we've got to be at the fashion show soon." Thirty-something Kirsten appeared in a silky bathrobe, hair done, make up half-on.
"Is it really necessary that we give to this… whatever this is? I mean we just gave a whole bunch to that chins-are-the-new-nose thing…"
"Sandy this is for the Battered Women's Shelter. It's an actual cause, we need to go. Marissa Cooper's hosting, and I already told Jimmy we'd go."
"Oh, of course. Jimmy." Sandy rolled his eyes. Jimmy was always a touchy subject with the Cohens.
"Stop it." Kirsten replied, putting a finger to his lips. She refused to hear about Jimmy at this particular moment in time.
"Make me." He matched her glare for glare, trying to suppress a smile. She kissed him deeply.
"Fine. You win." He didn't open his eyes.
"I win." Kirsten relished in 'sweet' victory. She turned on her heel back toward the bathroom, her hips swaying naturally and her hair catching the descending sunlight.
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January 1988; Berkeley, California
"Sandy!" Kirsten called, swinging the door open to the apartment, bursting through rooms until she found him in the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. Kirsten had returned from her ultrasound appointment, and Sandy had been in court all day. She could not wait to show him the first picture of their baby, baby boy Cohen, as she found out.
"Hey baby! Did you get it?" Sandy knew exactly what she had been waiting for all week. She held out her hand with the picture in it and he took it in one hand, taking her in the other. He kissed her temple as she rested her head on his shoulder as they looked together at the baby.
"Is it a boy or girl?"
"Too early to tell, they said. I think I want it to be a surprise, anyway." Kirsten wondered if he bought it. He was practically a human lie detector when it came to her.
"I don't know if I can handle a surprise for seven more months, that's gonna be hell, honey." she laughed at him.
"I promise, it'll be worth it." She looked at the sonogram one more time and smiled up at him. He handed her a magnet and they tacked the picture to the fridge.
"Our first baby picture. Thank god he didn't throw a fit with these photographers." Kirsten mused sarcastically.
"He?" Sandy looked at her excitedly.
"Or her." Kirsten did not change her tone or look up at Sandy, hoping she had not given her little secret away. She really needed to start thinking of baby boy names that were better than Sandy's. Or, better yet, she could let him pick girl's names and suggest that she pick the boy's names. This child was not getting any ridiculous Jewish names imposed by Sophie Cohen. "You know, we should start thinking about baby names."
"Abraham?" Kirsten gave him a stern look. "What? He was a patriarch." Sandy offered mock-defensively.
"No." It was a fast answer.
"Ishmael?" he shrugged.
"Nothing from Genesis." Kirsten ruled off his 3,4, and 5 options he had counted off on his fingertips.
"Have fun arguing that with my mother next week." Kirsten rolled her eyes.
"Don't remind me." she groaned.
"Of what? That we're getting married next week, because last time I checked you were still up for it." Kirsten hit him playfully on the chest.
"Very funny." Sandy reached for her right hand and tried to tickle her.
"That's me. Funny guy." Kirsten squealed as she could not escape his grasp. She tried a different route.
"Come here, funny guy." She pulled his head toward her and kissed him softly, pulling back when she was satisfied and a bit disoriented.
"Ezekiel?" he tried again.
"How about you can be in charge of picking out girls' names." Kirsten hoped he would fall for it.
"Fine. I'll take what I can get."
"Good, because we are not naming my child something with the nickname Zeke in it."
"Just wait honey, what's meant to be will be."
"I won't hold my breath." Kirsten rolled her eyes at his comment, smiling up at him. "I'm going to go call the caterers. My dad will have nothing to do with cilantro, we must be accommodating, mustn't we?"
"Anything for Caleb." Sandy replied, sarcastically.
"Now you've got the idea!" she answered, keeping his tone.
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Kirsten told Sandy she would get the door when the bell rang at 2:30 the next morning. She put on her robe over her lingerie-clad body and headed towards the door. Sandy was not sure who would be knocking on their door at that time of night, so naturally he threw on his pants and a t-shirt and followed her.
"Jimmy?! Hey, um, how? Is everything okay?" Kirsten was more than surprised to see him nearly falling over outside her door.
"You're pregnant? I'm pregnant?" Jimmy slurred.
"Julie's pregnant, yes, congratulations!" Sandy was surprised as he heard this, but rolled his eyes as he still felt ridiculous about Jimmy's everlasting presence in Kirsten's life--nevertheless accepting of it. They were, after all, in similar boats with this baby issue, now, weren't they?
"Jimbo! What's up, everything okay?" Sandy came up behind Kirsten putting a hand on her back. She looked back briefly at him with concern before turning back to the task at hand, Jimmy.
"Why don't you come inside, Sandy could you help him? I'll put on some coffee." Kirsten stood away from the door and Sandy held Jimmy under the arm, walking him over to the couch as Kirsten briskly walked into the kitchen.
Sandy followed a few moments later, looking less than pleased. Kirsten silently thanked him with a sympathetic look and held her hand out to him. He took it, stroking her fingers softly.
"So what's the deal with him?" she asked bluntly.
"Julie's pregnant?" he asked in a similar manner.
"It wasn't for sure, I didn't tell anyone." she looked up at him, trying to ease what could become a fight.
"But you couldn't tell me?" he asked, trying not to get upset.
"Not until Julie knew for sure. I knew you would react like this, I just thought if it wasn't true then you would never have to know. Why would I tell you if I didn't know for sure?"
"Because I knew it would upset you."
"How does that equate to you needing to know about this? Why would it upset me?"
"Because Jimmy's having a baby, and it is my job to make you feel better."
"Wouldn't that make me happy for him? I think he really likes Julie."
"But didn't you always picture yourself having a baby with Jimmy?" Kirsten rolled her eyes and let go of Sandy's hand. She walked past Sandy with the coffee cup in her hand. Grabbing a quilt from the linen closet, she handed the hot mug to Jimmy and lay the quilt over his drowsy body, which was willing sleep. Sandy turned to watch her as she stood silently looking over him, arms folded across her chest, brow furrowed and lips pursed. Sandy saw it was not Jimmy she was worried about. He turned off the light in the kitchen and walked down the hall behind the living room to their bedroom. Kirsten heard his footsteps in the hall behind her, knowing Sandy had gone to bed. Knowing they could not avoid each other forever, she turned on her heel and extinguished the lamplight next to the couch.
Sandy crawled back into their tangled bed sheets, smirking at the thought of their activities before Jimmy's mysterious arrival.
"I told Jimmy the three of us would talk it over in the morning." Kirsten's voice was calm as she leant against the doorframe. Sandy looked up at her: her left eye narrowing slightly seductively as she sighed, biting her lip. "I'm not really positive to whether or not he actually heard me. He's pretty wasted." she laughed a bit.
"I'm sorry for what I said." Sandy sat in bed twiddling his thumbs.
"I know. It's okay, I-- I don't know. I just wish you had more faith in me when it comes to Jimmy." She started walking towards the bed, sitting down next to him and pulling her knees up to her chest. Sandy wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
"It's hard for me to believe that I have you all to myself." He smiled at her. She lay her head on his shoulder as he stroked her hair.
"Why? Why is that so hard for you to grasp? I love you more than anything and I'm not going anywhere." Kirsten was growing frustrated with him.
"Good, because I would have to kill whoever took you away." Sandy pulled her a little closer.
"It might be difficult for us to spend the rest of our lives together with you in a maximum security prison." Sandy laughed softly at her, kissing her head.
"C'mon." he urged. "Let's get back to bed."
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Sandy made sure that he was up before Kirsten. Since they had company, he wanted to make sure she would not try to cook for Jimmy. He decided to make breakfast for the three of them himself.
Extracting himself from the sheets, he looked at the messy blond form lying next to him, an amused smile playing across her dainty lips. Her eyes remained closed, and her breathing was heavy and regular; she was still asleep.
Sandy stretched and let out a loud yawn once he was out of Kirsten's earshot, not wanting to wake her up. He did not really care if he woke up Jimmy--and not because Jimmy was a good cook, either.
Sunlight streamed through the kitchen windows as Sandy filled his coffee cup. He put a fresh mug in front of Jimmy on the coffee table before him, slapping the morning paper down in front of the sleeping man.
"Morning Jimbo, what can I get you? Coffee? Paper? Aspirin? I'm two for three at the moment." Sandy spoke loudly.
"Hey--Sandy," Why couldn't Kirsten wake me up? Jimmy thought to himself. I'm spending the rest of my life with Julie now. I couldn't have one last morning of being woken up by someone I actually like? "Is there coffee?"
"Right here, fresh pot just started. I thought I'd make you the Sandy Cohen special, huh? Big breakfast?" Sandy tried to be as politely mean as possible.
"Uhh, I think I'm gonna pass on breakfast actually, I'm not feeling so great. I'll just take the coffee and the Aspirin."
"That I can do. Just make sure when she wakes up, you don't get talked into the Kirsten Nichol special. That's just a bad idea altogether."
"Yes, that I have learned from experience." Jimmy nodded over and over again, not looking up at Sandy as he drank from the mug.
"What have you learned from experience? Not to get wasted by yourself in the middle of the night?" Kirsten asked sarcastically, wrapping her robe around her shoulders. She leaned over to kiss Sandy on the cheek. "Morning boys."
"You're up already?" Sandy asked.
"I got cold." she responded sheepishly, wrapping her arms around her frame yawning.
"We were just discussing the unfortunate events that ensue from you being allowed near a stove." Sandy answered her finally.
"Well thank you, your support is so genuine, honey." she patted him on the shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. Jimmy thought he might get sick.
"Jimmy, I'm serious though, we need to talk about this." Kirsten's forehead creased with concern as she looked down at him.
"Talk about what? I'm sorry about all this, and I appreciate you guys putting me up last night, but I'm fine now. I just needed to wrap my head around some things." Jimmy tried not to look up at her.
"Jimmy, talk to me. I know you're scared, but you don't have to be alone, we're here, and Julie's here, and soon, someone else will be too."
"It's not the same thing and you know it." Jimmy snapped.
"What are you talking about, Jimmy?" she asked, growing defensive.
"You know it wasn't supposed to happen like this, we were supposed to figure things out. Why do you think I ended up here? I have no idea how it actually happened, but I need you to understand that you don't have to do this, we can work things out between us." he pleaded with her as Sandy looked as if he were about to explode.
"Excuse me?" she asked. "You think that you and I are supposed to end up together? My god, Jimmy, we were like the worst couple in the history of the universe, not to mention you are out of your mind. What the hell were you drinking last night?"
"I don't really know…"
"Well that about sums up what you're thinking." she snapped.
"I can't believe the audacity of that guy!" Sandy said, enraged an hour or so later after Kirsten had sent him home on a bus.
"I'm sorry about all that." She looked up at him and reached out to stroke his cheek.
"I know you are, and I'm not going to give you a hard time about it. It's not your fault." he replied.
"Thanks." Kirsten looked around the living room of their apartment, enjoying the last few moments of quiet before Sophie would arrive tomorrow afternoon. Sandy's mother had insisted that she had a few days with her son before he was legally bound to a gentile.
"So when are we going to tell your mother about little junior in here?" she asked him, holding her stomach?"
"Junior? Is that a boy?"
"Hey, we could name it after me." she defended.
"I don't think I can handle more than one of you." Sandy conceded.
"Well, imagine me with more than one of you!" He smiled. The phone rang next to Kirsten and she picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Kiki, darling. I'm afraid I have some terrible news."
"Dad? What? Is everyone okay?"
"I-" Caleb paused long enough to receive a death glare from Elizabeth. "I won't be able to make it to the ceremony next week. I will be… away. On business."
"What do you mean you're going to be away on BUSINESS? Dad this is my wedding! I'm only going to have one, you know--you probably should just go. You can't just miss this." Sandy looked appalled at the plastic receiver. Kirsten waited for the joke to be over.
"I'm so sorry, honey. I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't." Caleb's stone cold voice less than convinced her.
"Well I'm sorry too dad. Tell mom that you love her for me. God knows you don't say it to her enough. Wish me luck next week, I've arranged it so that I can escape her life for myself." Kirsten hung up furiously, rolling her eyes and trying not to cry.
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January, 1988; Newport Beach, California
"Renée, you should have seen the look on her face, I don't get why she is so upset." Caleb took another generous sip of scotch.
"Caleb, what if she knows about us?"
"She doesn't darling, I promise." he tried to reassure her.
"I know you have done a good job of hiding things, you're a businessman, I get that, but still…"
"I know. But at this point, it's really not Liz I'm worried about. If Kirsten ever found out… she would never speak to me."
"Maybe we should stop seeing each other, until you can get your wife into rehab." his mistress suggested.
"You do realize that will probably be within the next week, right? Our daughter is getting married to one of the most ridiculous excuses for a male, and without me there to keep Liz in check, she's going to be beside-herself-drunk."
"But still, you need to be there for her, she's your family, not me." At least not yet. Renée thought back to her doctor's appointment in which she received confirmation of her pregnancy.
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It's too late now
I hold on to this life I found
And who's to say we won't burn it out?
And who's to say we wont sink in doubt?
Who's to say that we wont fade to gray?
Who are they anyway?
Anyway, they don't know
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Hey do you hear wedding bells? I sure do. Review! (No rhyme intended.)